


The New Recruit

by tmwillson3



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Police, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Car Chases, Double Agents, Drug Dealing, F/M, Feels, Forgiveness, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Italian Mafia, Kylo Ren Redemption, Mutual Pining, Redeemed Ben Solo, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-03-25 00:04:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 119,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13822278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmwillson3/pseuds/tmwillson3
Summary: Rey is the newest recruit to the Special Witnesses Unit of the D'qar Police. She wants to take down the First Order, the mafia that helped lead to her parents' death. She doesn't know who to trust or how to defeat them until one of the guys on her squad grows a conscience. Things become more complicated, though, because of her growing attraction to her boss, Ben, who represents everything she has vowed to destroy.





	1. The Welcome Party

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another AU that was inspired by the Facebook group ReyLo Fic Recs. The first prompt for "Drabble Me This" brought this mafia/cops AU that I like, though I only recently began to think of a way to continue this. I can't promise consistent updates on this, sorry. This story will eventually be a mix of silliness (I love my fluff, you'll see it here) and action. 
> 
> The image that inspired this was created by Pixelrey. The page with the image is linked below:
> 
>  
> 
> [Prettines Here ](http://pixelrey.tumblr.com/)
> 
>  
> 
> I don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. All rights to their respective owners. I hope you enjoy it!

Cautious, penetrating, dark eyes looked up as two women entered the room otherwise filled with men. He did not smile, just looked on in curiosity, his gaze not intense for once.

 

He pretended to straighten his black sweater, all the while observing, learning.

 

The older woman looked stately as always, and just as sure of herself. His eyes ignored her. The younger woman, though, was radiant, excitedly talking to the older woman before sitting down next to a guy on their team named Finn.

 

So  _ she  _ was the new recruit. The newest member of the Special Witnesses Unit, just graduated today, top of her class. All the way from the nowhere village of Jakku. And that was about everything that anyone knew about her, besides her grades and skills.

 

A pity, that. She seemed like such a sweet, naive thing, so ready to protect the public from  _ monsters _ like him. A bright ray of light in an otherwise dark, corrupt room.

 

Not that she knew it yet, but sixty percent of the cops in their room were crooked, bought off by some person or group in this big city of D’qar. Many by himself, in fact. 

 

Another small detail she was not allowed to find out. She seemed the type to expose corruption, not join it.

 

And the way she placed her finger near her mouth was quite fascinating, just like the rest of her…..

 

No. 

 

Don't look at her. Not at her bright smile, that immediately put him at ease...

 

Again, no. 

 

Fascinating as she may be, Mob Boss Snoke wouldn't approve. He never approved of attachments. 

 

And he, Ben Solo, alias Kylo Ren, had a job to do. Continue his grandfather’s legacy, keep his boss on top, destroy his mysteriously vanished uncle/former sergeant, and keep everyone from the law on his side.

 

Not his mother's. 

 

“All right, listen up you trigger-happy hooligans,” Leia Organa shouted as she stood up. All became quiet a moment as the former police chief-turned senator spoke. “I asked my son, Ben, to organize a little welcome party for your newest recruit. Here she is. Everyone, please welcome Rey!”

 

Catcalls and hollers rang out from every part of the cozy, dark room in the back of the bar owned by Ben’s father, The Millenium Falcon. 

 

Ben watched as Rey got up and headed toward him, a shy, eager smile on her face. 

 

Be cool, Ren. 

 

“Hi, I'm Rey. I can't wait to work with you,” she beamed as she held out a hand to shake.

 

That hand had touched her face. He gulped and stuck out his hand, only to realize he was still wearing his habitual black, leather gloves.

 

And he was still staring, in that intense way that unnerved everyone. And not speaking. 

 

So not cool, Ren.

 

Say something! Confound this sprite/pixie/foul temptress for coming and joining his group. It was his! He was finally in control.

 

Nope, still not happening. Now she was staring, as was everyone else. And no doubt Hux was making note of it to tell Snoke about it later, the cunning sycophant. And evil ginger. Never forget that, or else he will remind you of it.

 

“I have no doubt that we will,” he finally said, in a voice resembling calm. 

 

Oh, he wanted to work with her. He could show her so much. With her physical prowess, capacity to learn, and determination, they could own this city, just as his grandfather once had. He wouldn't mind learning more about her after hours.

 

Everyone seemed to breathe after his pronouncement, except for Ben and Rey. He still had not shaken her hand, and she must have noticed. That, and she was now taking her turn to stare at him. Assessing him.

 

Let her. She would need it to survive. 

 

Finally, when it seemed as though she had looked her fill, he removed his gloves and shook her outstretched hand, completely enclosing hers firmly. 

 

She had a remarkably strong handshake for such a small thing. He liked it, just like he did almost everything else about her.

 

Focus, Ren. Focus.

 

“Please forgive me. I'm so used to wearing these gloves,” he said at last.

 

She tilted her head just slightly, trying to understand why.

 

“They look comfortable,” she tried at last.

 

“They are, and they keep my hands clean. In our world, things can get rather messy sometimes.”

 

“Yes, that's especially true for what we do. It's the main reason why I wanted to be a part of this unit,” she said, her enthusiasm getting the better of her.

 

He chuckled, letting out a small half-smile in the process. He did not realize that he had done it, as focused as he was on her.

 

Had he looked about, he would have lost that relaxed stance and chuckle, as surprised as everyone was to see such a thing from him. Especially his mother. He never smiled anymore, as serious as he was.

 

All he did know was that her shoulders had finally relaxed, and her smile was back fully. It really was lovely.

 

“Well, if that's the case, Rey, then we'll have to give you a fun first case to start with. I bet you'd like the one I'm working on now. A witness to a murder.”

 

He liked her name, as well as saying it. He felt more warmth throughout just standing in front of her.

 

“Yes, I'd like that very much, Ben,” she said, her voice softening just so at his name as her eyes brightened.

  
The sound of his name filled him with something he had not felt in a long time. He wasn't sure what it was, but he liked it. And for once, he liked the sound of his given name. That  _ was _ saying something.


	2. The Spark is Lit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More world-building and introduction of new characters. The stage is now set.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I still don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. All rights go to their respective owners. 
> 
> This chapter is inspired by a gif by darkestsiide on Tumblr, as a part of the Reylo Fic Recs group "Drabble Me This" prompt for this week. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

The welcome party at the Millenium Falcon went late into the night. 

 

Almost everyone bought Rey a shot as she continued to chat and meet everyone on the squad.

 

Finn was the first person she met on her team. He was friendly, loved dogs like she did, and came from a bad home life like she had.

 

Granted, she hadn't asked him about that last part, but he spoke of visiting no family for the upcoming holiday, just like her. He also wore a long sleeved turtleneck in a cramped, warm room full of people and worn, leather armchairs. That was the biggest thing because while she was usually a little cold, she knew what long sleeves hid. 

 

The same things her parents had tried to hide from her growing up.

Not all the greetings were friendly, but that was to be expected. 

 

As Leia got up to leave, the others went to the bar to get the first shot ready.

 

“Thanks for your help today, Leia,” said Rey excitedly, reaching to shake with her. “We're one step closer to taking down the First Order at long last.”

 

Luckily for her, only Finn and Leia heard her comment amid the clamor and debate for which shot to give her first.

 

“Keep your voice down, Rey. There are crooked cops out there, and there's at least one in here,” hushed Leia, her face not changing. “Don't show too much excitement or a desire to know. It'll hurt you later, and I don't want to lose you.”

 

Rey nodded in understanding before Leia mentioned one last thing.

 

“If you do want to learn more about the First Order, then use my son for information. Be discrete and careful, though.”

 

“Ben?” asked Rey in surprise. “Why him?”

 

The older woman chuckled and whispered, “While I don't know him as well now, I do know his father. And when it comes to women, father and son are eerily alike in behavior. Also, as chief of your squad, he hears more and has a better overall picture of everything.”

 

Rey thanked her before turning to Finn, who had watched the interaction with interest.

 

After watching Ackbar and his assistant die at the hands of the First Order outside the courthouse, Finn was starting to have second thoughts about being a part of the group. The money was good, but the higher profile cases like these increased his chances for jail time a lot. 

 

Part of him wanted to jump ship and inform, and then join a security force somewhere far away. However, until there were enough good cops, and a district attorney unafraid of what happened to his predecessor, he wouldn't. 

 

Rey was the new addition he needed to feel comfortable about switching sides; she was clearly all about destroying the First Order. Now he had to wait until the elections, and keep his observations to himself.

 

As Rey was brought forward to the bar, Ren waved Finn over to him.

 

“Keep on eye and ear on her, FN-2187,” Ren whispered in code. “See where her loyalties lie, and if she has any weaknesses. Learn about her tonight and become her friend. Just don't get too close to her.”

 

Finn looked askance at Ren, confused by the last bit. 

 

“Why not? We always keep ‘em close.”

 

“I think she'll be useful for a time, but most likely die. Plus, she seems far too genuine and nice; you could be compromised by her.”

 

Finn tensed and balled his hands into fists.

 

“I'll have you know-"

 

“You're still new to the Force, and you've seen a lot of bloodshed lately. You didn't look so hot after our latest victims,” Ren stated plainly, his glare piercing. “We're watching you.”

 

More like Ren was personally observing him. That man had a sixth sense for people’s feelings and intentions sometimes.

 

Finn shivered but nodded. It still wasn't a good reason to not get close to Rey, as he had gotten closer to other ladies in the past. Why her?

 

As Finn went to join Rey, Ren eyed the woman in question. She had just finished her second shot, and she seemed to be enjoying herself. She was screaming and calling men names like the rest of the squad; she'd fit in well, for now.

 

He continued to watch her throughout the night. She didn't ask much about work, but she talked about everything else. 

 

She sidled up to him at one point, at least six shots in. 

 

“I'm s-s-supposed to wink and flirt outrageously with you right now,” she slurred nonchalantly, giving him an exaggerated wink.

 

She didn't act like or seem like someone who flirted much. She seemed too no-nonsense for that, like her comment to him.

 

“And why are you supposed to do that?” he asked, trying to suppress a grin. 

 

Her eyes drew him in, and she was smiling so warmly, no doubt thanks to all the tequila.

 

“Because…. I can make you s-s-smile, and the men over there want to s-s-see you do it again,” she said.

 

That shut him down. They had noticed his earlier weakness.

 

“Well, you tried,” he said, putting a wide, gloved hand at the small of her back. 

 

For a moment, he indulged himself. He drew his fingers in to a point at her back, then flattened them back, enjoying the feel of her body against his. 

 

She threw her head back at the movement, her open right hand poised to swoop in and snatch his away. Then, she saw his eyes, warm and dark, and she stopped mid-air.

 

There was something hungry in his eyes that searched hers mercilessly. She didn't move until he blinked.  She seemed to recollect herself a moment after that.

 

He pushed her back toward the bar, and she let him. 

 

As they walked, she mentioned, “Normally, I'm a very don't touch me type of girl. You're lucky I trust.....you.”

 

“I'll remember that,” he replied. “Now, go play nice with the evil ginger.”

 

Ren could see Hux giving him the stink-eye about something. He was definitely part of the crew who forced Rey to do this. 

 

“But I didn't make you s-s-smile! He’ll be mad I didn't get you to do it,” she said, putting on a pleading face. “Please?” 

 

As she stretched out the last word, the other guys at the bar gave him a look implying that he was a terrible person for not giving in to her drunken pleadings. 

 

“C’mon, Ben! It wouldn't kill you to smile,” said one guy. “And she's new! Make a good impression!”

 

Hux shook his head at it all but gave an expectant look all the same. 

 

Grumbling, Ren’s eyes returned to Rey, who was just finishing drawing out the please, also looking hopeful.

 

Fine. But only because he had a weakness for her smile, and she wouldn't remember any of this since she was so drunk. 

 

She had already announced to the crowd earlier that she never drank, so they had been excited to give her drinks. One smile couldn't hurt.

 

She whooped in triumph, while the other guys all cheered.

 

He'd overcome this weakness. Eventually.

 

\------

 

A couple hours later, Rey was making the rounds, but avoided him thankfully. Now that she was starting to trip over her feet, Finn agreed to drive her home, after being warned by Ren not to try anything on her. 

 

“Go home,” sneered Hux, whom she had just tripped over, “and take those decrepit, gigantic, brown shoes with you!”

 

“Seriously, Rey, you can afford better now,” said Finn as he guided her to the door.

 

“Nope,” she stated with finality. “They're my favorite pair.”

 

When the two of them were gone, most stayed a little longer, enjoying the socializing outside work. 

 

Ren, however, was done for the night. He needed to meditate and practice when he got home, after spending so much time around people.

 

He slipped out soon after Rey, avoiding the loud roars of laughter in the kitchen, two men no doubt playing chess or cards. He watched her get gently pushed into Finn’s car. Once they drove off, he got into his, put on the radio, and enjoyed listening to David Guetta’s “Dangerous" for his short drive home.

 

In another car, Rey heard Tom Walker’s song “Heartland" come on, and she  _ loved _ it. 

 

After the song finished, she commented, “Oh, that was good! I hope it's a good sign of what's to come here! It kind of reminds me of my dreams.”

 

Finn just shook his head at her babbling, and tried to channel it.

 

“So, you like dogs. Ever have one?” he asked.

 

“Yes! I have a super old dog named Bee Bee!” she squealed, overtaken with excitement. “I've got pictures; hang on a sec.”

 

While she dug for her phone, he asked skeptically, “What kind of name is Bee Bee?” 

 

“Just wait ‘til I show you,” she said impatiently. “He's white and got these orange spots that look like two B’s and an eight. It's so cool.”

 

“I believe you,” he said, pulling up to her apartment. “Okay, we're here.”

 

“Yes!” she shouted, holding up her phone. “Here he is. He just showed up at my home one day, and I've loved him since.”

 

Once the pictures were shown, she was taken upstairs. She barely made it to the threadbare sofa.

 

\---------

 

A little over a week later, Ren was reviewing paperwork for a new case when Finn and Rey walked in, ready to start another Wednesday. 

 

Ren was already in a foul mood from the election results of the night before. Despite all the smear campaigns and advertising done, the old guy who had the backing of the First Order lost.

 

“Good morning, Ben!” called Rey. “What's new for cases?”

 

He grunted and waved her off. She was taken aback until Finn and another guy explained.

 

“He gets in these…. moods sometimes. It's just better to avoid him until he speaks to you, or after he goes into the back and punches something.”

 

“Does he punch things often?” she asked curiously.

 

“Oh yes,” explained Finn. “Avoid him and his desk-destroying ways. We've lost at least three since I came on.”

 

Her first week had been tame, according to the guys. She had had paperwork and training to do, and then she got to watch a couple interrogations. Now, she wanted to go out and do something, even if it was just research or tail someone. 

 

She really wanted to prove herself after getting drunk at the party. She had been surprised no one held it against her; it seemed it was a rite of passage to go there and drink. Something about an older chief doing it once and starting a tradition.

 

After another half hour of doing nothing, she was ready to do something, anything really. 

 

“Ben needs to get out of his mood. I'm going to talk to him,” she declared.

 

The others shared exasperated, indulgent glances at her naivete, but they let her go. She would only learn one way.

 

She found him at his desk in his office, the door closed.

 

After knocking and waiting three times with no response, she barged in, much to his surprise.

 

“What are doing in here? What if I had been talking to someone about something classified?” he demanded, getting up.

 

“You clearly weren't,” she said. “You would've waved me off if that were the case. You're just ignoring your employees.”

 

She was standing there in a large, dark office, arms folded and clearly not impressed. Probably silently judging him for neglect.

 

“I need a moment sometimes,” he said, some of the fight leaving him. “Surely they mentioned something about that.”

 

“They did. So, why are you in this mood? Want help to dissipate it?” she asked, rubbing her hands together, her attitude changing as she leaned forward. “I want to  _ do _ something, even if It is only sparring with you to get you into a mood in which I can be useful and do my job.”

 

“You're an impulsive one, I see,” he intoned. 

 

He looked her up and down, sizing her up. He hadn't fought against someone in a while; it might do him good. Plus, he needed to learn her style.

 

“Let's go,” he said as he got up. 

 

She seemed so happy to get him to do this. It baffled him to no end.

 

Everyone gave him questioning looks as they walked to the practice area in the back. He didn't care. He just glared at them, telling them to stay away. 

 

Everyone knew that glare. They left the two of them alone and went back to their work. All had some, except Rey.

 

Grabbing two batons from the nearest rack and handing one to Rey, he got into a defensible position. 

 

She mirrored his position, her face becoming calm.

 

He made the first move. She blocked it easily. The game of taking turns to attack and defend picked up speed quickly.

 

It didn't take long before both were sweating and grunting in their exertions. They were pretty evenly matched, all things considered. She was smaller and lighter, but determined. He was faster and stronger, not to mention more experienced. 

 

“Why are you upset?” she demanded as they continued to trade blows. “Is this really common for you?”

 

“No, it's not that common,” he returned. “But, whenever it does happen, usually someone gets yelled at, or things get broken. Usually both. No one enjoys it.”

 

She tried to land a roundhouse kick on him, but he side-stepped it easily, far enough away to achieve it.

 

“What's wrong?” she asked. “You still didn't answer my question.”

 

He smiled at that, at her dogged tenacity. It was apparent in every aspect of her.

 

He tried one last time to distract her, rushing her until she was almost against a wall. However, she spread her feet and planted them, her center of gravity low. Then she pushed back against him.

 

There they stood, both leaning forward and pushing against the other, batons locked in place, trying to get an edge. One arm would move, and the other's would follow. Any movement was mirrored.

 

When her eyes kept seeking his through the tangle of limbs and batons, he finally gave in, hoping to distract her to gain the advantage in the fight.

 

“Family troubles,” he murmured. “I don't see eye-to-eye with my parents.”

 

Truth was, he was a little annoyed, but only a little. His mom had groomed him and wanted him to become a district attorney, but he wanted to be like his grandfather and mother, rather than something picked out for him, or be like his obnoxious, always-yelling father.

 

“They  _ always _ make you feel like this after arguments?” she asked doubtfully.

 

“Not always, but especially today,” he said annoyed.

 

He didn't want to appear weak in front of her, and her guard hadn't come down at the mention of family troubles. Odd.

 

“Is your family life perfect, then?” he questioned, faking a punch and pulling a kick instead.

 

Rey fell for it, closing her eyes from stomach pain and falling against the wall momentarily before pushing herself back up.

 

“No, that requires you to have living, real family,” she retorted, trying to head-butt him.

 

He retreated slightly, giving her what she had wanted, freedom. 

 

Seeing that they were back to square one, and he really didn't want to discuss this topic more with Rey, he decided to cut his losses.

 

“I'm sorry,” he said honestly. “I didn't know.”

 

“You'll all find out eventually,” she said dismissively, “but I was hoping to hold onto the secret a little longer so you all don’t worry about me more.”

 

“Too late, we already do,” he replied, thinking of how much the men talked and worried about her already. “If you want, though, I don't have to tell anyone.”

 

That made her pause and really look at him. He took it as a good opportunity to gain her trust. 

 

“Thanks. I'd like that,” she said finally with a small nod.

 

“Good. Now, shall we call this match a draw? I feel suddenly generous about giving away work,” he stated dryly.

 

“At last,” she breathed. “I didn't want to be the one to suggest it.”

 

He chuckled as they put away their equipment then separated to wash up.

 

\------

 

He had barely given Rey her first assignment when Leia came barging into the squad’s quarters with two young people. Ren recognized them both and felt a wave of jealousy overtake him.

 

Everyone else but Rey seemed to have some idea who they were. She looked on curiously.

 

“Guess what? You're the first crew to meet our newly elected district attorney, and the new assistant DA. Everyone, meet Poe Dameron and his assistant, Rose Tico.”

 

Finn looked on in shock, the new woman’s face familiar for some odd reason. 

 

The guy he recognized all too well. Everyone in the First Order hated and feared Poe since he was young, hell-bent on locking up criminals, and charismatic. He was absolutely clean for a district attorney, a first.

 

Each officer took turns greeting the new enforcers in court; Rey was near the end of the line with Finn.

 

“Why does Ben seem so bent out of shape about this?” she asked, watching how robotic and aloof he seemed around Leia and the new people.

 

Finn seemed surprised that she recognized that behavior, but he got over it.

 

“It's probably just his mood from earlier,” he said, knowing the true reason why. “It was a tight race, and I hear he liked the other guy more.”

 

Some part of Rey wondered if this was related to the family troubles Ben had spoken of. Odd that he would not rejoice for his mom, but if what Finn said was true, then there must be a good reason why he didn't like Poe.

 

Rose greeted Finn while Leia, Poe, and Ben spoke to Rey.

 

“Hi, I'm Rose,” she said with a slight blush as she put out a hand to shake. “It's great to meet you, Finn. I hear so many good stories about you from Leia.”

 

“Aww shucks, don't listen to all of them,” he said, immediately at ease. “You seem familiar. Where do I know you from?”

 

“Well, my sister was also a lawyer like me, and she recently died on public television. So there's that,” she said, all her enthusiasm sucked out.

 

It hit Finn like a ton of bricks. Her sister was the assistant of Ackbar! He had been close to her sister when she was murdered during a press conference.

 

“I was on duty that day. I'm so sorry for your loss," he said, concern in his voice.

 

She started to tear up, and then she reached into her pocket. When there was nothing inside, he said, “The women's bathroom is right around the corner. Want me to show it to you?”

 

“Yes, please,” she sniffled.

 

He led her away, immediately feeling for her. When she got out of the bathroom, eyes a little puffy but dry, she gave him a giant hug.

 

“Thank you so much, Finn,” she said against his chest.

 

Finn felt a small spark of hope light up. She would hate the First Order passionately. Poe probably did as well.

 

\-------

 

Meanwhile, back in the office, Ren didn't want Poe spending any more time than necessary near Rey. Both were way too idealistic and similar for his taste. He didn't want Rey to escape his watchful eye and be in enemy territory.

 

“Hi, I'm Rey,” she said to Poe.

 

“I know,” Poe replied back. “First woman on this squad, and first in your class. Congrats. I'm Poe.”

 

They shook hands, and mother and son looked on. Ben eyed them both, while Leia watched her son with interest. Ben really did act differently around Rey, which was good. It gave her hope.

 

After a little more pleasantries were said, Ren interrupted.

 

“Alright, Rey, I believe you have a new assignment that you need to get a start on, and Poe needs to meet Finn.”

 

Finn had finally come back with Rose, who looked like she had been crying. He’d have to ask about that later.

 

Rey went off to her desk, and Ren followed her. As focused as he was on keeping Rey away from Poe, he didn't notice the light that appeared in Finn’s eyes as he met and talked to Poe. 

 

Finn even escorted the three out, as much as he enjoyed talking to them. When Leia was out of earshot on the stairs, he said to them, “You both seem like good, genuine people.”

 

“We're here to right the wrongs and help out those who need it,” said Poe. “We are the Resistance!”

 

“And we're going to take down the First Order!” cheered Rose.

 

Finn smiled and appreciated their enthusiasm. Yes, this was who he had been looking for. They could make this work. Poe seemed to like him and was trustworthy, and he liked Rose for how strong she was. He was going to grow a conscience and do the right thing, finally escaping the First Order. 

 

“I'm glad. We should meet sometime next week, the three of us. I can get you up to date on cases related to them if you'd like. Just don't tell anyone I'm coming, okay?”

 

Both gave him an odd look but agreed, ready to jump in. Agreeing on a time and day, they parted.

 

\------ 

 

Back in the office, Rey was reading about her new case (however low priority it was) when Ren interrupted her. 

 

“It seems a big case needs another head involved. Care to join?” he said with a smirk.

 

“You betcha!” she cried, jumping out of her seat, ready to do anything. 

 

She wanted to work on a First Order case, and she wanted to work with him. She might just get both her wishes, after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I finally got an idea for finishing this story! The two songs mentioned will be running through my head as I write this, so I wanted to share them with you as well. 
> 
> This chapter is smaller because of what it is trying to accomplish, but they'll be longer going forward. It's time to bring TFA into the mix in a big way.


	3. Entering the Lair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey begins her own quest to find Luke Skywalker, and in the process, Rey and Kylo Ren meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. I'm just here to ship my favorite couples from this new trilogy, but especially Reylo. 
> 
> This chapter is inspired by a drawing by Dani Rae (on facebook). I've been itching to write a scene for these two similar to the interrogation room, and this is the result. I hope it does them justice.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

The next week brought much new knowledge about the First Order for Rey.

 

Each day that week, Ben sat down with her and told her what he had pieced together from his years of working on cases.

 

That Friday was particularly useful. 

 

“Is there anyone with inside knowledge of the First Order who has escaped and lived to tell it?” asked Rey as she looked over a list of suspected members of the First Order. 

 

“Unfortunately, only one, and he is missing. I've been searching for him relentlessly the last two years,” said Ben with an even face. “No leads, though. You'd think as my uncle, that I’d have an easier time-"

 

“Your uncle?” she asked in shock. “He worked for them?”

 

She put aside the book and focused on him. He was all too pleased by it.

 

“Well, it is said he has inside knowledge of Kylo Ren,” he said carefully, tenting his fingers together. “Considering his father was a famous drug lord, then by association….”

 

“You think he wanted to continue what his father started?” she asked. “How did you find out?”

 

“He used to be in my position as sergeant until some evidence found in his office proved he had inside knowledge,” he began, looking at the office rather than her.

 

She found that interesting. She prodded him forward. “So what did you do?”

 

“There was a confrontation, and he disappeared. His home was burned down later that day, confirming his involvement. He's been on the run since. I just want to bring him in and find justice,” he said passionately, his eyes blazing as he told his story.

 

“I'm sorry to hear that you couldn't even depend on your own uncle,” she said sadly, putting a hand on his arm in comfort. “Perhaps, now that I'm here, we can make more progress.”

 

“Unless you can talk to animals, I doubt it,” he said, getting up and heading to his office to think.

 

Rey was baffled by that, but she continued on with her study of the book of files. She didn't need to know that the list was maybe ten percent of the full list of people involved, and that Ben had doctored the list heavily.

 

\-------

Later that day, Ren made his way to the local headquarters of the First Order. Rey was asking a lot of questions, and he wanted to confer with Snoke about his next steps with her first.

 

Phasma greeted him at the first locked door.

 

“He's expecting you, Kylo,” she said simply, pointing him towards the private office of Snoke. 

 

He went in, and Snoke was sitting at his desk, eyes closed and pondering.

 

When Ren had sat down, Snoke opened his eyes and addressed him.

 

“What troubles you, my young apprentice? You seem more…. conflicted.”

 

Ren stiffened at such a thing. “I'm not conflicted in the least. I'm just as loyal to you now as I always have been. There's just this new recruit-"

 

“Yes, Hux has told me about this girl,” interrupted Snoke. “He tells me that she makes you smile, and that she is very curious and industrious.”

 

“She is all those things, and more,” replied Ren. “However, I can't help but wonder if she is more curious about the First Order than she should be. She keeps asking too many questions.”

 

“Then there's only one thing to do: it's time she met Kylo Ren and was properly welcomed into the fold. See what she'll tell you here all locked up. You've always enjoyed a good interrogation,” said Snoke with pride.

 

“I do, and I think you're right. This'll be enjoyable. I'll go look for her now. She should be leaving work at this point.”

 

At that, he got up and left. When he got to the office, he found out that she had gone to the Millenium Falcon, so he went to wait for her there.

 

\---------

 

At the end of her day, Rey found herself hungry and wanting a drink. Finn was busy, so she went to the Millenium Falcon, as he had recommended it as somewhere safe.

 

Once inside, she sat at the bar, and a head of wavy, light brown that reminded her of Ben appeared.

 

“I'm Han, co-owner of this joint and bartender,” said the older man with a smile before pointing through the small window behind him. “That hairy specimen in the back is my cook and other co-owner, Chewie. Don't anger him. You got a name? You look like a cop, but you seem too enthusiastic to be one.”

 

Rey laughed at his assessment before speaking softly.

 

“I'm Rey. I'm new to the Force, just joined the SW unit.”

 

“So you're the new recruit that my wife Leia has been going on about, besides the new DA,” he said with a grin before holding out a hand. It's good to meet you, Rey. You're always welcome here.”

 

“Leia is your wife? Then that means," she started, no longer surprised by the similarity of him to Ben.

 

“Yes, your boss is my son. Don't worry, I won't hold it against you,” he said with a wink. “So, new recruit, what brings you here? You look like you want information. I've seen enough cops come through here, besides my wife, to know.”

 

She opened and closed her mouth, unsure of what to say. Finally, she hit upon something that he might know.

 

“How much do you know about Ben’s uncle, Luke? What happened to him? Does anyone have any idea how to get a hold of him?”

 

Han’s face fell.

 

“I still don't believe that Luke was actually involved in all that. I think he was framed by someone else, though I haven't figured out who yet. He hated drugs and what it did to his mother. She died because of addiction and overdose,” he explained.

 

Rey looked on in shock and encouraged him to continue. Her head was spinning and beginning to doubt as well. After her history with the stuff, she believed Han.

 

“I can't believe he would want to help such power-hungry, soulless people after what happened to his mother. So where is he?”

 

“No one really knows. Some say he went in search of knowledge, to find out exactly why his father had started creating and selling drugs. Some say he's just hiding and biding his time,” he said listing off the common things said, his voice conspiratorial as he leaned in.

 

Rey’s curious face pushed him onward.

 

“I don't honestly know, and I wish I did. We were close; we took down the Empire together with Leia back in the day. That's how I met those two, and why she even came into my bar. It was love at first argument.”

 

He smiled at the thought of his wife for a moment. Then he continued on. 

 

“The only clue that Luke left was his dog, Artoo. An odd name, sure, but they were inseparable. He was a great sniffer when in commission with Luke. Now, he wanders the streets in search of Luke, or so we think. Leia thinks he goes out and visits Luke regularly.”

 

“That's interesting,” she said. “I'd be very curious to meet Artoo at some point. I love dogs, and own one back at my old home, Bee Bee. I'm pretty good with them.”

 

“Do you think he's innocent?” asked Han seriously, sizing her up.

 

“I'm not sure yet,” she said honestly, “but given my history with parents addicted to drugs, I'd bet good money there's a lot more involved than we realize. We need to get to the bottom of this. If he has any information, then I want to talk to him. I want to bring down the First Order, and he may be my only key right now.”

 

This satisfied Han. He saw she was being honest, and if she was familiar with what the Skywalkers had gone through, then all the better. Perhaps someone could reach Artoo and bring Luke home.

 

“Let me grab my coat,” he said suddenly. “I'll take you to Maz Kanata, owner of Takodana Castle and Cantina. She's been the owner of that watering hole as long as I've been alive, and she was close to Luke, too. She probably knows where to find Artoo. Just let me do the talking.”

 

She smiled and waited for Han to get ready. While waiting, she met Chewie, who grunted his approval before the two left. 

 

\--------

 

Outside the bar, the two walked to the famed establishment, while Ren watched with interest in the shadows. The fact that Rey had found his father already after hearing about Luke made him more suspicious. When he saw them go inside Takodana, then his suspicions were confirmed. 

 

He found himself feeling the conflict that he had been accused of earlier. It always did come when it involved Rey, and sometimes his father, or the excuse for one he was. 

 

Han getting involved meant that he would have to tell Snoke, and eventually do something about him. He didn't want to think about it at this point.

 

The fact that Rey had already managed to persuade Han to her side meant that she was holding back something from him, and he was determined to find out what. He went to the back alley of the cantina and waited, as he knew his father well in that respect. They'd leave via that exit.

 

\--------

 

Inside Takodana, Rey was shocked to see a very short, stout woman with bright orange hair and coke bottle glasses serving drinks. 

 

When the bartender saw them, she turned and shouted, “Han Solo!”

 

The whole cantina became silent as she rushed forward to greet Han and his companion and asked about Chewie. Once she hugged him, they all began talking again.

 

Once seated, Han introduced Rey to Maz. Rey watched and marveled at the small, intelligent woman who owned the place.

 

After the niceties were done, Maz said pointedly to Han, “I assume you need something, desperately. Let's get to it.”

 

“Do you know where Artoo is located right now?” asked Han. “This little lady is a cop with my son’s unit, new and excited to bring down the evil we both know about.”

 

“I love dogs,” continued Rey, looking earnestly at Maz. “I'd give anything to help and try to bring justice for Luke, as well as destroy the First Order. But first, I need to find him.”

 

“You think that dog will lead you to him?” asked Maz curiously. “You have a lot of faith in dogs. I have an idea, but I'll have to talk to someone here first. In the meantime, go to my office. That kind of information shouldn't be heard by all ears.”

 

Rey nodded and headed in the direction she was sent.

 

Once she was gone, Maz turned to Han. “Do you trust her? Anything else I should know?”

 

While Han explained his brief history with Rey, Rey went down a dark hallway that had been pointed out to her by another employee. 

 

All the doors were closed, except for two, the one on the end, one off to the left, just before the end door. 

 

Rey entered the door on the left, immediately drawn to a large, metal box on a desk. She sat down before the dusty lock and was curious. 

 

The sign in front of the box stated, “Contents free to anyone who can open box.”

 

Taking out her hair pins, she fiddled with the lock, but nothing worked. Instead, she felt around the whole box, looking for a hidden key or other clues on how to open it. After a time, she felt a hidden latch on one side and used her nails to pull it back. 

 

When she did so, the box popped open, and she was unpleasantly surprised to find that the only thing inside this giant box was a dark, long, piece of metal shaped like a baton. It seemed to have some levers at each end, as though they could be turned and extended. 

 

She picked up and examined the baton, seeing the initials “AS" on it. In addition, there seemed to be at least one square piece that could be pulled up and used as a storage area on the staff, along with a few buttons.

 

She was so intent on trying to figure out what the baton was used for that she didn't even hear Maz enter the room. Maz was pleased to see that someone had finally figured out the puzzle box, especially since all the other known family members had failed to open it.

 

“Do you know who that belonged to?” asked Maz, making Rey flinch.

 

“No. Whose was it, and what is it?” asked Rey, putting down the staff. 

 

“This belonged to the famous drug lord Anakin Skywalker. It is said that he always kept a weapon at his side, but not just any weapon. It was handcrafted by him for his work; it is able to lengthened for fighting, and shorter for ease of travel and appearance. It could hold small notes, identification, or drugs within it, and it is made of one of the strongest metals out there, LightSteel. It can withstand anything thrown at it,” said Maz with pleasure. 

 

“But how, why-"

 

“Why I own it is because it was entrusted to my care by Luke, left here so that it could one day be used again by someone worthy, who could open the box. That worthy person is you, Rey.”

 

Maz picked up the baton and handed it to Rey. Rey seemed taken aback but took hold of it, going for the extendable ends. 

 

“That's too slow,” said Maz, reaching for a button near the center. “Try this instead.”

 

When the button was depressed, the ends extended automatically, a whirring noise accompanying it. Rey could feel the power within this weapon, and she liked it. This could be very handy. Now, she had a staff, and this she knew how to use well. She could collapse it and hide it on her person. 

 

She pressed the smaller button beside the other, and that collapsed the ends to her satisfaction. Maz looked on with pride. 

 

“Well, now that you've given the box a try, let's go to my office and discuss the location of Artoo,” Maz said, pointing to the door on the end.

 

“Oh sorry, I didn't realize that this wasn't your office,” apologized Rey as they sat down at Maz’s desk. “Where can I find Artoo?”

 

“According to my sources, he was last seen near the charred remains of Luke’s apartment,” said the older woman, looking intently into Rey’s eyes. “Here's his address. Be careful.”

 

“I will be,” said Rey with certainty. “If it means that I can finally have justice for my parents and destroy everything of the First Order, then I'll be satisfied.”

 

“Don't let your thirst for revenge overtake you, child,” cautioned Maz. “Such hate is what destroyed and corrupted Anakin long ago after his wife was found to be addicted to drugs. Remember that not everyone there deserves that fate. Have compassion on them.”

 

“I think it'll be obvious who deserves it,” said Rey. “I'm usually a good judge of character.”

 

Maz nodded sagely and sent Rey on her way.

 

“Han is headed to the back exit, to grab food on his way out. You can meet him outside if you hurry.”

 

“Thanks for all your help,” said Rey, hugging the short woman.

 

Rey hid the baton inside her white and tan shirt, vest, pants. Once secured, she went out the back door, where Han tried to flag her down before she went out. He had food in his mouth, though, and didn't want to speak, so he followed. 

 

As he opened the door, he saw the masked figure of Kylo Ren bend over and pick up the prone figure of Rey. Han was grabbing his weapon when a warning shot from Kylo was sent at the doorway next to him. 

 

“Don't follow us,” warned Kylo. “It's time she was introduced properly to the First Order, don't you think?”

 

Again, Han wished that he knew who the man was behind the mask. If there was some way to plead and reach out to the monster, he would.

 

Instead, he let the two depart, knowing that she could just die if he tried to intervene. He then called his wife, and went in to tell Maz.

 

\--------

 

A few minutes before Han had come outside, Rey had opened the door, ready to seek justice.

 

Too late, she realized that a dark, hooded figure in a metal mask was waiting in the shadows for her, and he had a gun. 

 

“The girl I've heard so much about,” mused Ren. “It's time we met, officially. You're coming with me.”

 

“I'll do no such thing!” spat Rey.

 

She was about to reach for her new weapon when she heard quick footsteps. She looked up too late, and when she did, she saw a gloved hand reach behind her head, making her faint.

 

\---------

 

Some unidentified amount of time later, Rey woke up, finding herself restrained in an interrogation room alone with Kylo Ren. She had seen enough news stories in the last three years about him to know what his mask looked like.

 

“Where am I?” she demanded of the seated Ren.

 

“You're my guest,” replied Ren easily, as though he were a proper English gentleman here to welcome her to tea.

 

“Where's Han?” she asked. “What did you do to him?”

 

“You'll be relieved to hear I have no idea. No doubt he ran away, like the weak, foolish soul he is,” said Ren.

 

Rey looked like she wanted to defend Han, so he continued with, “You still want to kill me, don't you?”

 

“That's what happens when you're being hunted by a creature in a mask who destroys others’ lives,” bit out Rey.

 

“Why did you come to Takodana and the Millenium Falcon?” he asked, not bothering to respond to her comment. Removing his mask wasn't an option seeing as she knew his face, so he settled for getting up and walking toward her. “You're not leaving until you've satisfied my, and the First Order’s, curiosity. Now, tell me about yourself. Why are you here? Why join the Special Witnesses unit? Why were you visiting Maz with Han Solo?”

 

He barely grit out the last name, much to Rey’s surprise. She eyed him in wonder, trying to decide how much to tell him.

 

“I'm working on a case,” she said vaguely.

 

“You were asked to sit in a case, not given any direction about where to go or who to talk to,” replied Ren savagely. “Why them?”

 

“I was told they might have information regarding a missing suspect. I wanted to help,” said Rey as she stared him down. “And how do  _ you  _ know so much about what I'm supposed to be doing?”

 

“Leia hinted at it, didn't she?” he asked, his tone light. “That you should keep your true feelings and intentions hidden.”

 

Her face was unable to hide her surprise. He grinned under the mask, his guess proven right. He moved in closer to her.

 

“There is a mole in your office, someone who claims to be helping you but really isn't. You shouldn't be surprised if it's multiple people you know and trust, in fact.”

 

“You're wrong!” she seethed, pushing against the restraints.

 

“You can persist in those delusions all you want, but they'll only hurt you,” he said carelessly. Then his face was right next to hers. “I'd hate to have to hurt you without a good reason, but if you've come to take me down, you're sorely mistaken. Give up now, Rey of Jakku. You will die before you manage to bring down something this big.”

 

She stopped resisting and gave him the darkest, most pointed stare she had, pouring in every ounce of loathing and anger she felt regarding the people who caused her parents’ deaths. 

 

He paused in his movements to meet her gaze, even if she couldn't tell. He had never seen this before, and he was intrigued. There was indeed much more to her that she hid well. He wanted to explore all of those hidden depths.

 

“I'll never stop trying,” she said quietly. “You're better off killing me now if that's the case. I won't go quietly, and I won't let monsters like you stay on the loose as long as I've breath in these lungs.”

 

“Is that your greatest fear?” he asked softly, a gloved hand reaching out to her throat. She shied away from his touch as much as she could, but not for long.

 

“No,” she said simply. She tried not to think about how soft the leather felt against her throat. 

 

Her greatest fear was the gravelly-voiced man that had come for her parents all those years ago. That she might not get justice for her parents on him. It kept her up at night even to this day. She needed to know what had happened all those years ago, and this creature was relatively new to the group. He wouldn't have what she needed most likely.

 

“Then what is?” he persisted. 

 

“Not finding justice for the First Order,” she said, turning to face him again, all confidence returned to her face. “I have a cause I'll die for. Do you?”

 

He was taken aback by her defiance; though he couldn't help but love her inner fire. It was refreshing to see someone being so honest with him, not afraid of him like everyone else was. What he didn't realize was how far his weakness for her went, as he found himself answering her, out of habit from work, and out of a genuine desire for her to see why he did what he did. 

 

Perhaps she could be swayed. Then, he wouldn't have to kill her.

 

“Yes, I do,” he replied. “I'm loyal to a cause that's been near and dear to my family for a long time.”

 

“No! Snoke is evil and just wants to enslave others,” she burst out. “He doesn't care about anyone but himself.”

 

“So much fire for someone who's never met the man,” he said, getting up and going to her other side, letting his fingers slide along the wrist restraint and her hand. “One might think that you've had personal experience with him. Perhaps I should take you to him right now, so you can face your fear.”

 

She became still, her eyes pleading with him. For what, he couldn't be sure. The only thing he knew was that she had a personal reason to hate Snoke. If Snoke recognized her, then they might know better how to proceed with her.

 

The fact of the matter was that her desire for justice was good and bad. Bad because she was fearless in her goal. Good because she would follow any red herrings if it meant justice. He could mislead and manipulate her her so easily that way. 

 

“This has been an enjoyable and enlightening chat, but I'm afraid that you've sparked some curiosity of mine that won't be satisfied. Seeing as you won't give me an honest answer, I'm taking you to someone who can help,” he said, reaching for a restraint.

 

“And what if I'd rather stay here with you?” she asked, her voice small. 

 

“If you're a good girl and follow my lead and actually answer my questions, you'll go free soon. I'm quite reasonable in that way. I just want information about you, what makes you tick,” he said, his earnest voice lost in the headgear.

 

“I'm a scavenger from Jakku, mostly raised in a junkyard by Unkar Plutt. I'm a nobody,” she said with shrug. “What else do you want to know?”

 

It was easy to see that she was being honest now. The fact that she thought so little of herself disturbed him at some level. The fact that she had gotten this far meant there was something special about her.

 

He was about to respond when he received a summons from Snoke himself, asking to see the girl.

 

“It seems the Boss wants to meet you, Rey. Let's get you ready, shall we?” 

 

Her eyes kept pleading with his until they were covered by a blindfold. He let her hands and legs stay free, with a firm grip and a whisper of no funny business as they left the room.

 

\----------

 

After going through a maze of corridors, Rey heard a female voice address Ren.

 

“I was wondering when you'd show up with her. The Supreme Leader wants to see her. I'll go announce you two,” she said.

 

“As you wish, Phasma,” he said with dismissal. 

 

The name flashed a memory from the book she'd been reading earlier today. Rey thought back and recalled that Phasma was the door keeper and main security. That also meant that her way out was close.

 

“I'm thirsty,” she burst out suddenly.

 

His answering laugh and light fingers on her neck sent shivers down her spine. The fingers landed at her collarbone.

 

“For what, Sweetheart? The blood of your enemies? Something else a little darker and rougher? That's all you'll get from me.”

 

For a moment, her mind considered what he whispered in her ear. The thought of getting close to a monster like him was distasteful, but if she could distract him…..

 

“Only if you touch my cheek with your other hand,” she said quickly before she lost her nerve.

 

His pause told her everything she needed to know. He was definitely interested in and attracted to her. His other hand when it arrived wasn't so gentle, but possessive. 

 

He seemed so sure of himself. It infuriated her, but she leaned into his hand at once, trying to figure out if his face was focused on hers or not - not the way in which his glove and hand felt against her. 

 

“You continue to surprise me, Sweetheart,” he grit out, as though he were choked up.

 

She felt the air coming from the mask, and knowing his attention was on her above, she moved to attack.

 

Her right hand slowly reached for the baton still on her person. It seemed in his haste and arrogance, he had not done a thorough search of her. When she had it, she made a small gasping noise, as though pleased by his closeness. She adjusted her stance so that her feet were just inside his widely set feet, barely touching his boots.

 

She heard a low growl come from his throat.

 

“Perhaps I don't want to share you after all,” he murmured, his hand at her collarbone sliding lower, to the edge of her neckline of her white shirt.

 

“No, you don't,” she said, mad at herself for sounding so breathy. 

 

A moment later, she attacked. She knew plenty about self-defense now thanks to so much training, but she really did like Sandra Bullock’s quick and easy summary of what to aim for from “Miss Congeniality”. It was easy to SING when she was this close, having a good idea of how tall he was compared to her from their earlier conversation. 

 

She used the element of surprise well, using her foot to stomp on his instep, a fist to his solar plexus, and a knee to his groin.

 

She quickly removed her blindfold and brought out her hidden weapon, making him seize when he saw it.

 

“That staff - it belongs to me,” he wheezed, reaching for it even as he clutched himself in pain.

 

“Hardly,” she replied.

 

She turned around and looked at the table and door to the outdoors. Pushing buttons until it unlocked, she lengthened the staff and charged him.

 

He was ready, albeit still breathing shallowly. He saw the swipe come, and he blocked it, even as the end hit his knee the wrong way. All too late, he realized that she had pulled a trick out of his own handbook, pulling back the staff when she was close as a fake, and instead kicking him hard again in the groin.

 

“What's in those kriffing worn, brown shoes?” he burst out as he fell to the ground in pain. 

 

She turned around and sauntered to the exit.

 

“These old beauties are composite toe shoes, my old friends and most handy since they don't show up on metal scanners. You like them, too, right?”

 

He grunted.

 

“Nice try,” she said, as she swung the staff behind her. “I'm not ready to face you yet, but I will be, and soon. Be ready for me. I'm going to burn this all down to the ground,” she said, turning to face him at the open door, before adding, “and I'm coming for you first. Touch me like that again, and you'll get far worse. You're a monster!”

 

With that, she was gone, and Ren found himself staring in wonder at her. She was good, but he was better. Now he  _ had  _ to overcome this weakness; she had used it too well against him. He had been distracted.

 

How she had gotten the staff was another mystery for another day, but for now, it was enough to know that he’d have his work cut out for him with her. And that Snoke would be upset.

 

Phasma came out after that, who immediately rushed to his side to help when she saw the state of things. Snoke came out when he heard the commotion, and told Ren to deal with it.

 

When Phasma went in search of a bandaid and ice, Snoke lowered his voice and spoke.

 

“This new recruit…. She's your weakness. You have compassion for her. Destroy this weakness, before I do. Or else, she'll destroy you first.”

 

“Yes, Master,” he agreed, still in pain at the thought of hurting her. He would conquer his weakness, pure and simple.

 

\---------

 

Meanwhile, on another side of town, Finn walked into the district attorney’s office, where two people were waiting patiently for him.

 

“Thanks for meeting me here today. He's distracted, so it was easier to disappear.”

 

“Who is he?” asked Poe. “And what are you referring to?”

 

“I'm about to be straight with the both of you,” said Finn, “but I need your promise that you'll give me protection from him and let me be the planner of this since I know them best.”

 

“Of course, whatever you need,” said Rose, patting Finn’s hand appreciatively.

 

“Thanks,” he said. “The truth is that I'm not who you think I am. I'm paid by the First Order to look the other way and occasionally do their dirty business while on the job. Other folks in our office get paid to look the other way only, but since I grew up on the streets and am tougher despite my early usage of drugs, the First Order helped get me to this position.”

 

The two couldn't have been more shocked if Finn decided to put on white armor and call himself a Stormtrooper for no reason. 

 

“The truth is that I want out of it, all of it,” Finn continued. “I'm tired of helping the bad guys and want a fresh start. I didn't think we had the manpower to handle it, but now that Rey is here, along with you two, I think we have a chance. We're going to have to do this slowly, though. I'll give you every name and piece of intel I have. Just promise me you'll protect me and do things my way. We'll have to go slow to not arouse suspicion, especially of Ren. He must never know.”

 

The two nodded blankly and then got to work with Finn as he wrote down everything he knew for the next hour.

 

When he was done outlining his initial plan, Poe asked, “Should anyone be privy to this info? Leia, or Rey, for example?”

 

“Neither one should know of Ren’s true identity,” said Finn. “I don't think either could look him in the eye if that was the case. But Rey should know my past, and that she can trust me. She will need to be in on the plans.”

 

“Of course,” said Rose, squeezing his hand. “She seems like a very trustworthy sort. If you trust her, then so do we. I'm here for you should you ever need me.”

 

“I'm truly sorry about your sister's death,” said Finn. “I could have stopped it.”

 

“If it was the means of making you see the error of your ways, then her death wasn't in vain,” said Rose with forgiveness and acceptance, looking Finn in the eye.

 

Soon after that, Finn left, his conscience clean for the first time in a long time. Now he just needed to tell Rey about the next drop off at the docks at Starkiller Base. Then, he got a distressed phone call from Leia.

 

\-----------

 

The following Monday, Rey came in, now more distrusting of everyone. Finn had told her that they needed to hang out that night to discuss something huge, but she had no idea if it could be bigger than what she had witnessed on Monday. 

 

She knew their hideout location, however briefly they might stay there now. She could take them down. The issue was that the First Order was bigger than D’qar. It spread to the capital of Coruscant, and beyond.

 

She went on to speak to her boss, who seemed to be in another of his moods.

 

“Family issues again?” she asked as she sat down.

 

He didn't look up at her, only shaking his head in the negative.

 

“Care to spar again?” she asked hopefully.

 

“No,” he finally said, looking up as he did so. “That won't help me. You're troubled.”

 

The pain in his eyes disappeared as he took her in. Soon, only concern filled his eyes as he looked at her.

 

“Am I that easy to read?” she bemoaned, closing her eyes a moment, fearing this was why the monster had kept on crouching in closer and closer to her during the interrogation.

 

As though he somehow saw straight into her mind and knew that she was curious about him, and why he would join such a terrible group. As though he knew that she was interested in him, despite her hate of him and everything he stood for. 

 

It was only slightly worse than her interest in her boss. He hopefully hadn't picked up on that, yet. She found him fascinating, not only for what he had accomplished, but for their shared understanding. Getting close to him was part of the job, but the more she learned about him, the more she liked him.

 

“Yes, you are comparatively easy to read,” he said, “but it doesn't excuse the fact that you're worried about something. What is it?”

 

In that moment, Ren’s words came back to haunt her. People she knew and trusted were corrupt. How would anyone had known what he had asked her to do? She would have to tread carefully.

 

“I had a run-in with Kylo Ren last Friday,” she stated. “I was taken to their headquarters. I could find it again if need be.”

 

His face was carefully blank when she spoke, betraying no emotion. 

 

“That won't do you much good,” he said in dismissal.  They move their head of operations regularly. There's a list of known former places in our files; write it in there but don't expect anything to come of it. We'll check later today.”

 

“Will do,” she said tightly as she stood up.

 

“How did it go?” he asked with uncertainty. “With Ren? What did you think of him?”

 

She raised an eyebrow before continuing. 

 

“He was….. as menacing and as much of a monster as he portrays himself. There's something else about him, though,” she said, remembering how he had spoken about not wanting to hurt her, and his possessive way of speaking to her near the end. She looked away, trying to put her finger on it.

 

Why he should feel that way regarding her if he'd only just met her was interesting, unless it really wasn't his first time. Only in that form.

 

“What is it you see? Some form of weakness?” he asked, cursing himself for putting such words into her mind.

 

She turned back to him at his odd tone of voice as he stood up.

 

“No, it's not a weakness,” she said, “though I should try to find that. He's just curiously human. If I got to know him better…. But that's foolish. He's the enemy.”

 

“Yes, he is,” Ren said flatly, rounding his desk and facing her, his face close to hers. “It's best not to consider that. He would only try to do that to win you over to his side.”

 

She nodded and picked up a foot to move. As she did so, his body stiffened and moved back slightly. She gave him a curious look.

 

“I've been training hard this weekend,” he said as a form of explanation. “Sudden movements make me jumpy right now.”

 

It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that her feet and shoes were dangerous to his body. The pain hadn't died off yet, in fact.

 

“I understand that,” she said, taking a step back and turning. 

 

As she did so, he took another step toward her and too late, the heel of her shoe brushed up against his knee gently.

 

He grabbed his knee instantaneously, and she turned around at his grunt of pain.

 

“What's wrong?” she asked trying to make sense of the situation. “Did I hurt you?”

 

“You touched something tender is all,” he gasped. “Go ahead. I'll be out soon, and we'll get started.”

 

She nodded and left, still looking worriedly at him.

 

When she was out the door, he heard her being addressed by Finn, asking her to join him for lunch at a local cafe.

 

“That's suspiciously close to the DA’s office,” he murmured. “Why all the way over there?”

 

That got him thinking about the new district attorney. Snoke had said they needed to be scared into submission somehow. He decided it was time to do something, so he made a couple calls. Then, looking at Rey, he searched for something in his possession.

 

\--------

 

At lunchtime, Rey and Finn joined a shaken Poe and Rose for lunch.

 

“What's going on?” asked Finn, looking worriedly at his new friends. “You weren't followed here, right?”

 

“No, we checked, and our cars have been vandalized,” said Poe.

 

“At least your tires work,” said Rose. 

 

“How did this happen?” asked Rey worriedly. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

 

“As a matter of fact, there is,” said Finn. “We'll talk here a little, and more after work.”

 

\----------

 

After a long day of revelations, Rey made her way home. As she climbed the stairs to her apartment, a text appeared from an unknown number.

 

“Hello, Rey of Jakku. We need to finish our little chat from last Friday. You left before the real fun could begin.”

 

Rey instantly wanted to ask who it was, but the initiator spoke far too familiarly to be anyone besides one particular person. One she'd rather not think about as anything other than her enemy.

 

“What do you want, Ren?” she texted before she could stop herself.

 

After that, she sent him, “Nevermind. Just do me a favor and never talk to me again. I don't care. I'm not going to answer any more of your texts.”

 

Her heartbeat remained erratic and unsteady as she waited for him to respond back. When he didn't right away, she started to breathe a little easier. Maybe he would leave her alone.

 

Twenty minutes later, as she was watching television, she got a reply.

 

“I just want to get to know you better, and vice versa. It's only fair, after all.”

 

Then he sent her, “I'm not going to stop. It's a burner cell, and I've got many more where this came from. You have twenty-four hours to reply back with something resembling an actual reply, or else. Good night.”

 

Rey wasn't sure what to do with this. Part of her wanted to see what would happen if she waited longer, but part of her knew that security in her building wasn't good. He could probably break in. She needed a new apartment, stat.

 

She settled for sending him a good night text later, just as she crawled into bed. It felt weird to send goodnight texts to someone besides a boyfriend, but he treated her in a very familiar way. He had a game to play with her, and she would use it to find his weakness.

 

On another side of town, high up in his townhouse, Ben Solo looked down at the burner cell and smiled like a boy who had just had a girl agree to go on a date with him.

 

In this world that was growing increasingly more complicated - no thanks to her - she was still a beacon of light that brought him joy for unknown reasons. It was a natural response to his last text, and she knew to play along. He had regretted sending the goodnight at first, but now, seeing her response, he was pleased. He wanted more, much more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> Also, I own a pair of composite toe shoes. They're awesome. And I love the movie Miss Congeniality.


	4. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey keeps searching for more information, all the while getting more involved with Ben/Ren as he watches her closely. Plans are set into motion for Starkiller Base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Disclaimer: I still don't own Star Wars, or anything else I reference. 
> 
> This is another chapter that has one scene inspired by a gif, coming from the Drabble Me This prompts on the ReyLo Fic Recs group on Facebook. This gif is made by sparklepoodles on tumblr.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

Rey awoke the next morning to two texts, one after the other.

 

“I'm glad you've accepted our new, little game. I think you'll come to like this.”

 

“Just remember to respond in a timely fashion. I'll be waiting, and watching.”

 

It was far too early to be dealing with this. As a result, she came to work in a poor mood, and remained that way until lunch with Finn.

 

“Finn, we have a problem,” said Rey at lunch in a quiet corner.

 

“What is it?” asked Finn with concern, looking up at her. 

 

“Remember when you told me last Saturday to wait until Monday to report my incident? Why did you suggest that?”

 

Rey was playing with her food, just staring at it. She had been in a bad mood all morning. Finn was beginning to worry even more, as she never turned down food.

 

Rey had called in the early hours of Saturday after escaping from the First Order, and he had told her to calm down, rest up, get her story straight, and be ready to tell everyone on Monday. He said that he would tell the important people in the meantime.

 

He also asked her to wait to find Artoo until she was better rested. 

 

“Because of what I told you of my past, of my dealings with the First Order. They're a ruthless group of criminals that hide well. They would have moved by Sunday morning.”

 

“Then why didn't Ben know about it?” she asked, giving him a hard look. “No one asked about it.”

 

Of course no one did. It wasn't safe to talk about it at work because of prying ears, and too many already knew she had escaped interrogation. From Kylo Ren, no less.

 

Finn would have been lying if he had said that he hadn't listened in on the first part of Rey's conversation with Ben on Monday. He had heard enough, though, to make what he next said plausible enough.

 

“Are you sure about him? He seemed worried about you.”

 

If she knew who Ben really was, then their whole cover would be blown. Rey was too open and committed to the cause to sit still and wait. She was impulsive and ready to fight. She had been warned about Hux and a few others, the bigger informants at least.

 

“Are you trying to suggest that that was his way of giving me an opening to discuss it?” she asked, her eyes widening to consider the possibility. 

 

“He does have a certain fondness for you,” Finn said honestly, briefly touching her arm. 

 

The tenderness in his eyes, combined with his honesty, was enough to put Rey at ease. 

 

At the entrance to the restaurant, Ren watched, disliking the tableau the two created. It was too intimate. He felt the stirrings of jealousy course through him, red hot, irrational, and sudden. He wanted to ram his way in and break it up.

 

He had told Finn, that traitor, to not get close to her. This was too close. She wasn't supposed to develop a connection with that traitor, but rather, with himself.

 

The single thought propelled him to leave them at once, as he was disgusted with himself. 

 

He rather hoped that Rey would not answer his text. It would give him an excuse to visit her at night. But really, what harm was there to not do it now? Perhaps the legacy baton was there.

 

Back inside the restaurant, Rey felt more at ease with Finn, but his words made her body tense all the same.

 

“Do you really think he likes me?” she asked in awe.

 

Finn considered the question. In all his years of working with Ren, seeing his mood swings, his lack of interest in anyone (despite many beautiful women trying), and a general angry set to his body and features, never had Finn seen Ren smile like he did when he was around Rey. He had never seen Ren loosen up, if only for a moment. 

 

Ren brought her into cases which he shouldn't, although it could be argued that he wanted to control what she saw and learned. All the same, Ren watched over her more than anyone else he ever had, even his uncle. Granted, the oversight with his uncle had made him much more paranoid, sullen, and silent. Out of habit of feeling watched, Finn pulled away from Rey.

 

“I'm not sure if he likes you, or if he has just taken to showing you everything because you remind him of himself when he first joined the squad after graduating at the head of his class, bright-eyed and ready to take down evil.”

 

“I had heard he was brilliant,” she replied in surprise, “but I didn't know we had come from the same circumstances.”

 

“Only those. He comes from a long line of cops, and he has a family name to uphold. But we're getting off-track. Why did you want to meet today?”

 

“There's something weird going on with Ben,” she said finally. “He acted oddly at the end of the conversation, and then last night, I received a couple texts from Kylo Ren. After talking about such a thing with Ben yesterday. I'm beginning to think that someone listened in on our conversation, and then he texted me, just to spite us.”

 

Finn was trying to figure out what Ren’s game was in all this. Why the obsessive focus on Rey? He would have to not talk to Rey so much if this continued. Ren had probably noticed something already.

 

“Can I see them?” he asked, reaching for her phone.

 

She showed him the texts, and he puzzled over them. 

 

“What did he ask you about in your interrogation that he'd want to continue now?” he asked. “Anything specific at all?”

 

“He just wanted to get to know me, and why I was so determined to destroy the First Order. And why I was seeing Han Solo and Maz Friday.”

 

“You were with them? Of course he's suspicious!” moaned Finn.

 

Both were too close to Luke.

 

Of course, he wants leads. He wants to find Luke and keep on eye on her. If he was going to attempt to play both sides, then he might as well do this.

 

“Well, I can't believe I'm telling you this, but keep answering his texts for another week. We need to find you an apartment with higher security. After we get you re-situated, don't talk to him anymore. He  _ will _ find you. He's determined and has a lot of resources on hand. Don't tell anyone at work you're moving, though, or that you're talking to him. Got it?”

 

Rey nodded.

 

She made the silent decision to wait to find Artoo after she had moved, when there was no possible repercussions if she brought Artoo and Luke into her home. They needed a safe place, just like she did. 

 

“Good. Now let's go back to work. I have a bad feeling our boss is going to be on us when we get back.”

 

Normally, Ren would have been. However, after seeing that Rey's apartment had nothing remarkable inside (she had hidden the baton well), and after considering the idea that Finn might tell her not to answer his texts (as a caring friend would do), he was relieved that Rey texted him at the end of their lunch break.

 

“I still don't know what I'm going to get out of this game. I can't trust you.”

 

Because of this, he knew that Finn was still doing his job, making her follow the lead to try to find out more information about him. 

 

He saw them return, with Finn looking for him nervously. There was no need; he had done the right thing. He left the two alone.

 

Finn had never been more relieved.

 

\--------

 

Later that day, Rey got a text response.

 

“If we can agree that we won't bother trying to get tactical information about the other’s place of work, then you'll find that I'm an open book.”

 

Her response was swift and immediate. 

 

“It's hardly worth mentioning given that you already know so much. What else would I want to know?”

 

He was quiet after that. Rey hoped he stayed like that.

 

\--------

 

A few days later, Ren was at the First Order’s new hideout. It was simply the next place on their list of places to stay, as naturally Snoke was prepared to move at a moment’s notice. 

 

Snoke was a moving target, and had a fortress set up within his world. Which was why he was worried about this new recruit, and his apprentice’s weakness for her. 

 

No one else had gotten under Ren’s skin before, and he still hadn't figured out why. She had to be removed, one way or the other.

 

“What are you doing about this weakness of yours?” demanded Snoke when Ren arrived.

 

“I'm crushing it, as you suggested. I've gone to her home, and searched there and her desk. I've set up listening devices to pick up her conversations. I've looked for everything personal I can find; there's still  _ nothing.” _

 

And that was the best and worst part of it, for Ben at least. She was so  _ alone _ . She had as few personal photos as he did, and talked just as little about such things. She was a loner who wanted to do the right thing, despite whatever had happened to her as a child. She was so similar to him in various respects, and yet ended so differently. 

 

He was so certain that Rey had suffered as a child, just as he had. He saw it in the hardness of her eyes, in her determination to get through anything rough at work and in front of Kylo Ren. 

 

There was always a reason for it, and he would find it.

 

“You should find out soon, or else she will need to be eliminated at the next convenient time, which will be at Starkiller Base in three weeks. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Ren nodded in obedience. Then he looked up at his Boss, uncertain of how to bring up what else he had seen with regard to Rey.

 

“What is it, boy? Spit it out,” snapped Snoke. “I don't have all day for your sputtering. I need results, and you're not providing it, unlike Hux.”

 

That rankled, as was calculated. 

 

“Before I found her, she was in the company of Han Solo, who took her to Takodana. They were looking for Skywalker.”

 

“I see. And did this nobody manage to find new information about Skywalker?” asked Snoke, a little more interested, beckoning Ren closer. 

 

“No,” replied Ren with a pause.

 

He almost told Snoke that she had found the legacy baton of his grandfather, but decided against it. He would simply get it from her and tell Snoke. 

 

Instead, he focused on his new campaign involving Rey, which gave him a new angle to try with her.

 

“She hasn't found anything yet, but I have a feeling she will. She's managed to win the trust of Han Solo and Maz. Because of that, I've initiated some….conversation with her. I'm using a burner cell to ply her with questions. I want to draw her out, find her weaknesses and see if she reveals anything about Skywalker.”

 

“Excellent. Keep me posted on the results. In the meantime, see to it that preparations are made for the drop-off at Starkiller Base. They must go smoothly. She may try to snoop there, and if she gets too close, she will be eliminated. Distract her if you must.”

 

Snoke waved Ren away, dismissing him. Ren bowed.

 

“Of course, Master. I'll see to it that all is ready.”

 

Just as Ren was about to open the door, Snoke spoke quietly.

 

“So Han Solo is back, is he? You know his history in the past drug wars, of course. If he's back and helping them, then he will need to removed from the equation, by any means necessary. Kill him, if you must. You've never faced him before.”

 

“By the grace of your training, I will not fail you,” replied Ren, not looking back.

 

“Of course. If you want this, your legacy, to be passed on, then you must stand up for what is yours, to become who you were truly meant to be. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Snoke’s voice developed an edge, making Ren turn back.

 

“Yes, Master. I am ready to face him.”

 

Ren left quickly after that.

 

Soon after that, Rey found another text from Kylo Ren, after a couple days of quiet.

 

“Aren't you at all curious about Luke Skywalker, or myself? How else will you find the answers you seek, if not through me?”

 

It made her pause where she stood. It was the only lead she had besides Artoo. She would need to see Han again.

 

As she planned, Ren waited. He counted on her curiosity getting the better of her, in wanting to know more about Luke. He secretly hoped that she wanted to know more about himself.

 

Her response came later that night.

 

“How can I believe anything you say?” 

 

A grin enveloped his face. He had won.

 

“Let me put it this way: what choice have you got?”

 

Rey had to agree he was right. But she wasn't about to give him that satisfaction. She would send one more response, and then go to bed.

 

Another text from him didn't change her plans.

 

“Besides, I've always been upfront and honest with you so far; why not try trusting me? Thus far, I should be the one not trusting you based on your hostility.”

 

“Don't expect me to apologize for it,” replied Rey. 

 

She set her phone aside, determined to ignore him. Responding so quickly would only encourage him, and worse, make him expect quicker responses. 

 

Ren had no expectations of the sort. He was content knowing that this would continue.

 

If he provoked her enough, she was likely to reveal something, or make him hate her enough so that he could  _ consider _ killing her. He wasn't in a place that he could do it yet, as he felt far too conflicted about her.

 

Somehow, he was almost as conflicted about her as his father, whom he was still torn apart by. For having such a broken love-hate relationship with his father, he couldn't think of killing him. However, if Snoke said it would liberate him, then he would do it. He just needed to find the strength to do it. 

 

\------

 

By the end of the week, Rey needed answers.

 

She was carrying on with Kylo Ren as well as she could, which was to say they were getting nowhere. They danced around real answers, preferring to bait one another.

 

If she was going to find something substantial, then she needed to go back to the Falcon. Thankfully, Han had such pity and concern for her after witnessing her abduction that he let her have the first two drinks free. 

 

Ren had followed her to the Falcon, as he had been all week. Watching her movements showed him that she didn't get out much. This was the first time she went out, and it was no doubt related to work. 

 

Seeing as he had hit a dead end, he decided to make better use of his time, as there were other people who he could take out his frustrations on. 

 

By the next morning, Takodana would hopefully not be opening for business for at least a month, thanks to all the fire and smoke damage his underlings would cause.

 

Likewise, Poe and Rose needed a better reminder of who was in charge of this city.

 

After arranging that, he went home, ready to wait.

 

Meanwhile, Rey asked for every story Han knew about Luke. Having more knowledge of him could only help, and he surely had more to him than the Empire Drug Wars stories she always heard about.

 

When the bar closed down, Rey was still on the stool, slightly tipsy and unwilling to move. She didn't until she heard Leia's voice from behind.

 

“Rey! You're still here. Are you going home?”

 

“I don't want to,” replied Rey. “It'll be empty, and I'll feel it necessary to engage Kylo Ren in meaningless text chatter as he plays around with me.”

 

Both Han and Leia looked at her awkwardly, unsure what to say. Han shrugged his shoulders, and Leia sighed, coming over to Rey, putting a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

 

“Come home with us, Rey. You can use the guest room. And please explain yourself while I drive.”

 

Rey got up with a slight smile and nodded. Then, she was pulled into an embrace by Leia.

 

“Don't worry, Rey. We'll stop them. You'll see. We're making good plans already.”

 

Rey told them both about her first encounter with Kylo Ren, and then about the odd conversations they were having over the phone.  She was glad that she had a new place found, in much better circumstances. 

 

It was nice having a full-time job for things like that.

 

By the time they got back, Rey was starting to doze. She was led gingerly by Leia upstairs to a dark bedroom with a glass of water, where she fell asleep immediately. 

 

In the doorway, the older couple stared at her in awe and concern. 

 

“All I want to do is hold her close and reassure her that there's hope,” said Leia. 

 

“She feels like the daughter I always wanted,” said Han before closing the door. “Let her rest.”

 

“What are you going to do about her?” asked Leia. “Are you going to help her more? Confront this evil that could be coming for you?”

 

“What do you mean?” asked Han in concern.

 

“Takodana is under an arson investigation,” replied Leia, looking at him significantly. “You could be next since you helped her.”

 

Han looked aghast. “Not Takodana!”

 

Leia nodded sadly. 

 

“I promised myself that I wouldn't get involved in anymore drug wars,” said Han as they prepared for bed. “I'm getting too old for this.”

 

“And yet, here you are being dragged back in. She means well, and it could be a way to mend your relationship with Ben.”

 

Han looked off in the distance, considering her words. 

 

“Let me think about it. If I could help them both, I would want to. I just don't know how.”

 

\--------

 

The next morning, Rey woke up confused and disoriented. 

 

She looked around to find not her bedroom, usually full of grays and whites.

 

This bedroom was full of tans, reds, and blacks. There were a couple metal band posters on the walls, and fine, mahogany furniture throughout the large room.

 

The bed was huge, and had a lingering, slightly male smell that she couldn't identify.

 

She made her way downstairs. Upon passing the first room on the right, a loud, uptight voice proclaimed, “Wait! Oh my!”

 

“What?” wondered Rey aloud. She stopped at the odd voice and turned. No one was there, except a golden yellow parrot. 

 

“And I am See-threepio,” squawked the parrot. “How do you do?”

 

Rey was unsure how to answer until Han walked in, his hair still a mess from just waking up.

 

“Ignore the bird. Threepio says that to everyone. Let's go to the kitchen, where I can smell Leia's cooking.”

 

“I say!” cried the parrot as the two left the room. 

 

“Welcome, sleepyheads,” greeted Leia as they entered the kitchen. “I thought the food would go cold as long as you two slept in.”

 

“Sleep is more important,” quipped Han before saying as an aside to Rey, “Early risers, she and my son both. They're awful in the morning.”

 

“Speaking of my son, what did you think of his room turned guest room?” asked Leia as she sat down. “Did you sleep well?”

 

Suddenly, the memory of the smell and the colors made sense. She had smelled that male scent before, in Ben's office and when they sparred together. 

 

And yet, there was still one other time that she could remember that smell. When and where was hazy, but it felt like it was recently….

 

“Rey?” prompted Leia, looking a little worried, her voice going up an octave.

 

“Oh! Sorry,” replied Rey sincerely before starting to eat the food in front of her. “I was trying to remember why the smell of the room and bed seemed familiar, and why the room felt so masculine. Of course it's your son.”

 

“Yes. If you looked at that room, you wouldn't think he possessed a degree in chemistry and criminal justice,” said Han with pride.

 

“In both?” asked Rey with utter shock. “Why?”

 

“Because he wants to follow in the footsteps of his grandfather, the pharmacist turned cop,” replied Leia, looking down at her plate as she recounted the tale of her father. “He had started out so well, with a good lab and a loving wife. Then, one day, she was addicted to drugs, and he became a druglord overnight.”

 

Rey had heard many stories of the Skywalkers since coming to the police academy. The Drug Kingpin Darth Vader had once been lowly Anakin Skywalker, humble pharmacist. Then, he met Palpatine. 

 

The general public hadn't known until about two months ago that Leia was his daughter. It had been a huge scandal for her as a senator.

 

“What about Luke?” asked Rey, curious about this brother who was never mentioned. 

 

“Luke hated drugs, ever since he and I learned how it killed our mother two years after our birth,” Leia said, thinking back. “He hated being forced to separate from me and live with old Kenobi after that even more.”

 

“All because your father couldn't stand you?” asked Rey horrified.

 

“Because he didn't want us to find out what he did, or have us be killed because of his work. He had enemies, and we were the last memory of his beloved Padme. He hid us and never wanted to see us. We never found out about his true job until we were midway into the Drug Wars.”

 

“Luke was angry and pissy right after that,” added Han. “Was in denial until Kenobi sat him down. After that, he was determined to make his father stop the cycle of drugs and death.”

 

“He became the best cop he could be,” said Leia with pride. 

 

“He still is,” added Han as he put a comforting hand on Leia's hand. “Wherever he is.”

 

“I hope we can find him,” ventured Rey. “The sooner we do, the sooner we find justice for the First Order. I need to find Artoo first, though.”

 

“I've got pictures of Luke and Artoo in the living room. I'll show you them after breakfast,” said Leia helpfully.

 

“Thank you. I think that would help a lot.”

 

The rest of the breakfast was spent in lively conversation about Rey's plans for moving. When they finished, they passed by the squawking Threepio again to get to the mantle of family photos. 

 

Rey knew she was supposed to be focusing on the older male with a large, hairy, white dog and blue collar, but there were pictures of a younger Ben nearby. 

 

He had always been tall, it seemed. He had gone through a gangly teenager phase, and then went straight into his current (very attractive) look. 

 

“Is it odd to see Ben younger?” asked Leia curiously.

 

“A little, but it's nice to see. It helps me understand him a little better,” Rey replied with a bright smile. “He was a cute kid.”

 

“I thought so, too,” said Leia with a smile and nod, putting an arm around Rey.

 

Han watched the two women from further away. It made him happy to see someone take an interest in Ben, and for her to take so well to the family. She would fit in well. If only she didn't work for Ben.

 

At the end of the visit, Rey took an older photo of Luke and Artoo with her. 

 

“Threepio, how do you say goodbye?” prompted Leia.

 

“Goodbye, old friend!” cawed the bird.

 

Rey attempted to pet the parrot, but he resisted.

 

“Don't worry about it. He hates everyone but Leia,” chuckled Han. “You must have had a dog growing up to do that. Cat owners would never try, at least in my experience.”

 

“I have one dog, back with my foster father. Bee Bee. He is a great, old dog. I met him right after my parents died, and he's been mine since.”

 

“I'm glad you have better luck with dogs than poor Poe did,” said Leia, thinking of the exasperating man in question. “His ran away. Poor Bates. But, hopefully since you like dogs, you'll be able to find and befriend Artoo. Ben tried, but Artoo ran away from him so many times.”

 

“That's so odd, and sad to hear, especially since he was family,” sniffed Rey. “But dogs are odd sometimes. Anyways, I have to go and finish packing. Thanks for your hospitality.”

 

Rey exchanged hugs with both of the Solos before picking up boxes for her small amount of stuff.

 

\--------

 

Monday came, and all was chaos. Rey was fortunate that the upcoming date of the drop-off meant that Ren could no longer watch her movements as closely.  He had many other matters to sort and prepare.

 

Setting up a present for Poe was easy enough. Picking out crew members for both sides of the drop-off was harder. Both needed a plan, a convincing one for the squad, so that none of the straight cops would realize anything was off.

 

Everyone at work was told to leave him alone as he planned. The semi-weekly sparring that had started to develop between him and Rey even stopped, much to their mutual displeasure. 

 

However, he needed to get this done, and he knew she was going to hate him after this. Better to ease himself into not seeing her smile as much, as he could still catch it at lunch if she stayed in. She probably wouldn't even smile at him after she learned that she wasn't being included. 

 

It was necessary, though. It was the only way to see if she would go out on her own, had a plan with someone else because she was finding out info, or if she would do as requested.

 

He just highly doubted the latter option.

 

Monday, at least, she had an especially warm smile for him. His curiosity and lack of talking that day got the better of him at lunch.

 

“You're far too happy for a Monday. Plus, you've got a sparkle in your eye when you look at me,” commented Ben as he heated up his lunch in the microwave. 

 

Rey, who was sitting at the table next to the microwave, was devouring her food, as normal. When he actually spoke to her, she put down her food.

 

“I don't know if I want to tell you why I am like this right now. I know the reason makes you irritable normally, and you seem to be in a good mood right now,” said Rey with a shrug. “But don't say I didn't warn you.”

 

“Tell me anyway. You look like you want to talk about it,” he said, based on her contained excitement. 

 

It was hard for Rey to say no to that. Her enthusiasm was enough to keep him at an even level in front of her, even if he was cringing internally once he realized the full extent of how much time she had spent with his family. 

 

“I was in the Falcon last Friday, and at the end of the night, I wasn't ready to drive back. Your mother came by and invited me to sleep it off at their home.”

 

That sent his mind whirling. What was his family thinking? He thought she wanted info, not them. 

 

“I ended up staying the night and having a great breakfast with them the next morning. I like your parents a lot, for the record. I know you don't, but they've always been so welcoming to me.”

 

Rey was trying not to sound judgemental, even as she continued not understanding his reasons. 

 

“Are they the family you always wanted?” he asked acidly, a little bothered by how familiar she was getting with them.

 

She didn't like that tone at all.

 

“And this is why I wasn't planning to tell you. If you opened up and explained why you felt this way about them-"

 

“No,” he interrupted. “I'm glad for you, but realize that they're imperfect. They could still let you down.”

 

“Everyone eventually does,” she replied in a quiet voice, looking away. 

 

He recognized that look; that was the sound and look of experience, of someone who had had to depend on many people in life, and never could in the end because of various reasons. It all led to the same thing, self-reliance.

 

“Then why search for it all the same?” he asked, genuinely confused.

 

“Because there are good people out there. I don't want my life to always be in this cycle of…. loneliness,” she finally finished.

 

The faraway look in her eyes disappeared as she focused on him. He found himself rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but want to reach out to her, to tell her that he knew that loneliness all too well. 

 

But that was too sentimental. Those feelings were useless. Ren pushed those aside, trying to help her in his own way, putting a gloved hand on her wrist. Her pulse had been quick before, but with his touch, it skyrocketed. 

 

Her eyes widened as he drew closer.

 

“It's still a weakness that could be used against you,” he cautioned quietly. “You must be careful with those feelings. You should learn to restrain them better, lest they get in the way of work, or are used to manipulate you.”

 

Her pulse slowed a little at that, and then he continued. 

 

“The feeling of loneliness will always be there. I can tell you that from experience. You simply must learn to deal with it more effectively. Kill it, and any other sentiment of the sort. It will only hurt you in the end.”

 

In her eyes, he saw her develop new understanding about him. Her lips opened to speak, but that was when the microwave finally dinged, signaling that his frozen lunch was ready to be consumed. 

 

At the ding, both flinched and pulled away.

 

In the end, he was glad the microwave was there. Developing that further connection to her, to know that she understood his loneliness all too well, was not helping him crush his weakness for her.

 

He had compassion for her. 

 

He grabbed his food and hurried away, not wanting to risk more heartfelt talks over lunch. 

Rey looked at his retreating back with newfound strength. Suddenly, his tendency to push her away made more sense. 

 

Perhaps, he did like her, as Finn seemed to suggest. It didn't help her growing feelings for him at all, but the attraction had always been there, ever since she had first met him.

 

\----------

 

Later that day, after studiously avoiding Rey at work and listening to the sounds of her singing in her apartment as she walked around and did chores, he felt he could reward himself for his hard work by texting her.

 

The sun was setting, a brilliant orange-red that he loved. From his high vantage point, the red lines of light streaked across and over various buildings, flooding the metropolis with streams of blood-red light. She sounded like she was still doing chores, not enjoying the view like she ought to.

 

“Are you enjoying the sunset as much as I am?”

 

It was simple and unlike any other tact he had tried so far with her.

 

One night, he brought up family. Another night, school experiences. Another time, hobbies.

 

She was too cagey with those, so something new was called for.

 

He heard her stop singing, no doubt because she heard her phone go off. Did she have a special ringtone for him? He would have to pay more attention. 

 

Then, based on her retreating steps away from his listening device (which was in the center of the room on the ceiling), he figured she had found what he suggested.

 

Then, he heard the tell-tale sound of a hand pressing against the window, and then of a sliding door opening. 

 

Then, she responded back, “Yes, now I am. I'm not used to this. Is it always so beautiful here?”

 

He wanted to be beside her, to see her rapt face take it in, just like she would if she saw that someone had brought in free doughnuts. 

 

She had a weakness for doughnuts, especially free ones.

 

He was quick to respond back. She seemed to be in a good mood, and he wanted to capitalize on it.

 

“Not always, but this time of year, they are fine. You'll get used to it.”

 

“Never.”

 

The answer was swift and certain. It spoke of the joy in life she took in small things. 

 

“Are you used to it?” she sent along soon after.

 

“No, despite living here my whole life. Others have, but not me.”

 

He sent it quickly, partly to continue things, as well as to give himself enough time to fully enjoy the sun as it disappeared below the buildings and horizon.

 

After the sun set, she responded, “Jakku was so flat. The only way to get an interesting view was to crawl up a junkyard pile and perch precariously on it, watching the sun as it hit other piles.”

 

He cringed at the thought of crawling through junk like that, and then risking his safety in such a way. To think, that was what she grew up doing. Her life was so different from his.

 

Against his better judgment, he put in a caution about safety. Such risks, especially if she got hurt…. He didn't want to think about it. But, he found a way to make himself feel better. Perhaps she would take it as a challenge, or a joke. Either way, it would hopefully distract her from the first part of his message that he couldn't bring himself to delete.

 

“Stick to the tops of buildings from now on. You may be agile and fast, but you'll need those skills for the next time we meet, in which I will best you.”

 

He heard her snort through his listening device. It was unladylike and  _ quite _ loud.

 

“You wish, Masked Monster. I'm going to walk away unharmed, while you are not.”

 

How he wished that he could take off his mask and make her see. Make her understand him. Somehow convince her to join him.

 

He wanted that last one most. They'd be unstoppable together. She could reach everyone he couldn't. 

 

That, however, was a little too close to sentimental for his liking. He didn't want to end the conversation this way, so he tried something that could seem humorous, even if it really wasn't. 

 

“I know your tricks. You can't fool or surprise me this time. I'll have you.”

 

He heard a small chuckle from her. If it lulled her into a false sense of security, that was fine by him.

 

He didn't see the shiver that went through her upon reading the text. 

 

She read it in his low, slightly tinny voice, and it sent two very different responses through her. 

 

The first was a shiver of anticipation, of knowing that he would be ready, and wanted her. She felt sick to her stomach for being excited about this, about the enemy, but it couldn't be helped. She still remembered their last encounter well, of how close and intimate-sounding they had been. He didn't bother trying to hide the desire that slid into her darkest, most secret places. It called out to her.

 

He hadn't tortured her as he did with others. She had read case files of people who had been, and that was why they needed protection, to be hidden. To escape him.

 

And yet, he loved sunsets, and hadn't grown tired of them over time. He still appreciated some small things.

 

She couldn't reconcile those parts of him very well, and yet, she wanted to know more. Did he feel similarly about the stars? Had he ever been outside this city and experienced other things?

 

When she finally became aware of herself and her train of thought, she chuckled. This was getting ridiculous. She needed to end this.

 

Which led to the second response to his words, the slight fear. His warning words were well heeded. He would be ready and expecting more of her.

 

But what could she do?

 

And then it hit her: the baton. She needed to learn to utilize it better. She loved using a staff normally; she would master its usage and practice every night before bed. 

 

She sent back a message of confidence, hoping it would put him off.

 

“You won't. I was the best in the academy for a reason.”

 

He wanted to respond back with so was he, but that was too telling. 

 

“We’ll see. Soon. Good night.”

 

It was far better to stop now, while he was ahead. If he had built up any goodwill within her, then it would encourage her to not wait so long to respond to him. He hated her tactic of waiting.

 

He wasn't going to change the rules; it wouldn't secure her.

 

She responded with a good night before he dropped into bed and fell asleep at once. It was a lucky thing for Rey, for she chose to start practicing with the baton and staff then. 

 

\---------

 

The next two days were much of the same routine, of limited interactions except at lunch, and texting before bed. It seemed the topic of sunsets had been a good idea, as she was already looking at it when he brought it up.

 

After the sun went down, she asked him if he liked looking at the stars. A most curious sensation ran through him, of warmth and excitement. What was even better was that she admitted to staying in Jakku until coming to D’qar. 

 

It never occurred to him that he had already done as much, but it had gone a long way for Rey. It was the first step to actually trusting him. 

 

He heard her move some heavy objects on those nights as well, and some grunting. It seemed she was using her punching bag since she wasn't practicing with him.

 

\-------- 

 

On Thursday, a new scene opened.

 

At the district attorney's office, Kaydel Connix was in the process of writing down a message for her boss, Poe, when he walked in.

 

“You've got a message from the senator, Sir,” she called out, holding out the purple post-it note.

 

Like every other post-it from her, Poe strolled over to her with a winning smile, perused it, and took it, their hands brushing briefly. 

He liked the contact, and he suspected she did, too. She would never take it any further, though, because she was so professional, so he flirted shamelessly with her, content to have this if nothing else. He wouldn't push her. 

 

He respected her too much as a person and as a good employee to do more. She never minded the flirting, like most women he knew.

 

“Thank you, Connix. You know you don't have to call me Sir, right? Poe is acceptable when we're alone, or Dameron if you can't handle Poe.”

 

She nodded, a small smile gracing her features. He told her the same thing over and over again, and she always responded the same way.

 

“Well, duty calls. I'll always answer your calls first, though,” he threw out as he went into his office to call Leia, giving Connix a slight wave.

 

She blushed after he closed his door.

 

She was still riding that high when Rose walked in and went to her room on the opposite side of the reception area. Connix always had a coffee ready for Rose, to give her the extra perk in her step. 

 

“You're in a good mood,” said Rose with a grateful look and a quick gulp of coffee. “Mm, so good. How do you get it right every time?”

 

“Practice,” she replied with a grin, having done it for Paige for a long time before that. Both sisters loved their coffee with a certain amount of sugar and cream, inherited from their parents.

 

“Well, keep it up. It's fantastic.”

 

With that, Rose disappeared into her office, ready to tackle new cases.

 

Connix continued riding her high until two men walked into the reception area. 

 

The two had not entered in with one another, as the only way to get their weapons in was to sneak it in through a ground floor window. However, they had practice doing this for years, during court and whatnot.

 

Their orders were simple: give Poe a fright, hurting him a little to make a point.

 

Poe liked to stick his nose where it didn't belong without a care, ready to risk everything for a case. Ren didn't want him to show up unexpectedly at Starkiller Base. 

 

That was part of the reason why he wasn't giving orders until after Poe was injured, so he couldn't hear about it and show up at the last second, somehow managing to escape the hospital.

 

Because Poe totally would do that. No one escaped the Poe, and his justice. 

 

“Excuse us, Miss. We need to speak to Mr. Dameron.”

 

The two men seemed harmless, but she replied in her usual, crisp voice, “I'm afraid he's busy right now. May I take a message?” 

 

“When is he available? We're happy to wait,” said one nonchalantly. 

 

“I'm afraid that's not possible. I must ask you to leave. He'll be busy for quite some time still,” she insisted, all professional. 

 

“Really, can't you cut us a break?” cut in the second one with puppy dog eyes. “We just need to talk to him for a quick second. Then we'll be gone and stop pestering you. Please.”

 

His grip on her desk tightened, worrying her just a little. An edge entered her voice.

 

“I'm not allowed to do that. I'm sorry. Please go, or else I'll have to call security. He has no appointments today.”

 

“Look, lady,” said the first one as he pulled out a knife, “we’re not giving you a choice. Call him out here, or else we'll give our message to you instead. Take your pick.”

 

On the other side of the door, Poe heard two male voices, making him pause and get up. It was an odd, as no one was expected. He got closer to the door.

 

“I'm afraid I can't let you go in to see him, especially now. If you have anything you need to tell him, tell me. I'm his admin. Then go immediately.”

 

Her voice was much colder than normal, which was weird.

 

“Your choice, lady. We don't care who we mess up, as long as the message is sent.”

 

That was when Poe opened the door quietly. This was not an ordinary day anymore, once somebody started talking about messing another up. That sounded too much like the First Order.

 

He saw Connix standing upright against a wall, trembling and tense. Two men were facing her, standing in front of her, knives at the ready at her neck and stomach.

 

He made a silent, mad dash to the desk.

 

“I won't allow you to hurt Mr. Dameron,” she grit through chattering teeth. “Take me instead.”

 

“That's quite enough, Kaydel. I'll fight my own fights,” interrupted Poe, surprising all of them as he punched one thug, and the other turned dumbly to face him.

 

Soon, both men were coming at Poe. Connix tried to stop one by holding onto the hand holding the knife, but she was punched in the jaw, sending her flying to the ground.

 

As she fell, she cried out Rose's name before hitting her head against the desk, out cold.

 

Her scream momentarily distracted Poe, allowing the two thugs to get in a couple deep cuts, forcing Poe to the ground as blood pooled everywhere.

 

Then, Rose came barreling out, taser in hand.

 

“Poe!”

 

“The First Order sends their regards. If you want a repeat performance, keep on investigating us,” said one thug, kicking Poe in the ribs.

 

The other ran to the door.

 

Rose went for the one nearest Poe, who drew her into a fight for a few moments, until she smelled smoke. Then, she turned in that direction to see that the thug by the door had set the door on fire. Fire was their calling card, starting in a particular design that they carved into everything they burned.

 

The male by the door gave her a mock bow and then pointed behind her. She turned, only to get stabbed. 

 

At least her taser was close as a result. She thrust it at him, even as it hurt, making sure he felt it long after she would.

 

The two men left after that, their job done. 

 

Finn received a worried call from Rose about twenty minutes later, after she had called security and 911.

 

Soon, everyone in the SW unit knew, and fear gripped Finn and Rey most. Finn because he was afraid that Ren had divined some part of his plan, while Rey feared that Ren hadn't been joking when he said soon.

 

If they could get in that easily to Poe, what could happen at work, where they were compromised?

 

Ren began to leave the room upon seeing the fear in Rey's eyes. He was glad to see it. What he didn't expect was the change in look, the mask of calm that suddenly descended upon her. He had seen that before, when interrogating her. 

 

The angry, piercing look she had given him before wasn't there in her eyes this time, but something else equally dark was there. It looked hungry and angry. 

 

She wanted blood.

 

“We should go out into the streets right now!” she cried. “We should be searching for those thugs!”

 

Finn immediately threw himself in her path, putting out his hands in front of her to calm her.

 

It sent a pang of jealousy through Ren to see it. Finn did it so easily; he was allowed to be gentle with her.

 

And yet, Finn couldn't calm her.

 

She angrily rushed around Finn, coming for her boss. He was rather surprised by this, but gave a signal to the others to leave them alone.

 

After ushering her into his office and closing his door, he opened his mouth, but she wouldn't let him.

 

“What's going on? Why aren't you doing your job? Why aren't you giving commands? Are we going to let these, these-"

 

“Rey!” he demanded, raising his voice for the first time with her. He hated doing it with her, but she was beyond reason. His hands went to her shoulders, using his longer arms to his advantage as he gripped her shoulders tighter than needed. 

 

Just like that, she stopped, realizing that she was  _ that _ close to insubordination.

 

Her tense body inched in on itself just barely, and her shoulders slumped forward. Her eyes remained focused on herself, inwardly, but eventually, they came back to him.

 

He waited. He could wait all day if it meant touching her like this. 

 

“Rey?” he asked, his voice normal and calm.

 

“I'm sorry, Ben. I didn't mean to," she said, her voice contrite. “I just, hearing about this evil and doing nothing makes me-”

 

“I understand,” he interrupted. “You're still new. We all were like that the first time. However, what you fail to remember is that there are other units already out there, as we speak. Others more familiar with the streets and these types.”

 

She nodded mutely, her eyes shining with something. 

 

“We can't just go out there and search. It's not our job. We are specialized for a reason. You must learn to accept that,” he said, pulling away reluctantly. 

 

“I understand, Sergeant,” she replied, properly chastened. 

 

“Your time will come. Just not yet,” he said with a small smile. “Now, do you need a moment? I needed one the first time it happened to me. I punched the vending machine.”

 

“Wait, you're the one that put that huge dent in the vending machine?” asked Rey in awe.

 

“Yes, and I've done worse,” he grimly responded, thinking of all the desks he had broken. “My temper is fierce and swift. There's a reason everyone fears it.”

 

She nodded and went for the door.

 

“I think I'm alright now.”

 

“Think, or are? If you want a sparring match, now is the time to ask and get away with it,” he said with a knowing grin.

 

She laughed. 

 

“I'm fine. Positive. Thank you.”

 

She left after that, and he sat down. Her smiles and laughter left him feeling lightheaded, his stomach twisted up by her.

 

His responses to her were getting more visceral. 

 

That night, she texted Ren first.

 

“When you said soon, was it in relation to me only, or in general?”

 

“Which do you think?” he replied. 

 

She didn't talk to him the rest of the night. Instead, she moved more items and exercised, at least according to his ears.

 

\--------

 

The next day, he woke up to a text from her, telling him to leave Poe and Rose out of their discussion. 

 

She didn't have the right to make such demands, but it was amusing all the same. She thought she was in control. 

 

At work, she was more subdued, until he asked everyone to gather round him in the conference room as he gave out assignments for Starkiller Base. 

 

There would be six others joining him, including four crooked cops (Finn among them). Rey was not included for the mission on Wednesday. 

 

The crestfallen, betrayed look she gave him spoke volumes. 

 

His face remained impassive until all had left, going about their normal duties. He was certain that Finn was close by, waiting for Rey.

 

It annoyed Ren to no end.

 

Now that they were alone, there was less disappointment in her face, and more outright hostility. 

 

He had a feeling that he was about to spar with Rey, but he tried to forestall it. From a few seats away, he saw the stewing Rey glance at him.

 

He tilted his head up, as though acknowledging her, giving her a disarming, goofy grin and an awkward wave.

 

Any time he tried to do something smooth around Rey, it came out awkward. Now that he was trying to be awkward, it came out even worse.

 

Rey narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, before turning away from him.

 

A moment later, her calm mask in place, she intoned, “Is this what you meant by my time will come?”

 

“Now, Rey, if you'll let me explain-"

 

Her interrupting “no” was all the preparation he got before she attacked. It seemed the spar was coming sooner than expected.

 

Her hands went for his wrists, but he easily sidestepped her, pulling his arms far from her.

 

“Rey, I have a very good reason-"

 

“I'm sure,” she snapped, getting into position to throw a punch. “You ready?”

 

He sighed. He didn't want to fight or hurt her.

 

“Try me, but let me explain as you do,” he insisted.

 

“You know my feelings from yesterday,” she started, her right hand going for his head.

 

He blocked and nodded.

 

“You know I want to help. To put these low life criminals behind bars. All of them.”

 

She feinted once before going in for another punch. He moved away, redirecting her punch in the process.

 

“I know, which is precisely why I can't let you go on this first case, Rey. You're too close and invested. Your feelings are getting the best of you.”

 

“So?” she asked, lunging for him and throwing in a kick at the last second. 

 

He barely missed that one. She and her painful shoes were a little too close for his liking.

 

“Rey, your feelings can compromise you. The men will egg you on to do something you shouldn't. They'll trap you.”

 

As he said that, he let her charge in, only for him to move aside so she could go straight for the table. She banged into it, making a hissing sound, and then she turned back to him, looking more upset.

 

“I see your point,” she grumbled.

 

“Rey, stop and think about this-"

 

“You think too much!” she cried, going for him again.

 

This time, her foot did make contact with him, and it burned. Now he was upset.

 

She was ignoring him and reason. If she wanted a fight, then he'd give her one.

 

As she pulled back from the kick, he took a few steps to recover, removing his gloves, and then he flew at her, taking her down to the ground at once because of his weight and size.

 

Both landed with a loud “Oof!” before starting to tussle. 

 

Rey had forgotten how much she loved fighting with Ben. It was deeply cathartic and always rewarding. 

 

To see his normally dark eyes become even darker, to see the predatory look come over his face, was always breathtaking for her. He came alive in a fight as much as she did.

 

Now was no exception. There was an energy in the air, full of tension. The tension had been there before, as always, but it had never been as hot as this. They were both sweating more than normal, out of breath, but still, they fought.

 

They kept throwing punches and switching who was on top of the other until she finally was able to kick him off of her, and they were back on their feet. More punches were given and blocked, and when it became clear that they were getting nowhere fast, he took matters into his own hands.

 

With his back close to the table, he didn't like playing dirty like this, but she left him no other option.

 

He made a big show of pulling back to thrust forward, leaving an opening, and she went straight for the perceived weakness. As she came forward, he stepped back, against the table. She tried to compensate for the movement by pushing herself forward a little more, but she moved too much. She started to fall.

 

His hands went for her waist in the ensuing shock and realization, and he pulled her up until her stomach was flat against the table.

 

He arched forward, so that he was completely covering her, his hands grasping her wrists tightly.

 

“Rey, listen to me. This has gone on long enough. I know you're hurt, and I'm sorry. But, you're not ready. Let me help you, show you how.”

 

His warm breath and low growl slid across her ears, scant inches between them in that intimate stance.

 

She shivered without thinking, and her hips responded in kind. Her brain knew he was trying to restrain her, to make her see reason, but her body said otherwise. She was grateful for the apology, but she was too focused on the end of that statement. 

 

Her body thought he wanted to pin her, to help make her aware of his closeness. She knew. She knew how he could make it better. She'd give that friction right back.

 

Her hips slid up, rubbing against him. Then, she felt it, the hardness.

 

How long had he been like that? It sent her mind and body places, filling her with warmth. 

 

Her breath hitched, and a low moan escaped her throat.

 

She wanted more, she realized.

 

He discovered that, too, and all rational thought fled him. There was only him and Rey, her hips rocking against his, and his pushing forward, eager to answer. To fill her empty places.

 

His hands no longer tried to restrain her. Instead they slithered along her wrist, and up her arm, feeling every soft contour. 

 

She hummed in her throat, and he bent his head down, needing to taste and feel that throat. 

 

His lips barely touched the nape of her neck before she whimpered, “Oh, Ben.”

 

She tasted like light and heaven, everything good and sweet he should never touch. Her smell and taste consumed him. He needed  _ more. _

 

She heard him growl in his throat, and then he said one word. She wasn't completely sure what he said, but it sounded a lot like “mine".

 

That alone was enough to make her grind her hips a little more, to find the best position.

 

One of his hands went around her waist, to the bottom hem of her shirt. He traced her firm stomach, wanting to memorize every curve of her body, and his hips thrust against hers, wanting to fill her.

 

“Has anyone seen Rey?” asked a worried Finn from another room.

 

Suddenly, both of them froze, realizing the position they were in. Ben got up first, positioning himself in front of Rey, to give her a cover while she got up and adjusted her hair and clothes. He tried to fix his pants.

 

He was definitely docking Finn's pay for this. Just when it was getting good, too.

 

Rey cleared her throat lightly, making him turn around. She seemed all put together,  other than one stray hair on the right hand side of her face. He plucked it and slid it gently behind her ear, their eyes meeting for a moment while his hand didn't move, barely caressing the ear.

 

Her eyes were soft and kind, no trace of regret or anger within them. It relieved him.

 

His eyes were warm and dark, all thoughts of regret a galaxy away. As his gaze took in her ears and the rest of her face, his eyes actually grew tender.

 

They couldn't speak of this of course, because he was her boss, but they shared their personal secret for a moment longer. 

 

“Rey-"

 

She shushed him with a finger to his lips.

 

“I understand. Let me leave first.”

 

There was no fear at all in her. Only something bright and warm that filled him with hope. 

 

As she left, he hoped he would see that look on her face again. Somehow, he doubted it. Somehow, she would find out the truth, and hate him for it. Her understanding and compassion for him made the beast inside him calm. 

 

He had a terrible gut feeling then about Starkiller Base. That it was going to mess up everything.

 

He watched with envy as Finn embraced Rey, glad to find her again. Apparently he had not watched them in the room at all, and had been looking for her for the past twenty minutes. 

 

\--------

 

At the end of that day, Ren watched as Finn took a quiet Rey out for drinks. Of course, he took her to the Falcon.

 

After watching the two chat amicably for a bit with Han, he left. He needed supplies and to leave a more personal message for his father after helping Rey.

 

\--------

 

Inside the bar, Finn felt as though the eyes on him had finally left. He turned to check, and was glad to see that Ren was no longer shadowing them.

 

“Rey, you ready to move this weekend?”  Han asked as he poured a celebratory drink.

 

“Yes, Han. All packed. I'm so ready to live somewhere safe and unknown.”

 

She had gotten a PO Box address to help hide herself better. 

 

“Away from prying eyes,” said Finn, looking around. “Now Rose and I just need to make up for Poe.”

 

Finn, Poe, and Rose had planned to help her move first thing in the morning, but now Poe couldn't. He had lost too much blood and was being kept under watch a couple more days.

 

“You kids need a hand with moving stuff?” offered Han.

 

“We sure do!” exclaimed Finn.

 

They discussed moving plans for a bit, and then Finn called Rose. He had been sitting and watching over her the night before at her place, while Connix had stayed at the hospital with Poe. Finn gave Rose the moving update, as well as made sure she was comfortable and alright.

 

Thus satisfied, Finn moved on to the elephant in the room, Rey's lack of involvement in the supposed sting operation. 

 

“Rey, I'm honestly not surprised you weren't chosen for the first big case,” said Finn with a comforting arm around her shoulder. “He has never given a newbie a first or second case, that I'm aware of. You're just too new.”

 

“And raw, and uncontrollable. Easily manipulated,” added Rey looking down into a glass. “Oh well, I'll just watch from further away, in a less than official capacity.”

 

She understood what Ben had told her, but she couldn't just sit and do nothing. She had come to that decision as soon as she left the conference room. She would watch, just in case something went wrong.

 

“What? No! You can't disobey orders like that!” cried Finn. “You could be shot or killed. There will be First Order guys all over the place. It's too dangerous.”

 

“I'm coming, whether you like it or not,” said Rey simply. “If you're that worried, tell me what the setup of First Order men will be, and I'll stay out of sight of them.”

 

Han gave them a strange look until Finn pulled him in close. He explained that he was a big deal because he had been employed by the First Order, until he decided to be the Rogue One. Now, he was supplying information to Poe to be able to try various criminals in court. On paper, he worked for both, but in truth, his loyalties remained with Rey and the law.

 

“Well, if that's the case,” said Han after hearing everything, “then how about Chewie and I go with Rey? We'll be her backup. We can watch her to make sure she stays safe.”

 

“You’d do that? For me?” asked Rey softly.

 

“Of course. You're like the daughter I never had,” said Han with a good-natured ruffle of Rey's hair. “And Chewie likes you, too. He also misses the action, don't you?”

 

Chewie made a noise of agreement.

 

“There, see? We'll all go there, stay together, and then we'll all come home safe. And my son will be none the wiser, all while I get to help him, like I've always wanted to,” said Han with a wide gesture of hands.

 

Finn doubted that very much, but went along with it. Ren didn't want his father interfering.

 

\---------

 

Near the end of the night, right before closing time, Rey drove Finn home since he had had one drink too many, to stop himself from thinking about what was coming. Chewie took out the trash, and Han went around to do the nightly checks for lock-up.

 

He was in the back when he smelled something a lot like burning wood.

 

He rushed forward, toward the smell, until he came to last room in the back. It had a very small window that he had used to smuggle Ben into the bar when he was young, whether to let him play and escape his mother, or to unlock the bar when he forgot the key.

 

Now, the floor had the distinctive calling card of the First Order emblazoned on it, a circle inside a hexagon. The fire was small, for once, so Han was able to salvage most things once he and Chewie rushed to get water. 

 

All the same,  it made him even more resolved to help Rey. This group needed to be destroyed before it became as powerful as the Empire, and possibly destroyed his family in a bigger way. The thought of losing Ben or Leia to the First Order made him furious.

 

The fact that they were attacking his and Chewie’s livelihood now made it personal. 

 

He called Finn and Rey to let them know what happened. Rey felt awful, but she was confident that Starkiller Base was the beginning of winning the war. 

 

Just before she hopped into bed, she received another text from Kylo Ren. 

 

“Soon, Rey. Very soon.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Also, Starkiller Base is happening next chapter. We all know how that ended for our characters, so expect the warnings to change next chapter to reflect it. This story is not as fluffy as my high school AU, as I'm trying to keep it as close to the canon story as I can, with some little changes here and there. 
> 
> Did anyone spot the Labyrinth reference?


	5. The Docks of Starkiller Base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The events of Starkiller Base from TFA. And more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't own Star Wars. This chapter is inspired by an image from jade-belle-2187 on tumblr. It's hot! Check it out.
> 
> There's a little more violence here. And death. You're either going to love it or hate it, I figure. I hope you enjoy it.

Rey awoke from grim, dark nightmares of masked men and a strange red glow to the sound of someone pounding on her door.

 

“Rey!” called Finn. “Where are you? I've got everyone waiting here to come and help you move.”

 

“Be right there!” cried out Rey, stumbling out of bed and putting on some clothes she didn't mind messing up.

 

“You look so…. tired,” said Rose with concern when Rey opened the door. “Are you alright? Did you sleep well?”

 

“No, I didn't,” admitted Rey. “I kept waking up from nightmares about Kylo Ren killing me.”

 

All four people who had come to help looked with concern on Rey before Rose came and hugged her. After that, they forgot all about Kylo Ren and focused on getting all the neatly piled boxes and furniture into vehicles. 

 

\---------

 

On another side of town, the man in question was in a lab, putting together his newest creation. He only had the next three days to finish this project of his, as he had to move over to night shift for the next week of work, to be properly awake for the job at Starkiller Base. 

 

After months of researching and ordering parts, he finally had what he needed to make part of his grandfather’s legacy come alive. He had found the later journals from Anakin Skywalker when he was young and devoured them. One of Anakin's great ideas had been to find a way to place an electric current around his personalized staff. 

 

Since the staff had been feared lost long ago, he had created a new version of his grandfather’s weapon for himself when he originally joined the First Order. 

 

Seeing as Rey owned the staff and was proficient with any staff or baton, Ren would need a way to improve his odds with her. He had created his own weapon from LightSteel years ago, making his into the shape of a sword, complete with a hilt. Now, thanks to much research and tinkering, he had finally found a way to set up the current, and he shut himself up in a lab in the depths of the First Order, the door locked. 

 

He would spend the next two and half days here, continuing with his careful watch of Rey afterward, starting by reviewing the old sound footage he missed. He would send texts later, as well. He was sure she would respond in an acceptable amount of time soon, while he worked.

 

\---------

 

She didn't. She forgot amidst the chaos of moving that first day. It wasn't until they finished up with pizza and beer at Rey's new home that she relaxed and even looked at her phone. His threatening text was forgotten in terms of needing to respond, but never far from her mind.

 

“Rey, what's with all the calluses on your hands?” interrupted Han in concern. 

 

She looked up from her thoughts and pizza to consider his question and then realized what he saw. 

 

“I picked up a weapon from Maz when I went to visit her. Apparently it belonged to Darth Vader, and Kylo Ren wants it,” said Rey as she brought out the baton from her person.

 

“But why the calluses?” asked Finn, eyeing the weapon.

 

“I'm practicing with it. I'm not used to holding it yet, and it's a different size for my hands than normal,” she explained. 

 

“Then put a grip on it, maybe rubber,” suggested Han with a wince. “Those look painful.”

 

The calluses had started showing up after two days of practice, thankfully not bleeding. Her hands were sore, but she was getting used to it. 

 

“That's a good idea! Thanks!” she said brightly, determined to fix up the weapon and make it her own before she saw Kylo Ren again.

 

The next night, after everything had been put inside her new home, she put one layer of rubber on the area where she held the staff as a baton. It wasn't until she practiced with her hands spread out on the full length of the staff that she realized that she needed more, and so spent more time adding another grip. After that, it felt perfect. 

 

\--------

 

When she came into work on Monday, she found out that Ben was on nights, along with Finn, and that Hux was in charge in Ben's absence. She didn't like or trust Hux, even before she found out that he was working for both sides. She had promised not to reveal her knowledge of him, so she avoided him at all costs.

 

When he ordered her to do menial tasks all day, however, he made it hard. She gave him several withering glances that day.

 

The worst came midway through the day. She had asked about Ben again, and Hux seemed unperturbed that he might die.

 

“It's the standard for this unit anyway,” said Hux flippantly. “It may have the most prestige, but the only reason you join it is because you have a death wish or you want revenge on the First Order. He has had a death wish for a long time coming in my opinion.”

 

“You're wrong about him,” contradicted Rey, defending him to the last.

 

Hux laughed before saying, “And what about you? Which side are you on, death or revenge?”

 

“I'm on the side of justice,” said Rey quickly, avoiding the question.

 

Hux grinned before remarking, “That's good. You'll survive longer. It's well-known that anyone who wants revenge on the First Order will die, and quickly. Why else do you think we have to hire someone new every year?”

 

Rey didn't like his question and left him after that, acknowledging his remark with a nod.

 

It wasn't until she got home that night that she realized that not only was Ben gone, but so was Kylo Ren. She wasn't about to contact him now, though. She didn't need to anymore.

 

\---------

 

On the other side of town, Ren was satisfied with his newest creation and its ability to shock and electrocute others. It would stun Rey before she ever got a hit on him.

 

However, when he finally went back to his home, he realized with dread that she had never texted him back. Worse, the listening device in the overhead light wasn't picking up any sounds at all.

 

He listened for hours to ensure that she was out. When it was time for her bedtime, he still heard nothing.

 

He began to worry.

 

Soon after that, he rewinded the footage back to Monday morning, and still he heard nothing.

 

Where was she? Was she alright? Was she with someone? With Finn?

 

Dark, violent thoughts filled his head as he considered the possibility. Instead of acting on them like he wanted, he reviewed back to Sunday afternoon. 

 

Still no sound. 

 

He couldn't continue his search for her just then, as Phasma called him, saying that Snoke needed him.

 

After hours of interrogation and organizing the mundane police paperwork, he went to bed, determined to figure out this mystery soon.

 

\---------

 

When Rey awoke a few hours later, she almost screamed. This time, the nightmares involved her killing Ben!

 

If it had been Kylo Ren, that would have been one thing. She could almost stomach it. He was not involved in her parents’ deaths, though, so she felt some conflict in doing so.

 

The images of Ben pleading for his life, though, and her stabbing him in cold blood, made it necessary that she see him. To see for herself that he was alright, and would come back after this case. She kept getting the odd feeling that something wasn't right, and that things would go horribly wrong at Starkiller Base. 

 

She was in a worse mood that day at work, while Hux was all smiles. Mostly because he was in charge  and partially because he had heard rumors from Phasma that Ren had lost track of Rey somehow.

 

Hux was about to leave the office when Rey approached him hesitantly.

 

“Do you know Ben's address by chance? I sent him a text to ask how he was, and he hasn't responded back yet. I wanted to check on him,” she confided nervously. 

 

Hux laughed at the irony of her statement. He would be nice to Ren just this once. Perhaps he would stop being so pissy to everyone once he had been with her once. Or however many times it took to make Kylo Ren calm down and focus again. He was getting too sidetracked by her.

 

“Sure, here it is,” he said as he wrote it down. “If you leave now, you should catch him as he wakes up.”

 

“Thanks!” she said as she rushed out.

 

\--------

 

Ren woke up from another terrifying nightmare: this time, instead of him killing Rey, she was killing him.

 

“Ben!” cried a female voice from the door, where a hand pounded repeatedly against it.

 

It took his sleep-addled mind a moment to recognize her, but he eventually did. Between the need to see her alive after escaping his notice, and the fear of losing her to Finn, he ran to the door without thinking, opening the door in only a pair of black boxers.

 

Rey tried not to ogle him, and failed.

 

He was just fine, alright. Just a fine specimen of man to behold.

 

Ben drank in the sight of Rey in her blue uniform, looking so official.

 

Then he noticed her wandering eyes. He could feel himself growing hard as her hungry eyes greedily stared.

 

At some point, Rey realized what she was doing and mentally pinched herself. At least his face didn't betray anything like annoyance.

 

“Ben. You're alright. I'm so relieved,” she said, her voice more breathy and lower than she had wanted.

 

“I was sleeping. I apologize if I caused you concern,” he said darkly, wanting her to do the same.

 

“I dreamed last night that I killed you,” she admitted, her eyes growing wide and sorrowful. “I was afraid. May I come in?”

 

The fact that they had shared a similar dream was frankly quite scary to Ren. He pushed that feeling aside, though, as it was probably some fluke from having Starkiller Base on the mind.

 

With the fear gone, he still felt torn. He desperately wanted her to come inside, so they could continue where they left off in the conference room. On the other hand, she could realize something about his alter ego if she looked too closely.

 

“How'd you find out my address?” he asked instead.

 

“Hux gave it to me after I told him why,” she explained.

 

He made a big show of putting a finger under his chin and tapping his chin in careful consideration. Then, a wicked smile curled across his face as he made a decision to live dangerously.

 

“I understand, Officer, but I'm afraid that I can't let you in unless you have probable cause and a search warrant. Have you got that?” he asked playfully, stretching out an open hand.

 

Rey stretched herself out to her full height to appear more threatening.

 

“I'm afraid I left it at the office. You'll just have to trust me this time,” she replied in a lower tone as she took a step forward.

 

He moved into her path, still towering over her, all his hard muscles and bare chest on display. It wasn't fair, really. 

 

“I'm afraid you're going to have to give me a good reason, Officer. I know my rights. Unless you plan to cuff me right now,” he suggested, a new glint in his eyes.

 

Her heartbeat started racing, and the temperature in the room became much warmer. 

 

“My concern for your welfare isn't enough?” she tried, looking innocent.

 

“Considering you dreamed of killing me, you're not the most reliable one right now,” he chuckled, leaning against the door. “Try again.”

 

“Then I'm afraid I am going to have to cuff you,” she started as she pulled out her cuffs.

 

However, she didn't get far, as he proceeded to pull her into his place and try to grab the cuffs from her. He wanted to use them on her, as much as it thrilled him to consider her using them on him. 

 

She'd be a fearsome, cruel thing, beautifully powerful. All his as she commanded him. Then he would return the favor.

 

As Rey tried to break free of his grasp, the two ended up on the ground, both trying to gain the upper hand and to stay on top of the other. 

 

They switched position multiple times, but soon, Rey felt him hard against her, pressing urgently as they fought. It made her squirm and realize how wet she was already. It awakened things in her, darker urges that she usually kept reined in. 

 

Kylo Ren had a way of bringing all of those urges to light, especially the violent, vengeful ones, forcing her to confront them. Ben brought out some similar ones, at least in regard to what she wanted to do with him when alone.

 

It was a deliberate movement of her hands to his hips before she pushed back, her hands holding him in place.

 

He responded in kind, sitting up and pulling her with him, his hands skimming along underneath her shirt. 

 

As soon as she was pulled up, he kissed her, an animalistic growl in his throat. His tongue sought her and her unique taste. She bit him in order to assert her dominance, all the while they both continued to grind against one another.

 

As their mouths continued to stay joined, the heat between them rose to a fever pitch as his fingers journeyed further up under her shirt. He felt the cotton bra, and how small and perfect she was underneath it. He could feel her resulting shiver, and he wanted to make her quake and scream for him.

 

He wanted to hear his name fall from her lips, her voice in utter agony, surrender, and ecstasy as she gave herself over to him entirely and embraced her darker side. 

 

As curious, needy fingers pinched and kneaded her, she moaned and threw her head back and cried out his name.

 

“Ben.”

 

Everything within him was in turmoil. He wanted her to keep saying his name, but he needed her taste. In the end, his thirst won as his other hand dragged her back up while he continued to explore her. He would never tire of hearing her small, needy cries in her throat.

 

When their breathing became too labored, he pulled away from her and kissed the right side of her neck and face, his hands going down now to encourage her legs to grip him tighter with his greedy, wandering hands. He wanted more now.

 

Soon, her hands were just as bad, finding his lower back and reaching around his neck, pressing into his milky-white skin and leaving broken skin and marks from her nails. 

 

“Rey,” he breathed, trying to form a coherent thought, “I want-"

 

Ding! Ding! Ding!

 

He never finished that sentence. His phone went off then, Hux showing himself to be the true winner in the situation, giving and taking away what Ren wanted most.

 

“I have to answer this,” he groaned, recognizing Hux’s ringtone.”I'm sorry, Rey.”

 

Rey got up and adjusted her clothing. She'd need to change immediately when she got home. 

 

When it became clear that he was discussing work and would be on for a while, she gave him an awkward wave goodbye and disappeared.

 

Later that night, Kylo Ren texted her. 

 

“You haven't responded back yet. Is this your way of inviting me over? I'm happy to do so.”

 

She would not rise to the bait. She especially didn't want him over then, as she was still caught up in Ben. She didn't trust herself just then.

 

Ren waited a short time for an answer, and when she didn't, he went to her old apartment, determined to figure out if she was there or staying with someone else for some odd reason.

 

He made a horrible realization when he arrived: she had left the apartment. 

 

He rushed home after that, determined to hear what had happened during the weekend. 

What he found shook him to his core.

 

He wasn't sure what bothered him most: that Rey was friendly with Rose enough to get help from her in moving, that Finn was the one who seemed to suggest the move, or that his father and Chewie so willingly helped.

 

It felt like betrayal unlike anything he had ever felt before. Finn had betrayed him, and consequently, the First Order, by moving her away. His family, if he thought of them like that, welcomed her eagerly, despite meeting so few times and her connection to him.

 

The worst betrayal, though, came from Rey. She seemed to be seeking out their help, not his, and trusted his father over him. Him, the man she was clearly very attracted to! She wasn't telling him anything. 

 

Was it all an act? Was she trying to use him, just as she had played him after his interrogation of her? Was she using all of them as well? 

 

What did she really want?

 

Now he regretted touching Rey, enjoying her so much. She was not responding because she didn't feel like she had to anymore. It was all a game, and she was playing to win. 

 

He would show her, that she should not underestimate him.

 

He went to work that night, hellbent on making sure that everything at Starkiller Base went exactly as expected. He held all the facts; he just had to keep control of himself to stick to the plan that was laid out by Snoke.  He would be ready for her; if she was doing this, then she would come to the docks. 

 

He would take her that night. He was not letting go of her without a fight. He would discover all her secrets, and then, depending on how dark they were, he might forgive her for all this deception. He might give her what she had seemed to want earlier.

 

\--------

 

The docks at Starkiller Base, an old fort in earlier years, were huge, fortified, and deserted. The main dock had the cranes on it to lift shipping containers from the boats to the ground. 

 

The docks were also located in the bad part of town, abandoned homes surrounding them like another wall of protection. Piles and piles of boxes and shipping containers with old, cracked paint sat throughout the area. 

 

The docks were perfect for the First Order.

 

“I need to speak to you,” said Ren ominously on Wednesday night, after the police had arrived and briefed.

 

Finn’s face fell at once as he followed his mask-less leader off to a secluded corner, by the edge of the dock. He tried to hide his terror, but it wasn't working tonight. Ren was too guarded, and furious about something. Everyone had been avoiding him, at both places of work.

 

Finn had been more antsy and nervous than usual as Ren gave everyone their positions. He must know something about Rey's plans. 

 

“What do you know about Rey's timetable for arriving tonight?” he demanded, his hand darting for Finn’s throat. “Tell me, FN-2187. You can hide it from the rest, but not me. You helped her move already, and now she's trying to forget me. It's not going to work.”

 

Finn sputtered in shock, his throat burning from the strong grip of the jealous Kylo Ren.

 

He immediately wanted to tell Ren everything just to save his own skin, as he had countless times before that. He had always been loyal to his people, but Rey was different. 

 

There were no conditions to her friendship. It made him stronger, better able to wait out the short, strong bursts of rage that Ren was well-known for in that moment. 

 

He  _ would  _ stick to his plan; he had planned to tell Ren something, but not like this. He also planned to get injured that night, so that he could be stuck on desk leave, away from the field and possibly killing more innocents.

 

Then again, Ren wasn't supposed to know she had moved. At least he didn't know her location, as evident by all his frustration the last couple days. 

 

When Finn nodded, Ren finally loosened his grip, allowing Finn to breathe heavily. 

 

“I  _ was  _ going to tell you,” stated Finn. “She is coming with two others tonight to watch from a distance. She doesn't plan to interfere unless she sees it necessary.”

 

“Oh, she'll show herself. I have complete faith in her,” murmured Ren, taking hold of his improved weapon. 

 

She had promised Finn that she wouldn't get involved unless needed, but based on how Ren was talking, Finn was beginning to doubt that would be the case. Both of them had been so fixated on this event that it was rather inevitable.

 

“When she comes, don't help her,” commanded Ren. “I'll see to her myself.”

 

Finn’s mind panicked and ran in circles. He needed to think fast. He wanted to be there to help Rey.

 

“I don't think that's a good idea, with all due respect,” replied Finn, restraining the urge to run.

 

“Of course you do, but you wouldn't be having this crisis of conscience if you had done as I suggested in the beginning and not gotten attached to her,” said Ren, trying not to listen to the traitorous voice in his head that called him a hypocrite. 

 

Ren was in too deep now; letting go of her wasn't an option. He didn't think he could kill her after all they had shared, despite the betrayal. He would have revenge on her, to lash out at her, but it wasn't anything compared to what he wanted to do to Han. 

 

“Me?! Who's the one who ‘lost his head over a girl’?” fired back a visibly upset Finn with air quotes. He and everyone else heard the gossip from Phasma, who had been listening in on Snoke's reprimand of him the night before. 

 

“That's different,” snapped Ren.

 

Finn wanted to debate that point but knew the battle was useless. Ren was already obsessed with her, and he would not stop. Now there was only damage control, to make himself appear a little better and less like a traitor. 

 

“Fine. She's arriving within the hour. But, it's possible that if she gets involved that she'll ask me to help her since I'm her friend.”

 

Ren’s angry eyes stopped him from going further. He waited instead for Ren to speak.

 

“You haven't seen her fight like I have. She's fiery and independent. She won't ask for help. She's too impulsive and has too big of a hero complex for anything else,” said Ren, confident in her and her abilities.

 

“All the same,” insisted Finn, “she could panic in the midst of battle, and knowing that I'm here, she could call out to me to help her in a fight or with disposing of the shipment.”

 

“You actually expect me to allow you to do  _ either _ of those things?” ground out Ren, his eyes only growing harder as his hands clenched in fists. “We need you.”

 

“Rey will be expecting it, though. If I don't, she'll get suspicious.”

 

This was a consideration that Ren didn't want to acknowledge, but if he wanted her to stay in the dark, then he would have to allow certain things.

 

“Fine. You may help her a  _ little, _ but only if she specifically calls your name. Otherwise, she's  _ mine. _ ”

 

That low voice promised everything dark and fear-inducing that Finn had always avoided. It was the main reason why he wanted to flee the First Order and start over again. 

 

“What are you going to do to her?” asked Finn cautiously. “Give her a scare? Kill her?”

 

Finn thought that he had witnessed every terrifying look that Kylo Ren could produce. 

 

He was wrong. 

 

The murderous, raging look of hate that Ren shot him at the mention of killing her was enough to make him want to flee the country right then and there, followed by the galaxy. No place would be safe from his all-consuming, barely contained, animalistic determination to crush anyone who dared fight him in that instant.

 

The growl that emitted from Ren’s throat, followed by the way in which he pulled himself out to full height and towered over Finn, made it clear to Finn that Ren was asserting his dominance in that moment. 

 

“ _ She  _ will not die. She's  _ mine. _ Do I make myself clear?” Ren stated slowly. “She will be injured in order to be brought back to headquarters without fighting back, but she is to stay alive at all costs. We need her.”

 

It was more like the First Order needed her informant, and he needed her. But Finn didn't need to know that.

 

Finn nodded in relief that she would survive the night before he was dismissed. As he walked away, he felt a different kind of relief fill him. 

 

It had occurred to Finn that Rey was an obsession of Ren. What he hadn't considered was that it ensured that she stayed alive for a long time to come, and she could be used to get to Ren if need be. She could be an unwilling pawn until she found out who Kylo Ren really was.

 

Armed with this information, he went to the far end of the dock nearest the road, where Rey, Han, and Chewie stood in the background behind a number of large, red, shipping containers. They had just arrived and were now watching where Ben went with the two normal, good cops. 

 

As the three cops rounded a corner behind a yellow crane and more rusty shipping containers, the good cops were given an unopened water bottle by Ren. When they drank that water, they would discover that it was drugged by Ren, making them collapse.  

 

After that, the shipment would occur as normal as ever, starting with the small, fast, unobtrusive ship pulling up quietly.

 

“The shipment will be arriving in two, metal, airtight shipping crates from a boat over there,” said Finn as he pointed out the specifics to the three. “Make sure you have enough water or firepower to destroy everything.”

 

“I've got plenty of explosives leftover from the last drug war,” said Han confidently, looking at his partner with explosives, Chewie. They had blown up many things together during the last war. “We’ll plant them inside each crate on a timer, and let the enclosed space do the rest.”

 

“If need be, I'll be a distraction while you two set up those crates,” said Rey. “Just tell me what to do.”

 

Soon after that, Finn left, but only after whispering in Han’s ear, “Ren wants to capture Rey. Watch over her and don't let her out of your sight. Keep her hidden at all costs. Good luck.”

 

Han’s face became ashen, but he nodded. He would help and protect Rey just as he would his son, with his dying breath.

 

\--------

 

When the sleek ship carrying the “special cargo" came into sight, Ren took a swig of water to calm his nerves.

 

He didn't even have to pretend to be thirsty this time as he drank his fill. 

 

His mind was everywhere, considering and compartmentalizing all the possibilities that existed, from Rey succeeding and momentarily abducting the cargo, to her being killed - as much as he hated thinking of it. He had spotted his father, the traitor, and no doubt Chewie wasn't far behind as they walked in. They were all extra puzzle pieces that had to be manipulated just so. 

 

Snoke's words continued to haunt him, that he had to kill his father. He was getting in the way of the business, someone who would never understand, especially after abandoning him (at least in his mind) as a child. Worse, it seemed he was now helping Rey against him, choosing her, business, over family.

 

The anger and growing sense of betrayal made it easier to consider killing his father, even though actually moving and doing it made him stop short. He was still weak; that was the problem. He held onto sentiment and the hope that he could be reconciled to his father, and earn his love.

 

But he never would. Not when he found out what monster he had created. 

 

The officers around Ren opened their bottles and drank as well. The one who took a larger gulp made a slight noise of dizziness, before he took two halting steps back.

 

Both Ren and the other officer started toward the drowsy man, but that was when bullets rang out, and Ren ducked. As he fell to the ground, he grunted loudly, in hopes of bringing Rey or his father out of hiding. 

 

Soon, the easy targets were both on the ground, bullets in limbs to ensure that they would stay out of the way. No one else came out, but that was fine. He put on his helmet.

 

Now, it was showtime.

 

\--------

 

When Rey heard the gunshots, she would have jumped up and joined the fray, were it not for Chewie holding her down.

 

“Rey, we have to wait, especially you,” said Han in a soothing voice. “We need this cargo to land before we even consider leaving this spot.”

 

“Do you have a plan?” asked Rey, wanting to do something.

 

“Me? Have a plan?” said Han with a laugh. “Chewie, do I ever have a plan?”

 

Chewie grunted in the negative.

 

“No, I don't,” continued Han. “I just know that they have to move the stuff and inspect it. While they inspect, we have to sneak in and place our bombs. After that, we run away.”

 

When Ben’s grunt of pain echoed through the night, both Han and Rey had to be restrained from going to him.

 

“So what will I do?” asked Rey, feeling more useless than ever.

 

“We may need you yet to distract those not inspecting. Ren is looking for you, so you could reveal yourself then. Otherwise, wait. According to Finn, he wants to capture you,” confessed Han. 

 

Rey's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't say anything else, though, because Chewie pointed out the ship landing.

 

Soon, the two crates were unloaded, and Han and Chewie made their way toward the crates about to be opened. Rey moved in closer, hiding behind more large boxes, looking for Ben or Finn. As she looked, though, she only found Kylo Ren standing in the middle of the open area next to the ship.

 

In his hands was the familiar weapon that everyone called a sword, even though it wasn't. She hadn't seen it in the interrogation, and had been lucky in that respect. It seemed to have something small and thin surrounding it tonight, though, like a series of hairs threaded around it.

 

\-------

 

While Ren argued about price with the shippers, along with two others, Finn noticed Han and Chewie heading toward the open crates. 

 

“Did you hear that?” he hissed to the other five guys around him. “I heard something coming from the water.”

 

The distraction worked. All but one of the guys went straight to the water's edge, and the other was on the opposite side of where the bombs were entering from. 

 

Han and Chewie each took a crate and began silently sliding in the small explosives, along the floor and under packages. They had to duck to avoid being seen by the two First Order officers in charge of inspecting each crate. 

 

Their task accomplished, they slipped back to Rey's side, Finn watching with relief.

 

Finn kept hoping foolishly that planting the bombs would satisfy the three. However, based on the antsy behavior of Rey, and the way Han was eyeing his son, this was only the beginning. 

 

\----------

 

When Ren finished haggling with the delivery men, they left. Then, he turned in the direction that he had seen Chewie lumbering toward a few minutes before that. No doubt Han and Rey were with him. Based on Chewie’s direction, they head moved from one hiding spot to a new one.

 

Standing tall and pulling out his weapon again, he yelled, “I know you're there. Show yourselves.”

 

\----------

 

Finn froze, as did the other three. However, Han was never one to stay frozen for long.

 

He got up and looked at the people in front of him.

 

Without thinking, he quipped, “I have a bad feeling about this.”

 

Chewie laughed at hearing the old phrase. He became silent when Han continued.

 

“Chewie, if I somehow don't make it out alive…. Thank you, my friend. For everything. Please watch over Leia and Ben for me, and keep the Falcon alive. And Rey,” he started, his eyes growing sadder, “you remind me of my wife when she was young, so brave and full of light. She had compassion for everyone. Spread that light everywhere, and bring this new empire down.”

 

Then he went to face his executioner.

 

He walked forward with no weapon, his arms and hands up in surrender. Chewie knew he should run away now that they had said goodbye, but he refused. Rey also would not follow.

 

When Han was in front of Kylo Ren, Ren spoke.

 

“Where are the others? There should be two more with you, a lumbering beast of a man and a girl. Why are you here?”

 

Han didn't bother trying to deny that he had company. He just needed to stall for time until the bombs went off.

 

“I'm here because you've threatened me,” replied Han as he watched all the First Order officers circle around him.

 

“Threatened you? That's rich,” said Ren with scorn. “You're interfering where you don't belong.”

 

“That's precisely the problem,” said Han. “I do belong here, in this fight. Because of people like you, my wife's family was torn apart. I'll always stand up to bullies like you that prey on the weak. You'll never win this, you know. I helped take down the last empire.”

 

“Because Darth Vader was weak,” replied Ren, walking until he was helmet-to-nose with Han. “He didn't go far enough. I will.”

 

“You know  _ nothing _ of his family like I do,” said Han confidently. “He was a broken man who loved his wife and took out his anger on the world until his children saved him. They showed him love.”

 

“It's a pity it doesn't work the other way here, don't you think?” hissed Ren, pulling back an edge of his right glove.

 

As he did, he revealed a scar near his wrist that he had received when he was young. Han had given it to him, in fact, which was why he showed it.

 

Han’s eyes widened in understanding and realization, and then his face twisted into a painful expression. 

 

“I know all too well what this family has endured, and I'm trying to make it better,” hissed Ren. “Of course, you don't understand, as usual. You're more worried about your business and helping unknowns that have no claim on you, unlike your own flesh and blood.” 

Ren turned on his new weapon.

 

“Why? After everything your mother-” asked Han weakly, looking at Ren differently and trying to find the telltale signs of Ben, besides the ridiculous height.

 

“Don't change the subject!” interrupted Ren, starting to get louder. “I've been ordered to kill you. Did you know that?”

 

Han, Finn, and Rey froze. Chewie stood up, pulling out a gun. 

 

“Only because Snoke wants to use you,” urged Han. “He's manipulating you, and when he's done with you, he'll kill you or turn you into an addict, dependent on him forever. You know it to be true. He doesn't want what's best for you. He's trying to separate you from us.”

 

“It's too late. It's already happened. It started a long time ago and all led to this,” Ren claimed.

 

“It's never too late. Come home with me. We'll fix this,” soothed Han, reaching out a hand. His pleading, scared eyes burned into Ben's mind and memory, and Ben knew he would always be tormented by those eyes.

 

Those eyes had never understood him. Now they feared him. 

 

The masked figure stopped his forward movement and stared at the hand. His lips quivered, and tears pricked his eyes,  making him glad he had a helmet on. His whole world was being turned upside down. 

 

There was so much hope there, but he had been fooled by that before. He had held onto sentiment when he was young. 

 

It only hurt and weakened him in the end. And yet, why did he want to run back to the inevitable pain?

 

“I'm being torn apart. I want to end this pain,” managed Ben, his voice uneven. 

 

“Then why haven't you?” managed Han at last, his eyes begging his son to reconsider.

 

“Because I'm still weak and foolish, like you and grandfather,” whispered Ren, not wanting to admit such things out loud. “I didn't want to, because I still wanted your approval, even though you'll never give it to me.”

 

He stopped and tilted his head down, his voice lower, more pained. “Especially now. There's nothing I can do now. I'll always be a failure and a monster.”

 

“No. Let me help you, B-"

 

Han could not be allowed to say that name. That name would blow his cover and destroy everything.

 

Ren did the only thing he could think of in that moment. He thrust forward into his father, stopping all speech. 

 

Then Ben said with a cracked voice, “I'm sorry.”

 

Han reached forward, unable to speak. His left hand attempted to cup Ben’s pained face at the helmet. He tried to speak again. This time, no words came out, but if one could read lips, they would've figured out that he was repeating what his son had said.

 

With another jolt of electricity, Han’s heart stopped, and he fell to the ground, dead. 

 

Everything moved in slow motion for Ben in that moment. He watched the comforting hand leave and saw his father fall - he once so strong and mighty, now brought low by the hand of his only son - to his death.

 

The ultimate betrayer was not Han. It was himself. He had given up.

 

He would never have Han’s love and approval now. If his parents didn't want him, then no one else would want this monster.

 

\------------

 

In another part of town, an older woman who had been staying up late, waiting for her husband, felt great pain in her chest, as though someone had ripped out her heart. In that moment, she knew that her husband wasn't coming back.

 

She cried.

 

\------------

 

Stunned by his actions and feeling weaker than ever before, Ben fell to his knees, almost wanting to hold his father's face. 

 

As he landed, Ben heard a female scream of no rip into the night, followed by a sob of grief repeating the same word. He knew that sound.

 

She was  _ here.  _ She had witnessed it all. She would think him a monster. She would be fully unhinged now, at her weakest. He could take her.

 

What he wasn't prepared for was the twenty-two millimeter, Bowcaster Deluxe pistol that Chewie always carried. With sharp aim from years of practice, and a desire for revenge unlike anything he had felt, Chewie aimed for the heart of Kylo Ren.

 

Thankfully for Ren, the shot missed his heart and instead grazed his side, blood starting to spill at once. 

 

\---------

 

As Chewie shot, Rey stormed out of her hiding place and prepared to fight everyone. Chewie took several more shots at the surrounding men, picking off a few. 

 

The men were about to shoot at Rey when Ren shouted desperately, “Not at her! She stays alive. Split up. Find Wookiee, and load up the cargo in the vans, just as planned. Leave her to me. Go!”

 

When Chewie shot a few more who attempted to come after him, the rest of the men decided to do the safe thing and save the cargo.

 

Chewie went to find the getaway car, calling the authorities and Leia on the way. Without a clean shot for Ren at such a distance away as he fought Rey, he saw no point. It was better to have the car ready for when she escaped.

 

Finn helped move the cargo but snuck glances at Ren and Rey, just as everyone else tried to do. All were curious to see how the two would fight. She was said to be capable of beating him, which had never been seen before. 

 

\---------

 

Ren got up at once and escaped the dead body of his father. He went forward to find what he had been hoping for: Rey at her lowest and deadliest. 

 

In this moment, they were united in their grief and need to lash out. He, however, had much more experience channeling his pain and anger. He would help her deal with it, as soon as he got her alone. 

 

In her mad dash across, she had pulled out her staff, complete with new additions. Her heart was broken all over again, feeling the loss of someone for herself, as well as for Ben, wherever he was. Kylo Ren would be stopped now, once and for all. 

 

Anyone who killed was taking the life of someone away from their family. In this case, it was a family she cared about deeply, despite the short amount of time.

 

She rather regretted giving Chewie her gun for safekeeping. She would have liked to have shot at Ren a few times.

 

All the same, he stood there silently, seemingly waiting for her, weapon off and low. She took the initiative and rushed at him.

 

She was almost there when he lit up his weapon on a lower setting and aimed for her staff. With her hands on the cool metal, the staff ran into the electrical field briefly, sending shock waves through Rey. 

 

She stopped and stumbled before falling. Her limbs felt useless, and her head hurt. She looked up at the menacing figure of Kylo Ren, and she knew she needed help.

 

With her last conscious effort, she screamed, “Ben!”

 

Then, everything went black.

 

\---------

 

Finn had been confident that Rey would ask for help. Ren was always two steps ahead, ready with a dirty trick. She would need help of some sort, and so he had prepared himself to fight.

 

What he and Ren had not expected was for her to call out Ben's name instead. Finn was sure that Ren was grinning triumphantly, while he was baffled.

 

Why Ren? What was going on between those two, and how had he managed to ensnare Rey? One moment, they were sparring, and the next, they got upset over anything involving the other.

 

For his part, Ren disliked harming Rey but saw no other alternative. He had planned to pick her up and see to her himself once she proved that she was out cold, but Finn coming in, wanting to protect her, angered him and made him feel jealous all over again. 

 

Clearly Rey wanted him, not Finn, and yet he still came running. Finn was developing a conscience, it seemed.

 

Yes, Finn was about to break the rules and be punished severely, but he had a bigger job and purpose. To that end, he needed to be injured. An angry Ren would do the job well, and he couldn't stomach the thought of Ren doing serious harm to Rey. 

 

While Ren may not want her dead, his killing blow to his father proved he could do dark things. Finn cared about Rey as a friend, as a little sister - now, at least, after some initial attraction that waned - that he wanted to protect. She was the first person he wanted to save besides himself.

 

Finn suddenly ran toward Ren, his gun in hand. Ren pulled out his Beretta and shot at the feet of Finn.

 

“Traitor!” Ren cried as he pointed the gun again.

 

Finn removed the safety, standing between Rey and Ren. He would keep on protecting her a little longer, until the bombs went off.

 

He would claim later that he heard his name in the middle of the chaos, not Ben's. Others not there would believe him, but everyone there heard it  _ very  _ clearly. 

 

“She called for help, and it's not coming otherwise,” grit out Finn, aiming the gun.  _ “Someone _ has to think of her and her pain right now.”

 

Ren clenched a fist at the reminder of who he was, and what he had just done.

 

“Are you  _ really _ going to try to beat me, the better marksman?” said Ren with disdain. “You're wasting your time. Stand down, FN-2187.”

 

This was it, the point of no return. 

 

Finn knew he wasn't a better shot, but he was right next to Rey’s weapon, and Ren was almost in hitting distance with the staff.

 

“Yes, sir,” he parroted, like so many times before in the midst of taking orders, getting low and putting away his weapon. 

 

As he did so, Ren threw down his gun as well, hating the thing, and then Finn grabbed the staff. He pushed off on his legs, and he rammed the staff forward, hitting Ren where Chewie’s shot had hit him earlier.

 

It was the best possibility he had of weakening Ren. More blood loss meant less strength. 

 

Ren let out a strangled grunt as he reached for the staff, it barely slipping through his fingers. He had to call on all of his training (or torture some would say) with Snoke not to make any further sound or betraying movement, showing just how much that hurt him. 

 

Soon, the two were circling one another, and Ren found himself enjoying the moment as the pain became a dull ache again. This foot soldier actually seemed to think he had a chance to beat him. He let Finn try to take a couple more swings at him and would have continued, were it not for the feminine gasp both heard at the same time.

 

Rey was awake. Finn turned to her in relief, letting down his guard. 

 

Ren saw his opportunity, igniting his weapon and slashing across Finn's back, making Finn drop the staff and fall down. 

 

The sweet taste of triumph filled him as he removed another competitor, and proved to Rey more that her entry into all of this was dangerous, causing more pain for the people she knew.

 

Ren bent to grab the legacy weapon at long last, but he was prevented by Rey, who snatched it faster.

 

\-----------

 

Rey heard the clash of weapons first. As she became more conscious, memories of her last moments came to mind, startling her awake. Then, she looked up to see who was protecting her, expecting Ben.

 

He wasn't there, and she gasped. Her worst fears were confirmed; Ben must have been hurt or shot earlier and was now unable to even help her.

 

She would have revenge on Ren. He had taken so much from her in such a short period of time. When Ren hurt Finn, she got up and dove for the staff, ready to avenge her first friend.

 

She promised herself she would check on Finn when her life wasn't in danger, when she could be of more help to him. After all, he had come to her aid when she needed it most.

 

“It's just us now, as it was meant to be,” said Ren. “Did you really think you would escape me?”

 

“You underestimate me. I will still escape you, you monster,” she spat, her insides twisting inside at the image he presented of them being alone.

 

It sickened her to think that he had wanted it that way. That he would do anything to make it that way. 

 

“What do you think is going to happen now? Your means of escape has disappeared, and no one has come. You're alone. It's over for you,” he stated, hoping to anger her by reminding her of all he had done. If she was angry, then he would remain in control. 

 

He didn't want to fight her. It was possible he would hurt her severely. He had already taken a risk earlier, which would have paid off if Finn hadn't interrupted. Another quick hit would satisfy him, and he prepared himself for a faceoff. 

 

That was when the bombs went off. Suddenly, a blinding white light filled the sky nearby, and the ground shook. 

 

Most of the henchmen were in the vans or nearby. No one expected the booms that came and shattered the windows and turned the cars into balls of fire. 

 

There was only death and destruction as many of the men fell, sustaining wounds of all sorts.

 

“What? No!” cried Ren, surveying the wreckage from afar as an unexpected possibility played out. “How?”

 

“Han Solo is a brave man, as is Chewie Wookiee. They're not afraid to go into enemy territory, just like me,” she roared. “Now you've killed one man I care about, and injured two others. You're going to pay for this, right now.”

 

She checked her grip on the staff and was suddenly very glad she had put rubber around the staff. Hindsight wished she had remembered that earlier, but she had given in to the emotions that she had been warned against. Now, cool logic flowed, and he would regret crossing her. 

 

The rubber was an insulator, and would not transmit the electrical energy to her. All she had to do was disarm him.

 

It was easier said than done.

 

His Beretta, abandoned on the ground some feet away after dealing with Finn, was a distant hope in Rey's mind. If she could move the battle in that direction, then she might be able to grab it before he did.

 

However, if there was one thing that Rey quickly discovered about Kylo Ren, it was that he seemed intimately familiar with her fighting style. The only reason she wasn't retreating at first was because of the ferocity she showed as she defended herself. 

 

Strike after strike came, from all directions. One moment, he was slicing forward, and in the next, he presented a wide arc that severely tested her strength. 

 

However, as the battle waged on with the plan utterly destroyed, he was growing more angry, and in the process, his blows came faster and stronger, despite the wound in his side.

 

Before she knew it, he was giving her chase, leading her away from the fire and along the edge of the dock, hidden among more crates. 

 

He wanted to entrap her. Her plan had worked too well, and he feared that more help would come. He was soon proved right as he heard emergency response sirens in the distance that grew louder each minute.

 

Rey's smile was telling. She knew who had called for help. She still had Chewie, if no one else.

 

“Give up, Rey,” Ren called out as he continued to strike at her, this time from below. She blocked him and held him there.

 

“No. There's still hope,” she replied back.

 

He pushed his advantage again, bringing his arm around coming down hard with his weapon. She stumbled backwards from the impact of blocking him, until she realized that she was stuck between him and the edge of the dock. 

 

She had two options: fight or swim. She was tempted to swim, but she feared losing her weapon to him.

 

He took a hand off his weapon,  as though reading her mind. 

 

“Don't even  _ think _ about jumping in,” he growled. “There is another way. Come with me willingly. You must be questioned about your actions and source of information.”

 

“Never!” she cried, thinking of Finn. 

 

She thought of Finn using his insider knowledge in order to give her an edge. Then, she thought of Ben and Ren, how they used her impulsive ways against her. All of it coalesced in her mind into a simple solution at last: she had to use his weapon against him.

 

Disarming him was getting her nowhere. He was so close now; all she had to do was get the sword to hit him briefly, and he would be subdued, especially in his weakened state.

 

Ren watched the wheels turn in her mind and saw when she came to a solution. He planted his feet firmer, preparing himself for one last foolish move from her.

 

She didn't disappoint him. 

 

With her weapon being pushed up against his downward slashing one, she thought of Han and her parents. How she would give them justice. With that, she found the strength to look him in the eye and make his weapon move up just a bit, ever so slowly. 

 

Then she did it again.  On the third time, she confused him by kicking him as hard as she could in the groin, sending him backward and reeling. 

 

He didn't drop his weapon, but he had to juggle it at least. She pushed forward.

 

Each strike of hers sent him back further, trying to keep up and stand back up fully. She wasn't giving him the chance, though. 

 

She came at him from above, bringing down one edge, and he hefted up his arms, ready to protect. Too late he realized that it was all a fake for what she really wanted, as shown by the way she neatly changed direction and hit his shins, sending him to the ground.

 

Still, he held onto his weapon, and he knew all the first responders had arrived. He needed to leave with Rey, or else turn back into Ben quickly.

 

Rey made it blissfully short for him. She brought down her staff against him, and she pushed the sword down until it contacted his helmet. With a scream of pain, his grip loosened, and she made one last push down, making the sword strike his shoulder.

 

At that, he fell to the ground.

 

She waited to see that he stayed unmoving. Then they could arrest him. She was tempted to pull off his mask, to see who had done all this. 

 

A dark part of her just wanted to finish him off instead of waiting for anyone. It would be so easy. 

 

However, as it became clear that he wasn't moving, and wasn't breathing evenly, thoughts of Finn attacked her. She needed to see to him.

 

She ran away to check on Finn, hoping he was alright. Then, she would find Ben, and have Ren properly arrested.

 

Ren lay on the ground, holding his breath. He was seriously injured, but he could get up if need be.

 

“Ren!” hissed Phasma from behind him somewhere. “You able to move? Ready to go? You're the only one we'll be able to salvage. FN-2187 is badly injured, so he has to go to the hospital.”

 

His heart sank at losing so many. Nothing had gone as he expected. 

 

“I can't go yet. Rey is expecting me to be injured and lying on the ground somewhere. She'll be looking for me. As soon as she leaves, we go.”

 

He didn't know how he knew that, but based on her words earlier, and her call to him, it made him feel strongly about it.

 

Phasma sighed and gave him a pained look. 

 

“You've got ten minutes. Snoke wants you back fifteen minutes ago. You have a lot of explaining to do.”

 

“Then help me,” grumbled Ren as he removed his helmet and black robes, leaving his original clothing.

 

By some miracle, his shirt had been pulled up when Chewie's bullet hit him. The shirt covered his wound, and he had enough scrapes and blood from fighting Rey to appear innocent. He hoped that she didn't notice the shoulder wound.

 

He limped to where the other two officers lay, still untouched. He had led them away from everyone on purpose, and it had worked in his favor.

 

He had just gotten to the ground when he heard footsteps.

 

“Ben? Are you over here? Ben?”

 

Rey came into view, and when she saw him, she knelt down beside him at once, one arm going under him, trying to lift him up.

 

“Ben! Can you hear me?” she asked, her voice getting more gentle as a hesitant hand slid across his face, looking at the bloody mess she had given him when his helmet acted as a conductor.

 

He groaned, not needing to fake it as he felt the pain on his face, and the feeling of guilt that assailed him.

 

How could he have thought that she was using him, or was trying to betray him? No one could fake this kind of concern. 

 

And no one had ever showed this much worry for him before, or was this gentle. 

 

He deserved none of it. He was a cold-blooded beast, a murderer. 

 

He opened his eyes, afraid to see her look.

 

He wished he hadn't. She looked so worried and guilty.

 

“I'm sorry I didn't come sooner, Ben. I tried. I'm so sorry,” she sobbed, her voice choking up as she looked at his scared eyes and realized that he didn't know about his dad yet.

 

She brought her head down so that it was almost touching his. Her hand gripped his jaw, needing to hold him tighter to prevent herself from giving in to the tears that she had been holding back for so long already.

 

“Please, say something,” she begged, desperation in her voice.

 

“Why are you here?” he asked, his voice dry and scratchy. “What happened?”

 

“I disobeyed orders. I'm sorry. But I'm glad I did,” she said with pride. “Your father acted very valiantly, and because of him, we stopped a shipment from being delivered.”

 

She was able to tell him all that with a straight face at least. She wasn't sure if she would get through Han’s death in one piece, though.

 

“But?” prompted Ben, his eyes growing wider.

 

“Ren spotted us. Han bravely went out first and tried to distract him while we waited for the bombs to take effect. Then, Ren…. killed him. I'm so sorry for your loss.”

 

At that, she broke down in tears, burying her face in his chest, her arms reaching around him to hug him. 

 

Eventually, his arms enclosed her, the grip becoming tighter the longer they stayed as realization hit him.

 

“I can't believe he's gone,” she said to his shirt. “He was a good man.”

 

At that, his arms dropped. She got up and looked at him, seeing the mixture of emotions in his eyes.

 

“He was larger than life. It seems impossible,” he said, looking away.

 

“If it's any consolation, I know exactly how you feel,” she whispered, making him turn back to her at once. 

 

“What do you mean?” 

 

“I watched one of my parents die in front of me. The other one I found out soon afterward. It was awful.  _ No one  _ should ever lose a parent like that,” she said, a thread of steel in her voice.

 

In that moment, he knew that she would never forgive him for what he had done. He had lost her.

 

“No,” he choked out, unable to say more. He refused to let go of her. He would make her see. Make her understand him. Anything.

 

Anything to make her look at him like that again, like he was everything to her.

 

She nodded her head, thinking he was responding to her words. 

 

“It's alright, Ben. I dealt with it a long time ago. Right now, I'm here for you. Let me help you.”

 

“I need a doctor, and you need to go home,” he said with a wince.

 

“Why?” she asked, curious. “Why don't you want me to stay?”

 

“I need to process this, alone. At some point, I will come to you, but not yet. Also, you still shouldn't be here. As it is, I have to dock you and make you stay home for three days because of insubordination,” he said, hating to do it.

 

It was in the rules of the job. He always followed the rules if it helped, and right now, he couldn't be around her. 

 

Rey understood and nodded before calling out for help. Soon after, people came running, and then she left.

 

“I'll see you Tuesday, assuming you're well enough to work,” she said instead of goodbye.

 

Then, she was gone.

 

The medical examiner told him what was wrong and asked if he wanted to go to a hospital. When he said no, he was released.

 

Phasma helped him into a car, and he prepared himself for a long lecture from Snoke.

 

\--------

 

In a car with Chewie, Rey cried. Chewie kept an arm around her as he drove them toward Leia's home. 

 

When they made it inside, the three held each other close and grieved for Han. 

 

When Rey finally left many hours later, after listening to many stories of Han, she felt a little better.

 

“Han will not die in vain,” said Rey as she hugged Leia goodbye. “I am more determined than ever to stop the First Order and bring in Kylo Ren. He will pay for what he has done.”

 

“Revenge isn't the answer. Love and compassion is,” said Leia, gripping Rey tighter. “Revenge is what destroyed this family once. I won't let it consume you.”

 

Rey took a shuddered breath. The thought of having compassion for Kylo Ren was ridiculous. 

 

“As much as I hate him right now, I know I will have to learn to forgive him,” continued Leia, not letting go.

 

“What? No!” cried Rey in outrage. “He doesn't deserve it.”

 

“That's why I must,” said Leia simply. “It's the only way to stop this cycle of hate and violence.”

 

Rey pulled away, giving Leia an odd look.

 

“I'm not asking you to like him or excuse his actions,” said Leia, her steely gaze pinning Rey to where she stood. “But, you must let it go, or else it'll cloud your judgment. You stand for the law; let justice take its course.”

 

Rey tried to breathe normally but found that she couldn't in that moment. It was too hard. Too much to think about.

 

“I'll have to work on that,” she said at last. “I've been holding onto anger and revenge for a long time. I don't know what it's like without it.”

 

“Do what you must. Take a few days off,” said Leia gently. 

 

“I'm being forced to by Ben,” said Rey with a grimace. 

 

Her expression changed, a small smile appearing.

 

“I know what I'll do; I'll start first thing tomorrow and find Artoo, then Luke. Then, I'm going to find out much more about Kylo Ren.”

 

Leia nodded sagely.

 

“Very well. I wish you luck in finding my brother. Bring him home. May the Force be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! It will be 2 weeks before more is posted.


	6. The Path to Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three days. All it took was three days to change every perspective, throwing doubt on everyone. The search for the truth has begun, starting with Luke, and ending for now with Han.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. 
> 
> Sorry about the delay on this story. Life happened. But, here's the new chapter, full of backstory, angst, and more. 
> 
> This opening scene was inspired by a beautiful piece of art by Little Chmura on Facebook. Check her out! It's another drabble prompt fill from the ReyLo Fic Recs group. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

The morning after the murder of Han Solo was a sad day throughout D’qar. Funeral arrangements were announced for two days later, with a large procession scheduled for the hero from the viewing to the funeral. 

 

That morning, Rey woke early after sleeping poorly, plagued by dreams of Kylo Ren and Han dying in front of her.

 

When she finally got up, she went in search of coffee at her favorite coffee shop. With a piping hot cup in hand, she headed out of the shop to process her feelings.

 

The processing was short-lived, however, as someone stumbled around the corner, someone Rey knew well.

 

Ben.

 

He always drank the swill at work, saying it built up his immune system, so it was odd to see him near a coffee shop. 

 

He was dressed oddly, too, all in black with a dark blue hat that he kept on his head. He looked awful, so sleep-deprived, but that wasn't a surprise. He was still processing, just like she was. What did surprise her were the number of bruises developing on him.

 

His body stopped, zombie-like, when he noticed a person in front of him, and then his dark eyes scanned her. When he finally realized it was Rey, the tension in his body seemed to vanish, and the naked, raw emotion in his eyes disarmed her. 

 

After standing still just taking him in, she reached out to him, she in equally dark clothes that she had put on to blend in while she searched. In the next moment, though, he seemed to suddenly wake and dashed away from her, his wide eyes signaling that he had made a mistake. 

 

Rey felt a little confused, but more than anything, she wanted justice for him. With that further pushing her forward, she downed her cup and pulled up the last-known address of Artoo on her phone.

 

Then, she walked away from the coffee shop, praying that Artoo could help her find Luke.

 

\---------

 

After Starkiller Base, Ren was taken back to headquarters, where Snoke awaited him.

 

“Explain yourself and what happened. Now,” demanded Snoke.

 

“Everything went according to plan at first. The supplies came, and I knew where the group of three were coming and hiding thanks to FN-2187,” started Ren.

 

“But you must have lost track of them quickly,” snapped a testy Snoke.

 

“It was while I was negotiating prices with the mover, I believe. It was the only time I didn't keep my eyes on their positions,” replied Ren. “At the end, I saw that one had moved and thought that they were just trying to get a better view.”

 

“But that wasn't what happened, was it?” growled Snoke.

 

“No. It was far worse. The two old war heroes took a page out of their old handbook and snuck explosives into the crates. I'm not sure how they weren't caught. I'll be checking my ranks later to see what happened.”

 

“Only one made it out with you. What of him? Is he a weak link because he got to know this new recruit?”

 

Ren’s stomach twisted to hear his suspicions said aloud. What he liked even less was what it implied about him as he tried to understand her and not fall in love with her.

 

“Possibly, yes. He's my best guess. I almost killed him in the process of him trying to protect her after I knocked her unconscious.”

 

“Before or after you killed your father?” asked Snoke, a pleased tone to his voice at last.

 

“After. I called them out, and Han showed himself. His death caused the others to show.”

 

It made the younger man feel sick to his stomach, to see how much pleasure Snoke took in hearing that Han had been killed. It was the opposite of himself, now more torn and confused than ever.  He had given so much to Snoke, but this felt like a betrayal in the worst way, as he had repeatedly kept his parents out of harm's way by discussing it with Snoke. 

 

His conscience wasn't completely clear before Han’s death, but right then he regretted it. He wished he hadn't done it, hadn't stopped that pair of caring eyes from never seeing him again. 

 

He'd never be able to face his mother. And if Rey ever found out who he was, then all was lost. 

 

As Ren drew into himself, his conflict written across his face, Snoke watched with growing discontent.

 

“Kylo Ren! Stop this useless sulking and get a hold of yourself! You're acting like a child. You've done the right thing, for yourself and for this organization. The issue now is that you still have a liability. That new recruit.”

 

Ren perked up at that.

 

“What of her? What did you have in mind?”

 

“She must be brought to me to determine her punishment. If she resists, kill her. You've dallied enough regarding her,” said Snoke, calming down finally.

 

Panic filled Ren. He wasn't sure if he was remembering the panic Rey had shown at the thought of seeing Snoke, or at the thought of losing her.

 

“I think she can be turned,” rushed Ren desperately.

 

Snoke raised an eyebrow and scrutinized his right-hand man. 

 

“How do you know that?” 

 

Ren doubted it highly at this point, as she had been vicious about wanting to take down the First Order. But, he was grasping at straws at that point, lying to save himself and her.

 

“Her past. I have reason to believe that were she to meet you, she would cower in fear and give up. I'm still following that lead to see how she might have known of you previously, coming from Jakku.”

 

“Jakku, you say?” asked Snoke with renewed interest. “We had a small ring of dealers there at one point, before you joined. That area was cut off when it bore no fruit.”

 

A shiver passed through Ren. He nodded, hoping that this would be enough. 

 

“I'll follow through on that lead today since I'm not going to work. I'll keep you apprised of the situation.”

 

“Good. For a moment, I thought you had developed  _ feelings  _ for this new recruit. Now there's the matter of the loss of cargo. The runners will receive-"

 

“Their normal amount,” interrupted Ren. “Take from my pay instead since it was my mistake.”

 

“So noble sometimes, just like your  _ father,” _ sneered Snoke, remembering the two times before Ren had insisted on such a thing.

 

“It was never about the money for me here,” replied Ren in exasperation, as though used to explaining himself. “It's about restoring family honor and continuing the legacy.”

 

“Very well. You ought to have more consequences from this in any case. Since lack of money doesn't phase you, perhaps more hardship will.”

 

Ren nodded, already wanting to go home as he imagined what Snoke would ask.

 

“Go out to Phasma. I have arranged your punishment with her and Hux,” said Snoke with a dismissive wave. “And don't try to use our resources for the next few days, especially to further your business with the new recruit. She's not worth our time, and won't be considered until I can see her for myself.”

 

That would hurt. Physical punishment he was used to, from the last few years of it for every time he failed, but being cut off from the resources was new. Snoke was finding new ways to force Ren to do his bidding.

 

Several hours later, after being beaten by two people who took far too much pleasure in doing so (and who were often the ones chosen when it wasn't Snoke himself), Ren stumbled out of the headquarters, now dressed in whatever leftover clothes he could find.

 

He walked with no clear direction, his body tired and head swimming with thoughts and images from the last twenty-four hours. He ought to sleep, but everything still hurt too much to allow it.

 

After a time, he started to recognize his surroundings. He was close to Rey's old neighborhood, where her favorite coffeehouse was. 

 

Unconsciously, he still sought her out, just as she had asked for his help the night before. He wanted to feel her presence, to take some small comfort in all this, before everything fell apart completely. 

 

It was only a matter of time at this point. 

 

As he turned a corner, someone was standing there. He stopped, avoiding anyone's gaze and possible questions, until he heard a familiar gasp.

 

Then, he looked up, and found who he really wanted. 

 

Rey.

 

She seemed shocked, even horrified, and she started to reach for him. 

 

No.

 

Just seeing her was enough. Touch was too much to deserve, and would only encourage her to stay with him, when he really needed to sleep and avoid her questions.

 

Using every last ounce of his strength, he moved away from Rey and headed home, knowing the way now. He had seen her eyes, had seen the compassion in them. He thought he might be able to sleep now.

 

It only helped a little. It was all too fresh. The screams and images sent his pulse running as he tried to sleep.

 

When he woke, now more restless than ever, he had a voicemail full of pauses from his mother.

 

“Ben….I'm sure you've heard by now what happened to….. H-your father. Please…….call me and come to me when you're ready.”

 

She left the funeral arrangement information in a text message. 

 

As it so happened, he wasn't ready to face his mother. He would hide until the funeral if he had his way. The thought of facing his mother, knowing his role in it, was more than he wanted to attempt.

 

As it was, he had other matters to attend to. He slipped into the office and began doing a search for all records involving Rey. He found a list of homes she had stayed with, but that was it.

 

He left a message with Rose, in hopes that sympathy would get him more answers. But, once he had done that, he found her emergency contact, a man in Jakku named Unkar.

 

He made the long drive to Jakku and was glad to see the tiny town at last. When he made it to Unkar’s home, he pulled in front and practiced his lines.

 

When Unkar opened the door in surprise, Ben put out a hand and said, “Mr. Unkar Plutt. It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard a little of you from Rey.”

 

“Who are you?” asked Plutt with distrust.

 

Ben gave his most winning smile, trying to channel his father. 

 

“I'm Rey's boss at the police station, Ben Solo. I'm planning to write her up for employee of the month, and I wanted to surprise her. I was hoping you could help me with some information for the article.”

 

Plutt continued to be suspicious until he heard Ben's name. After that, he opened his door.

 

“Alright, but I don't have long. You probably know more than me anyway. We're not close.”

 

Suddenly, a white dog with spots came barking into the room and growled at Ren. Ren recognized the dog, but he couldn't recall from where. He stared at the dog as it continued to bark loudly.

 

“Certain dogs hate me,” said Ren by way of explanation to a surprised Plutt. “I smell like other dogs from work. Shall we sit?”

 

“I can't believe this old mutt hates someone besides me,” muttered Plutt as he sat. Then, he said more loudly, “I hate him, too. I'll be glad when Rey comes for him next. Her new apartment allows pets.”

 

Ren noticed Plutt patting a piece of paper on a coffee table and made a mental note to check it later.

 

“That's good. She likes to talk about her dog. So, let's get down to business. How long has Rey wanted to be a cop?”

 

“Ever since I took her in. Whatever happened to her birth parents shook her up badly. She's wanted to do it ever since, to do the right thing,” said Plutt, looking too big and uncomfortable in his armchair.

 

“Did you ever hear what happened to her parents?” asked Ren as an aside.

 

“No, only rumors. They died, one right after the other. She found the mutt about the same time. Apparently it involved drugs somehow.”

 

“I see,” said Ren, trying not to get excited. “She's had a rough life, but it's made her a stronger officer. Has she always been a fighter? She's legendary in the office.”

 

“Yes, she’s always been a scrappy little thing. I had to get her out of high school a few times because of how much she fought bullies,” said Unkar with pride. “After all the work in my scrapyard, she was strong at least.”

 

Ren hid his clenched fist. He had no doubt that Plutt worked her hard since he seemed unable to move very much or quickly.

 

“She needs to be strong. Finally, do you have any old photos of Rey? We like to include one.”

 

“I do. Wait here,” said Plutt gruffly.

 

When he left the room, Ren checked on the piece of paper and found an unknown address in D’qar underneath Rey's name. Taking a photo, he returned quickly to his chair as Plutt came back with a small photo album, the entirety of Rey's life with him contained within.

 

“She always did want this,” said Plutt as he leafed through the pages.

 

“Would you like me to take it to her when I return?” asked Ren, eager to hold onto the photos a little longer. “I'll slip it to her when she receives the award.”

 

Plutt agreed to that, and as they left to show Ren the scrapyard, Bee Bee continued to bark. Ren only knew of one other dog besides Artoo that hated him, and that one had been from growing up, playing a prank on someone that made the dog hate him. 

 

After that, Ren made his way home, feeling a little better about Rey. He was determined to visit Rey’s new home after he gathered all the supplies he needed. 

 

He would be  _ much  _ better prepared this time.

 

\----------

 

Elsewhere, Finn woke up for the third time. The first time was brief, to a foggy view of a worried Rose standing over him. The next time he woke, she and Kaydel were sitting in chairs close by. 

 

The next time, many hours later after much surgery, Finn woke to the two women beside him, along with Poe. All seemed anxious to see him. 

 

“Finn, buddy! You're awake! How do you feel?” asked Poe excitedly.

 

“Everything hurts. Where's Rey? Is she alright?”

 

All three exchanged looks before Poe came closer.

 

“Rey is alright. She's in the middle of an important search right now, according to Leia, so that's why she's not here. She'll be back for Han’s funeral, though. I hear she left you a video.”

 

Rose came forward with Finn's cell phone, and sure enough, a video of Rey was there.

 

She said, “Finn, thank you for saving my life. You're the best friend someone could ask for. I can't stay with you right now, but we'll see each other again. I believe that. Until then, get better. You've got lots of desk duty coming. Thank you, my friend.”

 

Finn was silent for a moment, taking in how Rey looked after the showdown. 

 

With that, he put the phone away and turned back to his friends. His eyes, if it were even possible, became even more tender.

 

“Thanks for coming here, you guys. Especially you, Rose.”

 

“Anything for you,” whispered Rose with the slightest hint of a smile.

 

“Exactly what Rose said,” said Poe with a giant grin. “I've had Kaydel by my side for the last few days, all throughout my convalescence. I wouldn't have made it this far in hospital bed boredom without her. I won't let my friend suffer, either.”

 

Poe’s eyes darted over to Kaydel, who was blushing. She had been at the hospital almost all the time, only leaving to sleep - other than the first night. The first night she couldn't bring herself to leave.

 

Rose had been the same way when she got the call from Leia, rushing to Finn’s side.

 

For a time, the four chatted as though nothing was wrong. They smiled and laughed, and Finn wished it could last forever. 

 

When a doctor needed to check on Poe, he and Kaydel left momentarily. 

 

Rose drew closer after that, taking hold of Finn’s closest hand. 

 

“After hearing what you did for Rey and seeing how you looked when I first came here, I was so worried about you,” confessed Rose quietly. “I thought you might die. You were so brave. I mean, you were brave before for coming forward, but to do so for a friend-”

 

“I understand what you mean,” interrupted Finn in an equally soft voice. “I didn't think I'd ever be brave like that, honestly.”

 

Rose gave him a horrified look, making him defensive.

 

“Look, it's true! I always looked out for myself growing up. That's what it was like on the streets. I was raised to fight. I never had a reason to fight  _ and _ be brave. The lines of good and bad were always blurred for me; it was the only way to survive.”

 

“No one blames you for that,” said Rose. “That's why we applaud you all the more for doing this. It'd be so much easier just doing what the First Order wanted.”

 

“My devotion to them was overcome by my fear for my life. They're taking it too far. I'm afraid of dying, and I don't want to die for them,” said Finn, looking away, afraid to see her reaction.

 

Rose saw his shame and squeezed his hand even tighter. She continued squeezing until he turned back, his gaze hesitant.

 

“Finn, it's okay. I wish you were as devoted to our cause as I am, but I know it's different for you. Difficult, even. But I'm not turning my back on you just because you're human. Look at me.”

 

He focused his gaze on her, really looked into her eyes. In there, he saw the forgiveness he had always wanted but refused to ask for. 

 

“For the longest time, I thought all members of the First Order were evil. I'm so happy to be proven wrong by you,” said Rose. “You're a beacon of hope in these confusing, messy times, that good can come out of anything, even my sister's death. And for that, I'll always be grateful for you.”

 

Eyes met, hope-filled, compassionate ones meeting shocked, uncertain ones. For that brief moment, they had an understanding. 

 

“For the first time I have something to fight for. Rose, I-"

 

“Good news, Finn! I'm free!” cried Poe as he entered in with Kaydel. “The doc says I'm fit and ready. Now we just need you to get better.”

 

“Give me a day or two. I'll be fine in no time. Always was a fast healer,” replied Finn cheerfully. 

 

“Good. Then hopefully, you can attend Han’s funeral. And speaking of Han Solo….”

 

As Poe trailed off, the two women suddenly excused themselves, needing to find food and a bathroom.

 

When they were alone, Finn asked, “What's going on?”

 

“Leia is here. She really needs to talk to you about something personal. Something huge,” whispered Poe, looking around for the senator.

 

“What is it? Do you know?” asked Finn, looking concerned.

 

After a pause, Poe said, “Yes. She wants to know the identity of Kylo Ren. I feel it is better for you, who has known him longest as such, to let her down slowly. Plus, she refused to hear it from me.”

 

Poe seemed most upset by that last part, which didn't surprise Finn. 

 

“That's fine. Bring her in. She wouldn't hurt an already-injured person more,” said Finn with an attempt at humor.

 

Poe shrugged and went in search of Leia. A few minutes later, a Leia with red, tear-stained eyes and impeccable clothes walked in. 

 

She came to stand over Finn, her tired eyes searching for answers.

 

“Finn, I understand that you know the identity of Kylo Ren after working for him for so long. Please, I need to know his name.”

 

“Why?”

 

Leia's eyes fell to the floor. Even then, she still seemed regal as ever, a study in darks and pain.

 

“Because it's the only way that I'll be able to forgive him for what he's done to…..my husband. I need a name, to make him human. I won't let death and violence destroy me like it did my father.”

 

“Are you sure you want to know? You won't like the answer,” said Finn gently.

 

“I won't like it no matter who it is. Please, tell me,” she insisted.

 

“Kylo Ren’s real identity is Ben Solo.”

 

Leia gasped, making Finn pause.

 

“Your son. I'm sorry for your loss. You didn't deserve to lose your husband like that.”

 

“Ben,” she choked out.

 

Finn heard the sorrow as it wrenched its way out of Leia, making her take many small breaths as she tried to regulate her breathing and calm herself.

 

Memories of Han and Ben kept coming to the surface. Good and bad ones, then only bad ones. One after another, they came and repeated themselves, making Leia cringe and regret not spending more time with Ben growing up. 

 

“My little boy. No.”

 

Finn reached up to her, and she crumpled down into Finn's arms at once. She didn't cry, but she squeezed him harder than he thought possible for an older woman. 

 

Finally, when she had a handle on her emotions and wild mind, Leia got up and straightened her clothes. She clasped her hands as she spoke.

 

“Thank you, Finn. I needed to know that. This changes everything and nothing. It makes me want my boy back even more. Oh, Ben.”

 

She was quiet a moment as other thoughts crossed her mind, thinking of the night before.

 

“I'm sure you have a thousand questions,” said Finn.

 

“Does Rey know?”

 

\---------------

 

At that point in time, Rey was in a similar emotional state to Leia.

 

She had left the coffeehouse with renewed energy, determined to find Luke. She went to the address given, and after waiting a few hours, she saw the shaggy, white dog with a blue collar.

 

He approached her after much prodding with open hands and treats from Rey, and he allowed her to pet him.

 

After that, though, he seemed content to sit. She sat with him, and even tried saying Luke's name, in the hope that he would just get up and go to him.

 

After a number of hours of sitting, she decided that playing with him might inspire him. She had no ball to throw, nor sticks since the run-down neighborhood had few trees nearby, so she decided to use her baton.

 

As she revealed the baton, Artoo whined and barked, and then he shot off.

 

Rey gave chase, doing her best to keep up with him. 

 

He knew his way well, seeming to look back on her every once in a while to ensure she stayed close. Together, they ran across town until they came to the oldest part of town, also the poorest.

 

Artoo stopped momentarily at the bottom of a shallow hill, and Rey looked up the wide driveway to see an old church, an abbey, and a soup kitchen. The church's Gothic spires rose from the ground, ever seeking the sky and the truth, and the old abbey's tall walls towered over all.

 

After a moment of rest, Artoo picked up speed and rushed into the soup kitchen, stopping at the door obediently. Rey put away her baton, in case they thought she might hurt someone.

 

There, he received a pat and a piece of bread from a volunteer, and when he did not find what he sought, he ran toward a side door to the abbey, plopping himself there.

 

As she took in his expectant gaze and wagging tail at the door, Rey decided to knock.

 

The door was opened by a short, stout nun dressed all in white, giving her dirty clothes an odd look.

 

“Can I help you, child?”

 

“Yes, I'm hoping so. I'm looking for Artoo’s owner, Luke. My understanding is that he's here. It's very urgent that I speak to him at once.”

 

The nun paused and gave her a skeptical look, so Rey rushed on with as good a half-truth as any for her presence.

 

“There's been a death in his family. It's urgent I talk to him.”

 

The nun’s hand went to her mouth, and she let Rey in, along with Artoo. Artoo shot in, knowing immediately where Luke was, in an open courtyard meditating.

 

Even if Rey didn't have a picture of Luke or Artoo pointing him out at once, it would have been easy to pick out the older man with gray hair and grizzled beard. When he opened his eyes, they matched Leia's, and his face was so similar to Leia and Ben.

 

As thoughts of Ben intruded, her feet carried her forward, determined to help Ben and his family.

 

“Luke Skywalker! We need to talk,” shouted Rey.

 

“How'd you find me? Who are you?” asked Luke in shock.

 

“I'm Rey, from the Special Witnesses Unit. I work with your nephew, Ben. I'll explain the how later,” she said, drawing closer and voice soft.

 

She looked around the field for anyone else who might listen in, and Luke had the same idea.

 

“There's a room close by. Let's continue there.”

 

He got up and led her to a room. When she was in, he closed and locked the door, his eyes becoming hardened and skeptical as he turned on her.

 

“Who are you?” he demanded coldly. “Why are you really here?”

 

If he thought that caging her in would scare her, then he was in for a rude awakening. 

 

Rey crouched down and drew out her baton, immediately lengthening it into a staff. 

 

Luke stopped and stared at the sight of the old weapon, but it was his downfall. As she gained the element of surprise and a weapon, he found himself stuck not far from the door.

 

In the next instant, the staff went flying for his head, and he ducked. Then, in a wide arc reminiscent of Ben's form, Rey charged forward with several more furious shots at his person until she had him down on his knees.

 

She thrust the staff in his face.

 

“Is it true? Do you have insider information about Kylo Ren? Why did you betray Ben and abandon your family? Tell me!”

 

Luke stared in horror and confusion at Rey, trying to understand what was unfolding in front of him. He couldn't tell if she was sent by Leia or his nephew. 

 

When he continued to stay silent, she pushed the staff closer to him, insisting on an answer.

 

“I'm not leaving until you tell me everything you know about Kylo Ren. I'm going to take him down if it's the last thing I do.”

 

“Why?” asked Luke, trying to make sense of her and wiggling back slightly.

 

“Because Kylo Ren stands for all that is evil, and he killed a man whose family I'm close to. I will avenge them, even if they choose not to,” she said, her voice becoming softer at the thought of Ben. 

 

Satisfied that Rey was on his side, he stopped fighting her and relaxed a little. 

 

“I should think it pretty obvious about my connection to and information about Kylo Ren, seeing as he's actually Ben, my nephew. I helped raise him. But I suppose you're referring to what I found out about him since he joined the First Order and how.”

 

Rey's face became white at his first words. By the end, her grip slackened, and the staff clanged on the ground, right before Rey blinked.

 

Images collided and swirled around in Rey's mind. Ben talking to her at the Falcon, and Ren setting fire to the Falcon. Ben sparring with her, giving her pointers, and Ren allowing her to rush forward, as though he expected it, right before they fought. Ben pressing close against her, wanting her as much as she wanted him, and Ren whispering in her ear, suddenly not interested in sharing her. 

 

“Ben?”

 

Other memories surfaced. The smell of Ben, familiar and comforting, and recognizing it on Ren. Hurting Ren in the interrogation and Ben acting jumpy, not to mention having tender spots. Ben having wounds in the same place that she had given to Ren.

 

She dipped forward, eyeing Luke and looking for honesty, even as her memories confirmed it. She could be deluding herself. It could all be coincidental. 

 

“No! Not Ben!”

 

“Search your feelings,” he replied softly, looking sorry for telling her the truth in such a manner.

 

Her lips quivered as she remembered calling out to Ben the night before. He hadn't come because he had already been there, and then he refused to touch her that morning after his actions of the previous night. A moment later, she fell to the ground, a small sob bursting from her.

 

“Please, anyone but him!”

 

The evidence was overwhelming. Who else knew her schedule like Ben? Who else knew exactly what happened at the station and could change things as easily as him?

 

Tears fell quickly down her face as she tried to heave in a breath. Luke got up, only to kneel down in front of her at once, concern etched across his face. 

 

“Rey, I don't understand. Do you hate him?”

 

She wanted to hate him. She wanted to hate him with every fiber of her being, for taking Han away from her, Leia, and everyone else.

 

As she froze outwardly, her mind reeled in shock, realizing why he had paused before killing Han.

 

He had to kill his own father, out of some sick sense of duty to the First Order.

 

Her heart broke again, completely confused about who she felt worse for, or how to come to terms with this.

 

“No,” she said finally. “I thought I did, but I'm not sure anymore.”

 

“Then there's only one other rational explanation for this. You must have feelings for my nephew,” he said, trying to make sense of her sudden changes in emotion.

 

How could she? She wanted to kill him and everything he stood for. She needed to, in order to have justice for her parents, for Han, and everyone else hurt by the First Order. 

 

And yet…… it wasn't Finn she had called out to in order to lean on. It was Ben. 

 

It would always be Ben.

 

She couldn't trust him now, though. He had hidden something  _ huge  _ from her, and she hated him for the deception. 

 

She dimly wondered why Finn hadn't told her, but it was soon blocked out by the sense of betrayal she felt regarding Ben. He had betrayed her in every possible way.

 

The sad part in all of it was that she  _ wanted  _ to trust him. She wanted nothing more than to believe in him after all they had gone through together. She couldn't, and she wanted to slap him upside the head, or beat more sense into him.

 

Then, she wanted to convince him to abandon the First Order and come back to her. Not only that, but destroy the group once and for all.

 

How could she face him or Leia? How was she supposed to talk to him after all this?

 

Nothing made sense.

 

The one man she had sworn to kill was the one man that she was, in fact, falling for. 

 

This bit of irony was not lost on her, and she regretted holding on to so much anger. She wished she could forgive like Leia. She just didn't think it possible. Someone had to die for her parents and for Han. Her sense of justice required it.

 

The anger had helped her survive, gave her a reason to live after losing her parents to the First Order. The need for revenge was comfortable; she could work with it.

 

This…...swirling sense of doubt and confusion, about what she should do, left her feeling unbalanced. 

 

Where did she go from here? Was she supposed to hate all of Ben now? Could she even do that, given how much she longed to be held and comforted by him? 

 

Loving all of him seemed just as impossible. How did she come to terms with what he had done?

 

Luke stared at the catatonic Rey. He tried a couple times to wave in front of her face, but that did nothing. He waited until she got out of her head, her eyes red and body shaking.

 

When she finally blinked and noticed him, he said softly, remembering his sister, “Rey, you have to forgive him, for whatever it is he did.”

 

Her hand came to her mouth as she gasped.

 

“You don't know yet.”

 

“What are you talking about? Of course I don't know. I'm a hermit, living at the soup kitchen and working and meditating here at the abbey. What have I missed?”

 

“Ben, Kylo Ren, he,” she tried, the words a struggle to get out.

 

“What did my naughty nephew do now?” he asked with a slight shake of his head.

 

“He killed Han. Last night,” she whispered. 

 

She began crying again, and this time, Luke joined her. Now he understood why she was so upset, and why she had wanted to help his family. 

 

Neither hugged one another as they cried, but Luke put a hand out on Rey's, wanting to help her. Whatever had happened to her, she was in deep now, and he knew that he was about to get dragged back into the thick of things. 

 

When the two both had regained some sense of dignity, Luke helped her up.

 

“Rey, thank you for telling me about Han. I assume there's a funeral soon?”

 

“Yes. The day after tomorrow.”

 

“Good. I'm going with you. I need to find something first, though, and you need to go home and rest.”

 

“But my questions-"

 

“I'll explain everything tomorrow, I promise. Come early tomorrow. Bring a cushion, and prepare to tell me how you found my father's old weapon.”

 

She nodded and went on her way to find some food.

 

Luke called Artoo to himself and went into the back gardens of the abbey. He had some digging to do.

 

Ben had persisted in his delusions long enough. 

 

\--------------

 

Across town, Ren finished gathering the tools he needed and had some dinner. He was on his way over to Rey's home when he got a call from the First Order, so he put off the surveillance until the next day.

 

The following morning, after much restless sleep, he headed over to Rey's apartment and made a horrifying discovery: her apartment used Resistance Security. 

 

They were the only security company that the First Order had yet to break into or infiltrate. 

 

Finn had definitely chosen this place. Ren once again found himself wondering just how close Finn was to Rey. His behavior at Starkiller Base and during moving suggested he cared a lot for Rey. The issue was that he seemed equally close to Rose while moving.

 

Which brought up another good question: why hadn't Rose gotten back to him yet about Rey? He had expected to hear  _ something  _ from Rose, even if it was a definite no.

 

Perhaps she was with Finn. She seemed more into him than he was into her.

 

After all his usual tricks failed to get him through the secure doors, a couple finally let him in as they walked in with groceries.

 

The doorman was easy to fool as he posed as Rey’s boyfriend making a surprise visit. Once he was upstairs, he found her place easily. 

 

The door was hard to break into, but he managed. Finn had really done his homework, but he was still better.

 

Her place was a wreck. Her desk at work was always neat, with little on it. Her old apartment had been similar, and this place would have been if she wasn't going through a hard time, as he was sure that was why clothing was strewn everywhere, and none of the dishes were done. 

 

He recognized the shirt she had worn at Starkiller Base. It still smelled like her, something fruity and fresh, but also mixed in with the tang of blood and sweat.  He wanted to keep it, some backwards token of his defeat at her hands, as though the scars she gave him weren't enough. 

 

It took a few hours to set everything up, but when he finished, he was satisfied. 

 

He sat down on the old, worn couch for a moment, the couch seeming lower and less comfortable than normal. He surveyed the room, looking at the shirt from earlier. If he took it, he felt as though he should leave her something in return. But what would be wholly inappropriate and hopefully scare her?

 

The photo album from Unkar, of course. He had it with him, as he had looked through it before falling asleep the night before. It had been the only way to calm his mind, with thoughts and images of her. He had only taken a few photos out for himself, wanting to have some memento of her and her smile.

 

Work didn't calm him anymore. Meditation like his uncle had taught him didn't work, either. All of his normal methods had failed, even beating up a punching bag. His mind was too active, and even when he slept, he woke up screaming.

 

There were too many demons, and they all took the form of Snoke telling him that he hadn't done enough and had failed, or they took the ghostly shape of his father, his eyes begging for understanding and hands reaching out in supplication. He didn't want to face either of them.

 

Rey was the island of calm and warmth. She may have been fierce and a little feral when she fought back, but it was magnificent to behold. And if she was just being soft and innocent, or bold and wicked, then there was nothing better in the world that he wanted.

 

He was fixating on her too much. He knew it. He was going down a spiral, though, and it would only get worse until he made it through the funeral the next day and faced her and his mother.

 

Even then, it may not stop. He was losing his mind from the lack of sleep and the sense of loss and hopelessness consuming him. He had never felt so conflicted, so at war with himself. Why was it that he only found peace with or around Rey?

 

After some time, he left the album slightly open on a side table next to a lamp in her living room, and then he headed home.

 

With his luck, she would see it when she walked in, or soon after when she tried to relax. It would fill her with joy momentarily, and then set her on edge. Perhaps then she would consider texting him again.

 

If not, he would tell her in a day or two. He wanted to survive the funeral first, and then he was determined to keep her in his sight at all times, at work and about town, to prevent her from making any other discoveries.

 

Especially finding Luke. 

 

\-----------

 

When Rey awoke that morning, she rose with renewed purpose. 

 

She still didn't know what to do about Ben, but decided to wait until Luke had explained everything to her. Perhaps he knew something else about Ben that would further push her down the right path, the path to truth in all this mess.

 

When she arrived at the Ahch-To soup kitchen, Luke was already seated, just finishing his breakfast. When he saw her, he got up and thanked the volunteers before meeting Rey outside.

 

Once together, they headed back to the small room of the day before, Luke telling the same nun of yesterday that she was his niece come with bad news.

 

Inside the room, Artoo sat determinedly, guarding an old box covered in dirt.

 

“Last night, I unburied what I had found last year, the fruits of my search. I never intended to abandon my family, just so you know,” said Luke. “I wanted to save it as soon as I found out what had become of my nephew.”

 

“What's in the box?” asked Rey, venturing over to Artoo, who growled and snapped at her.

 

“Don't worry about the box. I'll get there. He won't let anyone but me near that box. He's a good dog in that way,” said Luke indulgently. 

 

Both sat on the couch cushions Rey brought. Once comfortable, Luke began to explain.

 

“I'm going to start at the beginning with Ben. He was always a troubled - no, Leia hated that word for him - odd child. He had the heart of his father, along with the moral compass of his mother. He just combined them in weird ways.”

 

“Such as?” asked Rey.

 

“He beat up every bully he met in high school. Got into so many fights. He worked hard and learned to idolize his grandfather since neither of his parents really spent much time around him, always away at work. He grew up hearing a few stories from Leia and me, about how he had had it rough.”

 

“So he empathized with Anakin more. When did everything change?” asked Rey. “Was it high school or college?”

 

“He became more closed off halfway through high school, but college was the turning point. He tried to figure out why his grandfather changed careers so suddenly from being a pharmacist to a cop in order to pick his college degree. Then, one weekend he came home from college saying that someone had told him that Dad had been a druglord.”

 

“Who was it?” asked Rey, intensely curious. 

 

“I never found out, but I always suspected it was Snoke. When Leia confirmed the rumor, and tried to tell Ben not to look into it since she had gotten rid of all of Dad's journals and tried to hide that information, he lashed out. He wanted to know more about Dad, and thought that he had been forgotten.”

 

“Did he leave and stop talking to you after that?” asked Rey with concern.

 

“He did, until he graduated from college. He had always planned to become a cop, despite the double major, and since I was still in the Force, he came to me for training so that he could enter the academy after graduation. I thought nothing of it.”

 

Luke's face became more drawn as he recalled what came after. Rey watched with growing uneasiness. 

 

“Within months of him joining the Force, strange things started happening at the office. Things disappeared, as well as people being hidden. Ben wasn't directly involved in any of it for a long time, but when something disappeared yet again under his watch, and he thought nothing of it, I began to do some digging.”

 

“How long did it take to find conclusive evidence that he was involved with the First Order?” asked Rey, her white knuckles clutching the cushion.

 

“Several months. Then, Kylo Ren started to appear on the scene. I followed Ben for months, trying to find the headquarters. One time, Kylo Ren found me and brought me in for questioning, wanting to know why I had been snooping for so long.”

 

Rey shivered, thinking of her own similar experience. It seemed Ben was very good at hunting and hiding in the shadows, waiting for the right moment. 

 

This was why Finn had feared Ben for so long and hadn't had the courage to come forward. Ben knew and saw too much. She only hoped Finn was right about her being in a safe place now. 

 

“How did you respond to him, Luke?”

 

“I said as little as possible until he was satisfied. When he set me free, I attacked him. I managed to scratch his arm before I escaped. I came back to the office the next morning, where Ben was waiting anxiously for me.”

 

This was it. The confrontation. Rey could feel it and saw it in how Luke's face contorted. 

 

“What did Ben want?” 

 

“He demanded to know why I came in late, and if something had happened since I was injured. I said I had a lead, and I listened to my instinct. I reached for Ben's arm, the same one I had scratched on Ren. The scratch was still there.”

 

Luke became silent after that, remembering the scene well.

 

\------------

 

Flashback

 

_ Luke began pacing until he put a desk between himself and Ben. _

 

_ “I had a bad gut feeling about you, Ben, and I didn't want to believe it. Now, you're forcing me to. Why? Why did you do it, join the First Order after all that happened to our family? Why become Kylo Ren?” _

 

_ “Because you're all wrong about grandfather, and I'm going to prove it. He was weak for listening to you, but I'm stronger. I'm going to finish what he started.” _

 

_ Ren began walking around the desk. _

 

_ “And what exactly, did he start?” asked Luke. _

 

_ “He started an empire and proved that he could be stronger and better than everyone else. He gave the weak what they deserved, and he proved he didn't need love.” _

 

_ “Amazing. Every word of what you just said is wrong. You still understand nothing, Ben, about your grandfather. He never cared about the power. Don't be stupid and listen to Snoke.” _

 

_ Luke reached out a hand to Ren, but he pushed it away, his face in a sneer.  _

 

_ “At least he was honest with me. It's more than I can say for you. You lied to me, just as Mother did.” _

 

_ “It was for your own good! We were trying to prevent something like-" _

 

_ Ren burst in, the window on the office rattling in his rage and hurt. _

 

_ “Like this? Well guess what? It backfired! It happened anyway. You should've told me the truth when you had the chance. Now I can't trust you or anyone else. Only myself.” _

 

_ “Don't trust Snoke,” pleaded Luke. “He's dangerous.” _

 

_ “At least he understands me. He will help me finish this. You, however, are another issue. I'm taking you to Snoke,” said Ren slowly and carefully. _

 

_ “Ben, don't go this way. It's not too late-" _

 

_ “It's too late for you, and for me. Let's go.” _

 

_ Luke panicked. He pulled out the baton he kept at his side at all times and slashed at his nephew, making him reel back. _

 

_ In the opening, Luke rushed out of the office, grabbing his notes on Kylo Ren in order to seek out the information he needed before he could face his nephew again. _

 

_ At the door, he said sadly, “I'm sorry it came to this, Ben. I never wanted to hurt you. I'll be back.” _

 

_ Then he disappeared, and all the rumors began. _

 

\-------

 

As Luke finished up his story of his last interaction with his nephew, he drew in a heavy sigh.

 

“I took only what I needed. I had to find out the truth about my father. Since Ben would never believe hearsay, I had to find Dad's old journals. Leia got rid of them all after he died. I began following the trail to find the ones that Snoke and Ben hadn't found already.”

 

“What about Leia? What did you tell her when you left?” asked Rey, worried if Leia knew the truth.

 

“I told her that I had to go in order to find out the truth about Dad. I never told her why.”

 

Rey's face fell.

 

“Don't worry. She's a smart woman. She probably figured it out on her own,” said Luke, patting Rey's arm. “He keeps doing more and more, showing how unafraid he is of the police. It'll come back and haunt him eventually.”

 

“It already has. Finn turned snitch on him. That's why he was forced to kill Han, because we wanted to help Finn. The whole shipment was destroyed thanks to explosives.”

 

“Good ol’ Han, making trouble again. I wish he didn't have to sacrifice himself to do it, though. I can't believe he's gone,” said Luke, looking away as he remembered the old days.

 

“I can't stop seeing him when I fall asleep.”

 

“How is Finn? He was the new guy when I left,” said Luke. “He always felt like he was a big deal when he first joined, but we showed him his place pretty fast at the bottom of the food chain.”

 

Rey laughed, imagining Finn dealing with the busy work as she had.

 

“He's doing pretty well, all things considered. He's got a good heart, and he cares about his friends, however few of us there are. He's like me; he never trusted anyone growing up.”

 

“Speaking of you, I take it you met Maz at some point. How did you manage to find my dad's weapon?”

 

As Rey launched into a shortened version of her life story, Luke listened with curiosity, especially at the circumstances around her parents’ deaths, and the appearance of Bee Bee. As she described her beginning times with the Special Witnesses unit, Luke seemed shocked.

 

“Ben actually smiled at you?”

 

“Why is everyone so surprised and bent out of shape when he smiles? I don't get it!” cried Rey with frustration, clenching and unclenching her fists. 

 

Luke noticed the silent gesture and shook his head, a small smile appearing briefly.

 

“Ben rarely smiled as a child. He was always serious. If he chose to smile, it was usually because he was acting goofy, taking after his father when he wanted to avoid an argument. He never smiled after he broke away from the family.”

 

“But he smiles so much around me. How can that be?” asked Rey, completely mystified. “We had just met.”

 

“So you didn't feel a certain  _ connection _ to him right away that night?” asked Luke, wiggling an eyebrow. 

 

Rey laughed before thinking again about that night. It seemed so long ago, even though it wasn't. 

 

“He was attractive and mysterious. He had a nice smile, and I trusted him almost immediately because I felt as though we understood where we stood with one another quickly. I guess you'd call that a connection?” 

 

“When it involves a Skywalker, yes,” said Luke seriously. “You should have seen Leia when she met Han. One punch, and she knew.”

 

Rey laughed at the thought of Leia punching Han for something irreverent he said.

 

“How did you meet Maz, though?” continued Luke. “And did you like that simple box? I knew I'd confound Ben with it. I wanted to be found in case of something like this, so I'm glad it was you.”

 

Rey continued her story until the present, leaving nothing out except the descriptions of her growing feelings for Ben. Luke seemed to figure that out without much explanation, thankfully.

 

When she finished, Rey treated him to a real meal before they went back to the abbey to continue talking.

 

Luke showed her a few new moves to try with the staff, and when that was done in the courtyard, the two went into the room, where Artoo remained dutifully on his guard.

 

When Luke approached, Artoo let him grab the box, and then lay next to Rey, begging for attention. Rey indulged him happily. 

 

“Do you have any idea what's in this box?” asked Luke gravely.

 

“No, so I hope you explain its value to me,” replied Rey.

 

Opening the box, he pulled out five old, worn notebooks, all filled with a tiny, neat, masculine hand.

 

“My father, Anakin, started off life as a pharmacist. He wanted to document everything in his life since he experimented and hoped to design life-saving drugs one day. These are his earliest ones, right before and after he met Padme, my mother.”

 

Rey grabbed a notebook and began scanning it as Luke continued. 

 

“She encouraged him to write every day, and he wrote a lot when he first met her to make her happy. Half of that first notebook can be summed up as ‘Padme is the most amazing woman to ever exist. I want to make her happy, marry her, and have a family with her.’ And this is all within the course of a few months. They were married within a year of meeting.”

 

“Wow. That's fast,” said Rey in amazement. 

 

“Yes, but somehow it was that forever kind of love. Dad continued experimenting and writing in his journal, and when she became pregnant, he spent so many pages describing her pregnancy process.”

 

“He sounds so caring, just like Ben,” said Rey.

 

Luke gave her a  _ look _ .

 

“Few would describe Anakin or Ben that way, except the women they cared about. Consider yourself one of a select few.”

 

Rey sighed as she considered it. Before Starkiller Base, she would have agreed instantly, as she felt the feeling was mutual. Now, her feelings were scrambled, and she felt as though she were lost, as she couldn't trust him and his motives.

 

“I realize that, but it doesn't make my feelings or future any clearer about what to do about him. I can't just punch him and bang him at the same time,” said Rey, venting her frustration and realizing belatedly who she was talking to. 

 

Luke chuckled anyway.

 

“Leia would heartily disagree, but that's going into territory I don't want to think about. Anyway, where was I with Dad?”

 

“Padme was pregnant with you and Leia,” said Rey.

 

“That's right. As she became more pregnant, her back hurt, a lot. Her pain increased significantly over the course of her pregnancy. Dad began having nightmares of her screaming in pain and dying. He refused to give her pain meds at first, for fear of its effects on her and us, but she begged him to do so at one point.”

 

“Is that how she became addicted to drugs?” asked Rey, remembering Leia explaining it to her.

 

“Not quite yet. It was while she was still pregnant that Dad met a guy named Palpatine, or Sidious on the black market. Palpatine knew of this super illegal drug that could help Padme, so they invested together to bring it to D’qar. By the time it arrived, she had had us, but she was still in pain.”

 

“What was the drug?”

 

“Dad never mentioned it in his journals, for fear that the authorities would find this journal and arrest him. I have my suspicions, but Ben would know better since he studied much of it in college. Mom tried it, and it worked like a charm. Dad experimented and made the drug better, for her. She took it in larger doses without him realizing it, and then she became addicted. Everything changed after that.”

 

Luke stared at the journals with a mournful expression.

 

“We lost both Mom and Dad after that. Mom deteriorated quickly, and Dad stayed away from her, ashamed for bringing her to that point. She died of a broken heart within three months of him finding out. Then, he became destructive and decided to join Palpatine in dealing drugs.”

 

“So what part of that story doesn't Ben understand?” asked Rey in confusion. “It makes sense to me.”

 

“It's his motivation for creating and dealing drugs that is misunderstood. Drugs had always been good, a way to help the one he loved. It got twisted when Palpatine got involved. He hated drugs first for taking away his wife, and then people. They had caused him to go against his beliefs. Eventually, he despised Palpatine, but they were in it too deep at that point. He became a cop to help get the drugs through the city faster.”

 

“So he dealt drugs to get revenge on others?” asked Rey, trying to make sense of it all.

 

“Yes. Because people were weak. If they took them or asked for them, then it was their fault and they deserved it. He persisted in that delusion until I met him midway through the drug wars. Eventually he learned the truth, that not everyone is weak for wanting drugs or wanting relief. Mom wanted it, for goodness sake. She wasn't weak at all.”

 

“So these notebooks show that? Are you going to show them to Ben now?” asked Rey eagerly. “He might change sides if he knew this.”

 

Luke's words lit a fiery spark of hope within Rey, and that hope blossomed and burned quickly, enveloping her whole face in a smile that made Luke feel hopeful.  _ This  _ was why Ben had fallen for Rey: he may have realized how similar to him and powerful she was, but it was her smile that drew him in and showed him something he had never had, and always wanted. Hope. 

 

Luke was glad that Ben had fallen for someone who was his equal. Even if Rey didn't realize it, he did. Ben had been a loner like Anakin, never dating until one woman made him see otherwise.

 

“Ben still may not turn at this point. He's made his bed, and I'm pretty sure he hates himself as much as Dad hated himself. They're pretty similar, really. It took Dad a year to turn.”

 

“We have to try,” she begged. “Please.”

 

It was a good thing that Ben hadn't been there when Luke had confronted Leia and the others about his father. He would have heard Luke using a similar tone as Rey.

 

“You sound just like me. I shouldn't do it; I think he'd ignore me. You, however, might have a chance. But promise me one thing: don't show them to him right now.”

 

“Why?” she asked in bafflement. 

 

“Because he’s not emotionally ready for it. He just killed his own father!”

 

“Oh, right,” she said awkwardly. “So wait a few weeks.”

 

“Yes. Now, you need to go home. We have a big day tomorrow with the funeral. I'll find you, and eventually Leia.”

 

“Thank you,” she said with true gratitude, giving Luke a light hug. “I feel hope again.”

 

“I've always felt that no one is ever really gone. I want to believe it for Ben, despite this most recent development.”

 

She nodded. “Me too.”

 

As Rey left, Luke whispered, “The only reason I believe it possible is because of you, Rey. Love saved my father, and it may very well be the only thing that can save Ben.”

 

\----------------

 

On the morning of the funeral, Rey dressed in black and headed to where Han was being laid out in state, before all went to the cathedral for the funeral. 

 

She promised herself that she would not touch or talk to Ben. It was too soon, and she wasn't sure if she would be able to control herself. There were so many warring emotions within her regarding Ben, so much she wanted to ask him and understand. 

 

But not at Han's funeral. She had to be there to support Ben and Leia, in whatever way they needed.

 

When she arrived, she found Leia first, standing in a corner, looking lost, her despair only shown in the way she clutched on to the wall. 

 

Leia’s behavior there contrasted greatly with how she had been when she had arrived first. Then, she had gone to Han’s casket, clutching a hand and begging him not to leave her and help her as she tried to help their son. 

 

Most attendees after that greeted her quickly and let her be, her sad, haunted eyes making most flee.

 

When Leia saw her, the bleak look in her eyes lifted momentarily as she came forward to hug Rey.

 

“Rey, you made it. Were you successful?”

 

As they embraced, Rey whispered, “Yes, I was. I have so much to tell you after this. Have you seen Ben yet?”

 

Leia froze, and Rey knew that she hadn't.

 

“I'm sure he'll be here soon. He's probably taken it much harder.”

 

“Oh, Rey…. I need strength,” said Leia quietly, realizing the meaning behind her words. “I have to see him, talk to him. I have to do this.”

 

“Take hope, Leia, and all the strength I have. It's yours,” said Rey as she pulled back with a small, joyful smile. “There's hope yet for all this, somehow.”

 

“Hope is like the sun,” said Leia softly. “If you only believe it when you see it you'll never make it through the night.”

 

“I believe you. I wish I had had it the last few days.  I just wish we had more.”

 

Leia shook her head and pulled Rey close.

 

“We have everything we need.”

 

As the two hugged again, both with teary eyes, Ben finally entered.

 

He had waited as long as possible, in the hopes that he could avoid his mother. What he hadn't expected was for his first visual to be Rey and his mother embracing. He could only see Leia's face, tears falling down toward the slight, upward tilt of her mouth.

 

They were the only two people who had ever come close to understanding or caring about him. He didn't know where he stood with either, but he couldn't excuse himself from the moving sight of Rey comforting his mother, the way he should, and never would be able to. 

 

In another life, with different choices made, it would have been so easy to make things work with Rey. They would have worked together, grown closer, and his parents would have loved her even more than now. There was no other way his mother could even consider smiling otherwise. 

 

He wanted to go to them desperately. Even if they didn't know the full depth of his sorrow, they knew some of it.

 

It wasn't until his mother opened her eyes and gasped that he realized that his feet had brought him closer unknowingly. 

 

Leia reached out a weak hand, but Rey was faster. She saw his expressive eyes, and every thought of not touching, not speaking to him, flew out the window as she saw the pain in him that she remembered all too well from childhood.

 

The loss of a parent.

 

Compassion filled her and sent her flying to him.

 

“Ben.”

 

This time he couldn't and didn't want to escape. He let Rey enfold him in her arms, and he let his emptiness be filled for just a moment. 

 

It was peace in his soul. The quiet before the storm. She was the warmth that had always been missing from his life, and she was his equal, another part of him that made him feel whole at last when united. 

 

It couldn't last forever, but those strong arms held him with everything within her.

 

“I'm sorry, Ben. I wish you had found me sooner.”

 

“I tried,” he said softly. 

 

A short distance away, Leia did smile, a true smile at last. She may have despaired upon first learning what her son had done and how it would be possible to bring him back, but now, her hope was fully restored.

 

Finn had called Rey his first spark of hope for defeating the First Order when he turned himself in. Now, she fully understood and knew that she was the only hope. No one else would look at him and hold him like that despite knowing his past.

 

A throat was cleared, and all three looked up to find Poe, Finn, Rose, Kaydel, and Chewie staring at the couple embracing. Chewie wasn't gaping like the rest, as he seemed more pleased than anything. The others were baffled.

 

Ben pulled away from Rey, looking oddly at Poe a moment before escaping the really awkward situation about to happen.

 

“Excuse me, I need to-"

 

“Ben, wait!” cried Rey as he disappeared. 

 

“Chewie, please help me find him,” begged Leia. 

 

Chewie came to her side at once, and they went in search of Ben.

 

Rey stared at her friends until she realized that Finn was better. She ran toward him as he continued to gape.

 

“Finn! I'm so glad to see you and have you back.”

 

“I'm glad you're still alive. I was afraid you'd run into unsavory things or people while out there,” said Finn in an undertone. “I hope it was worth it.”

 

“It was. It really was,” she said.

 

Rey did her best to keep up with the conversation between all of them, but she still felt apart, out of it. Worse, all of them were looking at her as though she were a traitor.

 

She had embraced the enemy, yes, but it wouldn't have happened if she had known the truth.

 

Something uncomfortable happened in that moment. She understood Ben's pain just a little more, knowing that she had been lied to out of a sense of duty, to protect her. Now, it tore her apart.

 

She stayed with them until they walked up to Han’s open casket. Then, she went on alone.

 

“Han, I know you're up there in a better place, without pain. Still, all the same, I …. I wish you were here.”

 

She paused to sniff and hold back tears. 

 

“I wish you could help me sort out this big mess. I'm afraid I have very complicated feelings for your son. Leia has been amazing, but I miss you already.  I wish I could have had someone as good and brave as you for a father.”

 

She reached forward and touched the casket, not daring to go closer. It shouldn't hurt this much after knowing a person for so short a time, but it did. She finally went back into the arms of her friends, who all took turns hugging her.

 

\-------------

 

Ben moved soundlessly through the crowd, looking at all the familiar faces and not wanting to talk to anyone. A few greeted him and offered condolences, but most seemed to realize that he wasn't ready to receive them.

 

He went first to his father, to face one of his demons.

 

There lay Han, in his favorite suit and holding a picture of his family at the Falcon, everything held most dear. 

 

In death, Han seemed at peace. He took comfort in that at least. 

 

Placing a hand on Han’s cheek, this one harder and nowhere near as real as he remembered, Ben said his last goodbye.

 

“I'm sorry, Father. You'll never know how much I really cared about you. May you truly be at peace.”

 

He drew back, and when he saw Rey approaching, he disappeared into the crowd again, only to be accosted by a bear hug from Chewie. Then, Chewie deposited Ben with Leia and headed toward the casket to be ready to carry it, along with Lando and other friends of Han who had volunteered to do so.

 

Ben turned to follow them, knowing he should, but Leia grabbed his arm.

 

“Ben, please stay with me. I need you.”

 

And so he stayed. They remained silent as Han’s body moved through the horde assembled for the viewing in state, and then he escorted his mother to his car, to drive her to the cathedral. 

 

The mass was solemn, the whole church filled with people wanting to pay their respects to the famous war hero and bartender. 

 

At the end of the funeral, both mother and son sat in the first pew, hands interlaced, in front of the casket. They had sat or stood separately throughout everything else, but in that moment, neither one wanted to face Han alone, for the very last time.

 

Both needed strength for what came next. 

 

Keeping an unsteady arm around his mother, Ben led Leia to the casket. She buried her face against his shoulder as she took a shaky breath. Ben felt the tears pricking his eyes again, that familiar weakness he still hadn't been able to conquer.

 

He wanted to be strong for his mother, but with every loving caress she gave him, he felt the sense of betrayal consume him more. He was a monster undeserving of her love then. 

 

He didn't deserve to see his father at peace like this, during the last time he would ever be able to look upon his father's face. He didn't belong in that church period since he was the cause of all this. He did everything in his power to breathe normally.

 

Leia wanted to be strong for Ben, as she always had been. She wanted to stay in control just long enough to be able say what she needed to Ben.

 

When she was finished saying her last goodbye to Han, he led her back to their seat, where he pulled away from her at once. Both continued in silence until everyone around them disappeared. 

 

“Ben,” said Leia, grabbing his attention. “I'm sorry.”

 

He opened his mouth to protest, but Leia stopped him with a hand.

 

“I can't believe he's gone. I know you weren't always close, but I think I speak for Han as well when I say that the past is in the past. No matter what happened before now, I forgive you.” 

 

She paused a moment and watched the shock rush across his face as his eyes held hers, silently asking her what she would never admit out loud.

 

She put her right hand on his left shoulder, and held his right hand. She continued to stare at him, forcing him to look at her.

 

“We may be all that's left of our family. I refuse to lose you, too.”

 

He blinked, fear filling his eyes. 

 

“What if….. I'm already gone?” he stuttered.

 

“Then I'm coming back to bring you home. I love you, Son.”

 

Leia pulled him into a tight embrace, and Ben finally cried. Huge, choked sobs led to shaking and silent tears. His embrace became even stronger than hers. 

 

When he let go and pulled away, he had gotten a hold of himself, even if his color was still heightened. 

 

“I don't deserve this.”

 

“None of us do, but that's what love does anyway. And you deserve that just as much as everyone else,” said Leia, giving him a pointed look. “Don't stay away too long. I miss you.”

 

He nodded before rushing to get up and away. It was all too much now.

 

The complete sense of love and forgiveness from his mother contrasted with the shock and fear on Finn's face as Rey held him. It made him feel unbalanced. Adding to that the lack of anyone from the First Order appearing, and Rey's immediate response to him, he felt alone.

 

He still didn't deserve Rey or his mother, especially his mother. He would not see her again until he could look her in the eye and admit everything, though. He had  _ hoped _ that someone, even Hux, might show up. He also hoped that Snoke would do  _ something  _ besides seem so happy that Han was out of the picture. 

 

His father's words haunted him as he walked away: what if Snoke really was just using him and purposely trying to remove all the good in his life, forcing him to be left with only Snoke? 

 

Was this really helping him become stronger? Yes, he was cutting ties and removing weaknesses, but it was supposed to make him better, not worse.

 

They were the first seeds of doubt.

 

As he exited the doors, he ran into Poe. Suddenly, he remembered with clarity where he had seen almost the exact same dog before, who had also hated him passionately.

 

Poe and his dog, Bates. The little runt of a dog had growled at Ben ever since he tripped Poe in school and played pranks on them.

 

“I'm sorry for your loss,” said Poe sincerely. “He was a good man.”

 

“The best,” agreed Ben before he turned. As he moved his head, he grumbled quietly, “Even now, your dog hates me, just as you secretly do, and I don't understand how Bates does since I didn't even remember him at first.”

 

As he walked to his car, Poe stared in shock at Ben and at what he had just heard.

 

How on earth had he, of all people, seen Bates? Was it even possible he was still alive? 

 

Doubt ran through Poe. Something screwy was going on, and he needed to figure it out. He went in search of Rose and the others so they could head to the office.

 

Rey watched Ben leave before she heard a quiet cough. Looking behind her, she saw Luke.

 

He moved swiftly with her toward Leia, who was still sitting in the pew, waiting until the last possible second before the men came forward to take the casket.

 

They went to the closest side aisle of the cathedral and waited for Leia to get up, and then Rey hissed Leia's name, making her turn and open her mouth in shock. 

 

Luke rushed forward, not caring if he was recognized anymore.

 

When he reached her, Leia said simply, “Luke.”

 

“Leia.”

 

The reunited siblings embraced warmly until Luke handed Leia his only token of Han he had held onto, a pair of dice.

 

“I want you to have this, Leia. I'm sorry I was away for so long, but I'm back now. I'm going to make things right.”

 

“Thank you,” she sniffed.

 

When the two finished their moment, they went back to Han, hands linked on one side and touching Han with the other.

 

The trio were reunited one last time.

 

\---------

 

Back in the office, Rose noticed that she had a missed call from the police, so she pulled Poe over to listen with her.

 

“Rose, it's Ben Solo. This may seem like a really odd request, but I need any and all records you can scrounge up from Rey's years as a minor and in foster care. I had a lead with a case that's making me question some things and connections. Thanks.”

 

Both stared at one another in bafflement at what the message meant, more seeds of doubt planted.

 

What kind of connection could Rey have to anything?

 

Rose suspected that it had to do with Finn protecting Rey so willingly. He probably just wanted information, but all the same, what if she wasn't what she seemed? Was that why she was barely hurt? Was he trying to cover for her?

 

Poe was trying to reconcile the two bits that he had heard together. Was Rey actually involved, and Finn just didn't know? Was Finn telling the whole truth? It seemed crazy, but how else had Bates been seen? Was there another connection?

 

\-----------

 

When Rey finally went home after having dinner with Luke, Chewie, and Leia at Leia's house, she plopped down onto her couch, mentally and physically exhausted.

 

She let her mind wander, and her eyes in the process. That was when she suddenly noticed a familiar photo album next to her lamp.

 

She grabbed it and leafed through it, looking for confirmation that it was Unkar Plutt’s.

 

It was. All the photo pages were earmarked and water-stained in the same places, and her name was scrawled in the back from when she had first been adopted by Plutt.

 

She had been so happy that day. It was to be short-lived, but she enjoyed every second she got.

 

Three of the photos from the album were missing. Plutt never looked at the photos, and they were tacked in place, which meant only one thing: someone had been to Plutt’s place, and then broke into her own home, purposefully taking out the photos. 

 

Fear rushed through her at the breach of privacy, knowing exactly who had done this.

 

No one else had the time or opportunity like Ben, nor the personal interest in her. A call to Plutt confirmed her suspicions that he had willingly let someone in, but he wouldn't admit who it was.

 

She picked up her phone, looking for a forgotten text that she had never responded to. 

 

He had finally made good on his promises, and she would not delay again. She also wanted him to confirm the truth.

 

As she considered what to say, she couldn't help but laugh at the irony of the situation. She hated having her private life explored and privacy be ignored, and yet, hadn't she done the same? She was just as guilty of being desirous to know everything about him, in both personas.

 

It also reminded her that he was dangerous. He knew what he was doing.

 

Finn had known that, though, and he said he had found her a good, safe place. And yet, he had broken in to this paragon of safety.

 

Doubt plagued her. What had happened? Was it a fluke, or was he not telling her more on purpose, just like the secret identity of Ben?

 

As much as she wanted to trust Finn, Poe, and the others at present, she was finding it very hard to do so. She felt unable to trust anyone.

 

She was alone in the world all over again.

 

And yet…. There was someone who understood. 

 

He was perhaps the only person who possibly felt more alone than her as they navigated this mess.

 

She finished her text with speed before heading to bed. She was afraid that she might lash out or give away her knowledge if she said much more that night in her state. 

 

\-------

 

As he lay awake in bed, trying to fall asleep, Ren received a text from his current burner cell.

 

He expected calls, not texts at this hour. Then he saw that it was Rey.

 

Everything changed.

 

She said, “When you said soon, I didn't realize you knew that I'd come to Starkiller Base. I don't regret what I did to you there. I never responded, though, and you have the strangest way of reminding me. If I knew you better, I'd say it was almost sweet to bring me this. I haven't forgotten you.”

 

He couldn't contain his smile.

 

He responded, “I'm pleased to know you liked seeing your album again. I don't mind if you forget; perhaps next time something will happen in person. You can know me better; trust me.”

 

Never had he been more honest or sounded more creepy in a text than in that moment, and he didn't care.

 

With all that was going on, if he brought her some kind of peace the same way she brought it to him, then he was happy. She deserved it.

 

He lived for every moment with her. He desperately wanted her to understand him fully, but most of all, he wanted her to trust him, just as he wanted to trust her.

 

Everything had fallen apart in the last week. His trust in her had been shattered after her disappearance from her apartment, and after her reappearance and apparent betrayal at Starkiller Base with his father. 

 

He wanted to believe in her. He needed someone to hold on to as he slid further into the mess of his own doing. 

 

He got his wish to hold on to her when someone called and tipped him off about a “big shakedown” involving the Hutts in a week. He could finally corner her somewhere alone, for an old-fashioned stakeout.

 

If he was lucky, it would last for more than one night. He couldn't wait to see her at work the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! More Reylo bonding time next chapter.


	7. Forced to Bond - The First Two Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben are on surveillance detail together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars, or the image used to inspire part of this chapter. It comes from the ReyLo Fic Recs group for Drabble Me This. The art is by sparklepoodles, who is amazing and talented!
> 
> Sorry for the delay!!! I feel awful. I hope this longer chapter helps. I wanted to include more of the force bond scenes in here, but it was getting too long. Also, it is probably not necessary, but no, I don't condone what Snoke (and by extension Ben) believe. I just need some twisted lies and things for them.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy it!

 

After an emotional day at the funeral, Rey had no idea what to expect at work.

 

As she walked in, she did her best to appear normal, but it was made clear by several of the team that they understood.

 

“Not many of us see our first murder that soon, Rey. Take it easy.”

 

That was the general refrain from everyone she saw in the office, other than Finn and Ben.

 

Finn wasn't there, as he was being forced to stay at home a couple more days to recover fully.

 

Ben kept looking at her, but not saying anything. He also wouldn't let her get near him, which she was grateful for.

 

It didn't appear odd, at least on that first day.

 

He only spoke to her once, to give her desk duty. Then he disappeared into his office.

 

The night after her first day back, he was especially chatty over text.

 

Kylo Ren: How was your first day back? Was everyone treating you like a fragile flower?

 

She could almost hear his dry, mocking tone.

 

Rey: Yes, no thanks to you. I hate what you've done.

 

She couldn't say she hated him outright. That felt too much like a lie. Maybe only in certain moments. Her wording was noticed by Ren, only because he had been waiting for her to lash out at him, to call him a murderous snake or something of that sort.

 

Rey didn't realize that the men had been warned away from her on purpose by Ben. He wanted to make sure that she had an easy transition back to work.

 

Between her rage and deep sadness at losing Han, Ben felt terrible, and he really didn't want to confront her until he had a better plan. Giving her desk duty until the surveillance detail was perfect, and if the guys didn't disturb her, then she'd have no reason to come to him.

 

Kylo Ren: You're allowed to be honest and say you hate me, even that you want to kill me. I prefer it. 

 

Rey: Do you really understand what you've done, though? You've killed a good, innocent man, with a family. Don't you have regrets?

 

She was a little pleased to see that he waited some time before answering her immediate response.

 

Kylo Ren: We all have things we regret. Do you regret not killing me yet?

 

Rey battled with herself as to how to answer his question. 

 

Rey: No, I don't. Time away has given me perspective. My original goal has only been strengthened by this turn of events. 

 

Ren was relieved that she didn't want to kill him. They were the same in that respect, unable or unwilling to do so. He found himself unable to help himself, wanting to needle her.

 

Kylo Ren: You alone can't destroy the First Order. It'll never work.

 

Rey had hoped he would say something to that effect. She wanted to scare and warn him.

 

Rey: I know. I'm realistic. Instead, I'm going to learn every deep, dark secret of yours. I'm going to know you so intimately that when I'm done, you'll want to help me.

 

Further reflection after the funeral told her that something had to give in this situation. She simultaneously wanted to ask him about every little thing in order to understand his true feelings, and to stay away from him, lest she reveal all she knew.

 

She knew her tendencies; eventually, she would not be satisfied with staying away. Not when a part of her desperately wanted him at her side, where it was safe. She held on to too much hope that Ben was still there and would choose the right thing when he knew the whole truth. She knew what was coming because of Finn, and Ben could help. He was in the perfect position to help. 

 

She  _ had _ to make him switch sides. There was no other option. 

 

Ren stared at Rey's message far longer than he should have. Why was she telling him this? It pleased and troubled him all at once. 

 

She could exploit him at his weakest, after they shared more intimacy; it was unwise to pursue her because of that.

 

Not that it stopped him from wanting it with her all the same. 

 

To hide that and try to overcome his weakness, he doubled down in his commitment to the First Order. He pledged internally that he would do everything in his power to turn Rey over to his side, or else kill her. 

 

Kylo Ren: You're delusional if you think I'm going to help you. My loyalty lies with Snoke and the First Order. What makes you think anything you say or do will make me change my mind?

 

Ren did  _ not  _ like her smug reply.

 

Rey: You haven't killed me yet, despite you knowing and being able to access where I live. You don't want to kill me.

 

It was a risk to say such a thing, but her intuition pushed her. Ren had no desire to tell her she was right, but he figured if she was putting all her cards on the table, then he would, too. 

 

Kylo Ren: Not even all the information from Luke Skywalker is going to be enough. By the time you get to know me, you'll understand me better than anyone. You'll want to help me instead. You'll see.

 

Rey laughed. While she could identify with him to a certain degree, she doubted she would ever want to join the First Order. 

 

Rey: Only the future knows who will be right. Good night.

 

\--------

 

Her second day back was quiet. Too quiet.

 

By her third day back, she knew she had to do something with regard to him. It would look suspicious otherwise.

 

She showed up at Ren’s office, her gaze more cool and withdrawn than normal. He thought nothing of it given the circumstances. 

 

“When are you going to let me do something more than desk duty?” she queried, still standing at his door. 

 

That surprised him. She always walked into his office; the pull he felt to her was something she had always reciprocated in moments like that. He was up in a moment, ready to investigate the problem. 

 

“When I can find a job that you aren't so emotionally attached to. You've had enough of that of late. What's wrong? Did Hux say something?”

 

He was ready to throttle Hux. He'd do it in a moment for Rey. 

 

She tilted her head a little but then shook her head no. 

 

“No. It's too quiet. I want to do something more besides paperwork.”

 

Everything within him wanted to give her that. He would very soon, but the yearning in her voice ate at his conscience. Before he knew it, he found himself suggesting something. 

 

“Want to spar in the back?”

 

He regretted it for a moment and cursed his weakness for her, until a smile broke out over her face. Then, it didn't matter. 

 

He  _ would  _ overcome this weakness. 

 

Another time.

 

That completely genuine, excited look had confounded him in the beginning, and captured him still now. He was powerless against it.

 

The practice was cathartic for both as they used their fists. Both took out all of their anger for the situation on one another, needing an outlet after the past couple tense days.

 

When they called it a draw, both were drenched in sweat, muscles aching from the rigor. 

 

Rey smiled at him slightly as they separated. He assumed it was because she always did after a good fight. It was actually because she had a better idea of his fighting style, as she had purposefully tried a bunch of new,different ones on him to see how he reacted.

 

He had also found the session enlightening, as he finally got to see why she had been graded so well in combat in the academy. 

 

All her fights in school had paid off well, based on what he had dug up about her from school records. 

 

After the match, the two parted in silence, and Rey avoided him as much as possible. No one thought anything of it, until Finn came back to the office the next day.

 

He watched Rey actively ignore Ren and remain silent. When she saw Finn, she greeted him with joy.

 

“Finn! Welcome back!”

 

The hug she immediately gave him was well worth the hassle he would receive later. It was warm and tight, everything he ever wanted in a friend.

 

“It's so good to have you back. Thank you again for everything the other night,” she whispered.

 

When Ren approached to welcome him back, Rey ditched them immediately, not looking back.

 

Finn couldn't hide his shock at Rey's behavior toward their boss, which led to him being questioned soon after in his boss's office.

 

“You've been here all of one hour, and you look as though the world's been turned upside down. What is it?” Ren asked, attempting to sound light and at ease. 

 

“Besides being put on desk duty?” cracked Finn with a weak smile.

 

“You should've expected that,” replied Ren seriously. “I think we both know the real reason for that. You've explained yourself sufficiently to the crew, but not to me. We both know whose name she called. Why did you go against my orders, and how did those explosives get into our cargo?”

 

Finn didn't bat an eye as he lied and said, “I heard a noise once, just like I said. We even looked around for it and kept an eye on the cargo. I don't know how we lost track of them.”

 

“Those two were both very old and tall. They should've been seen. Think back, and try harder!” Ren shouted, drawing closer to Finn.

 

“I  _ have  _ tried, multiple times. If the beatings didn't get it out of me, why would your yelling do so?” asked Finn calmly.

 

Nothing Finn said raised red flags in Ren’s mind. It was the way Finn said it, without any fear in his voice, that alerted him that something was different about Finn this time.

 

Finn had always been afraid of punishment; Finn especially feared him when he was the one doling it out. Despite that, Finn spoke as though it were rehearsed or was truly not afraid of being punished.

 

He couldn't remember a time when Finn wasn't afraid for himself or trying to cover something up for a similar reason. 

 

This was definitely a problem; he couldn't scare Finn into giving him an answer.

 

“And I suppose you acted in the heat of the moment only because you care about her so much, despite being told not to get close to her? That you helped her move because of it?”

 

“Yes,” replied Finn tensely. “She's a friend. I think you've already proved you have the better skills and don't like that based on our last interaction.”

 

“You put her in one of the few apartments we don't have a presence. Why?”

 

Finn looked genuinely shocked yet again. He got out of his seat to stare at Ren like a disapproving parent.

 

“How'd you find her? I told her not to tell you.”

 

Ren chuckled inwardly. Finn was as compromised as they came.

 

He just hoped that his own weakness for her never got that bad. 

 

“She didn't; she told Unkar, who carelessly left the information out. Now, why were you staring at Rey so much when you came in?”

 

There was a certain part of Ren that was even more protective of Rey than Finn. Granted, he blamed his jealousy and weakness for part of that, as Rey was instinctively  _ his. _

 

His sparring partner. His work partner. His  _ equal _ .

 

No one could come out of fights like that as she had done. Many others had tried and failed, especially Hux and Finn.

 

The feelings of ownership went deeper than he last recalled. Nonetheless, Finn noticed something about Rey, and he needed to know what it was.

 

Finn’s face went through a series of emotions, and for one moment, there was fear. Then decision, and finally, resolve.

 

“Rey is acting odd today. Haven't you noticed that from earlier in the week?” asked Finn. “Or do you not know her as well as she seems to think?”

 

Ren pushed Finn against a wall.

 

“What are you trying to imply?”

 

“Rey sure seems to trust you, calling out for you like that previously. Don't you think her distance from you is suspect, though?”

 

“She's been like that all week; my father was just killed. Of course she's giving me space,” Ren spat.

 

“That wasn't what she seemed to do at the funeral,” commented Finn, holding up his hands. “She seemed awfully close to you then.”

 

The memory of the funeral came swiftly to him, of Rey and their embrace. It had been one of those moments that he had indulged in weakness and had enjoyed every second of it.

 

She  _ had  _ gone to him at once. She would've stayed, too. He was sure of it. She had barely touched him now, other than sparring.

 

“She was, but then we broke apart because it was needed. No doubt now it's because we're at work,” Ren said confidently. 

 

“You want me to find out exactly why?” asked Finn, a smug grin on his face.

 

“No,” ground out Ren, putting pressure on Finn’s throat. “Stay. Away. From. Her. Have I made myself clear?”

 

Finn nodded slowly, unable to speak. Ren definitely took after his grandfather in terms of liking to choke people. 

 

“Good,” he replied, releasing Finn. “See that you remember that, and stay away from Poe and his assistant. You're too close.”

 

“I'm just doing my job,” muttered Finn, looking away and trying to regain his breath.

 

“Not from what I saw and heard on the taps. Make excuses with them. It's not hard when injured. Now, go!”

 

Finn wasted no time and left. He was hurriedly leaving the office when he saw Rey's suspicious look fall on him.

 

When Ren walked out of his office, Rey’s face became strangely blank and withdrawn. It was all very peculiar to Finn, and thankfully, Ren didn't seem to notice anything odd about it.

 

Finn went back to his desk under Ren’s watchful eye. He continued doing his paperwork until Ren left the office for the day, and then he went looking for Rey.

 

She hadn't tried to see him either. After all that had happened at the docks, he had expected something more from her.

 

Some part of him wondered why she hadn't checked on him more. Was there more to her that he wasn't seeing? Was there an understanding between Rey and Ren? It seemed unlikely based on how much Rey hated The First Order, but anything was possible. 

 

Rey was the only person left in the office. He approached her carefully, sensing her tension from far away.

 

“Rey, what's up?”

 

“Oh, you know,” she murmured, not looking up and seeming even more stiff.

 

“Wow. We're alone, and you still won't look at me. This is telling about our friendship.”

 

He had said it more to get a rise out of her, and it worked. He understood the need to process things, even if she seemed way more distant than expected. 

 

Rey was up in a moment, a contrite look plastered to her face.

 

“No, wait, Finn, it's not like that! I'm sorry, but the last few days have been-"

 

“I know, I know. They've been rough for everyone. You've been withdrawn all day, and Ren seemed to think that you've been like that all week.”

 

Rey nodded sadly, indicating that they should go for the day. They walked out toward their cars. 

 

“I also heard through the grapevine that you managed to find Luke at last. Congrats. I'm sure that was very-"

 

He stopped when he put two and two together, the finding of Luke and the lack of warmth in Rey.

 

“Oh, kriff. He told you-"

 

“Yes, he did,” said Rey, turning angry, disappointed eyes toward him at once. “I know the other identity of Ben now.”

 

“If you would let me explain-"

 

“What is there to explain? You lied to me,” accused Rey, stepping closer to him before remembering herself. Then, she walked toward her car.

 

“No, it wasn't a lie. It was an omission of fact. I'm sorry I did that. I was afraid that you wouldn't be able to handle the truth, that you'd act differently toward him, just as you are now. We needed you to act normal around him, just like Leia.”

 

“You thought it was a good idea not to tell Leia, too?” she asked in shock. “If I had known that, I would've done so much differently, not the least of which-"

 

“Calling out to him in your time of need?” insinuated Finn with narrowed eyes.

 

“That, yes. But in general, not becoming so….attached to him.”

 

Finn seemed to realize that she was already feeling something for Ben, so there was no point in hiding it. The only thing that she wouldn't say was just how deep her feelings ran.

 

She refused to even acknowledge them to herself. That was an exercise in futility at that point. 

 

“You were attracted to him early on,” insisted Finn, remembering Rey's awkward attempts at flirting with Ben the first time they met. “Besides, it has helped. He is just as interested in you. More so, in fact. He's rather fixated on you. Obsessed with you, even.”

 

Something twisted in Rey's gut. The information only confirmed her suspicions after his behavior as Ren, and his tendency to smile around her as noted by Luke. It created so many mixed feelings within her: anger that he would invade her privacy, joy that she wasn't the only one with these pesky feelings, and a twisted sense of pleasure as his darkness called out to hers. 

 

She thought about him plenty; they were alike in that respect. 

 

“And that's supposed to surprise or comfort me?” she asked, growing more upset. “Look, Finn, I'm sorry I'm so quiet. Everything is very confusing right now.”

 

Finn approached her slowly, waiting for her to turn toward him before he spoke. 

 

“We’ll figure it out together. Just know that I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to keep you safe,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I thought keeping you away at first was possible, but he made it clear early on that that wasn't going to happen. I've done everything I can since then, such as having you move. He's just better and smarter.”

 

“I know,” she sighed, her eyes far away as she thought of him. “I'm just glad that I keep nothing important in my apartment.”

 

Finn nodded before pulling her in for a hug.

 

“Same here. Go home and think about things. Tomorrow we can discuss what else is planned going forward after we're both put on desk duty for the Hutt deal.”

 

She grimaced at the reminder.

 

“I want to do something. Anything.”

 

“Be careful what you wish for. Ren is always watching and listening,” said Finn ominously. “I assume that you'll get stuck with me as punishment and to avoid you messing up whatever the First Order wants to do during this.”

 

“But?” she asked, giving him a curious look. 

 

“But if you are judged to be less of a risk under his control, then you may get stuck doing the surveillance shift with him. He always does for Hutt dealings.”

 

“Why? Hasn't he learned to separate himself from old family wounds?” she asked, thinking of the stories told of bad blood between Leia and Jabba the Hutt.

 

“Yes and no. Ask him why he was given surveillance by Luke to begin with at some point. The answer is telling.”

 

Her gut twisted uncomfortably, knowing that something bad had to have happened. 

 

“And if you are in there, you'll have to look out for the curse of bann van,” chuckled Finn.

 

“Ban van? Why is it banned if it's less than two years old?” she asked in confusion. 

 

“Wrong kind of ban. I'm talking about wedding announcements and vows, wedding banns. Like old times. The last time a female officer did surveillance in that van, she ended up marrying the guy she was stuck with.”

 

“Who was that? I can't recall any that fit,” she said racking her brain.

 

“Leia, naturally. Luke had gone out on a job, and he had insisted Han stay with her.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah. But maybe it doesn't apply anymore since we've scrapped that van. It's in its third iteration right now, and it's better than ever.”

 

He was referring to the thin layer of lead that reinforced the walls. It would prevent anyone from crashing into the van and destroying everything. It had been seen as a good idea by Luke and Leia when Ben had suggested it.

 

“I hope so. I don't want to think about that if I got stuck with Ben. This deal that Hux has been orchestrating is finally ready, right? Should only take one full day of preps?”

 

“Should, but nothing ever goes according to plan around here,” replied Finn.

 

As the two left on that unsettling note, Finn reflected on the fact that Rey still called Ren by his real name. It was a testament to Rey's hope and attachment that she still called him Ben, and that they might get stuck together.

 

It was a little disturbing, but Finn figured that Rey would see Ren for what he truly was at some point: irredeemable. 

 

Rey drove home in silence, still stewing. It didn't take long before she forgave Finn, as he did have the best of intentions. She didn't want to quarrel with one of her true friends, either.

 

Sometime after she got home, she found herself wandering to her window to watch the sunset. 

 

It was dazzling as usual, and her thoughts soon turned to Ben. Perhaps he was watching it with her. 

 

Some part of her hoped so. It was something they could do together despite being apart, one of the small bits of hope she held on to that Ben could come back. 

 

Besides his love for her. That was something that she sure was developing between them, and she didn't want to examine that closely.

 

Kylo Ren: Are you watching the sunset?

 

Rey sighed. If he was going to talk like a normal person, then she would do likewise. She could almost pretend that they were catching up with one another after work, the way he texted so familiarly. 

 

Rey: Yes. I love the colors tonight.

 

She hugged herself after responding, feeling a chill through the open window. 

 

_ Not  _ because she wanted him behind her, keeping her warm.

 

Kylo Ren: They're spectacular tonight, so enjoy them while they last. It won't be long until the cold days and nights change it.

 

She shivered when she read the message. Was he trying to imply something else?

 

Rey: Are these colors normal for this time of year, or just special to now? I don't want it to be cold yet. I'm never ready for it.

 

Ren looked at her quick response and smiled. He could keep her warm; he would happily do so.

 

Kylo Ren: Just now. In these small moments, we can see much more than expected if we're open to it. 

 

It sounded too philosophical to him, so he followed it up with something else.

 

Kylo Ren: You're always alone, but especially now. The cold and shadows will become your old friends, unless you have a desire to confide….

 

Rey shook herself and pulled away from the window upon seeing the second text. She hated the idea of being alone because of secrets so much.

 

Rey: No. I'll stay alone. I don't want you here.

 

He silently cursed, even though he knew he shouldn't have gotten up hope. He always was when it involved Rey.

 

Kylo Ren: You have other friends, though. Some are more interested in your well-being than others.

 

When she was ready for bed, she finally responded back. He respected her wishes and did not respond after she wished to sleep. It was oddly comforting, but not surprising given that it was Ben. He was a very contradictory person.

 

Rey: I can't trust anyone. You've taught me that. Good night.

 

Kylo Ren: Watch yourself. Your odd behavior has been noticed. Good night.

 

Rey didn't like what he implied, and he saw that he wouldn't get anything out of her until he was in person. He would wait.

 

In the meantime, he tried to sleep despite the increasing nightmares. If it wasn't Han haunting his thoughts, it was Finn, lying on the ground or choking hy his own hand.

 

It should have felt so good doing that to Finn. It didn't in the end. It was only more emptiness, pain, and fear. Finn had friends and a life; he was destroying that for Finn with everything asked of him.

 

Some part of him was growing tired of causing the pain and fear to so many. Power was supposed to fulfill him, not make him feel as though he were completely alienated in the world. He wanted to right the wrongs done to his family, but some of the things related to doing that - at least according to Snoke - seemed completely unnecessary. 

 

Perhaps he and Snoke had different priorities and ways of seeing it. If that was the case, then he was being distracted from his goal.

 

Sleep didn't come easily that night.

 

\---------

 

The next day brought much expectation and excitement as the next job assignment was announced.

 

“As you all know, the Hutts have been lessening in number since I joined the force. I take personal pride in that. I think this will be the big job that finally sets this city free of their crime and filth.”

 

“They're strapped for cash and need us. I've ensured it,” said Hux smugly. “I've been negotiating this with them for months. Without this, they're done. The bigwigs should all appear this time.”

 

“Should,” emphasized a distrusting Ren, needling Hux.

 

He began handing out assignments, and Rey grew more antsy until the end.

 

Some were on dayshift, setting up the cameras and gear to record and watch the proceedings that would happen that night. Others were posted as guards to ensure all proceeded without interruption or anyone finding out they had come early.

 

Hux would be joined by several others with the necessary money. The Hutt people in charge would take the money, no doubt back to headquarters, where they would ensure everything was legitimate before using it to further their goals. 

 

The tracking devices created by Hux were placed on several key things that would ensure that the Special Witnesses Unit could get clear pictures of everyone for identification, and then bring in everyone with the GPS.

 

Just when Rey thought that Ben was done and leaving her for desk duty, she let out a long breath, giving him a dark look before looking to a smiling Finn.

 

“And you, Rey,” spoke Ren in a low voice.

 

Rey's heart clenched at the intimate way he said her name. His voice called to her, and when their eyes met, she could see his disappointment at her wandering attention. 

 

She told herself she didn't care. She was mad at him. It only hurt a little to see his disappointment, but she could live with that. If he could be melodramatic and petty, then so could she. 

 

She lifted her chin defiantly, and he grinned before finishing.

 

“You're with me.”

 

_ You're mine. _

 

Rey's heart sank at what he implied. She was going to be alone with him, no doubt because he didn't trust her and had noticed her off behavior. 

 

Another part of her rejoiced that she got to be involved. She just wished it was more important. 

 

“We’ll be performing surveillance of everything from a van nearby, keeping an eye out for interlopers and stopping anyone unnecessary from getting close. Bring an extra pillow or two for sitting on. Those yellow stools aren't comfy.”

 

“Got it,” she said. “Thanks for including me this time.”

 

“I've learned my lesson,” he intoned, getting a laugh out of everyone else.

 

After he finished giving out details and logistics for starting the following night, they were dismissed at lunch time to begin preparing for night shift.

 

Ren went to his office, and all left, except Rey and Finn. 

 

Rey followed him to his office, curiosity getting the better of her.

 

“Why did you include me this time?” she asked.

 

“Why don't you seem happy about this?” he demanded. “Isn't this what you want?”

 

“Yes, but I feel like it's because you're taking pity on me and just trying to make sure I don't go rogue on you again,” she replied, standing in the doorway again.

 

He saw it and didn't like it. Finn was on to something, and it pissed him off that Finn knew her better in this case.

 

“It's partially because of the latter reason, but mostly because of me,” he explained, deciding to tell her the truth. “I'm still a little too emotionally invested in this case, as everyone knows.”

 

“Why after all this time?” she asked, moving closer and leaning her elbows on the table.

 

“Because I never forgave them for what they did to my mother when she was a chief, not to mention the countless women before and after her,” he said, dropping his mask of indifference and removing his gloves. 

 

Rey gasped softly at seeing his hurt, angry eyes.

 

“No one attempts to humiliate and ruin my mother by selling her into slavery and gets away with it,” he said darkly, his hands coming together tightly. “I won't rest until they're all brought to justice.”

 

She looked down and noticed his clenched fist. Out of habit, Rey reached for his white knuckles, rubbing soothing circles over his hands.

 

“We’ll give them what they deserve,” she said passionately. “I'll help you.”

 

Ben had forgotten how good it felt to be touched by Rey. Her genuine impulses like that brought him more peace than anything else ever would.

 

He unfolded one of his hands so that he could sandwich her two smaller ones between his. It felt perfect like that. 

 

His eyes pierced hers as he entreated her to help.

 

“You have to stop me from going in there. I'm liable to hurt the case if I do that. I want this done once and for all.”

 

She nodded, heart and mind too full. 

 

After a time, he let go of her, and she departed silently.

 

Finn waited for her at her desk.

 

“Congrats on being included,” said Finn. “You better go home and start sleeping now. Surveillance sucks. Be careful of the curse of the bann van.”

 

She rolled her eyes at him.

 

“I doubt it's going to be that boring if it's only me with Ben. We'll be awkward sometimes, but we'll talk. That's it,” she insisted. 

 

“Yeah, you can discuss how Ren breaks into apartments, usually to find information,” deadpanned Finn.

 

“I'm hoping he will say  _ something  _ about it,” she insisted. 

 

“Might as well ask about how and where he sets up his listening devices in all the homes he visits. See where that gets you,” sighed Finn.

 

‘Wait, he has listening equipment installed in my home?” she asked, horrified. “Where? How?”

 

She drew close to Finn before glaring at him and pointing a finger at his chest. 

 

“Why didn't you tell me about this until now? This is a disaster! Why that-"

 

“Easy, Rey!” he replied, pushing down her hands. “He did it at your old apartment. He got in somehow to the new one; he probably has since security is hard. Just go home and look for them. He keeps them in central areas. I'll send you a picture of one from online later.”

 

“Thank you so much,” she replied, putting her hands up to Finn's shoulders and starting to lean in.

 

That was when she felt a chill run over her skin, a prickling sensation of being watched. She knew instinctively that it was  _ him. _

 

She closed the distance between her and Finn, their faces almost touching. She was furious with Ben, and she was almost tempted to kiss Finn to get back at Ben. 

 

It wasn't right, though. Only Ben would do for her. Anything else was a betrayal to both of them.

 

Instead, she settled for pausing a moment near his lips before going to whisper in Finn's ear.

 

“I'm sorry, Finn. I don't mean to get you in more trouble, but I'm really pissed at Ben right now. I want to hurt him the way he has hurt me.”

 

As she pulled back, Finn laughed before speaking softly. 

 

“Considering how you hurt him the last time you were mad, I understand. This is a little better. I'll forgive you this time since he deserves it. I'm already on his hit list; this won't change much at this point.”

 

“Thank you,” she said.

 

Ren walked away at that point, disgusted with the scene in front of him.

 

Had he stayed longer, he would have heard her say, “My friend,” afterward.

 

Instead, he left the office and decided to go to First Order headquarters to finalize plans for the Hutts.

 

Finn was in trouble. He would watch every step of Finn and see if he was in fact growing soft toward Rey or that assistant district attorney. He'd get Finn where it hurt, and remove him from the team if need be.

 

Rey, on the other hand…..

 

What had that been about? He thought that she had feelings for him, not Finn. Finn had felt similarly. Had Rey been showing gratitude for Finn's heroic actions, and now was falling for him?

 

There were so many possibilities, and that was when he realized that he was actually driving for home, not for the First Order.

 

Now more pissed than ever, he turned around and vowed to avoid the distraction of Rey.

 

If only she knew how much she had distracted him from his goals since arriving… she would be pleased.

 

She was taking up more of his thoughts, whenever the pain and regret of his actions toward his father let up. His life had become a cycle of unsatisfactory work and behavior, punctuated only by brief moments of calm. 

 

All of those moments of peace involved Rey, naturally. She was the calming presence he hadn't realized he needed. Now, the lack of her highlighted just how dissatisfied he was with everything he did.

 

No wonder he didn't smile anymore.

 

The problem was that Rey had recently taken to causing him more pain than he thought possible. First she kept getting close to his family, and now she was pulling Finn in.

 

Was what he just witnessed a great act on her part to make him jealous? It had seemed deliberate toward the end, just as he had moved to get a better look.

 

If so, why? Why do that to him? She had been offering herself to him just minutes before. It made no sense.

 

By then, he realized that he was already at headquarters. His mind was still too distracted. 

 

Thankfully, Snoke was too eager to talk to notice anything odd about his mood.

 

“Get in here. We have much to discuss about the Hutts.”

 

Two hours later, the plans were laid out quite well, about who could die and who should live and go to jail. 

 

“If he survives, then he should be willing to give us his providers. They make the lowest grade stuff out there. It'll get all the younger people interested and hooked sooner,” said Snoke with pleasure.

 

“All the young people?” echoed Ren. 

 

“Yes, all of them. We have to start them earlier these days. If only you would quit that sham of a job as sergeant. Then, you could focus on what I've been planning for you. You can continue your grandfather's work completely.”

 

“How? I don't have an advanced degree,” replied Ren.

 

He wanted to, but that was time he didn't have.

 

“All of this is illegal, is it not? Experiment on others. Use your grandfather's notes. Find the best way to insert these drugs into the food and water supply. It's the only way to gain complete power over everyone,” insisted Snoke, getting up to look out a window.

 

Ben shivered, a bad feeling forming in the pit of his stomach.

 

For a long time, he had accepted that the weaker people brought this on themselves, and he was taking advantage of it. They deserved it for choosing such a life. 

 

It was an uncomfortable twist of the truth that Snoke had been feeding to him since college. He used the twisted truth to rationalize doing what was necessary to gain justice for his grandfather. 

 

What he couldn't stomach was tricking people into it. They had to make the choice. It smacked too much of what had happened to others in the past.

 

Snoke had spoken of building up power before, but he had never mentioned this aspect. It sickened Ben, but he went to stand alongside Snoke, as expected.

 

“When we have two more shipments, then we can experiment more,” he said instead,saying what was expected. 

 

“Correct. You will become even greater than your grandfather then. He could not overcome his weakness and never achieved the kind of power you will have.”

 

Ren nodded.

 

“You know what you must do. There can be no mistakes this time. If that new recruit gets involved, she must be eliminated. You have yet to give me proof that she has turned. Either that, or bring her to me.”

 

“I will bring her to you. I think she may need another brand of persuasion,” said Ren, remembering her fear from before.

 

Even when he was furious with her, he knew he couldn't kill her. She was still too precious, and it angered him to know how weak he still was.

 

“Very good. Go see about the rest of the preparations, and then go home.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Ren left to do what was needed, but his mind was for once not on Rey. Instead, he thought more about Snoke and his ultimate plans for power. There were two issues: taking away people's free will and the fact that Snoke claimed he would have power. Snoke had no intention of leaving soon, so it was really all power for him.

 

Just as Han Solo had said. He was being used for his ability, and nothing more.

 

The second issue was that of power. He had always wanted the power. He would be like his grandfather, and be able to set the record right about him. Bring justice to him, unlike his family had done.

 

And yet, when he was confronted with power and how to easily get it, he was afraid. Afraid to step up and take it because there was still too much of his father's foolish heart and his grandfather's weakness in him. 

 

He couldn't take that last step yet.

 

He decided not to contact Rey when he arrived home, nor did he check the monitors for her. He was sure she was fast asleep since it was the middle of the morning.

 

It was a good thing he didn't, as Rey had spent all her waking hours tearing her home apart until she found everything. 

 

She went to bed that morning supremely pissed but satisfied that she would finally sleep without anyone hearing her.

 

When she woke, she was still upset with Ben. She didn't realize how angry she was until she looked at her reflection in the mirror.

 

She had a feral snarl on her face that would scare anyone. 

 

Except Ben. 

 

He would smile at it, as he always did when they sparred. In those moments just before a fight, he got a thrill of anticipation the same way she did.

 

As she drove to the rendezvous point for her car, she did her best to calm herself down. The problem was that he had repeatedly gone into her home, using less than genuine means to do so.

 

On the positive side, Unkar could have been killed, and Ben could have put cameras in there, invading her privacy even more. 

 

She used those positives to focus her mind before she saw the generic, white passenger van that her unit used for surveillance. 

 

It was nothing extraordinary on the outside, only saying “JJ and RJ’s Electrical Connections” to give the appearance of belonging there for work.

 

Inside was another matter, with heavily fortified walls, a large amount of weapons onboard, and space for six, besides all the tech that they used. 

 

It was a cramped hell that the sergeant avoided as much as possible, according to rumors, and she was curious to see it in action.

 

Ben sat on his preferred tiny stool, and he had brought a cushion for Rey since he didn't recall her having any that were decent.

 

When the secret knock was done, he looked at the camera and saw a vision: a fiery Rey with eyes blazing and teeth bared.

 

She looked ready for a fight, and he wanted to give it to her. He hadn't forgotten about the day before yet.

 

He unlocked and opened the door, and when she walked in, he felt his heartbeat increase.

 

She was breathing audibly, short pants that filled his mind and awakened every part of him. 

 

Her eyes and face reminded him of what he imagined angry sex against a wall with her would be like, or make-up sex. Something rough, wild, and a chance for both to exorcise their demons using the other. 

 

Alas, the problem with the image was that Rey was angry. She had no reason to be mad at him, so he needed to figure that out at once.

 

No one messed with her, except for him.

 

“Rey. What happened?”

 

When Ben opened the door, a look of awe - all wide eyes and mouth slightly parted -welcomed Rey. 

 

How was  _ that  _ his response to her wanting to fight him?

 

There were moments when his behavior really was unbelievable, both good and bad. If she weren't in such a foul mood, then their time together probably would have gone quite differently. 

 

Instead, she took a tense step toward him. As much as she wanted to call him a creep or a murderer, that was a poor idea. 

 

“Ben.”

 

She said his name with more bark than usual. That was a small relief.

 

His worried eyes managed to show for a moment before they went back to taking all of her in. 

 

He really did notice everything. Every time, his eyes devoured her, and he always seemed satisfied with what he saw. 

 

That was the sexiest part of what he did and why she didn't mind him doing so. It made her feel stronger than ever before because she was capable of anything in his eyes.

 

“Kylo Ren happened,” she said, earning herself a furrowed brow.

 

He started to puzzle over what he had done, given their lack of conversation, but decided to wait until she explained. She seemed desirous of telling someone of her troubles.

 

“I was cleaning my home last night when I came upon a listening device. I knew it was from the First Order from reports I read, and Kylo Ren was in my home previously. I want to fight him. Shoot him. Anything,” she replied.

 

“You're out for blood,” he commented, torn between pride that she had figured it out and annoyance that yet again, he couldn't keep tabs on her.

 

“Yes. Kylo Ren seems to think I can be controlled. He's wrong,” she said, her voice holding a deadly calm.

 

He shivered upon hearing that; he didn't trust that calm one bit. He wanted to poke the beast, to see her in action again, until he remembered that he was still recovering from previous injuries. Some things weren't worth it, and he had the bad feeling that she would be merciless.

 

She wasn't the type to take invasions of privacy lightly.

 

Instead, he motioned for her to take a seat. Certainly she was independent and strong, but she was not calling the shots in this environment. She would learn, in this part of life and others.

 

He didn't relish learning something similar, but Rey was deadset on doing so.

 

The problem was that as everything around him seemed to crash and burn the more he tried to control it, his grip on whatever he could hold became tighter. Rey was no exception, and he feared for the lack of surveillance he had involving her.

 

Someone could try to hurt her regardless of him, or she could discover all his secrets. 

 

This small sliver of control involving Rey was all he seemed to have left since work gave him only the appearance of control: Snoke truly called the shots and had Hux in charge of this current maneuver. 

 

He certainly couldn't control his family, the Hutts, or the rest of the world. There were other means that he would find to make things right.

 

“That is a most unfortunate situation, Rey. I'm afraid you won't find much satisfaction here, cramped up in this cage of a surveillance van.”

 

“Aren't we going to get out at some point to help with crowd control or something like that?” she asked, hoping for time away from him.

 

“No, not from what I can see. There's hardly anyone around, especially from the Hutts, which is odd. I'm hoping it'll change closer to the event.”

 

She continued to eye him until she realized that he was still asking her to sit. When she got to her stool, she noticed the extra black leather cushion on top of it.

 

“What's this?”

 

“I thought that you might not take me seriously about bringing a cushion. I'm glad I brought an extra,” he said with a shrug before sitting on his.

 

The bewildered face she gave him puzzled him.

 

“I'm used to sitting on uncomfortable surfaces for long periods of time. You didn't have to do this,” she said, trying to figure him out.

 

She couldn't. He switched between thoughtful and controlling so quickly that she couldn't keep up.

 

“I know, but we're about to spend up to twelve hours here. You'll thank me later,” he said with an edge, getting up to stand in front of her. “Now sit down.”

 

That was the wrong thing to say. Her ire rose, and what little progress she had made bending down was reversed as she stood up to face him.

 

“Make me.”

 

“Rey, I'm your commanding officer. Take a seat. Don't be difficult. If you really don't want my help, then take off my cushion. I don't care.”

 

She saw the slight change of expression across his face at the thought of her not accepting his gift. It softened and cut right through her.

 

All he wanted was to help.

 

Too bad. She was still pissed at him, and she had heard from the others the kinds of things that pissed him off during stakeouts like this.

 

Taking off the cushion would just make him sad. She wanted him angry. She could deal with that better right now.

 

She took his seat.

 

“I took a seat, there. You're right; these cushions are very comfortable. Thanks,” she replied with forced cheer.

 

His face turned red, and he opened his mouth to speak. 

 

“If you think-"

 

He stopped himself when he realized that Rey was trying to be difficult. She looked so smug when he started to sputter that he found himself shutting up and sitting in her assigned seat.

 

Fine, if she wanted to be like that, then they would sit in awkward silence. See if he cared.

 

The only problem with the quiet was that every little movement, especially from the rarely oiled metal stools, was heard.

 

They settled into their most awkward moment yet for the next two hours, both stubbornly refusing to talk until the other broke it. Never had two people been more interested in staring at security camera footage of the area outside the van, around an old building, and at the designated meeting spot.

 

The other officers continued to do their work, with no questions or interventions needed from the bann van. It kept the two occupants far too quiet for their own sanity.

 

Ren tried not to stare at Rey too many times, but in their cramped quarters, it was inevitable. He hoped she didn't notice too many times. After her fake smiles fell away, her vengeful, terrifying look returned, and he loved to admire that look.

 

As it was, Rey noticed him every time. All she had to do was bite her lip, and he noticed. A hand moving to itch or change position earned an equally intense look. 

 

Heck, any movement she made caused him to stare. It was a little unnerving when he stared at her as though he wanted to abandon their post and focus entirely on ravishing her.

 

Any other day, she would have loved it. It was quiet enough that they could have talked or done  _ something _ about it. Today, he could sit and stew because her anger over his actions of the last few days made her petty. 

 

When she wasn't content with letting him stew anymore, she decided to change tactics. If he wanted to create frustration for her, then she would do the same to him. Fight fire with fire, as the saying went.

 

For the next couple hours, she took to biting her lip more often because she knew he stared there most often. 

 

Then, she crossed her legs, giving into the urge and making a small noise in her throat at the pleasant sensation. His jaw ticked while his eyes narrowed considerably after that. Good.

 

When one hand scratched a persistent itch on her upper leg, his body’s movements became more jerky and stiff.

 

Everything was going well until she happened to look down at his pants. The bulge there sent heat shooting through her, and she looked away, needing to adjust the position of her legs.

 

Ren saw it and was pleased. It was about time she was visibly affected; she had been driving him crazy for too long.

 

However, she still made no move to apologize or speak. She was infuriatingly stubborn, and she refused to back down, based on the stiff back and defiant tilt of her chin.

 

It was as if she were sparring with him again back when they first started: she was determined to best him where he prided himself most.

 

He saw with sudden clarity what would happen if they continued like this: he would get nowhere in his plans to get her to open up. She would sooner stay quiet than not be on equal terms with him.

 

Instead, they'd let the tension grow until it was too much. She would push back until he acknowledged her, and stopped trying to control her. 

 

He feared giving up control, especially when it came to Rey, but the way he saw it, if he couldn't thus far, why would that change going forward? 

 

It wasn't like anyone else had been able to yet. She was a force of nature that he wanted all for himself, if she would give herself to him.

 

Perhaps Kylo Ren ought to text her that night. Offer her some relief. 

 

They both needed it after all this torture.

 

No. Giving in to the weakness wouldn't help him overcome it. He had to say no to her.

 

Denying her, however, felt as though he were removing part of himself. It wasn't right. 

 

Why were feelings so complicated? How did she manage to do that to him every time?

 

He ran a distracted hand through his hair before standing up in frustration. He couldn't take this anymore.

 

“Kriff, Rey. This is getting ridiculous. Say something. Anything.”

 

When she didn't move or turn to face him, he tried a new tactic.

 

“Please.”

 

Her head whipped to his eyes at the single word. Please truly was the magic word. 

 

She got up, nervous tension filling her.

 

“What are you expecting? I know a lot has happened of late, but you were never this demanding before.”

 

She was calling him out. He wanted to smile because of her continual lack of fear. She never ceased to amaze him.

 

He looked away when he realized that he was about to spill his guts to her. He couldn't help it; she inspired that within him. 

 

It was the worst kind of weakness, and he decided to ignore that aspect for the time being. His desire for honesty trumped all, and he wanted her on his side. 

 

“No. Perhaps not to you. I've been like this for some time now, though. It's only gotten worse because of recent events, and the hold I have on reality is slowly slipping.”

 

He heard her soft, curious steps approach him. It was a start. He hoped she was keeping an eye on their work; he could only catch small snatches of images. 

 

“Everything around me - work, personal life, what I took joy in - is slowly spiraling out of control. I want it back,” he bemoaned, making a fist.

 

A soft, warm hand touched his bare elbow, just below the edge of his polo shirt. She rubbed a small circle there, and he sighed in contentment. 

 

“Now look at me. I'm trying to order you around even though I'd have more luck with the Hutts than you,” he said with a wry look. “I can't control you.”

 

Her grip on him tightened slightly. It still wasn't painful; it was just a firm confirmation of his words.

 

“Do you really want to?” she asked, genuinely curious, glancing quickly at the security footage before focusing on him. 

 

“A part of me does, yes. I want to keep you safe, to protect you from what's out there. You've only begun to glimpse all the evil out there.”

 

Those were the good impulses in him. The worst impulses had other ideas. 

 

“In the world or in you?” she asked, startling him into turning to face her.

 

That had been a slight slip on her part, but she wanted to know all the same. She still desperately wanted to understand him.

 

It was the only way she could figure out if she could love him, or turn him.

 

“Both,” he said simply. “I've seen much from growing up constantly in a bar or around cops. I saw even more in college and when I joined the Force. I could count on one hand all the people I've killed while on the job.”

 

Ben’s eyes captured hers before the sadness entered them.

 

“There's so much blood on my hands.”

 

Rey took a gulping breath and tried to formulate a coherent response. 

 

Words, however, escaped her. As long as his eyes, so full of regret and something more, remained fixed on hers, she had no words. 

 

Her face spoke for her. He saw the initial shock and surprise, and then the sadness reflected back. 

 

It wasn't pity that filled her eyes; it was compassion and sympathy. He didn't know how she could understand his pain.

 

“Aren't you going to say something?” he demanded, growing uncomfortable the longer she just stared at him.

 

She blinked rapidly, breaking the spell. Words spilled out at last, low and curious.

 

“I'm sorry. I'm torn between saying and asking two things right now.”

 

“Just tell me both. I can't handle the silence right now, and I much prefer your honesty.”

 

_ I could say the same to you. _

 

Thankfully, her thoughts stayed just that, as much as she wanted to say such a thing.

 

“Why did you kill them? What were the circumstances?” she asked as she held up one finger. Then, she added, “Do you regret what you did?”

 

“Some other night while stuck here I'll tell you about them all,” he promised, drawing just a little closer to her. “As for regrets, yes. Some more than others.”

 

“You're not defined by that, by your past. You can still change your future,” she said suddenly, bringing a hand to his heart. “You just have to choose what you know is right.”

 

What was the right thing? Letting down his grandfather and stopping the double life? Stopping Snoke before he took away everyone's choice? 

 

A clear, good answer was impossible to find at that point. His weak heart said one thing, and his mind another.

 

“Not everything is black and white. Sometimes we must blur the lines, and find the truth in the gray,” he replied, capturing her hand in his. “You'll see that with time.”

 

“Darkness can never win,” argued Rey adamantly, her back stiffening.

 

“But it'll never fully leave. If you want to defeat it, sometimes you must utilize it. Think like it,” he defended. “Are you going to try to admit that you don't use it in your own life, in fighting or otherwise?”

 

The uncomfortable truth was written all over her face. He didn't see a need to dwell on it. He'd rather she gave him the benefit of the doubt, and that it would lead to her better understanding some of his motives.

 

“Shall we sit?” he asked after another awkward silence. 

 

She nodded and headed toward his seat once more.

 

She was about to sit when he asked, “Do you really have to take that seat?”

 

She raised an eyebrow and smirked.

 

“Yes. I rather like it now.”

 

“Only because it's mine,” he grumbled, taking the other seat. 

 

She smiled brilliantly for a moment, and his world brightened.

 

Then, their men finally made their first big move of the night, and all eyes became glued to the screens. 

 

Few people from the other side showed up.

 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” muttered Ben, making Rey do a double-take at hearing the familiar phrase.

 

“Why?”

 

“No one is coming near us. Everyone is just inside. There isn't enough security here to suggest that the right people showed up,” he said, reaching for a microphone to contact Hux.

 

“I don't think we have everyone here yet,” he said to Hux. “Be prepared to leave early and come back tomorrow. Probably with more money. Are the comm destroyers ready just in case?”

 

Rey hoped they didn't have to use the comm destroyers installed within the trackers. It would leave them without an ear and eye in the building since it blocked all signals within a certain radius for two hours.

 

“Everything is going according to plan. You'll see,” replied Hux. “I'm handling it.”

 

Thus dismissed, the two started looking at who had arrived, looking up records and pictures of everyone. Both started repeating their observations of what they saw to confirm what was seen, which led to predictions about what would happen next. 

 

Much of the rest of the night passed by in that manner until it became clear that no one else was showing up. Hux was naturally on edge, and Rey watched Ben's every move to make sure he didn't leave.

 

By the time they finally negotiated another time and place the next night, Ren was ready to gloat to Hux. As the two watched their coworkers leave the site, Ren and Hux argued about place and money.

 

“You should bring more money. They've always asked for it in the past when things change,” repeated Ren. “I was right before since I've done this before. Trust me on this.”

 

“If they wanted more money, then they should've mentioned it while we were negotiating. There's no need. Stick to the plan,” sneered Hux as he repeated what Snoke had ordered Ren to do.

 

After that, Ren was moody and silent, and Rey watched him and the others as they journeyed home. 

 

“How long do we remain watching?” she asked, eyes still glued to the screen.

 

“Until Hutt’s people have left. We need to make sure they don't do anything or check our stuff. We will have to remove it tomorrow in day shift to the new place.”

 

As they continued to watch the people talk, Rey found it hard to concentrate. At some point - while he was frustrated with Hux - Ben had scooted his chair close to hers, and she could smell him. 

 

She had never thought a sandalwood smell could be so distracting.

 

Her eyes remained on the screen, but her mind wandered. Her lip itched, and she played with it out of habit. 

 

As his presence filled her senses, all sound vanished, except for the deep breaths that they made. The only issue was that his were becoming shallower by the minute. In response, so did hers. He was anxious; she was worried now, too.

 

She finally gave in to temptation and peeked at him. His unblinking, focused attention froze her to her seat.

 

She never thought she would see the eyes of Kylo Ren. She was wrong.

 

Dark, almost black, bottomless eyes consumed her vision. All the odd angles of his face only served to heighten every feeling he conveyed to her. He wasn't even trying to frighten or threaten her, but she still shivered. The rest of her body was flooded with heat, and wetness below. 

 

She wasn't used to such a naked look of longing and desire. 

 

There was no question about what he wanted in that moment: her. Nothing more and nothing less would do.

 

The thought thrilled and terrified her in equal parts. This had to be how he had stared at her when he had almost brought her to Snoke. It was the only he could have been so distracted.

 

The darkness within him had been set free for those few precious heartbeats in the van, and she was hypnotized. Just as before, he called out to the darkness within her. 

 

It scared her how easily he found that part of her and encouraged her to delve into it. On the other hand, she was equally fascinated by him and how he channeled his anger. 

 

She wanted to give in; they could indulge in this once. She could close the gap so easily, and she was curious. She wanted to know what it felt like to give in fully to that side of her, and if he tasted differently when like this.

 

Her body turned of its own accord until their knees were almost touching. As he leaned in, his eyes detoured to her mouth, where she was biting her lower lip yet again. She imagined him doing the same, yanking her abruptly into his lap and arms in the process. 

 

Her body became more aware of his closeness, and she leaned in, her mouth parting slightly. 

 

Her hands began sliding slowly down her upper legs. His gloved ones rested on the edge of his knees, waiting for hers to join fully.

 

Could she cross that line and walk into the gray? Could she kiss the man that had killed Han Solo?

 

The memory of Han dying finally brought her to her senses. No, this was wrong. She still didn't fully understand why he had even done it. Instead, she was just comforting him because he felt regret and remorse.

 

She needed answers.

 

She stood up and stomped over to the back of the van, giving herself space to breathe and calm her racing heart. Getting away from his magnetic presence also did wonders. She was far too hot and bothered.

 

She was going to go to bed supremely frustrated that night, but it would be worth it.

 

She heard him let out a huff before he announced, “Looks like they're leaving the building and getting into their cars. Let's go home.”

 

She stayed silent and still as he turned everything off. She didn't move until she heard him step toward her. 

 

She tried to get out the door first, but she was too slow. His hand captured her wrist, and his hot breath covered her neck. 

 

“This isn't over. We have several more nights like this one if tonight is any indication; I hope you'll be in a more talkative mood tomorrow. Good night, Rey,” he whispered, his voice a dark caress. 

 

He let go and opened the doors, leaving at an accelerated pace. She locked the doors and barely made it home before Kylo Ren texted her.

 

Kylo Ren: How was work? Frustrating?

 

Rey wanted to strangle him for that comment.

 

Rey: Only because I couldn't follow after you the way I wanted.

 

It was true. If she could have put aside her conscience and indulged in a moment with him, then she could have explored the darker side of him in great detail. 

 

For his part, Ren found the statement intriguing. He sent off a response immediately.

 

Kylo Ren: Expand. Tell me more about what you would have done to me if you had chased me. I'm curious. 

 

Rey crossed her legs in bed as images filled her mind. She straddling him while kissing him. Her legs creating a death grip around his waist, and her hands sneaking around his wrists to hold him in place, at least until she got a hold of handcuffs. Then, he would be at her mercy.

 

The heat and tension within her skyrocketed. Those images could not be unseen, and she desperately wanted release after such a long night of resisting temptation. 

 

Images of Ben's bad choices kept cropping up and telling her that nothing good would come of indulging in the darkness where he reigned. That it would be a betrayal of everyone to go further with him.

 

For fifteen minutes, the battle raged inward.

 

Something had to give, or she would never last around Ben and get what she needed. That was the rationalization that finally let her act. 

 

Her fingers typed the dark things she fantasized doing until rapidly before dropping the phone and before she changed her mind.  Soon, she was closing her eyes and hiding her hands beneath her covers, wanting to hide what he inspired with his looks and words.

 

Only he could end her pain and frustration; he would be so pleased if he had known.

 

Rey: If I had chased you, I would've caught you. You would've been mine. At my mercy. 

 

Rey: I would've held you down, in your place. You keep trying to gain power and control over me, and you can't. I refuse. I'll show you where I belong, standing over you while you're cuffed and on your knees.

 

It was everything dark that she had always wanted and imagined, late at night and desperate to sleep. She would dream of him, of them.

 

She could see it all clearly then, him kneeling before her, proud and unashamed. She didn't want him broken; she just wanted him to beg. She wanted his delicious mouth to say her name like he had at the end of the night, and then feast on her.

 

Her fingers worked hard to keep up with all the images, of him under her and then at the same height as she bent down to him, to take him in fully.

 

Ren saw the texts, and he was torn between going to her in that moment or not. He wanted her to say all that to his face. Then, he would gladly give her what she wanted, right before he turned the tables on her.

 

Then  _ she  _ would be on her knees, begging for him. It made his already tight pants worse, and he decided to do something about it. Images of Rey in his lap, she completely open to him sent him careening toward the edge.

 

Kylo Ren: It's a fantasy worth exploring together. We can take turns if you'd like. Tell me more, unless you want to know what I think.

 

Rey was so close, and the thought of him whispering dirty things in her ear was too much to resist.

 

Rey: Tell me.

 

He grinned, glad for the victory. Even if he couldn't have her in person yet, he would have her this way. He would seduce her and bring her to his side, one way or the other.

 

Kylo Ren: I've imagined you in handcuffs as well. Kneeling in my lap. You can take as much as you want, so long as it's only from me. 

 

Rey stopped her ministrations momentarily to reply back. Somehow they had both agreed without words to drop the front and go straight for what they both wanted. She knew exactly why he said that last bit as well, and she was finally feeling a little guilty about doing that to him.

 

Rey: No one else would ever understand what I want. I'd only be satisfied with you.

 

She had found it, the precipice. The point of no return. All it would take was the right word from him, and she'd be free-falling.

 

He didn't fail her. He had not realized how badly he needed to read those words, but once he did, he responded in kind. 

 

Everything within him burned for her in that moment. He was close to finding what he sought: completion.

 

Kylo Ren: You consume my every waking thought already; I surrender to you. Give all of yourself to me. Let me take away your pain.

 

She heard the words in his voice, and she gave herself up to him, Ben’s name soaring high into and filling the air.

 

She was weightless, set free by him and his words. As she recovered, she managed a one word reply before dropping into bed.

 

Rey: Yes.

 

His eyes saw the word and took it and the long pause as all the confirmation he needed. His hands moved one last time to thoughts of her screaming his name, and he found his release.

 

The fact that she called him by his real name in his thoughts was lost to him. There was only the satisfaction of bringing her to completion, and his resulting wave of euphoria. 

 

Both slept blissfully after that.

 

\----------

 

The next day came crashing into Rey's consciousness as her alarm went off. With it came memories of the night before, of what she had done while imagining him between her legs.

 

For a moment, she felt a terrible pang of guilt and shame, and she remembered why she needed to do it. She rose and dressed that evening much more quietly and solemnly than usual. 

 

She had check-up texts from Finn and Rose. Both were worried about her and wished her well, and it warmed her to know that they all did really care, even if they had kept a big secret from her.

 

That feeling of betrayal had died away with a new day, just as most of the outward tension between her and Ben had with the conclusion of the night before. 

 

With less tension, Rey hoped that she could make more progress with Ben that night. It was time for more serious conversation, just as they had at one point. She was ready to open herself to him, in the hopes that he would reciprocate. 

 

She drove to the new parking spot ten blocks away, and she used the remaining steps to calm herself just a little more. She had tried to meditate at home in an effort to keep a hold on herself and her emotions. She wanted to be ready for him.

 

Ren woke up from a good night's sleep, and he found himself excited for what lay ahead. All seemed to be looking up until one guy from the First Order called him unexpectedly. 

 

“I'm the one you left in charge of watching your mother for any suspicious behavior,” said the man as an opening. “I have an update.”

 

“What is it?” he demanded, his good mood ruined.

 

“Shortly after your father's funeral, an old man with a gray beard came to visit your mother. He's still visiting after several days.”

 

“Do you recognize him?” asked Ren, hoping it was Luke. Everyone from the First Order recognized him from photos and stories.

 

“No. I haven't been able to get a clear photo of him yet. I'll keep trying.”

 

“Do so, but I suspect it's Lor San Tekka, an old acquaintance of my family. He's quite old. If he stays longer than another weeks though, tell me at once.”

 

“Of course.”

 

With that, the man hung up, and Ren was unsettled. If Lor San Tekka was back after denying knowing anything about Luke’s whereabouts and escaping the month-long tail he had insisted on, then it was possible that he was back to acknowledge the truth.

 

This was good and bad news. He got ready for work and tried not to let that affect him as he prepared to see Rey. He needed to focus on her.

 

When he opened the van for her, Rey was glad to see that they both had found  _ something _ amidst her angry feelings and vengeful actions of the night before. 

 

She had played with fire by taunting Ben so much. She had forgotten just how much she loved competing with him, and she would try to be more careful about it going forward.

 

“I have been looking for more security from the Hutts; it’s here. They haven't come close to us yet, though. Rey,” he interrupted,  wanting some confirmation of what he was seeing, “you seem better rested today.”

 

He locked the door and took his rightful spot before she could, making her giggle by the change in conversation and quickness of sitting.

 

“I slept well last night. I hope you did, too?”

 

It was only small talk, something to fill the air until she found the right opening to ask her questions. She just wasn't prepared for the truth.

 

“It was the first night in at least a year in which I slept through the night, with no nightmares waking me. It was the best sleep I've had in a long time.”

 

He had been drained after his tense night with Rey, in every possible way. He hoped to repeat the process every night if he could, for his own needs and for helping to turn Rey.

 

Rey openly gaped at his admission, and he just shrugged. 

 

“It's true. I can't forget about the past; it always comes back to haunt me.”

 

Some haunted him more than others. His most recent conversation intruded on him then, and he became withdrawn at once. 

 

Rey didn't like it. She sat beside him and forced him to look at her.

 

“What happened?” she asked, mirroring his concern. “What's come up? Is it your family again?”

 

He hated that she knew him so well. 

 

“Yes. My mother has company visiting right now.”

 

For a moment, Rey had to restrain everything within her from freezing up and force herself to act normal.

 

“Oh! That's good, right? She has friends and family visiting after that heart-wrenching event.”

 

He knew he ought to seem happy for his mother, but it was hard to do that when she knew his moods. Good thing there were excuses aplenty.

 

“Yes. I just haven't had time to go over and see them for myself. I ought to, in order to thank them for their support.”

 

Internally, Rey was relieved. She decided to contact Finn and Leia after she got home, in order to warn them of his knowledge.

 

“I'm sure they'll understand,” she soothed. “You've got a lot happening.”

 

“Yes. She's the only family I have left now,” he mused. 

 

“What about Luke, or any other aunts and uncles? Surely you must have more,” she insisted, feeling another pang for him at knowing that loneliness all too well.

 

“There's no one else. Luke could be dead for all we know. He's been gone for a couple years now, but I haven't given up hope,” he said, turning to face the screens fully as one of the officers asked for verbal and visual confirmation that everything was set up.

 

After all the setups were complete, it became quiet again in the van. Rey decided to use the last conversation as a jumping point.

 

“I grew up with no family of my own. I went through a series of foster parents who thought me a burden until Unkar Plutt. He finally adopted me because I was useful, but he had no family of his own,” she started, gaining his attention. 

 

“I know what it's like feeling alone out here; I wish I could have had some family the way you did,” she continued. “It's not much, but they're good people.”

 

“You didn't know them the way I did,” he said, turning fully to her. “If you had, you would've been disappointed, too.”

 

“How?” she asked, her confusion evident.

 

“Busy legends who always fight don't make perfect parents,” he said with resignation. “They left me to my own devices frequently because work was more important than me.”

 

Rey’s face showed sympathy, and he felt relieved to have someone understand. 

 

“I had to act out to get any attention from either. I was punished for doing what I thought was right, and it was a lonely existence.”

 

“You were a fighter like me?” she cracked.

 

“Oh yes. I beat up anyone who tried to bully someone, or if I thought a teacher was being unfair.”

 

Rey raised an eyebrow at that admission. 

 

“I only fought the people who called me names or tried to take my lunch money. They always walked away with bloody noses or broken bones,” she said with a small bit of pride.

 

He chuckled at that.

 

“It seems we're alike in that respect. We still turned out radically different.”

 

“I never lost faith in the good guys,” she said. “You clearly have.”

 

“If you saw my parents fight like they did, or heard the horrible stuff that happened, you'd lose faith, too. And don't get me started on Luke.”

 

“What about him?” she asked, leaning in curiously.

 

“He was really good back in day, but he got more odd as he got older. I won't say incompetent, but others have. Luke will tell you stories about me, but he was barely there growing up. I saw little of him until I worked with him.”

 

“So no cool uncle there, huh? That's a shame. Did it hurt as much when he disappeared?” she queried.

 

“Yes. He, like my mother, hid the truth about my grandfather for far too long. They lied to me repeatedly about not knowing much about him, and then they backtracked and said only bad of him when the truth came out. It's a slight to his memory. He deserved better,” he said with feeling.

 

Remembrances of Luke’s narrative reminded her that Ben had always held his grandfather in high regard.

 

Eagerly she prodded for more information about him, to see how he really felt about Anakin Skywalker. 

 

“I know that he was a pharmacist, cop, and drug dealer. What else is there to him?”

 

“So much,” he burst out, surprising her with his intensity. 

 

He began by telling her some of Anakin's early life achievements. He was passionate about his grandfather, and his family in general.

 

“He was always a hard worker. When he was young, he was troubled like me. I looked up to him when I was young because of it. It was nice knowing there was someone like me out there who had turned out well,” he said at one point. 

 

“It must've been awful when you found out the truth about some of his other deeds,” Rey said. “Did anyone say anything good after that?”

 

“No, nothing,” he said bitterly. “They still refused to talk about him. They told me to stop. I had to find it all out myself. I found his old journals and talked to people who knew him before and after.”

 

“How did he even come to the point of starting the drugs? Wasn't he married and had kids by then?”

 

“Yes, he was all set, but needed more money. He already had two patents to his name for medicine, but neither were profitable. The third one he created would've been.”

 

She remembered reading that in the journals. Palpatine had stolen it from him, and Anakin only found out much later.

 

“What happened to it?”

 

“Someone stole it.”

 

“No! That's awful. How could they?” she demanded, her honest disgust showing toward Palpatine. 

 

“I don't know. I still don't know who did it, but when I do, I'm going to do something. Not sure what yet, but I  _ will  _ have justice for him.”

 

“Was it Palpatine?” she asked, earning her a confused look. 

 

“Him? No. He was already independently wealthy. He didn't need it.”

 

“I always heard he loved money and power, though,” she said. “I suppose Anakin learned from him.”

 

“No doubt. They got along well after that, but grandfather deserved better than that. He should've had a good reputation and a full family,” he said, a note of longing in his voice. 

 

“It could've been so different for us after that. I might have even met him. Instead, he was ruined after that, and went down a horrible spiral. He cut out everyone from his life when grandmother died.”

 

“He must have been so lonely,” mused Rey.

 

That brought him up short. He hadn't considered that, but it was true. Anakin would've had no one but Palpatine, which sounded like hell.

 

“I'm sure he was. He would've understood me so well,” he reflected. 

 

Rey briefly touched his hand, wanting to help him, and he felt some of his pain ease. She was relieved to see him brighten up a little after that.

 

“He did a lot more good than even that, but no one knows or talks about it. It's not right. The worst betrayer in all of this is my family. They never cared about him the way I do,” he insisted.

 

“Because they won't talk?” she asked, trying to understand. 

 

“Not just that. They would sooner lie and cover up everything. Lies of omission are still lies. They'd let the past repeat itself if it meant that Leia Organa-Solo and Luke Skywalker could keep their job and position, not that that worked,” he said with disgust, earning a sour look from Rey. 

 

Rey didn't like the accusation but decided to confront Leia and Luke about it at a later date. If that was how he really felt, then they needed to do something to repair the bond between them as a family.

 

She was all too familiar with lies of omission; it grated on her to be left out like that, and she found herself saying, “They're lies either way. I know people do it out of love or fear of being rejected, but I wish they wouldn't. I don't want to be left out.”

 

For a moment, he thought she was talking about him, but he decided that was just his guilty conscience speaking. 

 

“They're ashamed of him, and they won't try to find justice for him,” he continued on. “They don't see that he was the victim here! They lie to themselves about why he acted as he did, but they're wrong. I've seen his journals. They only talked to him after he almost died and went to jail. It's not the same as they think. Everyone needs to know the truth.”

 

“Do you just want your grandfather's legacy and name to live on as it should?” she asked finally.

 

“Yes. I'm going to make this right. I'll finish what he started, ever since he was young, and show them who he really was. Everyone will respect him after that,” he said with determination. 

 

“If there's ever anything I can do to help,” she said, reaching out to him again.

 

“I'll let you know. You're the only one I trust with all this,” he confessed without thinking. 

 

Her eyes went big as his hands gripped hers tightly, and he regretted what he said until she got up and hugged him.

 

“We can fix this,” she said, hope shining in her eyes.

 

He would've gone on, but Hutt’s people arrived then. They pulled apart and watched.

 

Three slimy men and one subservient woman appeared in front of Hux. Rey saw Ben’s hands clench, and she scooted closer to him, unlocking the stool from its anchor in the car.

 

“ _ Still  _ they insist on doing that,” he growled. “The sooner they're put in jail, the better.”

 

“What's going on?” she asked, looking between the screens and him quickly. 

 

“Did you ever wonder why I have exiled myself to surveillance duty while involved with the Hutts?” he asked.

 

“I thought it had to do with your emotional attachment to the case,” she said carefully.

 

“Yes. My first case involved the Hutts. I  _ begged _ Luke to put me on the team, and he let me. I had to promise to keep my head while negotiating with them.”

 

“What happened?” she asked fearfully.

 

“I was working with a young woman at first, who acted like a bit of a zombie to me. She always had bruises on her, and a man was never far away. I found out at the last meeting that she had been sold to the Hutts to pay off family debt, and that they had gotten her addicted to drugs while they did whatever other unspeakable things to her.”

 

Even telling the story now worked him up, and Rey could see that something had gone horribly wrong after that.

 

“I asked the guy to come forward, and I killed him with my bare hands when he chose to fight me. I choked him for what he had done to her, as a sign that I'd have revenge for my mother and everyone else like her,” he said calmly and seriously. 

 

Rey blinked and tried to make sense of it.

 

“You must have left quite the impression after that. Do you regret it at all?

 

“I mucked it all up for the case, and Luke never let me hear the end of it until I was put on surveillance detail. It was better in the end.”

 

“So you did regret it.”

 

His face was calm, but his eyes were dark and fathomless. She couldn't pick one emotion out from another, as much as they swirled there openly for her to see.

 

“At first, no. I was excited to do something for my mother. She wanted me to forgive and move on, but I couldn't. The issue came weeks later. I met his family, found out he had been forced into that lifestyle by his wife's addiction, and more. He was the woman’s handler only.  The moment I found him to be human, I regretted it. His face remains with me.”

 

All the ones he had killed stayed with him. His conscience wouldn't allow otherwise. It was always in self-defense, but it was never satisfying. 

 

“Even hearing about others who were evil and killed within Hutt’s gang left me feeling hollow after that. The rush and desire to make things right is still there, but the pain and emptiness afterwards isn't worth it.”

 

Rey found his comments interesting. He didn't forgive, either, but he had clearly stopped trying to kill and get revenge.

 

She wasn't at that level yet, but she wanted to know more about his other kills, and to get his thoughts about forgiveness. She made a mental note to bring it up the next night, as she trusted Ben’s intuition about the job: the Hutts would want more money and to make absolutely sure that they were making a good deal.

 

There was more security, but all of them were inside the building, easy to monitor. 

 

“Well, what about the girl? Surely that helped her a lot,” she said, trying to inject some positivity. 

 

“Not really, no. She was free from the Hutts, but not from her addiction. She was gone at that point.”

 

“How? Addicts can recover.”

 

He was about to respond when negotiations began in earnest.

 

“We’ll come back to that tomorrow,” he said, not believing at all in Hux.

 

Sure enough, he was right. The Hutts wanted even more than Ren had suspected, and they squabbled over it for some time before a new time and place the next night was chosen.

 

After that, their team left, and Hux and Ben fought over the radio about tactics and money until the Hutts left. 

 

By the time Hux stopped trying to cover for himself and admit he was wrong, Ren was so tired of it all that he barely gloated. Instead, he just dismissed him and reminded him via text to inform Snoke.

 

As they closed up the van for the night, Rey kept the conversation light, telling him about her new apartment, of how much she liked it.

 

She figured it didn't matter now since he had already been there. 

 

He didn't act as surprised as he should have, but she didn't care. 

 

“Do you want an escort back to your car? This part of town is rough at night,” he said after he locked up the bann van.

 

Driving it away at night would look suspicious, so someone on dayshift would take it to their garage and then drop it off at the appointed time, just as they had the previous night. 

 

Rey said automatically, “I think I can handle myself.”

 

“I know you can, but it'd make me feel better if I could go with you a little further,” he replied, his eyes showing that he told the truth.

 

It was a snap decision, but she figured that after all their sharing of the day, it would seem right to do that. Plus, they had barely touched that day. Some part of her missed that closeness.

 

“Alright. Just don't blame me when you don't get enough sleep,” she joked, elbowing him.

 

“I wouldn't dream of it,” he replied, grabbing her elbow as soon as she got close enough. 

 

Sliding his closest arm around her waist as he held her elbow, he whispered conspiratorially, “I only dream of doing this.”

 

Rey stopped as she felt his arm rest securely around her. It was a level of security she had always wanted growing up but never had. She didn't need it by any means, but she liked it all the same.

 

“Well, that's one way to give us a cover for walking out at night at this hour,” she whispered into his ear in response.

 

When she pulled back, they continued walking in silence. If he gradually pulled her closer to his side, she didn't complain. 

 

By the time they made it to her car, Rey didn't feel the slightest bit of chill from the cold night. She was much too focused on the heat radiating from Ben everywhere. 

 

“We're here,” she said, opening the door. “Thank you for the escort.”

 

He reluctantly pulled away from her,  choosing to stay close until she turned the car on. When she rolled down her window, he leaned in for their goodbyes. 

 

With heads facing one another and few inches between them, he didn't need to speak loudly. 

 

“Thank you for listening tonight, Rey. Not many people would have an open mind about my grandfather.”

 

“If he’s that important to you, then he is to me,” she said honestly. “I want to understand.”

 

“We’ll talk more about it next shift. Good night, Rey,” he said, moving forward until his lips almost touched hers.

 

He stopped purposely at the last second, seeming to remember himself.

 

He waited to see if Rey would do anything in response, good or bad.

 

Much to his pleasant surprise, she closed the gap at once, her lips finding his and clinging to him.

 

His hands found her chin and hair at once, hungry for more of her. She was equally so, her hands loving the feel of his hair.

 

When a single finger slid down his neck toward his shoulder where she had injured him, he pulled away before anything else happened. 

 

“Good night, Ben,” she said breathlessly.

 

She drove home, texted Finn and Leia, and went to bed once Ren seemed unlikely to contact her.

 

She almost considered doing so just for old time’s sake, but she didn't want to tarnish their beautiful moment with even more guilt she'd feel in the morning from kissing him without thought. 

 

Some part of her ached for more of him just like the night before, but it just wasn't the same as touching and kissing him had felt. 

 

That second night felt more real, like they could build it into something long-lasting. There was a true sharing of selves and minds that she craved, and there was nothing shameful about wanting to have that with him.

 

The first night felt totally different. It was a buildup of negative feelings and so much frustration. She was glad that she could show her darker side to him without fear, but she had still gone places that she didn't want to go back to. She didn't like hurting him normally, or using him for that matter, and she regretted hurting him.

 

That wasn't what a relationship was built on, and she didn't want that for them. She  _ would  _ do better with that in the future, and not let hurt feelings get in the way. When they got together - because it was rather inevitable in her mind with the way they were progressing - they would share bliss even better than the  night before.

 

She didn't fall asleep as fast that night, but she didn't care. Her conscience was much clearer. 

 

Ren waited for some time, hoping that Rey would contact him for more late night pillow talk. The sharing between them had gone well, not needing to manipulate or say anything in particular to have to gain her trust. She had opened herself to him, and he loved it, almost as much as he appreciated her being willing to help him bring his grandfather's name justice.

 

The kiss was the only calculated thing, a big risk for him, but it didn't pay off when she didn't text him. He went to bed angry that night, determined to make her see his side of things about drug addictions the next night, whatever came of it.

 

Based on past experience, the Hutts would take the money this next time, and then it was only a matter of waiting. They'd wait a day or so, then go and arrest them.

 

The plan was good, just as it had been before. He only hoped that it did indeed pan out.

 

He slept fitfully that night, nightmares returning again. The only difference was that in them, Rey was bloody, crying, and inconsolable, despite his best attempts at talking and holding her. 

 

He would sooner tear down a building to bring her justice than give her a reason to cry. She would always be worth it.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	8. Forced to Bond: The Long Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last night of the drug deal has arrived. Nothing goes as it should, but one thing is certain: Ben and Rey make a great team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference (mostly music in this chapter, 3 songs). For once, this chapter is not inspired by an image! I had wanted this chapter to be a part of the last one, but due to the length of both of these chapters, I decided to split them up. 
> 
> I loved watching police dramas on TV growing up, especially Law and Order. All good stories involving cops need to have a drug deal get infiltrated and messed up, as well as have an epic car chase. That chapter has come. I'm employing movie physics here. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Knock! Knock!

 

“Rey? Are you there?”

 

Knock! Knock! 

 

Rey woke from a dead sleep; after groggily rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she scrambled to get to the door.

 

“Who is it?” she hollered.

 

“It's me,” said Leia, followed by Luke.

 

Confirming it was only the two of them through the peephole, Rey let them inside. 

 

“What brings you here?” she asked, indicating for them to sit.

 

“I saw your message. What, exactly, does my son know?” asked Leia hesitantly, sitting down slowly. 

 

“That you have an older visitor, and he suspects it to be someone named Lor San Tekka?”

 

“I haven't seen him in  _ years _ ,” commented Leia, looking briefly at her brother. “Not since you left, Luke.”

 

“He's a good man. He's doing well,” said Luke, choosing not to explain more.

 

“Is that it?” asked Leia. 

 

“It sounds like he wants to come see you because of it, but that's all I know. Based on his lack of description, he probably has someone else watching you, Leia, or else he would've recognized Luke.”

 

“Do you think he's lying?” asked Luke curiously. 

 

“No. He seemed bothered by it, surprised that someone would visit.”

 

The siblings exchanged a look and sighed.

 

“Very well. I'll have to hide myself better. We'll get going now. We don't want to intrude more and make you late for work,” said Luke, getting up.

 

“Wait,” called Rey, remembering the conversation she had had earlier, making Luke sit again.

 

“What is it, child?” asked Leia, maternal concern etched on her face. 

 

“Did you know that your father had multiple patents?”

 

Both gave her a questioning look before Leia replied, “Yes, of course. He should've had more, but Palpatine stole one.”

 

“Why didn't you tell me that?” she asked curiously. 

 

“How did  _ you _ find out? The journals or Ben?” asked Luke.

 

“The multiple ones from Ben. That Palpatine stole one from the journals.”

 

“Why do you ask?” asked Leia. “I don't understand.”

 

“I had a long conversation with Ben last night. He sees you both in a poor light because of Anakin and how you talk about him,” said Rey, her voice becoming more firm.

 

“What else is new? We tried a long time ago to make him see-"

 

“And then you gave up, focusing on the negative,” interrupted Rey. “All he wants is for history to remember Anakin Skywalker properly. He's got a few facts twisted, but that can be resolved once he sees these journals.”

 

“Then why are you telling us?” asked Luke.

 

“Do you or don't you want to repair your relationship with Ben, or do you really think him leaving the First Order will be enough?” asked an annoyed Rey.

 

“Of course!” cried a frustrated Leia. “I want to do everything possible, but I don't know how. I can't get him to talk to me.”

 

“He's got it in his head that you care more about yourselves than doing right by the memory of your father. You won't honor him or talk about him as he should, so you lied to him, which led to history repeating itself to some degree,” she said honestly. “Do you want that to be what he always thinks of you?”

 

“No,” they replied in unison. 

 

“Then what are you going to do about it? Talking to him about it will be useless unless you do something to show that you want to change things. He's so hurt by it,” she said, her eyes looking off in the distance and remembering him from the night before. 

 

“We can do something to honor him,” said Leia, thinking on her feet. “I still have some money and influence I can use. I'll reach out to my supporters in the outer districts, and if they won't help, then I'll do it myself.”

 

“Leia, you know I'll help, too,” replied Luke, patting her arm. “We both did this to ourselves.”

 

Rey silently rejoiced. She was still smiling when the two left, and she felt much better about that situation at least.

 

Now it was just a matter of showing Ben that he had been fed one too many lies.

 

\------------

 

They were back near Starkiller Base again. It gave Rey the creeps just walking through the area.

 

The bann van was parked at a street corner for optimal viewing of people. Rey saw no one there as she walked up to the van, which was a relief.

 

After giving the secret knock, the door was opened quickly by her silent surveillance partner. Based on the way his eyes were scanning the area behind her, he was on high alert for anyone who might interrupt this deal.

 

Once the door was closed, his body became a little less stiff. 

 

“Rey, you made it. You were pushing it on time today,” he said anxiously. 

 

“I woke up late. I apologize,” she lied. “Has there been any activity already?” 

 

“Yes. Something in the night is dangerous out there. I've seen two different sets of muscle come hulking down the street. No one thought to look at us, thankfully. Come see for yourself.”

 

He was on edge today, and Rey didn't like it. Anytime he was made her similarly so, especially in such close quarters. 

 

Once she had reviewed everything, they grew quiet again. Rey was trying to figure out how to bring up the night before when he jumped right in, reviewing what she wanted to say and ask.

 

“Last night’s conversation about drug addicts never got finished. We have some time yet before any of the big players arrive.”

 

“True,” she said, turning her body to partially face him.  

 

He did likewise, and so they kept an eye on the people around them.

 

“Do you think that some people are just naturally weak? Or is it only the ones who choose to do drugs? Is it all drugs, or only ones who get addicted to them?” asked Rey in a rush.

 

Whatever he had been expecting was not that, based on his gaping mouth.

 

“I suppose I never thought about it in such detail,” he started, “but anyone who gets addicted to drugs is someone who I consider weak.”

 

Rey grinned internally. She rather doubted he had ever given it much thought, for fear of not believing it fully. Uncomfortable rationalizations were treated similarly, at least for her.

 

“So  _ anyone  _ who has  _ ever  _ been addicted to drugs is weak, and there's no chance that they can come back from it is how you see it?” she asked, getting straight to the point.

 

“Yes,” he said warily.

 

“And what about the offspring of people who are addicted? Are they weak by extension?”

 

“Yes, the taint is there,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her. “Why?”

 

“So what does that make us? Both of my parents were addicted to drugs, and your grandmother was,” she said, trying to reign in her excitement. “I'd say we're pretty strong.”

 

He opened and closed his mouth. His eyes seemed panicked for a moment. 

 

“But we chose-"

 

“Yes, you're right! We  _ chose _ to rise above our circumstances and be different,” she interrupted, her voice rising a little. “Just because they chose one thing doesn't mean we have to be like them, right?”

 

“Of course! We might have an addictive personality because of it, but we keep it in check,” he said, not liking her line of questioning at all.

 

“Good. I thought so, too. But let's not focus on us and all descendants of drug addicts. They have a choice, and many choose against it.”

 

Ren gave her a hard look before she continued. 

 

“Some do it because it's all they know. They don't always know when a dose is too much, and then the one time thing they meant to do turns into something much worse. Others haven't been educated to see why it is so destructive. The point is that everyone has a choice, even after they become addicted.”

 

“But their body's chemical makeup changes. It becomes harder to give it up in some cases-"

 

“And yet, rehab clinics are successful,” she pointed out.

 

“For a time, yes. Then they fall back on their old ways. There's no hope for them.”

 

“With your logic, you're right,” she said, making him smile for a moment. “As long as you believe that there is no hope for that person, and that person has no hope, they  _ will  _ go back.”

 

If she didn't sound so confident saying it, Ren might've been pleased. 

 

“Your point?” he asked, feeling unsettled.

 

“My point is that if a person has no hope, then it's easy to revert back to their old ways. They have no reason to live. I think most people do have hope, though, so I can't condemn a group of people for a mistake or conscious choice like that. We should actively try to help them instead.”

 

“I think we can condemn them,” Ren disagreed, his body becoming twitchy. “Everyone knows at some level what is wrong. Some choices you cannot come back from.”

 

“So no one deserves redemption?” she asked, looking him dead in the eyes.

 

Ben warred with himself. He stared at Rey until he couldn't handle her serious gaze anymore. 

 

A large part of him knew there was no hope for him. He had done too much. 

 

On the other hand, there was a small, traitorous part of him that wanted to be what Rey imagined him to be, and knew that he could choose to be better from a certain point on.

 

He had no idea how to achieve it, but it was something he liked. He could reunite with his mother after she understood what she did wrong, and he could give Rey the kind of life she deserved.

 

“As much as I want to believe redemption is possible for everyone, I think some don't want to be redeemed,” he said, thinking of Snoke. “Others do, but it's too complicated.”

 

“Agreed. You have to want to be saved. Otherwise, anyone can be redeemed if they have hope, the right incentive,” she said quietly. “We all live for something or someone.”

 

“I suppose that's true,” he said. 

 

He had truth and justice as what he lived for. The power that went along with it was also key. And yet, life had grown progressively more empty and seemingly meaningless. 

 

The only person who had brought any meaning to his life had been his family for so long, and even that wasn't much now, as muddled up in First Order affairs it was. Saving Anakin's memory - or even talking about him for that matter - wasn't the priority. Other stuff came first because that was needed first for some reason. Then Rey had entered the picture. 

 

She was a weakness in his mind, but even that name seemed inadequate as he looked at her then. She  _ could  _ be what he lived for if he chose to do so, if he ever left the First Order. 

 

That  _ should  _ have tipped him off that his view of her went much deeper, but instead, he was just beginning to think that she was something more than anything he had ever come across, something he couldn't define quite yet.

 

“Ben, why do you  _ really _ think your grandmother became addicted to drugs? Please tell me you don't think she's weak.”

 

Rey's pleading tone wasn't enough to stop him from becoming flustered at the big question. Their casual conversation had quickly escalated from generalities to his family, becoming far more serious than he thought possible. 

 

“I, well, ah-"

 

That had been the great flaw in his argument, why he didn't feel comfortable always talking about it with Snoke. Because it would mean acknowledging that his grandmother was a lesser being when she wasn't. 

 

She had been a strong, loving woman and good wife. Everything he had ever heard about her said that she was the opposite of weak.

 

“I don't know,” he groaned, covering his face with his hands. “I don't understand. I never  _ did _ understand.”

 

He felt Rey's hand rub his knee in comfort before migrating to his wrist. The gentle pressure reminded him that he did indeed have support, something he wanted in that moment.

 

She wasn't judging him in the least. That was the biggest thing in his mind because everyone seemed to do it to him automatically. 

 

“If your grandfather was already miserable or dealing drugs when your grandmother became addicted, do you think she lost hope? Just died of a broken heart that he would choose that life?” she asked softly.

 

“More than likely. She lived for him. Her whole life was him and her children,” he said through his hands.

 

“Do you really want to condemn her, too?” she asked.

 

“No.”

 

She smiled.

 

“Good. Neither do I. I don't want to condemn anyone, especially someone from your family. There's so much good and strength in all of you.”

 

“Thank you,” he croaked out before standing up. 

 

He didn't want to face her then. He knew he was tearing up at hearing her say that of his family. They deserved better than what they had gotten so far, and the choices made hadn't always been wise. His family still deserved a chance.

 

Just like he did.

 

When he went to face a wall, he heard Rey follow.

 

“Ben? What is it?”

 

It was only a gentle hand on his back, nothing more. And yet, it felt like the world had been given to him - countless strength pushed into him - and that he could breathe easier for the first time in forever.

 

There was hope because she believed in him, and he definitely believed in her.

 

He didn't want to let her down.

 

He turned around quickly and embraced her, holding on to her as though she were life itself. There was nothing that mattered in that moment but her.

 

“Rey. Thank you.”

 

Then he saw it, movement on the cameras. There were two men heading toward their van. One short, and the other tall.

 

Nothing mattered but keeping her safe. The job was secondary. 

 

She felt his grip on her tighten, his fingers pushing against her back.

 

“This is getting serious now. I need you to stay inside this van, out of sight. This is a direct order from your superior officer,” he rumbled at her ear.

 

She stiffened before saying, “What's happened?”

 

He still held on to her, even as he straightened himself to his full, impressive height.

 

“We have company; seal those amazing lips of yours shut so they don't realize you're here. I'm going to get rid of them. You have your fake ID, just in case? Gun at the ready?” he asked, pulling away from her. 

 

“Of course. You're going out alone?” 

 

He saw the worry in her eyes, and he smiled. She shouldn't fear for him. He was the best fighter and brawler around, besides her. He learned from the best.

 

“Yes. It'd look suspicious if both of us go out there. Be ready to call backup to have someone come pick them up. Got it?”

 

“Yes. Be careful,” she said, her right hand coming up to his cheek. “I want you back.”

 

His heart beat faster, and a smile broke out over his face. Nothing could have made him happier than to know she wanted him. Perhaps she didn't need him satisfying her needs always, but she wanted  _ him. He  _ was enough.

 

Cupping her face in return, he said confidently, “Believe me, I'll come back for you, Sweetheart. They don't stand a chance. I've got great odds.”

 

Rey smiled and thought him a tad overconfident, but let it slide. It was hard to speak when he looked at her like she was all that mattered. 

 

Taking his face and giving him a quick peck, she wished him good luck. As she settled herself on her stool, he headed toward the door and waited until someone knocked on the back door.

 

“Hey! Anybody in there? We're with the police and parking squad,” called out the beefy-looking tall guy.

 

“Not kriffing likely,” muttered Ren before opening the door and locking the door as he closed it.

 

Rey watched anxiously from the cameras that he conveniently stood in viewing distance of.

 

“How can I help you gentlemen tonight? Got any electrical emergencies? There's no sign saying we can't park here.”

 

“We’re going to need you to move regardless. There's a private event happening tonight, and you're within the all-clear zone.”

 

“No can do. My partner, Johnson, is inside this building doing an emergency patch job. This family just lost everything, and they've got kids-"

 

“Sorry, we don't care. You need to move this van, now. At least a couple miles away,” said the short guy. 

 

“No way! There's equipment that Johnson needs-"

 

“Listen,” said the scowling first guy as he reached in and pulled out a gun, “I don't care if you're with the Peace Corps. Move it, or you're going to die.”

 

The shorter guy quickly pulled out his gun as well.

 

“That escalated quickly. And if I refuse?” asked Ren, a smirk filling his face as he raised his hands.

 

“You're an idiot. Prepare to meet your Maker,” said the tall one, cocking his gun.

 

“I prefer justice,” said Ren.

 

A moment later, he brought his hands down on the men’s wrists. Using the downward momentum and their surprise to his advantage, he managed to make the tall guy drop his weapon. The shorter one fell the ground, where Ren quickly kicked him while he was down. 

 

_ That  _ sent the second gun flying, but not before it sent a bullet at Ren's right side, close to where he had been injured previously by Chewie.

 

Not showing any pain, he pulled out his gun and shot both once in areas that wouldn't kill them. 

 

The men continued to fight, even after he kicked away their weapons. With a few more kicks and punches to knock them out cold, he was satisfied. 

 

“Rey, call in backup, and get some cuffs, tape, and gags ready!”

 

She opened the door minutes later, items at the ready.

 

Once he was done binding and gagging the two, Rey brought forward the medical kit kept in the van.

 

“I saw you get shot, and you took a couple punches. Please let me check you over,” she pleaded.

 

She knew perfectly well that he had been hurt in a critical area. She didn't want him dying because he was stubborn.

 

“I'll be fine,” he insisted.

 

Rey pushed the clothing against the wound, and blood soaked through it.

 

“You were saying? Shirt off, now, or else we do it my way,” she threatened.

 

“And what if I want you to strip me?” he teased.

 

She huffed before standing in front of him. Leaning her head and left hand up, she whispered, “Ben, you have something in your hair.”

 

Looking up and reaching above his head, he asked, “What? How can you even see-"

 

“Gotcha!” she cried, her right hand pulling out her pocket knife and slicing it down his shirt.

 

“Hey! I liked that shirt!” he cried sullenly.

 

“You should've removed it yourself then. Never assume,” she teased with a triumphant grin.

 

“I'll get you back,” he warned. 

 

Her eyes danced before answering, “You may try. Now, stand still and let me examine you.”

 

She got down onto her knees and began looking at his wound. As her hand traced the edges, he winced. 

 

“Stop squirming! I've barely begun. We're going to need a lot of gauze for this. It's bleeding profusely. It's not deep, thankfully. How does it feel?” she prodded.

 

“It burns,” he groaned. “It's unpleasant.”

 

“How many times have you been beaten up and shot that this is only unpleasant?” she asked, looking up at him suddenly.

 

“More than I care to remember,” he said, evading her.

 

He had experienced so much at Snoke's hands. This was nothing, other than the larger amount of blood loss.

 

She grumbled and went to work, sanitizing the wound before wrapping it up. 

 

“I don't want you to wear a shirt. You need to give this some air; I wrapped it lightly on purpose,” she said as she got up.

 

“You just want to stare at my eight-pack,” he joked.

 

“While the view is pleasant-"

 

“Pleasant? How is it only  _ pleasant?”  _ he shouted in a miffed tone.

 

“You shouldn't have made the comment,” she said with a smirk. “Now, as I was saying, I like the view, but it's rather distracting. I don't need that tonight of all nights.”

 

“It better be distracting,” he muttered as he went to sit on his stool.

 

Rey did her best not to giggle. It would ruin the effect she was going for.

 

It would be  _ very  _ distracting for her, as she loved the view. But his ego didn't need to be any larger.

 

“Thank you for taking care of them so easily. I wish you hadn't put your arms up like that, though. It scared me,” she said seriously as she stood behind him.

 

He felt her hand rest possessively on his shoulder. Some part of him reveled in it.

 

“I didn't want to give them reason to shoot sooner,” he explained. “Sorry to worry you about the job.”

 

“It's not the job I'm worried about,” she commented, sitting next to him and removing her hand at last. “It's you I worry about most.”

 

“I already told you, Rey; I was coming back for you,” he said with much pride. 

 

He was about to say more when two cops came to pick up the gagged men. After the men were disposed of, the two were left again in peace, with a little time before everything began.

 

Rey had an idea of where she wanted the conversation to go next; thankfully, her partner noticed her thoughtful expression. 

 

“What is it? What are you thinking about? Tell me.”

 

“Your wound…. It reminds me of someone else's injury I've seen before.”

 

“Oh?” he asked, his body pulling away from her at once.

 

She shook her head, glad that she knew the truth about his other identity. That movement would have clued her in immediately. 

 

“Yes. Kylo Ren received something similar after he killed your father.”

 

“So?” he asked, not liking anything about the direction of the conversation, especially if it involved his father. 

 

He was completely split on the subject of killing his father. It was supposed to have removed the weakness, and yet he hadn't grown any stronger. It didn't seem like a good enough reason anymore.

 

“You never talked about your father yesterday in great detail when you discussed your family. Why? Didn't you love him?”

 

The tension in him put her on edge. His voice rose as he responded back.

 

“Just because he was helpful for a few days to you doesn't mean he was a great guy and father.”

 

His evasion angered her.

 

“But he  _ loved  _ you! He cared deeply about you. All he did was talk about you!” screamed Rey. “He wished your relationship was better, sure, but he took such pride in you. You had so much with him,” she said, her voice deflating quickly as longing entered.

 

“Don't confuse your desire to have a loving family stop you from seeing him as he was. He was a hero, a great man, even. But, I never earned his love and approval,” said Ben simply. 

 

Rey stared at him as he did his best to hold it together. 

 

“And now I never will, regardless of what my mother says,” he said with regret.

 

“How do you see that? Your mother-"

 

“We’re not on good terms right now. It's for the best,” he interrupted. “I don't deserve it anyway.”

 

“How? Everyone deserves a second chance, especially you. Didn't we  _ just _ have this conversation?” asked Rey, glaring at him.

 

“I've done too much, for reasons that seem inadequate to even me now,” he said honestly. “I thought it was the right thing, the right cause, and yet, how it related to the big picture makes no sense.”

 

Rey looked on with wonder, finally beginning to understand his reasons, as muddled and vague as they were. He regretted killing Han, and whatever reason Snoke had given wasn't enough.

 

Finally, after giving him a few moments to wallow, she answered, “You can  _ choose _ to be different  _ now _ , though. I'll help you. If you want to change, do it. Nothing is impossible to come back from, if your family is any indication.”

 

“I suppose.”

 

“And knowing your mother, she probably would forgive you anyway,” continued Rey. “She cares about you, too.”

 

“She forgave me at the funeral,” he said, eyes far away. “I didn't deserve it then.”

 

“Do we ever deserve it?” asked Rey. “I always wondered about that. As much as I like the idea of forgiveness, it's so hard to do in reality. I can't just let go.”

 

His attention returned to her at once.

 

“What do you have to regret, hold on to, or forgive?”

 

“There are things in my past that I wish I could forget,” she said.

 

He looked at her as though he expected her to expand. She knew she should, but she was afraid. However, when she recalled what Ren had already seen, she dove in, hoping to make Ben see.

 

“When I was young, I witnessed a murder. To this day, a certain voice, Snoke's voice, scares me. Do you ever feel as though you're a slave to the past?”

 

Ben watched her face pale, and her eyes widened in fear.

 

“Yes, all the time,” he replied, understanding her and reaching out to her. “My family, its past and legacy, will always be there, just like my former misdeeds and killings will be. It holds me back.”

 

“Yes. That's how I feel about Snoke. Every time I see or hear him, I want to revert back to my childhood fear. It's terrible,” she admitted, her body shaking out of habit.

 

His grip on her tightened.

 

“It can't be that bad.”

 

“It is, though. I want to face him, but I can never prepare myself enough for it. I always chicken out,” she explained. “Find a recording of his voice. See for yourself.”

 

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I believe you.”

 

“Just do it, Ben. I keep hoping more footage will get it out of my system,” she said.

 

He brought up old footage of Snoke, and he watched Rey act similarly to when she was in the interrogation room. Her wide, pleading eyes came back, as though begging him to turn it off as he went to press play on the video.

 

Once Snoke spoke, though, she hunched into a ball, head down and hidden.

 

“No, not him,” she cried, all fight gone from her.

 

Ben had seen a lot of things in his time, but nothing had prepared him for that display of vulnerability that ate at everything within him. The sheer amount of trust she had in him staggered him, and he didn't know how he had come to deserve it.

 

Snoke continued to monologue, and Ben dove for her, easily picking her up despite his injury. He pulled her into his lap and held her close.

 

“You're safe, Rey. You're fine. I won't let him or anyone else harm you,” he vowed.

 

“Ben, why am I still so scared of him?” she weeped, hiding her face in his chest. 

 

“Because childhood trauma is hard to keep in the past, unless you can afford some really good therapy,” he said sarcastically, sneaking a peek at the screens.

 

He was relieved to see that no one was still there.

 

“You got that right,“ she muttered, almost smiling. “Never could afford that.”

 

“Don't worry. It doesn't work, either,” he confided. “Believe me, my family tried.”

 

“What did?” she asked.

 

“Forgiveness somehow. I never did understand it myself. It worked great for my mother and Luke.”

 

“I wish I knew their secret. I've held on to this fear and anger for so long. I want to be free of it, and do something about it,” she said.

 

She loved the idea of forgiveness, but letting go of the anger that drove her seemed impossible. Letting go of the past in general scared her as much as she wanted to move on.

 

“Then we’re going to play this video again, until you can let go of this fear, and eventually your past. You need this. Just stay here. I've got you. You can cling to me,” he murmured in her ear.

 

She nodded, not wanting to speak.

 

It took two more plays before Rey could look up from his shirt and not be completely scrunched in a ball. Her body still shivered and quaked, but it was better.

 

He just continued to hold her, proud that she trusted him so much. 

 

“Let's try it again,” he encouraged.

 

“Do we have to? I think this is enough practice.”

 

“Not yet,” he said, going for the video and watching the cameras. “Snoke thrives on fear. You need to be as fearless as possible in front of him if you wish to face him, and you may see him sooner than you expect.”

 

She blinked rapidly before assenting. It confirmed her worst fears, that Snoke did indeed want to see her. 

 

She wanted justice for her parents. She  _ would _ be strong when that time came.

 

“I'll always hate him. He killed my father after he couldn't make a payment,” she admitted.

 

She felt Ben's entire body freeze at the admission. 

 

“He did  _ what?” _

 

“He killed my dad in our living room. I was under the sofa, hiding and watching. Snoke just shot him like he was nothing, calling him weak and useless. Then, he walked away, as though it were completely normal to take away one's family like that.”

 

“What about your mother?” he asked, almost afraid to know.

 

“Snoke told her that she needed to find the money fast, or she'd be next. She killed herself soon after he left,” she said, shivering. “No one came looking for us until two days later, when my mother was supposed to work. Dozens of people came after that.”

 

Anger filled him in a way he hadn't experienced before. It had been one thing when Snoke demanded he do it to become stronger; to do that to an addicted dealer, with a family, in front of a child, was inexcusable. The fact that it was Rey…. He wanted to murder Snoke on the spot.

 

That was  _ not  _ how the First Order should be run. It had to stop, and no one but him seemed to realize it, other than possibly Finn.

 

“I'm so sorry,” he said, bringing her closer and playing the tape again. “ _No_ _one_ deserves to lose their family like that, especially you. This is….”

 

There were no words, but Rey didn't care. She simply clung to him tighter, taking his anger and strength to heart and feeling better about Snoke.

 

“One more time,” he finally grit out. “You can do this.”

 

“Alright. One more time.”

 

That time, Rey sat up, stared at the anger filling his features, and let that fill her as well. Snoke would  _ not  _ scare her anymore. She would bring revenge upon Snoke, and if she was lucky, Ben would stand beside her. She managed to only cringe twice during the video.

 

When the video stopped, Ben looked on with satisfaction that Rey had started to overcome her fear.

 

“Thank you, Ben. I think admitting it out loud helped. Having you here helped most, though.”

 

Her small smile warmed him, and it made him smile in return.

 

“You'll never lose me. We'll take it on together; you can depend on me, no matter what. It doesn't hurt to listen to more videos when you're alone, but if not, come to me. We'll continue this later,” he insisted. 

 

“Thanks. We'll do that.”

 

His right hand found her face.

 

“Yes, we will,” he said, unknown emotions choking him up. 

 

In that moment, Rey didn't feel any shame being held by him.  In fact, she wanted to forgive him. Everything else would come in time, but forgiving him now seemed of the utmost importance. How did it look? What did she say?

 

She didn't know, but her first instinct was to kiss him. It worried her that her feelings and attraction to him were getting in the way of her properly dealing with him, but at that point, it was hard to disassociate one from the other.

 

Did she really want to forgive the man who killed Han Solo and broke apart a family?

 

When she looked into his dark eyes and found compassion there, she found herself answering yes.

 

If he could see all of her and look at her without any desire to control or manipulate her -only compassion - then she could do the same for him. She already acted out of compassion dozens of times when it came to him. Why was this any different?

 

She suspected there was no difference. 

 

She looked back into his eyes and found herself still wanting to kiss him. Luckily for her, her hand ran down his side at that moment, barely touching his wound.

 

He cringed, and she broke free of the spell he cast on her.

 

There  _ definitely  _ was something up with that curse of the bann van. It had  _ nothing at all _ to do with her initially complicated feelings for him.

 

“Let me see if the gauze and wrapping should be replaced. Hold still,” she said, getting down on her knees to examine him.

 

As she worked, he finally saw people arrive. First Hux, then the rest of their crew. The Hutts followed soon after. 

 

The deal started off like any other, all major players showing their lack of weapons and being searched. 

 

The guards all stayed in the background, the ones for the Hutts waiting for a signal from Bala-Tik, the highest ranking member there.

 

Hux was chomping at the bit as he finally got to talk to the higher-ups in Hutt’s gang, with the correct amount of money.

 

“You still want this, two days later,” commented Bala-Tik.

 

“We need your product, and you're short on cash. We can make a deal. We got everything you want; we can make your dreams for revitalization come true,” Hux said, his grin less than genuine. 

 

“So it seems. It's almost too good to be true.”

 

“It’s only because we need this, as I said. Where is my product? I demand to inspect it first.”

 

The drugs that had escaped First Order capture were brought forward, and Hux examined them with two others who specialized in identifying drugs. Before Hux pulled away, he slipped a tracker in the drug container.

 

When they were satisfied, the case was pulled back by the woman in black and white holding it.

 

“Show us the money,” demanded the woman.

 

The money was brought forward, and it was counted and inspected briefly. When it all passed the initial inspection, the money was put back inside its case.

 

“Are we satisfied?” asked Hux, ready to be done with his portion of the deal.

 

“I believe so. Let's exchange. Bazine?” he asked, taking the case from her hands.

 

Hux came forward, as did the main speaker. Both held their goods in front of them until close enough to trade.

 

As the money and drugs switched hands, the short, black-haired Hutt leader suddenly reached out a hand behind Hux’s ear.

 

Grasping the microphone/radio behind Hux's ear, the man demanded, “What is this?”

 

Hux's eyes widened as he yelled for the surveillance team to hear, “My hearing aid! You're losing me!”

 

Ren and Rey heard the code word to cease all communications, and both froze. As Hux set off the comm destroyer, his partners grabbed guns from their guards. The guards shot down some of the muscle from the other side, while the rest ran off with the money and drugs, as expected. At least they couldn't warn the rest of the group of the incoming threat.

 

“Get in the passenger seat, now,” demanded Ren. “I drive.”

 

“As long as you put on a shirt!” cried Rey as he got up quickly and winced. “I wish you had a cowl or something. It would be better than that confining shirt.”

 

“There's no time. We have to be ready to follow them now. All our eyes are gone, but we know where they're parked.”

 

“But they're driving sports cars and SUV’s! How are we going to keep up with physics and pounds of lead against us?” asked Rey as she buckled up.

 

Ben started the car and turned to give Rey a smug grin.

 

“Lucky for us, I installed some modifications to the engine the last time it went to the shop for body repair and paint.”

 

He started up the car, and the engine roared to life.

 

“What kind of modifications? It sounds a lot like a turbocharger underneath,” she said, having messed with those in her junkyard days.

 

He only grinned and nodded more, and then they found their targets. Thankfully, the comm destroyer was designed not to kill off the tracker, so they had a very clear picture of which car had the money and drugs in it.

 

“Hang on, Rey. I don't know where the lights are taking us from here on out but thankfully, I'm the best driver there is,” he bragged.

 

“You better be, or I'm going to be pissed. I drove circles around everyone at the academy,” she grumbled, earning a chuckle from him.

 

“When you have seniority or I'm injured, you can drive. Until then, get your gun ready to shoot their tires. We will have Hux and others following behind; they'll pick up the leftovers on the side of the road.”

 

“On it,” she said, leaning over to the window. 

 

“If I tell you to move a certain way, do it. We may have to make some tight turns,” he warned.

 

“I'll be ready.”

 

As soon as the five cars started moving, all five had people shooting at them at once. Rey brought out a second gun from their supply behind the seat and got to work. 

 

As they shot at their car and the two, Rey shot at them and their tires. Soon, one car had both back tires destroyed.

 

As the black Expedition spun out of control, Ren yelled, “Lean toward me!”

 

Rey complied, and he turned the wheel to the left as hard as he could, narrowly avoiding the vehicle as it crashed into a fire hydrant.

 

“One down, four to go,” he said with a grin, going in for another while Rey grabbed a gun with more ammo.

 

The headquarters for the Hutts were in one of three places, based on their research. One was close by, and the other two were far away. Rey sincerely hoped it was actually the close one.

 

“This car has a V-8 that I always liked,” said Ren, talking like it was any other car ride. “Always has some pep.”

 

“As long as we keep up, I don't care. Can you go faster?” she asked, firing off a few shots at the men who almost hit their windshield.

 

He swerved to avoid one shower of bullets at their tires and windshield, and then he said, “As my lady wishes.”

 

He sped up to the car in the back of the line, barely avoiding more bullets. Rey injured one gunner while the other dropped his weapon. 

 

Ren grinned and went in for the weak side, conveniently on Rey's side. The side of the van rammed into the coup, sending it sliding across the road. Rey shot the driver and wheels while all floundered to try and get the car back on track. Too late, the little car hit another car, breaking the car apart. 

 

Rey cringed and focused ahead. Ren kept his eyes on the road, looking out for the next target. 

 

The next car was a black Escalade. The men shooting out of that one also threw other things, including what looked like grenades. Rey managed to shoot two of the three while they were still in the air, but one grenade landed in front of them, sending the car flying up. 

 

“Rey, get in the center with me!”

 

Luckily for them, the car was heavy and evenly distributed, so when they crowded toward the middle, they stayed upright. 

 

“That was too close,” murmured Ren, increasing his speed to catch up. “Let's knock them into the others. Focus on the leader cars.”

 

“Ben?” Rey asked, holding on to the handles on the side as he slammed on the gas. They barely made it through the yellow light. 

 

After going through two more yellow lights in quick succession, they had just about caught up. 

 

“Get ready, Rey!” he called. 

 

Rey got into position, new guns at the ready. Ren feinted by going to the right, trying to pass the back car and giving Rey more space to shoot. The back car raced forward, trying to leave as little space between the allied cars.

 

She got a few shots in while also sneaking in two against the back car’s tires. Not big ones, but enough to run them out soon enough.

 

When he felt she had done enough shooting, he braked hard, letting the Escalade get in front fully. Then, he went all in.

 

Ren pushed on the gas as hard as he could, and their car lurched toward the others, its engine sounding its death roar. 

 

Their car crushed the back end of the Escalade at once, with a small amount of the car flattened at the very back. The rest of the Escalade didn't have time to brake, so it hit the car in front of it, the dominos effect working briefly.

 

With another speedy brake, Ren positioned himself again to ram into the car and finish it off. Just before he started, Rey saw movement in the back of the Escalade.

 

“Look out!”

 

As he pushed ahead, three men shot through the Escalade’s back window into their windshield. From the car carrying the drugs, one bullet clipped Ren's shoulder because of the lack of protection.

 

“Ben!”

 

Rey noticed the one who had shot Ben, and she swore revenge.  _ No one  _ hurt her Ben. 

 

“Yeah, I'm bleeding. It's just a scratch. I'll be fine,” he groaned, trying to drive as yet more blood poured out from his right side.

 

When his hand began to lose grip, it dropped to his side, and his left hand held all the control.

 

“Ben! You're injured!” she cried, moving closer and ripping off part of the bottom of her shirt.

 

“So?”

 

“You said I could drive if you were injured. Move it, or let me at least maneuver,” she demanded, wrapping his shoulder as the car in front of them sped away.

 

Groaning again, he agreed.

 

“Fine. My arm hurts too much. I don't think we can afford to stop and switch.”

 

“Works for me,” she said, climbing into his lap and shocking him. Then she demanded, “Move your giant legs up and around me.”

“Yes, ma’am!” he said, quick to move.

 

His left hand attached itself to her left side, holding on to her like a lifeline. 

 

When they reached a red light, she pushed the steering wheel up a little, glanced at the spot of the cars on the tracker, and grinned at him.

 

“Ready?”

 

“Impress me.”

 

Rey always liked a challenge; she did just that. She was supposed to be having fun while doing her job, right? 

 

She shot down one street before taking several sharp turns. Based on their location, the group of cars wasn't going to the closest place for a base, so they had time to catch up. The three would stay on larger roads, so it was just a matter of catching them by surprise.

 

After zigzagging for five minutes and barely missing several cars while going through three alleyways, Ren had white knuckles and even more respect for Rey. 

 

“How many cars did you hotrod growing up?” he asked when she finally calmed down on the abrupt turns.

 

“A lot. When you work with junk, you see a little bit of everything. I can start anything. It was especially useful when bullies liked their car more than they cared about their faces.”

 

He chuckled before he caught sight of the caravan of vehicles, the Escalade looking like it belonged in a junkyard. 

 

“What are you thinking, Rey? I'm a decent shot with my left.”

 

“That's good. Aim for the right rear tire. It's time to finish them off. If you can't do it within a few shots, then I'm going to ride them and physically force the air out of their tires.”

 

“How?” he asked, mouth open in surprise. “Never mind. You're worse than me.”

 

“You betcha,” she said with smirk, speeding up.

 

“You're enjoying this way too much; there must be something wrong with you,” he commented dryly, earning a laugh from Rey.

 

“You should talk,” she shot back.

 

Soon after that, the back car started shooting at them again, aiming for both of them now.

 

Ben wasn't having any of that. He shoved his right arm and side in front of Rey, acting as a shield while she got them closer.

 

After emptying a round and not hitting any of the tires as hoped, he admitted defeat. 

 

“Alright, dirty fighter. Let's see you mount that.”

 

Rey grinned before lifting her butt up a moment and grinding against him. He grunted while his hand pressed against her belly, pressing her as close to him as they could.

 

“That's later,” he whispered. 

 

“You talk a lot of game,” she taunted, her right hand going to the emergency brake. “Let's see if you follow through. In the meantime, watch and learn, and be ready to lean back.”

 

He did a double-take. “What?”

 

Rey went as hard as she could on the gas pedal, swerving to avoid bullets as she could. Finally, they were right behind the flattened remains of the SUV.

 

“Ben, when we make contact with the car, lean back.”

 

“Got it.”

 

As the van touched the SUV, Ben grabbed Rey and leaned back. Rey pressed on the gas a little more to gain a little more area to hold on to, and then she activated the emergency brake before using the normal brakes.

 

With the brakes activated, the van stopped momentarily, pulling the other car with it as it started to drift. The two cars drifted a short distance before both cops felt the height of the car decrease. 

 

That was when two men came jumping out of the back of the SUV, their guns empty.

 

Rey released the brakes and put the van into reverse, letting the two men fall to the ground. As the two cars separated, the Escalade slid before rolling over.

 

“We did it!” she cheered, earning her a frantic kiss on the back of her neck.

 

“Yes. That was crazy, and I can't wait to brag about this,” he said with pride. “Let's finish them off.”

 

However, before they could make any more progress, the two cars in front began braking before turning suddenly.

 

What followed for a time was a frantic game of cat and mouse, Ren taking shots at the cars when he could, and Rey doing everything she could to keep up with them.

 

With more time, they could've. However, the cars reached headquarters before too long, and ducked into a heavily guarded garage.

 

Ren dug into his extensive research of that building and began directing Rey where to park, one block away.

 

When the car was finally turned off, both were sweating, and their accelerated heartbeats didn't slow down. A radiant, excited Rey turned to fully face Ben. He was looking at her like he had found his destiny at long last.

 

She was about to speak when he dragged her in for a kiss, needing to taste her and know she was real.

 

When they pulled apart, Rey put as much distance between them, not wanting to get any more distracted than she already was. She dug through the pile of guns and found two armored vests. If only she had found those sooner.

 

“I'm ready. Ben, stay here.”

 

“What? No way,” he insisted, moving awkwardly to put on a vest and grab some explosives and guns. “You don't know how to get in. I do. Once you're in, I'll distract them.”

 

“Just promise me you won't fight too much. You've lost so much blood,” she said, worry entering her eyes and voice.

 

“I won't make that promise, but I do promise to make it out of this alive. Someone has to come in there and clean up after you,” he said with a grin.

 

“Whatever,” she said, getting out of the van. “Nothing's holding back the two of us. Let's go in there and finish this!”

 

He radioed in and made sure that backup was close before he caught up to her. Near the entrance of choice, he whispered the plan to her.

 

That accomplished, he put the vest under his shirt and showed his wounds off as he pretended to stagger toward the guards.

 

“Someone please help me! I'm dying!” he shouted dramatically. 

 

Rey rolled her eyes and watched as the guards cautiously approached him. When they were in the needed position, he pulled out a gun and aimed at them.

 

As they scrambled to retaliate, Rey shot them in the foot and stomach, allowing her partner to punch them in the face to knock them out cold.

 

With that access gained, he pointed where she should go to access the warehouse. 

 

“I'm going to create a diversion now,” he explained, pulling out a grenade. “Use it well. Distract them until backup comes. I'll be in as soon as I can.”

 

“Okay, Ben. I'll be back,” she stated, kissing him on the cheek for luck. 

 

As he pulled away from her, he lofted the weapon, and it blasted the main door wide open. 

 

Rey knew there were about six to eight people in the last two cars. She just didn't know how many more were at the base since many had already been put in jail or injured that night.

 

She snuck in and hid behind various boxes and oil barrels as everyone coughed and tried to get their bearings after the grenade. By her count, there were ten people. The last of the Hutt criminal network was hiding in this place, including the son of Jabba, the known leader of all.

 

The son was just as fat and disgusting as his father. 

 

“Bring the money here! Who is that attacking us? The First Order or the law?”

 

“We couldn't tell. Knowing the First Order, probably a little of both,” said Bala-Tik. “Bazine, did you recognize any of them?”

 

“I think I recognized the ginger,” said the woman. “I need to find our Intel to make sure.”

 

“We don't have time. We need to leave now,” said their leader.

 

“We can't! They were following us in their death van of doom,” said the driver of one of the cars, still shaken up after watching Rey’s maneuver with the Escalade. 

 

“I think we're safer here,” insisted Bala-Tik. “Especially you. I'm sure that blast was just some gunfire protecting us that went wrong. We haven't seen anyone slip in.”

 

“Yet.”

 

As they talked, Rey hatched a plan to separate and immobilize the group. They just needed to stay there a little longer, until more help came. When she was ready, she crouched down into position.

 

She saw the guy who had shot at Ben earlier. Her blood still boiled, and she intended to hurt him more than the rest. He had it coming after what he did to Ben.

 

She heard the sirens in the distance, and she knew she had to act then. She shot an oil barrel next to the only other exit in the room, the door leading to the cars, and that side of the room exploded. 

 

All backed away in shock. Screaming and running to block the main exit, Rey made her appearance. 

 

“Oh no! It's the crazy driver lady from earlier,” moaned the driver.

 

“By order of the D’qar Special Witnesses Unit, you are all under arrest. You have the right to remain silent-"

 

“Shut up, goody two shoes,” commanded their leader, walking forward. “We’ll do no such thing, even if you have back up coming. You'll die first.”

 

He took guns and aimed for her while two others stammered, “Boss, don't mean to be disrespectful, but she doesn't exactly-"

 

“What doesn't she do?” he growled, turning to face them.

 

Rey was insulted. The cars were close, so she judged it as good a time as any.

 

She pulled her triggers, aiming for his upper legs. One hit his thigh, and the other just below his knee.

 

As he wailed in pain, the guards crouched down. The two who had been speaking earlier finished by saying, “Fight fair.”

 

“Who's next?” she called. 

 

Luckily for her, that was the moment help came at last. As reinforcements flooded in, a bloodbath ensued. Rey did everything within her power to knock out and not kill anyone she fought, until she finally got to the one who hurt Ben.

 

“I saw your look at him earlier. You like him,” he taunted, shooting at her.

 

“It's a lot stronger than like,” she retorted, returning his fire with her own. 

 

Neither one could get a hit on the other, dodging and ducking as much as they did. When they ran out of bullets, he decided to try to overpower her.

 

As he lunged forward, Rey waited until the last second to neatly sidestep him and kick him in the groin with her beloved composite toe shoes. He fell the ground, gasping for air.

 

She pulled out a second, smaller gun from a pocket.

 

“Are you going to let me cuff you, or not?” she asked calmly.

 

“If you do, I'll kill him. As soon as I'm close, I'll destroy him,” he said smugly.

 

Unfortunately for both, she was still very hot-headed when it came to those she cared about most. She charged him and shot both his feet, right before he tripped her.

 

She flew toward the ground, scraping her knee, and he was quick to follow. However, he had barely gotten a hand on her wrist when her foot struck out again, this time at his stomach.

 

After finally getting the majority of the guards and people outside the main room arrested, Ben went in to find Rey. He came in just to see her fall to the ground and have a man reach for her.

 

He started forward, only to get held back by another officer who insisted he leave the area. As he fought and told the officer to help Rey, he kept his eyes on the fight in front of him.

 

On the other side of the room, the winded man was on his back and trying to catch his breath. Rey jumped onto him and wrestled with him. For a few minutes, he put up a fight, scratching and giving her bruises where he could, but she quickly overwhelmed him with the ferocity and frequency of her attacks.

 

She was used to Ben's attack style, which was much less predictable. 

 

“She looks to be doing just fine,” said the officer to Ben. “Let's go.”

 

“No, wait,” he insisted as the cop sighed and gave up.

 

“As long as I'm alive, I'm going to kill him!” Rey’s antagonist wheezed.

 

She got him to his side, viciously holding him down with her body and one hand. With her free hand, she pushed down on his windpipe.

 

“ _ What _ do you think you're going to do?” she demanded darkly.

 

He finally froze, seeing the darkness within her. His eyes soon showed fear, and she was pleased.

 

“Let me go, please. Don't hurt me. I'll do anything!” he pleaded.

 

Rey loosened her grip at once and prepared to grab her cuffs. As soon as her attention started to drift, he seized forward and rammed his head into hers, breaking skin on her forehead. 

 

Disoriented for a moment, Rey fell back a little.

 

“Rey, be careful!” Ben shouted.

 

Like a match illuminating the darkness, Ben's words brought Rey's world back into focus.

 

The man was still weak because of Rey's earlier attack, so when he tried to overpower her, he wasn't able to apply enough pressure. Instead, she got an arm in and pushed his arms up, allowing her stronger legs to come down hard on his chest.

 

His head dropped to the ground like a rock. Rey watched in slow motion as the man’s eyes lost focus, and then the light and life left him. Slowly, blood flowed out from the back of his head.

 

“No! You can't die!” she screeched before crawling off him and trying to lift his head and upper body.

 

As soon as she got a good look, she put him down gently, now assured that she had killed him. Head in her hands, she knelt and tried to breathe.

 

She didn't want to be like Snoke. She didn't want to kill or be a murderer. She had failed in her job; she hadn't been able to protect someone: from herself or himself. She ought to quit her job.

 

That thought sent her spiraling into a black hole, she looking absolutely defeated on the ground because that thought killed her inside. She  _ loved  _ her job. 

 

She just couldn't bear the thought of hurting someone like that ever again. How could she reconcile the two?

 

By that time, Ben didn't care how much he hurt himself; he was going to save Rey from herself. He hobbled over to her and bent down quickly, his side burning in the process.

 

“Rey, shhhhh, it's alright. I'm here,” he whispered, pulling her to him.

 

“Oh, Ben. I never meant to let this happen. I'm so sorry,” she choked out, her arms winding around his neck. “I'm a terrible person. I killed someone-"

 

“Rey, stop it,” he interrupted her before she got hysterical and started crying. “It was in self-defense. That was not your intention, and you have multiple witnesses who will attest to it. Besides, did you really want to kill him?”

 

He brought his hand under her chin and forced her to look into his understanding eyes. 

Her face grew a little more calm, and she stopped going down her spiral momentarily.

 

“No,” she said in a small voice, “I only wanted to prevent him from hurting you anymore.” 

 

“Because you care too much,” he amended. “Thank you.”

 

In that moment, both had very different experiences. 

 

Rey knew at once how she could forgive Ben. She had to forgive herself first, however much it hurt, because otherwise she would never be able to continue doing her job. She loved her job, knew she was needed, and knew that death was never the answer. 

 

She would learn from her mistakes and change her ways when fighting in close range.

 

And if Ben, the man who had killed Han Solo and others, regretted it and wanted to change,  then she would forgive him. Sometimes, it took an extreme act, a new low, to finally find out where the line was. 

 

In her mind, Ben was there now when he could have been somewhere safe. He cared too much because he cared more about her. 

 

She forgave herself; for a moment, she felt something lift from her shoulders. Anger, pain, intense guilt, and shame fled from her, allowing her to breathe deep. There was peace, just for a moment. 

 

As she surveyed the body being rolled away, she shuddered, and the dark thoughts plagued her once more. 

 

She realized that forgiveness was not a one and done deal. She would have to keep doing it until she truly believed it and could let go of it completely. 

 

Then, she forgave Ben. She looked at him and his warm eyes, saw the desire to change written across his face, and rejoiced. From the bottom of her heart, she forgave him completely, knowing that Han Solo had not died in vain. He had been the means of making his son realize that life and love were more important than power and glory. 

 

As lost as she was in the dark night of her thoughts and fears, so low and tired of being alone, she saw Ben’s light clearer than anyone ever had. It burned brightly for her and stood beside her, showing that she would never truly be alone.

 

Forgiving him was easier than forgiving herself. It didn't matter. Her heart and soul felt lighter than they had in a long time.

 

As Ben looked at Rey, he remembered all the pain and panic he had felt when Rey was almost killed and had broken down in front of him. 

 

Both were things that made his world and foundation shake. They both could never be allowed to happen again. She was too precious to him.  _ No one  _ would hurt Rey; she came first.

 

The violence of that resolution regarding Rey was enough to stop him short. He knew that that kind of resolve was not the result of a slight attachment or weakness. It also wasn't from the power he sought, as this was too selfless for that; this was love.

 

He had always thought love would make him weak. It had stopped his grandfather from accomplishing his dreams. Snoke had always told him love would destroy him and make him rot from the inside out. He didn't believe Snoke anymore, as it was what Snoke wanted that was destroying him.

 

Somehow he knew that love was renewing him. Everything depended on her, yes, but she had more hope, strength, and compassion than anyone he knew. He  _ could  _ depend on her, just as he had earlier.

 

As he looked at her curled up and heard her recriminations, he knew instinctively that this would be the last time that Rey would kill. He would tell her more stories of what he had done to make her feel better when they were alone, but it didn't change the fact that Rey would do everything in her power to not kill, even in self-defense or to save someone else. She would find another way.

 

It also didn't change the fact that Snoke was the cause of Rey's misfortune in life. Sure, it had brought her to him in a weird way, but she deserved better. She also deserved justice, and she would never be able to do it now. 

 

He could.

 

He would. 

 

Snoke was soulless and didn't care who he hurt. Everyone was weak in Snoke's mind, and that wasn't true. 

 

It was time to eliminate Snoke from the First Order. He would do it for Rey, for himself, and everyone else who had lost someone because of Snoke and his lies. 

 

Afterward, he and Rey could build something great from it, something she could be proud to be part of. They'd have and serve justice everywhere, first for his grandfather, and then everyone else. His past would finally be put in its proper place.

 

Thus resolved, he felt like a new man, the old self of before forgotten and purposefully lost to this new identity that he had found away from Snoke. He was ready to give up that aspect, and have it all with Rey instead. 

 

He was at peace.

 

Looking up, he found Rey smiling at him, brighter than ever.

 

“Alright, Rey, let's get you out of here. We both need medical attention,” he said.

 

She got up and reached out a hand to him. He took it, and they both made their way slowly to the ambulance. 

 

“Stick out your tongue, Sergeant Solo; let me take your temperature. We need to check your vitals with how pale you are,” said a medic.

 

“It's only a flesh wound; I'll be fine,” he joked before taking the thermometer. 

 

While Ben continued to be checked out, Rey saw that she had a slew of calls and texts from Finn and Leia. Not wanting to deal with them, especially with Ben close, she told them that she had survived. She would answer them more fully after she got some sleep. 

 

While Rey was being examined, Ben had a text from Hux, informing him that the one man Snoke wanted alive was the one that Rey had killed.

 

He chuckled to himself and didn't care. He ignored that text and simply told Hux that he was taking the night off because of injuries caused by Hux messing up.

 

Then, he heard Rey scream.

 

“No!”

 

He rushed over to her, only to find that she was huddled on the ground again, close to tears.

 

“Rey?”

 

“I keep seeing him. Every time I close my eyes, I see him dying again in front of me. Ben, what do I do?”

 

She still wouldn't look up at him. He understood her feelings all too well.

 

“Is she ready to go other than this? I can help her with the trauma,” he said quietly to the medics.

 

The EMT’s agreed she could leave, and so he went over to sit beside her.

 

“Rey, come with me. We're going back to my place.”

 

“Why?” she asked, still not looking up or moving.

 

“Because I know exactly how you feel right now. Let me help you,” he replied. “Please. I don't want you to suffer like I have and do.”

 

She peered up at him finally, eyes glassy. 

 

“Okay.”

 

She reached out a hand, and Ben clasped it. Soon, he had one arm around her waist and their hands entwined just as the previous night.

 

They stood, bodies intertwined, until Rey shivered from them standing in the cold; Ben steered her toward the van after that, determined to get her to the place he wanted her most: at his home, beside him. They walked back to the van in silence, other than the occasional soothing word from him.

 

As she drove them back to her car, Ben talked to ease Rey's nerves.

 

“The three other times I killed people, it was never with the same intensity that I had the first time. For months after that first incident, I was losing in training simply because I was going easy and not wanting to take any chances.”

 

“What changed that?” she asked.

 

“Hux being his smug self,” he grumbled. “It was good and bad. I needed to get back on my game. Don't be surprised if it happens to you.”

 

“And if it does happen? What then?” she asked nervously.

 

“Admit it freely. Face it head on. It's either that or I keep egging you on to go harder on me,” he said with a smirk.

 

“There's no way I'd  _ ever  _ go easy on you; I enjoy our fights too much,” she said, eyes fixed on the road.

 

It was good she couldn't see his eyes; he was far too pleased about it. 

 

“Good. The second time for me was much like it was for you there. All I had meant to do was hold down the guy fighting arrest, but then I applied too much pressure. He said it hurt, but I didn't believe him. I wish I had.”

 

He was quiet for a time, remembering that man. After they parked the van by Rey's car, both got out and stayed quiet until Rey was back on the road, heading to his home.

 

“The next two were both from gunshots. They were shooting at me, and I shot back.”

 

He paused a moment before saying, “There may come a time when it is between life and death. Luke told me to choose life, to choose myself because I could protect more life. Remember that. It might help you, too.”

 

“Thanks. I know it's always possible, and maybe it'll help now.”

 

He smiled.

 

“Good. Just be careful with your aim. My off aim caused a death, and the other time I was a little too excited to take him out since he was wanted for so much, as evil as they came.”

 

“Did it hurt a lot when you shot that last one?” she asked, turning onto his street.

 

“Not at first. It was a similar high from the first time, but it lasted much less time. My stupid conscience-"

 

“Did the right thing. It's what separates us from evil men like him and Snoke,” replied Rey, parking the car.

 

A little shocked that she hadn't even asked him once about how to get to his place in the middle of the morning, Ben gave Rey a bug-eyed look.

 

“What is it?” she asked, a little amused.

 

“Are you sure you've only been to my place once?” he asked, disbelief in his voice.

 

She laughed, clutching her stomach.

 

“Yes, only once. I just remember it well because it's you.”

 

“Oh,” he said, trying not to seem too happy about it.

 

As they went up, he asked, “Is there anything you're curious about? Do you need to vent? What can I do?”

 

He opened up his door, and Rey rushed in. He followed her until he found her in his bed, legs crossed, head against the headboard, and eyes closed. 

 

“I don't know,” she said. “Everything hurts. I know it wasn't intentional, but I still can't stop replaying the scene.”

 

“It'll happen for a long time to come. It hasn't stopped for me yet,” he said softly, moving to sit beside her. “Don't try to hold it in like I did. Say what you feel. Do something, or else you'll destroy a vending machine.”

 

Her eyes opened at finding out the real reason why he had done that. 

 

“Do you think forgiving yourself would help?” she asked.

 

He stopped and considered it.

 

“It probably would help. I'm just not there yet.”

 

She turned and tucked her legs underneath her so she could look at him more closely. 

 

“When will you be?” she asked, genuinely curious. 

 

“I'm not sure. Can you forgive yourself?” he asked.

 

“I already have,” awe filling her face as she remembered the feelings. “For a moment, I felt what my future could be, just the shape of it, but solid and clear. It felt lighter. I was able to let go of my past, and accept myself as I was.”

 

For a moment, Ben was jealous of her moment of clarity. He wanted that, too. He wanted that love and acceptance that Rey seemingly wanted, but couldn't accept. He couldn't accept it from his mother until she knew who he really was, and what he had done.

 

“But I know I'll have to do it again. The memories and doubts keep creeping back in. If I don't forgive myself, then I think I'd have to give up being a police officer,” continued Rey more soberly. 

 

Ben’s head snapped toward her, his face full of horror.

 

“No!” he shouted, his hands going to her shoulders. “We need you. I need you, that is-"

 

Rey put a trembling finger to his lips to stop his stumbling.

 

With a wavering voice, she said, “Thanks. That's enough reason right there.”

 

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. 

 

She pulled her hand away and looked down. She wasn't quite sleepy yet, but she was getting there, the adrenaline and excitement of the day making her body still awake.

 

The issue was that she hadn't allowed herself to cry earlier when it all happened. There were too many people around, especially work people. Here, she was alone with Ben. She could trust him, and after he - of all people - said that he needed her, she felt herself choking up.

 

“Rey? Are you alright?” he asked anxiously. 

 

“No,” she said honestly, and that was when the tears started. 

 

Palms flew to her eyes as she tried to hide the sudden onslaught of tears. When Ben heard the shallow breaths and saw the tears through her fingers, he did what he could to help. 

 

A strong arm encircled Rey’s waist, and a hand lovingly touched her cheek. 

 

“Come here, Rey. Let me hold you. Just let it all out.”

 

She cried even harder after that, and when he had adjusted his position to put her between his legs, he buried his face in her hair, pressing soft kisses to her scalp.

 

“You're safe, Rey. You're not evil. You're going to be fine.”

 

“When?” she cried.

 

When it wasn't enough to cry into her hands, she turned and soaked his shirt thoroughly. He didn't care; she was his only priority. It could've been hours he sat there with her against his chest; he didn't know nor care. 

 

As she finally started to hiccup and calm down, she yawned.

 

Looking up at him, she said, “Thank you, Ben. I needed that.”

 

“I know. You're not alone, Rey.”

 

“Neither are you,” she whispered, a smile overtaking her face as a hand patted the wet spot over his heart.

 

His eyes mesmerized her with their gravity. 

 

“I'm being serious, Rey. Remember that, for whenever you need something or someone. You always have me. I know your pain; I'll never deny you.”

 

“Oh Ben….thank you,” she replied before yawning. “I think I'm feeling tired.”

 

“You ought to be. You've had a busy day: scolding me, fixing me up, driving when I couldn't, and taking care of Hux's messes.”

 

She chuckled as she leaned into his chest.

 

“Yeah, I have been busy when you put it like that, but we were amazing together,” she trailed off.

 

Her last coherent thought was that she needed to talk to Ben in the morning. He needed to know all that she knew since he cared so much about her and had chosen her. The sooner he knew, the sooner he would join her, and she wanted that most.

 

“We’re always amazing together.  The best team there is,” he replied, satisfied that she felt similarly. 

 

He waited until he heard her soft snores. Moving slowly so as to not wake her, he laid her out, and then he lay beside her. 

 

At first, he was going to leave some space between them and not touch her, but after almost losing her, he figured he deserved to touch her a little. 

 

He laid his hand just above her waist when she shifted slightly, leaning toward him and his heat.

 

Even in her sleep, she called out to him.

 

“Ben…”

 

He got up and kissed her forehead, earning him another sleepy smile. 

 

“Sleep well, Rey. You're safe.”

 

He slid next to her until there was no space between them, his body spooning hers and arms protectively enclosing her.

 

Normally, he closed his eyes, and horrific images assaulted his mind, preventing him from sleeping right away. This time, the stress of the day and the closeness of Rey was everything he needed.

 

Ben decided that he wanted to end every day like this, with Rey. 

 

When he first met Rey, he had been restless. He had had enough of the same old work and plotting, and he had been looking for more, whatever it was. More meaning besides emptiness, loneliness, and anger. 

 

She had been new, different. She made him reflect more and question everything that he had accepted for so long.

 

He hadn't been looking for love when he first met Rey, but he found it anyway, that something more lying comfortably in his arms. 

In the security of his bed and each others’ arms, together they were invincible.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!


	9. Countdown to the Next Drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALL the ANGST..... you have been warned. The scene has now been set for the drug deal at Crait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I still don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. This chapter is not inspired by an image. Alas, I had planned to, but then this chapter got WAY out of hand (16.5k? Seriously?). I hope you like angst; this is exactly why communication is a great and beautiful thing that should be used.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

“Rey, wake up.”

 

A gentle nudge at her side made Rey grunt. It was too bright outside, and she was too warm and comfortable to get up.

 

“Mm, Ben, no,” she mumbled, turning to burrow herself into his side. 

 

He huffed and looked at the ceiling of his apartment, trying not to think about Rey pressed tightly against him. It did things to his lower body that he couldn't do anything about without waking up Rey. 

 

He had actually dreamed that night, something he rarely did. He had brought honor to the family name, and Rey was beside him, as she was meant to be. They lived a normal life together, with kids and weekly visits from Leia, and it felt so  _ right _ . It shouldn't feel so right since they were still on opposite sides, but it was only a matter of time in his eyes.

 

She would see. He'd make her see. Until then, they would continue to find relief in one another. Thankfully, her hands were firmly around his stomach and no lower.

 

He gave her ten minutes and then tried again to wake up her up, this time sliding several fingers along her upper arm and elbow. The soft caress sent shivers through him, and goosebumps across her skin. He craned his head back a little to try to get a better look at her face, if it showed any recognition, but he bumped his head on his mahogany headboard in the process, making him grunt.

 

“Leia, please go away. You just visited yesterday,” she stated sleepily before sliding herself around Ben more securely.

 

Her words immediately threw a cold shower on all his improper thoughts, and he froze, trying to understand what she meant. When he recalled her being late from the night before and all their discussion about his family from the night before that, he felt something curdle in the pit of his stomach.

 

What had Rey told his mother that she would personally visit Rey?

 

Ren leaned over to grab his cell phone and checked his notifications. Sure enough, Hux and Phasma had both called multiple times. He would deal with them  _ after _ he checked on the whereabouts of his mother. 

 

After he sent a text to those watching his mother, he straightened, his mind anxious again. As his body coiled in stiffly on itself, Rey woke up, sensing a change in her pillow.

 

First, she realized that she was with someone, not alone with her pillow in bed. When she recognized the smell, memories of the night before came flooding back, and she realized that he hadn't left her side after she fell asleep on him. It was sweet, and it bothered her that he seemed troubled about something so early in the morning.

 

Or at least it seemed early since a small stream of natural light had entered the room.

 

Getting up on an elbow, she peered into his far away eyes, he not realizing that she was awake. Moving her arm to his side instead of across him, she cautiously asked, “Ben, are you alright? It's too early to be so serious.”

 

He jumped when she moved, and his face zeroed in on hers when she spoke, all negative emotions evaporating upon seeing her worried expression. 

 

“Sorry for waking you. Did you sleep well?” he asked, hoping to distract her as he leaned toward her. 

 

He palmed her cheek gently, and Rey leaned into the touch, her sleep-addled mind desirous of all attention from Ben. Without thinking, she leaned in to kiss him. He met her halfway, his lips greedily drinking her in, and she sighed contentedly. 

 

Not long after, she was pulled into his arms and lap as he sat up, eager to explore her early in the morning. One hand slid through her tangled tresses, while the other pressed her hips against his. Rey woke up completely when she felt his morning wood press urgently against her core. 

 

When she broke away to breathe, he panted, “Good morning, Rey. I like being woken up like this.”

 

She laughed and pressed her cheek against his naked chest, enjoying the feeling of his smooth skin. 

 

“Yes, I can tell you're excited to see me,” she said, taking a moment to admire him below as he chuckled.

 

“Only for you,” he admitted lightly.

 

Her hands left their stranglehold on his hair and neck and slowly trailed down his sides. She was at his stomach, and he could feel every little movement as the tension swirled around them, waiting for her hands to finally find their resting place.

 

That was when her phone became a cockblocker and started ringing. Ren wanted to murder whoever was calling instantly.

 

Rey jumped, her hands flying up and almost slapping his face in the process. Thankfully, he was awake enough to dart out of the way as she slid off him and surged forward to grab her phone.

 

“Who could be calling at this absurdly early hour?” she murmured upon seeing the unknown number, ready to bite off the head of whoever had dared interrupt. 

 

Ren chuckled at seeing her dark look, glad that it wasn't focused on himself for once. He was ready for her to tell someone off so they could finish what they started. 

 

“Who is this?” she demanded angrily. “It's too early in the morning to call.”

 

“Rey,” said Luke with some humor, “stop and look at the time. You do realize it's dinnertime for normal people, right?”

 

Rey froze, recognizing the voice and fearing for Ben hearing and recognizing Luke. She leaned over in the bed a little more until she was at the edge.

 

“Why are you calling? Now is not a good time,” she said, her voice clipped.

 

Ren saw the tension return to her body, and he became worried about who was calling.

 

When Luke answered, he seemed more subdued. “I thought you might be with him. You hadn't returned the calls of anyone, and they all assumed that you'd be awake. I'm glad I was right that you'd need your sleep. We'll talk later.”

 

With that, he hung up. Rey stared at her phone in wonder as she saw that it was indeed evening again. 

 

“Who was that?” asked Ren, very curious.

 

Rey panicked and said the first name that came to mind.

 

“Finn. He was worried about me since I ignored my phone so much.”

 

She turned worried eyes upon him, and she saw him get out of bed, all thoughts of romance dashed at the mention of Finn. Telling him everything would have to wait until after they cleared this up and she spoke to everyone.

 

Ren still hadn't forgiven Finn for his hand in the almost kiss he had witnessed. He was pretty sure she had done it on purpose, especially after all they shared the night before. The mention of Finn was just the reminder he needed that more intimacy might not be the best idea while he still didn't know all her feelings toward him and Finn.

 

“I'm sorry, Ben-"

 

“Don't be,” he interrupted, not looking at her as he put on a shirt. “I'd be doing the same thing if you hadn't woken up beside me.”

 

He was unnaturally jealous, that was all. Of course Finn was worried; he wouldn't be a good friend if he didn't call. 

 

If only it was  _ after _ some alone time.

 

“Ben?”

 

“Yeah?” he asked, still not looking toward her.

 

“Ben,” she stated, now in front of him, “look at me.”

 

Reluctantly, he locked eyes with her and saw the regret shining back at him.

 

She placed a hand on his cheek, hoping to emphasize her point.

 

“Finn is  _ nothing _ to me. He's just a friend,” she stated, her eyes boring into his. She willed him to ask her about himself, but he didn't, for better or worse. He simply seemed relieved, much of the tension in his shoulders leaving at once.

 

“That's good. I had wondered once-"

 

She kissed him to shut him up, breaking away quickly to say what else needed to be said with rapid heartbeats.

 

“Wonder no more. There's only you.”

 

He smiled, brushing a stray hair out of her face as he took in her earnest eyes.

 

“And it's not out of some sense of gratitude for last night, either,” she added. “I do  _ truly  _ appreciate all that you did last night, but I think we both know that whatever this is between us developed long before last night.”

 

He wanted to say the word love and force her to admit her own feelings. She had already said as much in his mind; admitting it out loud would just make everything easier.

 

“Agreed. This is much deeper than gratitude. Now what?” he asked, ready to focus on the future.

 

“I don't know,” she hedged. “Considering our work relationship, it's complicated. Let's consider this carefully.”

 

His wandering thoughts suddenly hit a brick wall at the mention of their shared work. Rey had forgotten about that detail when she admitted to wanting him, and she felt bad backpedaling. 

 

The issue was that he was still her boss. She didn't know how to make that work down the line, but he had a solution. Once she changed sides, it wouldn't matter.

 

“We will think about it. Now, you need to go home and take a couple days off to get on a normal sleep schedule. I'll be up if you need to talk to stay awake,” he said. 

 

“I'll remember that.”

 

Then she used the bathroom and straightened up. When she got to the front door, he was there was a brown paper bag containing freshly made food. 

 

“You'll want this,” he said, right before her stomach growled in agreement. 

 

“Thanks,” she said with a grateful look. “You're getting to know me well.”

 

“You never miss a meal,” he reminded her dryly.

 

She laughed and took the food, and he was relieved. He didn't want their dynamic to change despite the desire to take it deeper. He wanted to be allowed to worry about and take care of her the way she deserved, and he knew from work how much she cared about food. 

 

He opened the door, and she stepped into the hallway. They stared at one another a little too long before she finally started walking backward, neither wanting to be the first to break eye contact.

 

She finally did when she blinked. With an awkward wave, she turned and left. He shook his head and shut the door.

 

On the way home, Rey drove and called Finn since he had called her the most times. After reassuring him that she was fine, they discussed meeting up. 

 

“Rey, you want to check out that new restaurant that opened up inside Canto Bight casino tonight? Rose and Poe were thinking of going there for dinner.” 

 

“We won't have to worry about The First Order watching, will we?” she asked with concern. 

 

“No. It's private, and they pay off The First Order to ignore them. We just need to park in the right area, speaking from personal experience,” said Finn with a chuckle. 

 

“Okay, great! See you there in an hour.”

 

\-----------

 

Once he was sure that Rey wasn't coming back for some forgotten item, Ren got on the phone with The First Order. It was time to deal with Snoke. Soon, he was making his way to headquarters. 

 

Once Ren made it to Snoke, he put his plan into action, entering with a contrite look.

 

“You dare show your face so soon after your behavior from the last job?” sniffed Snoke.

 

“If Hux had done his job right, I wouldn't have been needed, and your guy would-"

 

“Don't give me excuses!” barked Snoke. “You had one job, and you failed! You're a mess, and you're weak because of that  _ girl  _ that has gotten under your skin. You shouldn't have left her alone.”

 

“I was injured,” he reminded Snoke, his voice starting to rise.

 

“That's no excuse! Your behavior and performance has progressively gotten worse. I thought you  _ cared  _ about grandfather's legacy-"

 

“I do!” interrupted Ren, stepping into Snoke's face and giving Snoke a murderous look.

 

“Don't interrupt me!” shouted Snoke, slapping Ren across the face. “You'll speak when it's your turn. As it is, I can't trust you with the job coming up at Crait. Hux is not preferred, but since I can't trust you…..”

 

The Boss waited to see if Ren would respond back. When the right hand man stayed stoic and subdued, he continued. 

 

“I'll do what must be done. What are you going to do now to earn my trust? Hux has promised me much during Crait.”

 

Ren had to restrain himself. As tempting as it was to kill Snoke then, he wasn't ready to become the Boss yet alongside Rey. He'd also be blamed for Snoke's death, which he didn't want. Rey could earn her place in the group by taking credit for Snoke dying, and then they could do as they pleased with everyone afraid of them. 

 

With the bright dream and hope for a future involving Rey to remind him, he went forward with his plan, ready to volunteer information and loyalty so that he had all the information needed to run the organization. He lowered his voice and appeared docile.

 

“I've decided that once Crait is successful, I'll do as you suggested previously and leave the Force. With that extra time, I can focus on bringing the next stage of the plan to fruition with the drugs and putting it into the general public.”

 

“Excellent! I'm glad you see the brilliance of my plan,” said Snoke, now looking smug as he brought his hands together. “Tell me, how far have you gotten in your planning?”

 

Ren continued to appear pliant and bowed his shoulders just a little. 

 

“I've got a list of equipment I'll need and their cost, and then it's just a matter of time. However, in order to make this a reality, we're going to need to contact our subsidiaries to see what they have access to.”

 

“What did you have in mind?” asked Snoke, eating up every word and taking a seat at his desk.

 

“I'm going to need the names and contact information for all our subsidiaries. I'll contact them all personally to see what they're willing to give and what they have access to.”

 

“I had given this some thought as well, and I believe you're right,” agreed Snoke. 

 

“Very well. Give me the list of contacts; I'll get to work on it while I'm up now,” insisted Ren, approaching his Boss carefully.

 

Snoke gave him a hard look.

 

“So soon?”

 

“Don't you have faith in Hux and his promises?” asked Ren innocently. “I do. We only have two weeks. I have many calls to make. I need all the information now.”

 

Snoke continued to stare until he was satisfied. Then he went into his computer and printed off a list.

 

“Here's all you need. I know how good you are at memorizing things since you were top of your class in school and at the academy; you have until you go back to your other job to memorize all of this. I want no evidence of this to exist, as you can imagine. Do I make myself clear?”

 

“Crystal,” affirmed Ren, taking the paper.

 

“Good. Anything else before I dismiss you?”

 

“Yes. What are you going to do about FN-2187 and the girl?”

 

Snoke's visage darkened. 

 

“Neither of them are your concern right now. You've proven you can't control the girl, and he is still recovering and useless to us until after Crait.”

 

“Is that what Hux told you?” asked Ren, leaning against the wall comfortably with a slight grin. He was pleased when Snoke looked troubled.

 

“Yes, and my own feelings. Why? Have you discovered something?”

 

“Yes,” he said, remembering Finn's call from earlier. 

 

It didn't matter that Rey didn't care about him like that; he was still mad at Finn. Finn had become too much of a liability in general. Perhaps a near-miss would make him reconsider his life priorities a little.

 

“Our soldier is too close to the girl. He puts her safety above the organization's needs, telling her that I was listening in on her. He also spends too much time around the new district attorney.”

 

“What do you suggest?” asked Snoke, his face neutral and seemingly curious.

 

Snoke always thought him too easy on everyone, so this was his moment to prove himself. He jumped on it.

 

“Include him in the job on Crait. If he is lost, then we lose nothing. If he remains, we should watch him closely. I suspect that he may start helping the DA, and Hux should pay close attention to him during the deal. I find it suspicious that only he survived and had no good reason for doing what he did at Starkiller Base.”

 

“I'll see to it that Hux watches him closely. As for the girl, Hux will be speaking to her and bringing her to me before Crait. I want her dead and out of the way to ensure there's no chance of something going wrong.”

 

“While that would  _ normally _ be the best course of action, I don't think it'll work anymore. She doesn't trust Hux after his poor performance with the Hutts. You need her to go quietly, and she'll only do that with someone she trusts. She'd also beat Hux in a fight, and you know it.”

 

Snoke laughed at that, confirming that they both felt similarly about how badly Rey would beat up Hux. There was a good reason Hux never volunteered to spar with her. Everyone else accepted the defeat somewhat gracefully.

 

“You're right. Should FN-2187 do it?” asked Snoke. “He seems to have earned her trust.”

 

“No. She would beat him soundly, especially if he is injured. I also don't trust him not to do something stupid and try to save her again when they got here. It's better if she comes with me. I've earned her trust thanks to our time together in the Bann Van.”

 

Ren would never admit it out loud, but he had always wanted to get stuck in that van with Rey. It somehow brought his parents together, and the van had done its job well again.

 

“That  _ stupid _ van…. Very well. Bring her in within the next week.”

 

“That will still raise red flags with her, though, as well as with FN-2187. Wouldn't it be better to do it during the job at Crait? FN-2187 might be expecting her to join in if he has turned snitch, and this way, his plans would be ruined. You and I can finish her off while Hux gets what we need.”

 

“I knew there was a reason that I preferred you to the rabid cur,” remarked Snoke, looking more pleased. “Very well. We'll do as you suggest. You will show your complete loyalty to me by bringing her here and then killing her in front of me, without hesitation.”

 

“Of course,” said Ren, his stomach twisting in horror at the thought of hurting, let alone killing, Rey. “All the obstacles will be removed at Crait.”

 

“Yes. We'll still have to watch Hux closely, though. He thinks you've grown weak and will never change because of that girl. He also may get ideas once he has control of everything at Crait. We can't have that.”

 

“It wouldn't surprise me,” replied Ren. “I've always watched my back around him, as you have.”

 

“Now more than ever.  Now, go make the necessary preparations.”

 

Thus dismissed, Ren found his usual office and got to work memorizing the only information Snoke hadn't trusted him with until then. Soon, he would be ready.

 

\-----------

 

When Rey arrived at the restaurant, she was the last one. Poe, Finn, Rose, Leia, and Luke had all come, much to her surprise.  She was surprised Luke would come out in public like that, but perhaps him wearing different clothes and appearing much older hid him well enough. 

 

“Welcome, Rey. We were all so worried about you,” said Leia as she got up to hug Rey.

 

“I wasn't. I know those kinds of nights can be rough; my sister just forgets them for some reason,” quipped Luke with a slight smile.

 

As Rey approached the senator, she felt a chill run down her spine, as though she were being watched. She looked around but saw nothing, and so she focused on the banter between siblings.

 

“It's not called forgetting if you try to block out the old memories,” retorted Leia, hugging Rey tightly. “I just choose not to remember those times right now.”

 

“Either way, we're glad to see you again,” said Poe as he got up to shake hands with her. “We weren't sure how injured you were, or if Ren would try something on you after you got injured.”

 

Everyone thought what he said was perfectly legitimate, except Rey. Her face darkened, and her eyes narrowed as she stared Poe down. He backed away slowly until she stepped toward him and cornered him against the table.

 

“Why would you accuse him of doing that?” she asked, a slight amount of hurt mingling with righteous anger.

 

“Rey?” asked Poe, gulping for a moment. “Are we talking about the same guy? Ren, the guy who was stuck with you for the past few nights and just killed someone recently?”

 

“Yes, we are,” she replied. “I'm just as bad as him. If you'll remember, I just killed someone.”

 

“But that was in self-defense!” 

 

Rey was a little relieved when everyone jumped to her defense. If only she could be so supportive of herself and forgive herself completely.  She just wished she knew how to explain Ben’s behavior to everyone else.

 

“Poe, I don't think you fully understand the situation between Rey and Ren,” said Finn, getting up to calm Rey down.

 

“What am I missing?” replied Poe, still keeping his eyes glued on a slightly more in control Rey.

 

“Did Finn tell you where she was when she answered my call earlier?” asked Luke, sounding a little pleased. 

 

“No. Where? Why does it matter?”

 

“Because she was with Ren, sleeping peacefully. There's a lot more going on between those two,” said the old sergeant. “I remember how it used to be after big cases with Leia and Han.”

 

Leia blushed, and Rey looked between the siblings with a little confusion. 

 

“While the man may be less than pleasant toward the lot of us, he has a definite weak spot for Rey. One we ought to use,” continued Finn, earning him a grim look from Rey.

 

She abandoned Poe and went to Finn instead, who put up his hands in a defenseless manner.

 

“It's true, Rey. You have to see it from a tactical perspective and our side, not just your very biased one. He would happily hurt any of us, except you and his mother.”

 

It was then that Rey finally realized just how colored her perspective was with regard to Ben. Her feelings had completely overshadowed everything else, including her ability to think straight and do the job right. 

 

It terrified her just a little. 

 

Looking down, she drew away from Finn and Poe and muttered, “I'm sorry, guys. I shouldn't have jumped on you like that. The last couple days have been….. enlightening.”

 

“In what way?” asked Rose curiously from her seat. “Do you see him in a new light? Is that why you're defending a  _ monster _ ?”

 

“He's not a monster; he's human with feelings, including regret,” retorted Rey, glaring at Rose momentarily. 

 

“He helped allow my sister to be killed; I have few cordial feelings toward him,” replied Rose. “Don't expect anything from me. What did he say?”

 

“He regrets killing Han, as well as every other person he's killed. He has nightmares about them all the time, and he was there for me when I needed it last night. He understood and even stayed with me through my fears and trials,” defended Rey standing tall and proud.

 

Leia and Luke seemed a little hopeful by what she said, but everyone else gave her doubtful looks. Finn was a little hurt that she didn't think of him, but did his best to hide it. 

 

“I don't expect you to believe me fully given that I have feelings of some sort for him, but believe me when I say this: Ben will turn, just as Finn did. He's on his way already. Once he sees the truth about his grandfather-"

 

“That won't happen anytime soon,” interrupted Poe as he and Finn sat down. 

 

“Agreed. He has very definite ideas about his grandfather that you'll never change. Believe me: his mind is warped and made up when it comes to that topic. I've heard him talk about it enough on the job,” said Finn.

 

“He can turn, and he will. I'll help him. He's better as an ally and would have all the information we need to take down the whole organization,” argued Rey. “Don't you see?”

 

“While you're right, it just isn't feasible,” said Finn. “Now, sit. Let's put aside our discussion of him and focus on you. Tell us what happened over the past few nights, and then I'll tell you what I just discussed with Hux.”

 

As Rey sat, she felt another chill run through her, and she looked around again. She saw nothing but a couple security guards nearby. 

 

Most of the meal passed by quickly after that. Everyone enjoyed hearing Rey's tale of the high speed chase through town, and they all did everything in their power to comfort her when she got to the part about killing someone.

 

When mentioned that she had killed the one person that Snoke had wanted alive, she smiled slightly. 

 

“You're lucky Ren likes you so much. If it had been anyone else in the organization, they wouldn't have let you go on with that fight. I bet he wanted to destroy the guy himself.”

 

“I'm sure he did, but I don't care if he did, Finn. That doesn't excuse what I did any more so.”

 

“Rey, listen to me,” said Luke, taking her hands. “If he had survived, he would be very dangerous to society because of what he would've given Snoke. It's better for it to be him than you. We need you, Rey.”

 

“Yeah, listen to him, Rey,” chimed in Finn. “We want you alive. You're more important because of what you can do.”

 

“I understand, but it still doesn't mean I can fully absolve myself from it. You didn't see the way he died. I did,” she replied in a small voice.

 

She looked at her hands, and Leia took the place of her brother. 

 

Rey looked up into familiar understanding eyes and breathed a little easier.

 

“Rey, we should meet sometime soon. I think we need some woman-to-woman time, and to discuss what you're feeling. Have another talk about forgiveness. If you're feeling anything like Ben did growing up….”

 

Leia trailed off, remembering her son after beating up bullies in high school. The one time he felt regret - despite many talks of why he should before that - was when he realized that he had broken a rib on the older boy.  He had been inconsolable for weeks. 

 

“I'd like that. Thanks,” replied Rey with a slight smile.

 

The others took a turn to discuss work while they ate, and when dessert was brought out, it was Finn’s turn to speak. 

 

“About a half hour before I left, Hux called me over to talk to him. It seems he's been in recent contact with Snoke and Ren; Hux is leading the deal at Crait.”

 

“Well, at least we can win that one,” quipped Rey. “He's a terrible negotiator from what I've seen.”

 

“He's not a people person any more than Ren is based on how they scare people away, that's for sure. But Hux is usually more efficient,” said Finn. “He also has something to prove at Crait, so he'll be coming down hard on everyone.”

 

“So we’ll have to be more careful infiltrating it,” said Poe. “We can do that. I'm ready to see this all in action.”

 

“I don't know; it depends on what they do with Rey,” replied Finn. “They're actually letting me come on for this drop, which is exciting. I can help from inside, but Rey needs to be there with you since she's a better shot. I don't think she'll be involved, based on what Hux insinuated.”

 

“Good,” replied Rey. “I'd rather pick up where Han left off. Poe will help me.”

 

“Now, let's not be too hasty,” cut in Leia. “Let's think carefully about this and plan more once we have a better idea of their full plan. I don't want to lose both of you as well.”

 

“I agree with Leia,” said Rose, putting a hand on Finn's arm. “Let's double check all the plans before we go through with this. I'll help out if need be, but let's not decide anything tonight.”

 

Rey and Poe agreed with the group since they knew they were outnumbered. The meal ended soon after that, with everyone going their separate ways, except for Rose and Finn following Rey out.

 

“Rey, you know you can always come to me, right? I'm your friend, too,” said Finn. 

 

“I know.”

 

“I don't think you do, though. Yes, I'm sure he was telling you the truth since he cares about you, but you need to consider other things, such as him trying to manipulate you. He may only be telling you part of the truth to get you on his side. Just consider it,” he said, when Rey turned enraged eyes on him.

 

She turned away and tried to see it with a clear head. It was hard when it involved Ben, but she put aside her emotions.

 

“I'll consider it.”

 

“Thank you. You're not the only one who has had to do things they regret in order to stay alive. I've done more than him; there's so much blood on my hands,” said Finn quietly, making both women stop.

 

Rose put a hand on his back in support, and Rey took his hand. 

 

“But that's why I'm getting out of all this. I've had enough. I did what I had to in order to survive, and I'll do it again,” replied Finn with a little more bravado.

 

Rose nodded and made encouraging noises while Rey squeezed his hand. 

 

“And you should do the same,” said Finn. “Holding out hope for him is not wise. I highly advise against it. If anything, you should get as much information from him by any means necessary.”

 

“What are you suggesting I do?” asked Rey, horrified.

 

“Visit him. Dig through his computer or look for stuff while he's asleep after you've resolved all that tension between you. Don't think I don't notice the way you stare at one another,” he said as Rey blushed, “I half expected that to have happened when Luke mentioned that you had stayed with him. Did you get any other information while with him?”

 

“Finn! She just admitted that she had a really rough night and needed comfort! Cut her some slack already, you dummy!” shouted Rose as Rey looked on mutely. 

 

Finn gave Rey an apologetic look.

 

“Sorry, Rey. Eventually, you'll be able to handle this better, especially as this happens more often,” said Finn. “I'll leave you alone since I'm not helping.”

 

“Thank you for understanding,” replied Rey, giving both of them a hug. “I just….need to be alone right now.”

 

With that, she rushed to her car and headed back home. Finn had too much callousness and didn't care so long as the ends justified the means. She didn't see it that way.

 

“Did I screw up that bad?” asked Finn, facing Rose fully when Rey had zipped out of the lot.

 

“Yeah, you did. Her sense of honor and justice is different than yours, just like it's different compared to mine. Rey is scared of becoming like that, if her behavior at the end is any indication.”

 

“Oh.”

 

“Don't worry, though. Leia will help; she knows what to say in these situations.”

 

“Anyone besides Ren. I just find it hard to believe that he could help that much.”

 

“So do I, Finn. But look on the bright side: if Rey is even the slightest bit right, we could have another defector on our hands. His knowledge would be invaluable.”

 

“I don't know how that would happen….”

 

The pair continued to argue the point as they walked arm-in-arm back to Rose’s car since they had driven together. 

 

\---------------

 

Meanwhile, still buried in his office, Ren was finishing looking up information about all the various people that Snoke had given him. He was doing well until he got a series of texts with photos, and then a phone call.

 

“Sir, we have some new information that you'll want to hear,” said the man who had been tailing Leia.

 

“What is it?” he demanded, getting up and starting to pace. 

 

“Your mother went out tonight with her visitor to Canto Bight. In their company was the DA, assistant DA, one of our own, and the girl.”

 

Gritting his teeth, he said, “And?”

 

“They talked for a long time. We didn't stay the whole time since security escorted us out, but we did get a couple pictures of the group. We tried getting some discreet shots of the visitor, but the girl kept moving and getting in our way.”

 

Even when unconscious of the security detail, Rey still managed to stop his plans. It was all sorts of comical and frustrating. 

 

“Did you send the pictures? Have they left yet?”

 

“Yes, they just got home. We'll report if anything else occurs.”

 

“Good. Thank you for this.”

 

After hanging up with them, he analyzed the grainy cell phone photos carefully. Sure enough, all were present. Rey had more of a haunted look in her eyes, and Finn and the assistant district attorney seemed close. Leia was close to her guest, but Ren could tell based on the width of the face that the guest was  _ not _ Lor San Tekka. 

 

The grizzled beard and sunglasses didn't help, nor did the baseball cap. There weren't many older men that his mother knew, though, that carried themselves like that. All were too proper, which left him baffled. 

 

“I think it's time I paid my mother a visit.”

 

With that decided, he went back to work and focused on memorizing everything about the subsidiaries. He didn't stop until he felt his eyelids get heavy.

 

There were still a few hours until sunrise, though. He needed to make it to that point, and then he could go home and do normal things like clean and go grocery shopping. 

 

His mind flew to Rey. He had done a good job thus far of putting her out of mind and only using her to focus his attention more closely, but he was sure that she was feeling similar to him. Talking could wake them both up.

 

Using that thought as rationalization, he brought out his phone.

 

Kylo Ren: I hope you're still awake, despite your busy day and night. The First Order thanks you for removing more of the competition. 

 

Rey had finally finished rearranging her room to her satisfaction when she had gotten the text. A movie had even been started to help keep her awake.  

 

Seeing who it was, she woke up at once. She just wished he would do it as himself. 

 

Ignoring the movie, she got into a comfy position to respond back. She didn't like the way he framed what she did, but she had a sinking feeling he did it on purpose to keep up with appearances. 

 

Which would end soon, if she had her way.

 

Rey: If I wasn't as awake as I needed to be, I am now. Shouldn't you be sleeping right now?

 

Ren chuckled at her ignoring of the second half of his text. While her question was legitimate, it was easy enough to answer.

 

Kylo Ren: Some of us don't need as much sleep, or just wake up early. Don't you want my thanks? I'm told you acted quite bravely.

 

Rey muttered something about saving his injured butt to herself and rolled her eyes.

 

Rey: I didn't take down the Hutts to help you or The First Order. I thought only of others; it's not bravery if it's a part of my job.

 

Kylo Ren: As selfless as you are, I believe you. You'd make a good member of the organization, though, with all your skills and drive. There are many possibilities for you here.

 

He had texted back quickly, and she responded in kind, wanting to quash all hopes he had of that. 

 

Rey: Never. Nothing will ever convince me to join The First Order. 

 

Kylo Ren: But don't you want to do the right thing no matter what?

 

Rey: Yes, that's why I became a cop: to make the world a safer place. I'm saving others.

 

Kylo Ren: And if you can't?

 

She paused as she came to the crux of the issue. She was sure that she would have trouble sleeping at night because it had filled her thoughts since waking up, and she knew there was always the possibility of killing another person, whether accidentally or not.

 

Rey: I regret killing a man already; I'll never forgive myself fully for it. I'd like to prevent it from ever happening again. Anyone can be saved, and if not, then let the justice system do its job.

 

Kylo Ren: So you'd never consider killing as necessary, as a means to an end? You could gain much power from it because of your considerable skill.

 

Rey: No. I'll never do it. My conscience forbids it. 

 

Ren smiled and wished that he could have her conscience and strong will. After all the compromises he had made over time in the name of his grandfather, he considered himself a monster. As much as he understood her being unwilling to forgive as he was toward himself, it was more important that she find some sense of peace. He hated seeing that look in her eyes, the same one he saw so often in the mirror.

 

Kylo Ren: And that's the difference between you, me, and other murderers. The price is too much, and you have a conscience. Why not forgive yourself? How else will you get something out of this world? 

 

He paused a moment before sending a follow up text. If she didn't realize what path lay ahead of her, then he would tell her. He owed that to her at least. He would show himself to be one who truly cared about her, making her trust and choose him above all else.

 

Kylo Ren: If you don't find peace, you'll only degenerate over time the more you can't forgive because you'll eventually give up hope. If that's what you want, then you should join me right now. I'll save you some time. We could do great things together.

 

Rey stared at the phone in wonder. What was Ben up to? The only thing he had really succeeded in doing was further convince her that she had done all she could and was better off forgiving herself. Surely he didn't mean to do that, right?

 

Rey: I never thought about that before.

 

Kylo Ren: Of course not. Anyone like me has no hope and is too far gone. 

 

As much as he hated writing that, he still was torn about how true it was for himself. He still had so far to go to help his grandfather, and the longer he stayed on the path, the better the chance that he didn't come back. That worried him since it might drive Rey away at some point: she, his hope for the future.

 

Change would come soon enough, and she would see all that he would do for her and others. That would have to convince her.

 

Kylo Ren: Duty calls. Until later. Consider my offer. I'll ask again soon.

 

Rey: Never!

 

Rey glared at his last message and shook her head, glad that she didn't need to respond to the second to last message. After that, she went about the rest of her day and went to bed as soon as humanly possible. Her sleep was broken and not restful. When she woke up, she still didn't know how to act around Ben due to their last in-person conversation, so she decided to wait for him to take the lead.

 

She dreaded having to tell him how much she knew; it was necessary if she ever wanted more with him, so it would happen sooner or later. She just knew that everything would change after that.

 

Ren had fitful sleep despite being tired. He had dreams of showing Rey to his parents at the Falcon, him standing behind the bar with his old man serving the women. It was something he had always wanted with his father, and with all there loving him, it was almost comforting. Then, the nightmare took over and cut to Rey on the ground in handcuffs and about to die, his parents looking severely upon him.  The disorientation, guilt, and shame from that nightmare kept him on edge.

 

The first day back to work came quickly after that. Rey seemed just as tired as he was, and her eyes still seemed too ashamed or haunted by something, which annoyed him.

He kept Rey at arm’s length at work due to his uncertainty regarding the mystery man and Rey's hesitant behavior toward him. 

 

He went to bed early that night, hoping that things would improve. They didn't. His rest was full of visions, a haziness and tension building for unknown reasons. He finally got up and made up some information for Snoke in order to keep him at bay until Crait. Then, he focused on creating better goals for The First Order once Snoke was out of the way; he was sure that all - except maybe Hux and Phasma - would be behind him. That pattern continued each night when he couldn't sleep.

 

Rey was shocked when he didn't text her that night, or the next two nights. She made it a point to watch him at work closely, trying to understand what was going on. It was disheartening having the dynamic be turned around, with him avoiding her. 

 

\---------------

 

After Ren had been at work for a couple days, he had made all the progress that he needed with memorizing everything and beginning preparations, so he was ready to look into who exactly was his mother's guest. 

 

Once he confirmed that both were at his mother's home, he made his way over. The two were eating dinner, so he had a good, unobstructed view of both.

 

Leia looked just as regal and proper as always, if a little sad as she sat down. The sadness faded away, however, once her guest sat next to her. Soon, they were deep in conversation, and from the looks of it, he was telling her a funny story since she was smiling and laughing.  

 

In a small way, Ren was glad that his mother had found someone to talk to despite all the death around her. The other guest  _ seemed _ so familiar now that he had nothing covering his head or face. Ren continued to puzzle over the familiarity until dinner ended, when the two got up and gave each other a side hug. 

 

In that moment, Ren knew exactly who had come back. No one else hugged his mother like that except Luke. He just hadn't expected Luke to let himself go so much! Two years had made him gaunt, much older, and a shadow of his former self, but he was there all the same. The bond between the siblings was just as strong.

 

Feeling sick to his stomach, Ren fled from the family moment, not ready to see it, nor what it meant for him. Instead, he found the two ordered to watch Leia.

 

“I know who the guest inside the house right now is. I'll take care of telling everyone. How long, exactly, has he been here? Did he also visit Rey a few nights ago?”

 

“He came right after the funeral. It appeared that they left the funeral together,” reported the one man, making Ren’s stomach calm for a moment before twisting up again.

 

“Yes, he made the visit as well,” said the other tail. “Why? What shall we do now?”

 

“Continue as before. Tell me if he ever separates from her. If so, follow him and inform me so others can be brought on to join you. He is of interest to the organization and is skilled at disappearing. Do I make myself clear?”

 

With that, he headed home, needing to think. He used a punching bag when he got home, needing to take out his anger on something. 

 

So many questions swirled in his head as he continued to destroy the punching bag. What had caused Luke to come back? Was it Han’s death? If so, how did he find out? Had he always been close? Had Rey found him somehow? 

 

Of great interest to him was how much Luke had told Rey and Leia since coming back. Did both know his other identity? Was that why both siblings had visited Rey? Had family discussions made her tell them something, and if so, why? It implied she knew something about him before then, and if so, for how long had she known?

 

He warred with himself about Rey knowing anything. He could  _ almost _ believe his mother knew based on her wanting to forgive him, but Rey….. she had been so honest and vulnerable with him. How could she do that knowing he was a monster and murderer?

 

Everyone seemed to know Luke was back, including Finn. That was all the proof he needed that Finn had turned snitch and was playing both sides. He felt better about sending Finn on the Crait deal. How much had Finn told the others? How would he ever find out? Revealing he knew about the dinner at Canto Bight or about Luke would alert everyone, so that wasn't a possibility. 

 

But what about Snoke? 

 

Snoke wanted Luke dead; Ren only wanted him to stay silent about what he knew and acknowledge Anakin as he ought. He didn't want to take his mother's main source of solace away from her, however much he was disappointed or mad at Luke. He would deal with Luke personally -  _ after  _ Snoke was dead.

 

When he finally stopped punching, he slept. His nightmares that night, however, were even more vivid than normal as thoughts of Luke coming to kill him in his bed terrorized him, just as the presence of Luke threatened to reveal everything for what it really was. 

 

At that point, Leia would finally stop contacting him, and most importantly, Rey would never want to see him again. As images of Rey rejecting and fleeing from him dogged him, he gave up on any real sleep. He produced more data for Snoke and worked out until he could sleep. 

 

If he appeared more haggard and tired over the next few days then he didn't care. He marginally took care of himself - for once not his hair - and tried to sleep, but found himself more often than not waking up and doing something useful since texting and talking to Rey wasn't an option. All he wanted to do with regard to her was demand that she tell him how much she knew. 

 

He continued down the silent path until Hux finally came into his office and closed the door. 

 

“Just because someone tried to kill your  _ girlfriend  _ is no excuse to go into a spiral and abandon us. We've got work to do; pull yourself together you lovesick pup!” 

 

Ren hadn't thought he was moping, but perhaps it appeared that way. He just knew he was tired, and he needed to find a way to tell Rey everything and make her understand before Luke did. 

 

If Hux had been hoping to evoke a response from Ren, he got what exactly what he wanted. 

 

Standing up, Ren stormed over to Hux and fixed him with the darkest glare he could, right before shoving him against a wall, hands at Hux’s shoulder and neck.

 

“First of all, she is  _ not  _ my girlfriend. It's complicated since we work together and are on opposite sides. Second, she's a cop; she's going to be shot at a lot in her career. She, unlike you, is quite capable in hand to hand combat and could beat you up anytime, even when injured.”

 

When Hux coughed and sputtered out his name, he loosened his grip slightly before continuing. He also decided not to mention Rey again, as he was sure that he was digging himself a big hole in admitting so much.

 

“Third, I haven't abandoned you or The First Order. If anything, I'm securing its future for a long time to come. I've spent every waking hour - which is a lot right now - planning for Crait and afterwards. I have expectations coming for that night and after, just as you do. The problem is that I'm having a combination of insomnia and nightmares-"

 

“You've been having those nightmares almost since you started working here; don't give me that weak excuse-"

 

Hux stopped speaking when the stranglehold on him increased, Ren’s eyes becoming dangerous. 

 

“You were saying?”

 

When Hux couldn't get out any words, he smiled.

 

“As I was saying, I've gotten no more than three hours a night for the last four nights. It doesn't matter how much I try; I can't sleep. And no, I'm not taking drugs. Until this is resolved, expect me to look like this. Do I make myself clear?”

 

When Hux nodded, he was freed amidst much coughing and holding of his stomach.

 

“As tired as you look, you're still remarkably strong,” wheezed Hux when he had a voice again. 

 

“When you go through a punching bag in two days, you'll be like this, too. Now, leave me.”

 

“Right away, sir. I won't doubt you anymore,” squeaked Hux as he made a beeline out of the office.

 

Once he was alone again, Ren made the final changes to the presentation for the Crait job. After informing everyone to meet the next day for assignments, he went home, hoping that a change in schedule might allow him to sleep a little. 

 

It didn't. 

 

Rey had been seeing the bags under his eyes and worried more for him. When she noticed Hux exiting his office quickly, she followed the ginger.

 

“Is everything alright with Ben?” she asked, making Hux cringe.

 

“No. The man’s a zombie, as sleepless and as strong as one. I don't understand how he does it, or how someone as small as you can even come close to defeating him.”

 

“Watch it,” she said, a hint of menace in her voice as her right hand shot forward a little. 

 

Hux saw the movement and backed away out of instinct, wanting to save his skin.

 

“Never mind. You're just as fast as him, but with a conscience.”

 

“And you're afraid of me, so I guess it works out.”

 

With that, she left a gaping Hux. She had plans to see Leia that night, so she would ask about Ben as well.

 

Thankfully, she had come to the right place with Leia in attendance and Luke upstairs. Leia was just as worried about Ben, more because of how Han’s death was affecting him. The two women sat on a white sofa and talked it out.

 

“Rey, you seem preoccupied. What is it?”

 

“It's Ben. He's not sleeping well.”

 

“Tell me everything.”

 

Rey proceeded to tell Leia everything needed before showing her the texts from Ren, and then the lack of texts since. His behavior had been odd to say the least, as was his lack of sleep.

 

“He used to sleep well growing up. The only time he didn't was after breaking a bully’s rib.”

 

“So he has a guilty conscience,” replied Rey, her mind going back to their last text conversation. 

 

“Yes. His sense of justice requires him to do the right thing, but he's sometimes confused about what is right, or how far to go to achieve the right thing.”

 

“Or he just rationalizes it until he's okay with it. His large amount of nightmares suggests it,” said Rey. “He feels regret for killing; he knows it's wrong.”

 

“But he still did it. There is some greater right in his mind, no doubt related to my father,” grumbled Leia.

 

“Are you doing something about that?” asked Rey.

 

“Yes. Lor San Tekka and Luke are helping me set up a foundation. We have enough money set aside, so we're going through the legal steps to become a non-profit. We're going to have a big media team come in and do this right so my father's memory is better. I just wish I had met you sooner to get this idea.”

 

“What matters is that you're doing it now,” said Rey brightly. “But what should I do about Ben? I feel like I need to do something. Crait is coming soon, and he's been avoiding me.”

 

“Talk to him. Go see him after work. Make an excuse if you must,” replied Leia, patting Rey’s lap. “If he talks to anyone, it'll be you.”

 

“Alright.” 

 

“Good. Now let's talk about these texts,” the older woman said, leaning in expectantly. 

 

“In what capacity?” asked Rey, looking away from her seat aside Leia.

 

“For starters, my son is right. You'll become like him if you stay stuck as you are. Do you want to be like that?”

 

“No!”

 

“Good. He didn't have to tell you that. I thought he cared for you, but after seeing this, I'm sure it's something deeper. He loves you.”

 

“And I…..”

 

Rey trailed off as she considered her feelings. The violence of her defense of him was fresh in her mind.

 

“I think I'm falling for him, too.”

 

“You  _ think _ ?” 

 

For that one moment, Leia's voice rose dramatically in pitch. After that, she recollected herself and trudged on carefully. 

 

“You better figure that out quickly, child. I know my son; he wants all or nothing. He's like every other Skywalker who falls hard and fast.”

 

“Luke didn't marry, though.”

 

“Only because the woman within the Empire he fell for sacrificed herself for him. But we're getting off track. How are you doing with regards to forgiveness?”

 

Rey decided to mull over the information about Luke later. 

 

“I've forgiven Ben completely. That was easy, like breathing. It's with regard to myself that I can't. I still see images of that man when I sleep. It's worse than usual for me.”

 

“What are you doing to try to forgive yourself? Just telling yourself over and over again that you forgive yourself and what you should feel, ignoring everything else?”

 

“Yes?” answered a hesitant Rey, seeing the disapproving look in Leia's eyes. 

 

“It won't work. I tried doing that with my father, and it went on for a year with no progress. It took me sitting down in the hospital and talking to him before I got anywhere. Repressing your true feelings won't help; instead you should meet those feelings head-on.”

 

“I don't understand,” said Rey. “If they're just irrational emotions-"

 

“But they're not, are they?”

 

After a long pause, Rey met Leia’s gaze fully. 

 

“No. I suppose not at some level.”

 

“They'll always stand in your way. You have to face the darkness within you, and then accept it. But sometimes to get to that point, you have to go deeper. Why are you still afraid? Is there a lingering doubt about something? Does this have to do with that anger and revenge you're still holding on to from earlier years?”

 

As the lightbulb turned on within Rey's mind, she withdrew within herself more tightly with her head cast down, making Leia lean over and pull her into an embrace.

 

“Yes. It has to do with that. I haven't let that go yet.”

 

“You need to. You need to forgive whoever that was. What happened, Rey? Talking about it helps.”

 

Sitting up straight and taking Leia's hands, Rey demanded, “Don't tell  _ anyone  _ about this. If they knew my whole history, they'd never let me work in this department. I'd be seen as too compromised.”

 

“I promise,” said a resolute Leia, her eyes not leaving Rey's.

 

“When I was young, Snoke came to my home. My parents both were addicts and dealt drugs for him. He killed my father when he couldn't pay up; after threatening my mother, she did it before he could.”

 

Gasping, the older woman took the woman she saw as a daughter already into her arms. As Rey cried in remembrance of the traumatic day, Leia soothed her to the best of her ability. 

 

When Rey stopped crying, her grip on Leia loosened. Then, they separated. 

 

“I thought I had cried enough earlier. I guess not. Thank you, Leia.”

 

“Of course, dear. I'm here for you. Does anyone else know?”

 

“Just Ben, but I know he won't tell a soul. He was far more worried about comforting me and helping me overcome my fear of him.”

 

Rey realized that she needed to finish what Ben had started that night in the van. It was only a matter of time before she saw Snoke, and she needed to be ready. Leia only smiled, glad that Rey trusted Ben and that he had come through for her. 

 

“That's so much to have to wrestle with. I won't tell anyone.”

 

Rey loved seeing the compassion and understanding in Leia's eyes. It made it easier to admit everything.

 

“I don't want to kill again; it scares me. But, I don't know what I'm going to do when I see Snoke. I've wanted revenge on him for so long. I want justice for my parents; I'm afraid I'll kill him before he can be brought to trial. If anyone tried to kill Ben, I'd probably consider it again, too. How can I forgive myself when the capacity to kill is there?”

 

Rey hoped beyond hope that as Leia sat and formulated a response that she would have all the answers. She didn't. 

 

“That's a hard question that you'll have to come to terms with on your own. We all have that capacity when it comes to defending those we love. However, consider that Ben is just as capable of taking care of himself as you. Trust in him, at least in that regard. Focus on Snoke and forgiving him.”

 

“I'll try,” replied Rey with a slight slump of the shoulders. 

 

“You have to let go of that anger. Your life will be better without it, I promise. It may seem like an old friend now, but it's not. It's just a poison,” said Leia with a loving pat on the arm.

 

“That's very wise.”

 

“That was what my father said when I came to confront him,” said Leia, earning a shocked look from Rey as her head jerked up. “Yes, I was angry like you. Not as angry and embittered as my father, but even he taught me something. I hope it can help you.”

 

“It will. Thank you.”

 

The two women hugged before going their separate ways for the night. She went home and listened to videos of Snoke, making her sleep nonexistent. The only good thing was that she wasn't shaking when she heard his voice anymore. 

 

As Rey left Leia's house, Ren was informed of the visit, and he was only further worried that Rey knew the truth. He wished he had Rey's strong will in that moment to just confront her as he ought; instead, his desire to keep things as they were held him back. In that respect, he was weak because the moment that he didn't have Rey, he knew he would lose it. He just pretended he still had her, and his sleep reflected his recriminations and shame at his inability to act. His knuckles showed it; he was glad he wore gloves at work. 

 

When the next day came, he was on edge more than ever. When he saw Rey looking how he felt, he was torn between going to her and staying away from fear that she now knew.

 

As everyone gathered around the table, Ren handed out assignments.

 

“As you all know, information has reached us that another drug deal is occurring at Crait in several nights with The First Order. It's supposed to be happening around midnight.  I hate having to put all of us through another night shift like this for a short period of time, but I have a good feeling about this,” he said with a slight smile.

 

Hux stared at him as though he were crazy, and Rey and Finn became suspicious. 

 

“Since Hux did  _ so well  _ during the Hutt case, I've elected to give him a second chance to run this operation. He'll be calling all the shots over the radios, and Finn will be working alongside him.”

 

Finn froze when he realized what position he would have. He wasn't expecting that, nor wanting it because he definitely couldn't help or talk as much in that position. 

 

The rest of the assignments were passed out until he got to Rey.

 

“Now, of course you're wondering what I'm doing this time, and if our new recruit is getting involved. Rest assured we both are. We will both be on the perimeter, looking out for hired guns and other sources of trouble. If we see something, we'll radio you before we attempt to remove the concern. Since Rey has proven to have such a good shot, we might as well use it.”

 

Some part of Rey rejoiced at being given such a job. She had no idea, however,  _ why  _ she was being given such an important job if she wasn't supposed to be too involved, based on Finn's information. Finn looked equally shocked, at least.

 

After that, he wrapped up everything and instructed everyone to prepare for the night work, even going home and sleeping then if necessary. 

 

Rey waited for him after he made a beeline for his office. She was talking to Finn when he left, escaping before she could follow. 

 

“He already left! Why is he avoiding me so much?” 

 

“Something is up. We need to re-evaluate our plan. How about tomorrow night? We can meet somewhere neutral. I'll talk to the others about it and see. I take it you're going to talk to him?”

 

“Yes. We've got a long night ahead. He has to tell me  _ something.” _

 

She left work soon after that, changed into comfortable clothes, and then went over to Ben's home. She debated with herself whether to bring her baton in for the short visit with Ben and finally decided against it, hiding it well in her junker of a car. She knocked three times and yelled his name each time she did so.

 

After the third time, she was about to call him when he finally came to the door with bed-tousled hair and in pajama bottoms. She cursed inwardly upon seeing his bare chest again, as it made her mouth dry and clothes itchy. He didn't look angry; rather, he seemed some combination of pleased and exasperated based on the sparkle in his eyes.

 

“What is it, Rey? Not happy with this assignment, either?”

 

He moved aside to allow her inside. She tried to formulate a response as she walked in and watched him close the door and lean against it expectantly. When she continued to not answer, he quipped, “I thought I was only pleasant and a little distracting to look at.”

 

“Part of you was covered up from bleeding profusely,” she replied. “Speaking of which, you've healed quite well. I'm glad my temporary solution helped. As for this assignment, I'm very happy with it, actually. I just want to know why I received it.”

 

He narrowed his eyes before answering, “Isn't what I said earlier good enough?”

 

“For others, yes. Not for me.”

 

His body straightened up to its full towering height before closing the distance between them. Rey found herself getting caught up in the anticipation of the moment.

 

“Just what else do you think could be involved in this decision?” he asked. “Are you questioning my impartiality as your boss?”

 

Her first instinct was to say yes, based on the hungry look that entered his eyes then. She squared her shoulders and prepared for the worst.

 

“A little, yes. You're putting me alone with you again. Some might get the wrong idea about us this way; do you want to give everyone the impression that we're together?”

 

“Would it be so wrong if I did? You said we ought to consider our next steps closely. I've given you space. I know what I want: you.”

 

Rey felt a little lightheaded at hearing his bold declaration. If she licked her lips and took a step closer to him, then it was unconsciously done. As she recognized their close position, she panicked and knew she had to do  _ something _ before her impulsive nature stepped in, making her kiss him like she owned him.

 

Because she  _ desperately _ wanted him to kiss her like that. 

 

Her eyes broke their magnetic contact with his and roamed his body as he stepped still closer. It was as he brought his hands forward that she saw the callouses and bloodied knuckles; that allowed her to focus on something other than her attraction and libido telling her to give in. 

 

Having sex with him then, which could have been explosive and amazing, was not wise for two reasons: first because they hadn't cleared the air and been totally honest with one another, something that would complicate things a lot and make their first time less special in her mind. Second, they really needed to stay awake, not have wild sex and sleep soundly immediately after. 

 

“Ben! How did this happen? What have you done to your knuckles?” she demanded, her hands reaching out to inspect. She didn't recall noticing this at work, but she had no doubt that was because he wore gloves constantly.

 

He sighed at her avoidance. “I've been having trouble sleeping at night. I've been using punching bags to try to wear myself out enough to force myself to sleep.”

 

As she finished her inspection, she started pushing him toward the bathroom. “I think you need a new method.”

 

“Please, suggest something. There are many nighttime activities I'd enjoy doing with you.”

 

She blushed before blurting the first thing that came to mind, “How about laser tag?”

 

“Laser tag?” he asked, completely baffled. “You want to go laser tagging with me?”

 

He sat down on the toilet seat as Rey pulled out his bandages; some part of him was pleased she was learning his layout already.

 

“Yeah, of course,” she said, grabbing hold of the idea and owning it. “It's perfect practice for shooting since you need to get on my level-"

 

“I was injured!”

 

“Sure, that was the reason,” she quipped. “And if you want to wear yourself out, we’d be running a lot. It's open late tonight since it's Friday, too. It would be fun. We could compete singly or be on a team together.”

 

Soon, she had the bandages done. After a successful inspection, she stepped back to survey him when she realized why he was wearing pajamas.

 

“Were you sleeping when I came here originally? I didn't think you were serious about that part.”

 

His sigh alerted her that perhaps she needed to rethink their schedule of events slightly.

 

“Oh, I was serious, but I couldn't sleep. My mind was running away from me too much for sleep,” he said, looking down and examining her handiwork. 

 

“Ben, what's going on? You look awful. You haven't been sleeping well since the Hutt case. Did something else happen that you didn't tell me about?” she asked, getting down on her knees and fixing him with a pleading look.

 

That was when he figured out  _ why  _ Rey had gone to see Leia, to understand him. It destroyed him.

 

_ No one  _ ought to worry about him that much. He didn't deserve it, but there she was, all the same. She looked like she had lost sleep over it and wasn't leaving until she got a real answer. 

 

“I've been having a lot of issues sleeping at night recently because I keep receiving new information with regard to this upcoming deal. The players involved and the stakes are higher this time. There's a lot on me, and my guilty conscience is acting up more than usual.”

 

She leaned forward a little. “I'm sorry, Ben. Is there anything I can do to help? You need your sleep and strength before this case.”

 

He grew silent, not wanting to admit that she was the surest way of sleeping peacefully. 

 

She stared and willed him to tell her. When he became more tense, she reached out to him out of instinct. When everything within him seemed to calm as she cradled his left hand, she knew what she could do.

 

“Does my presence really help that much, Ben?”

 

“Yes,” he said, looking relieved. 

 

“Then I'll stay the night. Do you want to sleep a little now since it is still early afternoon?”

 

“Yes,” he said with much relief. “Just wake me up after five hours. We still have to be ready for work.”

 

“Naturally,” she replied with amusement.

 

As the two slid into his bed once more, he pulled her against his chest without hesitation, glad to feel her warmth and smell her fruity shampoo again. She turned her head slightly when she didn't hear him put his head down to rest.

 

“Close your eyes, Ben. I've got an alarm set; I'll be here for you when you wake up. I want to trounce you at laser tag.”

 

He chuckled before closing his eyes and sliding an arm around her more tightly. Soon after, he was fast asleep. Rey didn't think she would sleep very much, but before long, she was being awoken by her alarm, her sleepless night from earlier catching up with her.

 

Ben was still passed out and hadn't moved an inch. Thankfully, she could still turn around so that she was facing him.

 

“Ben, wake up.”

 

Nothing. 

 

With a shove to his shoulder, she shouted his name again. This time, he moved slightly. Groaning inwardly, she tried something she knew he loved: touching him. Sliding her fingers along his scalp, she called out to him again, and he murmured her name. She tried moving away from him next, but his death grip held her fast, he saying her name once more.

 

“Ben, you need to wake up already. Work is calling.”

 

“You're more important,” he sleepily replied, making her pause.

 

It was one thing hearing Leia say it; it was completely another to hear him say he wanted her and considered her more important. He chose  _ her.  _ Before she knew it, she felt tears roll down her cheeks, not prepared at all for sleepy confessions. 

 

Everyone before Ben had always left. Consequently, she had never been in love before, nor had she allowed herself to get close to another person because she knew the truth: love was dangerous. Love was trusting someone enough to stay; love was choosing that one person above all others and things.

 

_ No one  _ had ever chosen her before, especially as Ben had: despite knowing her loneliness and that she had hurt him in battle. He had seen her strength and her greatest fears, and he had asked her to join him, in whatever form he took. This was new,  _ big _ , and different. It scared her because of the magnitude of it all. 

 

Which all led back to her. She wasn't sure where she was in all her muddied feelings and attraction. She knew she wanted him physically, and that she preferred his company to all others because he understood her better than anyone else. 

 

Leia had said before that her wanting to hurt anyone who hurt Ben was because she loved him. Certainly she had seen all sides of him and knew what she was getting into. But was she at the level of love? She was almost afraid to know.

 

Admitting she loved him would make it real and have even bigger consequences.  Was she ready to put him first, to choose him above her work, her friends? The answer was a resounding  _ yes! _

 

Was she ready to stay with him and trust him completely?  _ No. _

 

Her stomach churned with nervousness and doubt. What if it all was a big ploy in the end as Finn and Poe thought? What if he didn't choose her side during Crait? She knew she shouldn't doubt Ben after all they had gone through, but he kept holding back. How much  _ was  _ he holding back? Was she ready to let him in?

 

“Ben, I'm so afraid,” she whispered.

 

He pulled her closer as he made a slight humming noise. She felt her heart stutter just a little at his desire to protect, even in sleep. In that moment, she wanted to jump his bones and give him the best wake up ever.

 

She impulsively pushed at one of his shoulders until he was lying flat. Crawling onto him, she lay on top of him, pressing against him urgently. His body responded at once, his hips rising to seek and meet hers. Sweaty, needy fingers slid down his chest as she thrust against him, and she felt more alive than ever before with him. 

 

“Ben, wake up,” she said huskily into his ear. “I want  _ you. _ ”

 

As his lower body continued to wake up and respond eagerly to her constant pressure,  his hands finally joined in, his right one going to her right hip, and his left one sliding over her shoulder, as though reaching for her heart.

 

In that cradle of his arms, she found safety. He would put her first because he truly loved her. 

 

She stopped moving. 

 

Her ardor cooled as she recognized that he was in too deep, far deeper than she was. If she couldn't trust him completely, why was she giving herself to him like this? Her reasons from earlier finally came back with stunning, shaming clarity.

 

She cursed her impulsiveness because now both of them were excited and shouldn't be. Any slight show of affection from her was likely to be seen as her proving that she loved him and wanted to join his side at that point. If he loved her as much as she thought, then she was essentially taking advantage of his love for selfish reasons. It could be construed as manipulation, and she didn't want to do that.

 

After all that he had done for Snoke in the name of his grandfather, there was no telling what he might do for her; that thought scared her. She would have to be careful. She didn't want to take advantage of him, however much it may help her cause; he and his trust were more important. 

 

If that was the case, then she needed to avoid more physical affection until after she had told him the truth. With him so close already, she found herself leaning in, wanting to give just one more kiss since he wasn't awake and wouldn't be able to read into it. It was just the lightest of brushes against his lips, but it felt  _ amazing. _

 

As she pulled away, she whispered his name one more time. This time, he blinked his eyes open. “Rey? Has it been five hours already?”

 

“Yes, it has. I've been trying forever to wake you up. C’mon,  _ boss.  _ We need to eat and do some team building.”

 

“Right, sorry,” he said, his voice lowering to a whisper as he looked down at himself and then watched her get out of bed suspiciously. “I dreamed you had kissed me. I wanted more.”

 

She pretended not to hear him, and he started moving, seeming more awake than he had all week.

 

“Just give me a few minutes to shower and change, and then we'll get food. I feel better already,” he said, his voice almost cheery. 

 

“Don't take too long in there,” she warned. “My stomach waits for no one.”

 

“Come inside and help me, then,” he taunted from the bathroom as he turned on the shower. 

 

As she moved to stand against the bathroom door in curiosity, she heard a sound similar to skin rubbing against itself, followed by a moan. She knew exactly what he was doing: trying to relieve himself. Her mind went back to a text message exchange weeks ago. He needed help; she ought to help him finish since she had started it.

 

“I wouldn't know what to do to help you, Ben,” she called back. “What would I do with my hands?”

 

All movement inside the next room seemed to pause before he grunted and started moving again. 

 

“I'd need help with my hair; it needs much attention. You'd have to run your hands very quickly and roughly around,” he said before ending on a moan.

 

“Got it. Just rub my hands all over you. What else?” came her breathy reply.

 

Before she knew it, her hands were inside her jeans, finding the relief she needed. With a few knowing touches and images of him naked in the shower, she moaned and bucked her hips against the door by accident. She stopped and waited to see if he said or did anything. 

 

“My conditioner,” he all but groaned out. “Have to take care of….everything.”

 

“Of course. I'd have to rub each tip,” she said, already close to the edge as he groaned again. “And after that?”

 

“Just a little further-"

 

“But I thought conditioner wasn't supposed to be applied from the base to the tip? So I rub the base instead for you?”

 

She heard her name fly from his lips unbidden, every bit of pain and relief released at last. With that, it was easy to imagine him pushing in and finishing her off. Closing her eyes and whimpering his name, she gave in and let go. Pulling out her sticky hands, she left the room to wash up.

 

True to his word, he was ready surprisingly quickly after that. If his eyes sparkled when he first remarked that he had never enjoyed a shower so much, she didn't rise to the bait. 

 

While having burgers at a nearby bar, he remained tight-lipped as she tried to get him to open up about what was plaguing him with regard to sleep. She decided not to pester him after a time since he didn't trust her, especially if it involved The First Order (or so she assumed); she understood and was determined to tell him later, after she got up the nerve to broach the topic.

 

Instead, they discussed mutual interests, like music and movies. It was rather backwards in timing to learn such things at their stage, but if she ever wanted to have something long-lasting with him, then finding more common ground was wise. With much good humor built up between them, the two went to play laser tag after that. 

 

At first, there was no one else, and Ben paid the place well to let them play alone for a round. 

 

“Whoever receives the most hits has to pay for the next round of team-building,” he quipped as he picked up a red team gun and vest, nicknamed Killer.

 

“Then you're going to lose; I'm very protective of my money,” she responded in kind, grabbing equipment for the blue team. Hers was nicknamed Last One Standing.

 

Rey was glad they had both rested; she couldn't remember the last time she had run so much, or had to duck and roll to avoid being shot by him multiple times. But, it paid off; she had more hits on him than the other way around. At first, it was like a game of tag: he chased her as both tried to get in shots until she finally gave up running and they collided with one another. Then she took her turn to chase him, neither of them never far from the other. 

 

When they came out, a group of teens had appeared, wanting to play together. It worked out well, and they enjoyed three rounds with the teens. 

 

The first round they almost won as they split up to attack the various cells of teens. The second time they decided to only aim for the other team’s guns for target practice, so they ragged on one another’s misses and body-checked each other countless times, leading to them losing horribly. Neither cared because it was fun. The third time, though, they focused on hiding together and sniping, warning the other when someone approached, usually Ben. That time, they won. 

 

After that, the teens left, allowing them to have free reign. Ben paid for that round since he had lost originally, and he won, using the times she chased him to get more shots in. They were able to squeeze in one more game before the place closed, this time with the attendants who  _ claimed _ to be really good.

 

“Do you think we can snipe ‘em?” asked Rey as they discussed strategy. 

 

“I doubt it. They'll have some coming for us, with others hidden away. We need a different strategy.”

 

“We win when we work together; how else can we do it this time?” she asked as they put on green team equipment. 

 

“How about back-to-back? Let me lead since I'm taller. Just follow my cues, as we did in previous games. I'll move to let you have the best shot and act as your bodyguard.”

 

“Sounds like a plan to me,” she said with pleasure. 

 

The strategy worked. With bodies or backs touching almost all the time, the two rushed into the pockets of the other team, Ben even one time lifting Rey in the air to avoid her being shot and to give her a chance to hit one of the snipers.

 

When all that was done, the two went in search of more food. They sat at a bar until closing time, and then they ventured back to Ben's home, where they put on a movie they both liked. 

 

They started on opposite sides of the comfortable, leather couch, but they had barely gotten a quarter way through the movie before Rey realized that they had each scooted closer to the center, their hands almost touching. He wasn't looking at her, but his body was well-aware of her, if the straight back and locked legs were any indication of the tension that had started to build since playing laser tag. His hands just seemed to dangle loosely at his side, as though waiting for her. She finally decided that a little touch couldn't hurt, so she put her hand on top of his. He grinned. Halfway through the movie, he closed the distance and snuck an arm around her to cuddle. 

 

Men had never cuddled with her before, so she was unused to it and squirmed a lot at first, until he whispered in her ear, “You're defeating the purpose of cuddling, Rey. Let go of your need to control every movement. Trust me.”

 

She went tense and still at the thought of giving up control. Some part of her knew she needed to trust him when Crait came; they'd be working closely together. Work was different than a personal relationship, but it had the same principle, so she tried to trust and relax. 

 

Over the course of the rest of the movie, she relaxed, accepting that the little touches she was used to with him could be replaced by touching everywhere. He seemed to love every second of it, based on the genuine smile plastered across his face.  He eased her into his embrace slowly, starting by bringing his other arm around her, then adjusting the angle of their bodies to make it more comfortable for both. Then, he brought her backwards, wanting to feel her against him fully. By the end of the movie, both were comfortably settled on the couch, she lying back against his chest at his quiet insistence.

 

“Are we going to watch another movie?” she asked curiously. 

 

“What's the point? We have what we want. Let's try to stay awake another hour or two here,” he said as he made himself more comfortable with her in his arms. 

 

“Okay. Do you need to talk to stay awake?”

 

“No. I don't need empty talk, but if you feel sleepy, start talking,” he insisted. 

 

For a while, they stayed in silence, absorbing and enjoying the other's presence. Both were used to silence, and Rey was relieved that they didn't have to talk all the time. Ben was just overjoyed that she let him hold her so close. 

 

His closeness and warmth normally would have made her sleepy, but when she felt the first twitch of his hips, she became wide awake as the corresponding part of her responded in kind. Her body went on high alert for more movement. She was rewarded when he began gliding smooth, warm fingers down her upper arms before taking to massaging her back and shoulders. She rubbed against him like a cat as he found each knot, and she did everything within her power to keep her legs crossed. Based on how hard he was and his constant skin-on-skin contact, she was afraid of creating a wet spot.

 

“Rey, you're still so tense. Let me help you,” he whispered when he finished with the massage. His hands slid below her collarbone and stopped, waiting for her permission to go further.

 

She appreciated him waiting; she had no idea how to say no to him in that moment when he talked like that. 

 

“I don't know, Ben. Is it wise when there's this much uncertainty?”

 

“We should use the moments we have and enjoy them while we have them; we won't often get them,” he said from experience. “Besides, it doesn't have to be wise or even mean anything if you're not comfortable with it,” he said, pulling her around to face him.

 

“But that's the thing; this does mean something to me, just as I'm sure it does to you,” she replied. 

 

His soulful eyes stared back at her as though flabbergasted that she had somehow read his mind. 

 

“I want to do this, but I'm still afraid. I've never been this close to someone before. I want you,” she admitted as she brought one of his hands between her pant legs to show him, “but I'm afraid to get closer.”

 

His mouth gaped as his mind tried to reconcile what he heard and felt, relief and excitement soaring through him, right before it turned to frustration. He stared into her eyes and wished that she would just let go. Let go of her doubts and let him in. She obviously didn't trust him; he wasn't sure if that was her past, her full knowledge of him, or some combination of the two talking. He just wanted to resolve this never-ending dance between them and find out if she knew. The latter was going to have to wait until the former was resolved, though. 

 

It didn't matter, though. She wasn't ready, and he wasn't going to force her. He sighed.

 

“I'm sorry, Ben,” she said with a helpless look. 

“Then what do you want to do now?” he asked through gritted teeth.

 

“May I reciprocate? I want more than anything to return the favor. No one's ever given me a massage before.”

 

He stared at her in amazement.

 

“No one's ever given you - how is that even possible?”

 

“When you grow up in foster care without friends and don't date, there's no reason to receive one,” she said matter-of-factly. 

 

“This is a miscarriage of justice,” he muttered as he moved to let her slide behind him. 

 

“I apologize if I'm awful at this,” she stated upfront. “I'm basing this all on what you just gave me.”

 

“Any time you touch me feels amazing,” he admitted. “Experiment if you'd like. I won't mind.”

 

“Okay. You've been warned.”

 

She started out a little too roughly, but she figured that out when he winced and told her to go a little easier on him. After that, she did everything she remembered and liked from him. After that, she knelt and moved to his scalp. He positively preened under the attention, humming his approval.

 

“You can just stay there forever if you don't mind,” he announced. “I'll die happy now.”

 

“You'll do no such thing,” she remonstrated. “You're not allowed to die. I won't let you.”

 

The fierceness of her statement told him everything he wanted to hear. She was afraid of emotional intimacy; he would work up to that point with her.

 

“Alright, I'll keep on living. But only for this time with you,” he said lightly.

 

They went silent as she ran her nails across his scalp every which way, each loving - if a little rough - touch soothing to them both. It filled that part of them that they thought would always be empty. 

 

A little time later, both started yawning. Then, she kept on asking him where she should go next. He would answer, only for her to drop her hands lower and ask him the question again. When she got to his hips, he finally decided it was time for both of them to go to bed and picked her up.

 

There, snuggled against one another once more in bed, both slept for a long time peacefully. 

 

Rey woke up first. She watched Ben for a time before checking her phone and realizing that she needed to meet up with Finn and the others at Maz's cantina in less than an hour.

 

Groaning, she tried to escape his hold on her but failed. 

 

“Ben, please get up. I need to get going.”

 

When he didn't move or speak, she went straight for what had worked previously: kissing him. Unluckily for her, he woke up while their lips were still pressed together. His hands pulled her against him tightly as he deepened the kiss, and neither came up for air. The only reason they did was because Ben’s phone started ringing.

 

“I'll destroy them,” he threatened, as Rey tried to catch her breath and get out of bed. “What's happened?” he demanded to Hux.

 

“You're needed.”

 

He knew those code words; Snoke wanted to see him immediately. 

 

“Thank you. See you soon.”

 

“Do you need to go, too?” she asked, drawing his attention back to her.

 

“Yes,” he said, looking awkwardly at her. “I guess this is where we part for the time being.”

 

“Do you want me to come back later?” she asked, now ready to go.

 

“Yes. If I could get one more good night of sleep-"

 

“Of course. I'll be back soon. Bye, Ben,” she said with a quick kiss on his cheek.

 

And with that, she was gone. He sat there staring at where she had been until he heard the front door open and close. Some part of him wished that he had told her he loved her; there was no telling what time away could change. At least she was being more affectionate with him now that she had explained herself. It didn't explain her extreme need to disappear so fast, but he had the sinking feeling he would learn more later.

 

His mind was distracted by thoughts of her until he remembered that he was needed. Then, he got moving and saw Snoke, who was trying to micromanage everything, as usual.

 

Rey barely made it to the meal on time. Everyone else - except the siblings and Maz - looked at her oddly because all had a good idea where she had been. 

 

“What did I miss?”

 

“Nothing important, just pleasantries,” said Maz. “Please, help yourself to some food.”

 

As Rey sat and ate, Finn and Poe outlined the plan they had formulated while talking late the night before. Finn had heard rumors from other men in The First Order that the next drug shipment was vital to the next phase of their plans, so the big plan was to arrest everyone that night. He would sabotage and delay the deal as long as possible, until Poe and more backup arrived. Rey was responsible for distracting Ben and holding him back while letting in Poe and leading them both to Finn, where they could then arrest everyone.

 

“I don't like this plan,” announced Leia. “Too much can go wrong.”

 

“We also don't know if there are any additional plans for Rey or Finn,” added Luke. “Knowing my nephew, he has something up his sleeve. Let me come along with Poe. I'll shave tonight; if anyone sees and recognizes me, then they'll come after me at once. I can distract them while you get everyone into position.”

 

“What can I do?” asked Rose.

 

“Look out for Rey. If something happens to her, let Poe and I know,” said Finn. 

 

“Right.”

 

When they all finished up, they went their separate ways. Rey stopped my her place to grab a change of clothes, dallying at her place before making her way back to Ben.

She decided to bring her baton with her to Ben’s place that night just in case they went straight to Crait. By the time she left, she had convinced herself to tell Ben soon so he could jump ship before the arrests occurred. 

 

Poe, Finn, and Rose stayed behind as Maz cleaned up.

 

“Poe, Kaydel wanted to come tonight but couldn't. Is there anything she could do?” asked Rose.

 

“Why does she want to get involved in this? This isn't the place for her. She should stay away, where it's safe,” he replied with feeling.

 

“Because she's worried about you, of course. You should give her something to do, however small. She'd feel better that way about tomorrow night.”

 

“What do you think, Finn? Should we make her a scout? She's small and fast.”

 

“That should work. We can give her some explosives.”

 

“I'll take some, too,” added Rose. “Just in case.”

 

Poe left after that, and the other two sat quietly at the table. Finn didn't like the troubled look on Rose's face. 

 

“What is it, Rose?”

 

“What's going to happen after this?”

 

“With any luck, more arrests. We'll slowly get the subsidiaries as those we arrest flip and tell you information.”

 

“How long are you staying as a cop?”

 

“Until we've gotten everyone we can, so hopefully no more than a couple months. I've already got my resume ready to go. I'm ready for a new life far away from all this.”

 

“Oh,” she said, eyes looking at her hands. 

 

“You can finally be rid of me and my taint,” said Finn, taking her hands. “You deserve better.”

 

_ That  _ got Rose's attention. “You underestimate yourself. I'd love it if you stayed close or stayed on the Force. You could redeem yourself there, too.”

 

“We’ll see,” he said, not believing in himself. 

 

Meanwhile, Ren stayed talking to his Boss for some time, and when he got back, he made some changes to his home for Rey. He was looking satisfied at his work when his men notified him that Leia and Luke had gone out again and met with Rey and others. No doubt planning for Crait. Rey had to know; his self-doubt and fear held him to where he stood until Rey knocked, showing she had returned for some reason.

 

“Rey. Did you have a good night?”

 

He yelled at himself inwardly for acting and talking so awkwardly. 

 

“Yes, I did. And you?”

 

“Just fine.”

 

His shoulders sagged just a little at the palpable change between them. He knew change was inevitable, but he hated seeing it end. 

 

After a stilted pause, Rey began, “Ben, we need to talk about something serious. Either now or tomorrow when we wake up before the big day. What's your preference?”

 

His stomach sunk; she wanted to confront him now? He wanted to delay the inevitable just a little longer so he could sleep through the night again. Then, he would just have to drive with her straight to headquarters, a little sooner than he had planned. Good thing headquarters was close to Crait.

 

“Tomorrow. Let's just go to sleep now.”

 

The silence was stifling instead of peaceful as he led her to his bedroom, where she saw a bunch of his clothing piled up on a desk. He had already forgotten about it, and he felt as though he had gotten his hopes up far too soon.

 

“Ben, why is all your clothing out here?”

 

“It's nothing. Don't worry about it.”

 

“Ben, talk to me,” she pleaded, going to him.

 

“You don't want to know,” he started until the serious look in her eyes said otherwise. She was taking all this really well. “I just thought that you might want space for your clothing if you continued to visit me. You probably don't,” he said, eyes downcast.

 

“We need to survive Crait first. Then, I would like that.”

 

As he stared at her in shock, he tried to comprehend what she was saying and doing. She must have been putting on a show for him; he didn't want that.

 

“Rey, are you sure you want to stay? Walk away now if you don't.” He inwardly berated himself for messing with his own plans, but she deserved that offer at least since she was treating him so well. She was probably too stubborn to change ber course at that point anyway. “You don't have to; I don't want to force you. Especially if you feel we need to talk-"

 

“Ben, we're not even officially in a relationship yet. Calm down,” she interrupted, taking his wayward hands. “It's better this way. Let's get some sleep.”

 

After that, the two went to sleep, their routine of snuggling not stopping despite the growing tension. Neither one wanted the next day to come and change everything, and for those few blessed hours, they were still just Ben and Rey. 

 

He woke up once during the night due to a nightmare, and he clutched her so hard that he woke her up.

 

“What is it?” she asked, taking his face in her hands.

 

“I dreamed you had shot me and left me for dead,” he said slowly. “I didn't understand.”

 

Hands cradled him, and soft kisses covered his face until the fear left his eyes. 

 

“I'm sorry, Ben. Perhaps I shouldn't have said all that like that. Try to relax; the last thing I want is to hurt you. Go back to sleep.”

 

After that, she slept facing him, hoping it helped him. It did. 

 

It was the calm before the storm, and both knew it.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> And yes, I hate cliffhangers with burning passion. I tried to end this chapter somewhere decent, though.


	10. Crait Warehouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for another drug deal. This time at Crait. Hey, look, a wild Snoke appeared!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. All rights go to their respective owners. There's no image inspiring this chapter, either. This is me trying to push through as we draw closer to the end of the story. More violence and death ahead. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

As the alarm went off, Ben woke up with a start. He felt surprisingly well-rested despite waking up in the middle of the night. He attributed that to Rey.

 

She was still fast asleep, and he lay in bed in a good mood until he realized that the big moment had come. He needed to talk to Rey about something. The best case scenario was something wholly unrelated to Kylo Ren, or else her finding out the truth the night before. The worst case was her finding out after their time in the Bann Van together. Nothing earlier was entertained since it would make everything shared between them seem like a lie.

 

He let her have a few more minutes before he kissed her cheek indulgently and gave her a shove. 

 

“Rey, we need to talk.”

 

Blinking wearily, Rey woke up and sat beside him in bed. 

 

“At least we’ll be well-rested,” she remarked. “I hope you've gotten back some of that sleep you lost.”

 

“Do you still want to know why?” he asked, not looking at her. He dreaded all discussion when he needed her today of all days.

 

“Yes. I can guess why, but I'd rather hear it directly from you. I assume it relates to what I wanted to discuss with you this morning.”

 

“More than likely. Let's dress and eat, and then talk in the car.”

 

Not long after, both were dressed and avoiding eye contact with one another as he made food. The silence continued through breakfast, and while he put away dishes, she grabbed a stash of bandages and her baton before joining him at the door with her gun. When they got into his car, he informed Hux of his plans, and she told Finn that she was on her way.

 

The two stared at each other until Rey finally burst out in a rush, “I know who you really are. Your alter ego is Kylo Ren.”

 

Maintaining eye contact and taking a deep breath, he responded, “How long have you known? Did Luke tell you?”

 

“Luke?” she repeated. 

 

“Yes, my uncle. He's come to your home, and you've met at Canto Bight,” he said, showing her just how much he kept track of them. He leaned in more as he spoke, and his voice grew softer after raising it to make a point. “He appeared after the funeral, noticed by the men who watch my mother. I didn't know it was him until recently when I saw him for myself, causing me to lose sleep. How long have you known?”

 

Getting that off his chest, he turned away and started the car, praying for it to be recent. He still wasn't prepared for her soft response.

 

“The day after you killed your father. I used that forced day off and found Luke. He told me, yes.”

 

All movement from him stopped. 

 

For him, the whole world stopped. In all of his worst case scenarios, this hadn't been one of them. So much had happened since then to make it impossible, at least in his mind. 

 

“You embraced me at the funeral,” he finally said, starting with the first of the impossible things.

 

“Of course I did!” cried Rey hotly, making him turn and see her righteous anger. “I lost my own parents at a young age. No one was there for me when it happened; I never want anyone to go through that pain alone. Why would I abandon you, someone I care about?”

 

His brain unhelpfully supplied many reasons for her to leave, but every other part of him latched on to the last part of what she said.

“Even then? You cared about me then?” he said in a small voice.

 

“Ben, did I or did I not call out to you at Starkiller Base?” she asked, now exasperated. “I've been developing feelings for you for some time now. I couldn't stand to see your pain, even knowing that you brought it on yourself.”

 

He hunched over slightly, feeling betrayed as he tried to hold her gaze. “It felt so real.”

 

“It  _ was _ real, and still is,” she grit out, the steadiness in her eyes surprising him. “Every second of it. Sure, I wanted to throttle you and was confused how to act around you at the funeral, but I wanted to be there for you.”

 

Small bits of conversation with Finn came back to him.  _ That _ was why Rey had been quiet after coming back to work. 

 

“You told me the truth about your parents,” he accused. “Why? Was that to try to manipulate me?”

 

“How dare you!”

 

He felt that slap, and he had never been so happy to feel it. She hadn't been trying to use it against him, as others might have told her to do. He let the car idle a little longer, needing to see this conversation through.

 

“I was so scared to tell you! I wasn't sure if you would use it against me.”

 

After her loud, righteous indignation passed, she spoke in a lower tone, though just as indignant as before.

 

“No, that would be your Boss, using your grandfather's memory to convince you to do something you wouldn't do otherwise,” she spat, making him cringe. “If you want to talk about control and manipulation, let's discuss your need to put listening devices in my apartment  _ two _ different times-”

 

“That was different,” he mumbled, looking away.

 

“No, it's not. You were trying to control me and watch all my movements.”

 

“Because you're a danger to the organization!” he shouted before turning to her again with clenched fists and adding, “I'm not in charge. I couldn't force them to leave you alone. Something had to be done about you because everyone knew that I acted differently around you. If I was watching you, no one else would, and I would know if you disappeared. I was worried someone would try something.”

 

Rey stared straight ahead sullenly.

 

“It's still not a legitimate excuse. You could've called or texted me at any time, and I would've answered. Instead you only contacted me as  _ Kylo Ren _ ,” she said, holding up fingers to indicate air quotes.

 

“I just wanted you to understand me,” he said quietly.

 

“Why do you think I was so excited to work on the Hutt case with you?” she responded. “I wanted the  _ same thing _ . I  _ needed  _ to understand why you would kill  _ your own father _ .”

 

“That was why you kept asking about my family,” he said, clarity finally arriving about those nights and all their conversation.

 

“Yes. You shared so much about yourself; you trusted me. I was starting to trust you as well by that point, so I told you the truth about me,” she said, wondering about her thoughts and feelings from the last two nights. There was no denying she had trusted him then. Why was now any different?

 

“I knew there was a risk in telling you as I previously mentioned, but if anyone would understand why I felt that way, then I knew you would,” she admitted. “Besides, at that point, I was well on my way to forgiving you.”

 

“Forgiving me?” he repeated doubtfully.

 

“For killing your father,” she supplied. “I was so incensed.”

 

“I know. I'd never seen you so angry,” he agreed. “But why do you feel the need to do so?”

 

“You know why,” she said, leaning in so they were close. “It was the only way our relationship could ever develop further, which I thought we both wanted. At the heart of that is the fact that I  _ refuse _ to give up on you, even if you have on yourself. I believe in you. You have a conscience, just as much as I do. Do you deny it?”

 

He did his best to return her unblinking gaze. Her confession made him feel less betrayed and more shocked - even humbled - than anything. The fact that she had trusted him with so much since then astounded him. For her to still draw close to him and want him despite all that gave him hope that she would still join him. He pulled closer to her, wanting to close the distance.

 

“No. But-"

 

“Then that's enough for me. You've chosen to try to improve your grandfather's memory, which is admirable, but this isn't the way to do it. It's only going to come back and hurt you in the end,” she said.

 

He glared at her for her disbelief in his plan before starting to drive the car.

 

“Why? What's going to happen?” he asked, not expecting her to say anything now. To his amazement, she frankly admitted everything, all of the plans she, Finn, and others had created for Crait to arrest everyone. He stared ahead and listened to prevent showing his true feelings.

 

He figured Finn had been involved in some way, but he hadn't expected such detailed plans or a long involvement. He was impressed by the acting job Finn did, but he was still mad at him and the whole situation. 

 

“Where does Luke enter into all this?” he asked. “Does my mother also know?”

 

“I've never asked her directly, but she implied she did at the funeral,” replied Rey.

 

“That surprises me less than you knowing,” he admitted. “I thought Luke might have told her, or you. He's done surprisingly little, but it seems he still wants to maintain a low profile. He shouldn't have stayed with my mother then; I worry about her too much.”

 

Rey decided that he had the oddest way of showing he worried about others, but perhaps that was the reality behind organized crime.  She saw the site where the deal was to take place, a white, abandoned warehouse with peeling paint, boarded up windows, and a red door. Once upon a time, Crait International Shipping had built and stored plastic crates inside it; now it was old and stale-smelling inside, lost to the good old days of booming industry. 

 

“Luke telling me the truth only helped in the long run,” she stated. “If I hadn't known, our relationship would be worse off. Having such a lie between us if we became intimate too soon would've ruined any chance we had together. I didn't want to let go of and stop what we had the past few nights.”

 

Ben was glad that he was parking the car. He didn't feel bad about freezing up as Rey's hesitance made sense. She had had no idea how to bring it up with him since she was afraid of losing him, just like he had.

 

“I was worried you didn't trust me,” he admitted, turning to her. “Now I understand.”

 

Rey nodded and stared into his worried eyes. If she had had any lingering doubts about trusting him, they were gone now. She just didn't realize how soon her trust was about to be tested.

 

He pulled out his phone and informed Hux that he had arrived, telling him to not trust Finn. Rey followed suit and told Finn that she had arrived. Finn informed everyone else over a radio, and Rose kept a close eye out for Rey.

 

Ben decided that his plan could still work since Rey did trust him. She didn't see the brilliance of his plan yet, but she would. In the meantime, he needed her to seem uncertain, or else Snoke would get suspicious. 

 

“Let's get going. I parked further away on purpose,” he said, unbuckling himself.

 

“Sure. I've got my secret weapon here if we need it,” she said, patting her side as she got out.

 

“Very good,” he said, eyeing the small tool in his pocket that he had created in the lab and had left in his pocket. He circled round to her; she seemed anxious as she hopped from one foot to the next. 

 

Putting his arms around her waist from behind, he whispered in her right ear, “Everything is going to be fine. You'll see. There's no need to worry.”

 

“What if I'm worried about you?” she replied, making him smile.

 

Grateful for his presence and assurance, she leaned in until his lips were pressed against her ear. Then he trailed his lips down to her neck, savoring their last moment, probably until much later. His presence and touch gave her strength against all the horrible possibilities her mind was conjuring. That was when she felt his hands grab hold of hers and pull them back. 

 

“Ben?”

 

She heard the metal clang of handcuffs before they were closed around her wrists. Panic rose within her as he turned her around to meet her gaze, both hands at her face and chin. 

 

“I need you to trust me just a little longer. Trust in me, and my love for you.”

 

There, he had done it; he felt more free than he had in a very long time at releasing that sentiment. She deserved to know, should something unexpected happen. Her face switched between horror and joy at his declaration until she settled on something tender that eased his mind about what he was about to do to her. 

 

With that, he led her into the nearest building, which happened to be the headquarters of The First Order. 

 

\-----------------

 

“FN-2187, I just received word from Ren. We may proceed with the deal. Is everyone in place?”

 

Looking up from his phone, Finn replied, “Yes. I'll signal the others.”

 

As he did so, Hux showed Phasma Ren's text, slightly impressed that Ren looked beyond himself and his emotional attachments to warn everyone. He messaged Snoke the news, who ordered him to kill Finn if needed. Both kept a very close eye on Finn after that.

 

Finn looked for Ren and Rey; neither were where they were supposed to be. Switching on the radio at his side, he had two stations open. The first for The First Order and the second for Poe and the others. He ordered the other crooked cop to remove the two straight cops from the equation before switching to the other wavelength. 

 

“Has anyone seen Rey? I heard from her that she parked, but then Hux mentioned that he heard something from Ren.”

 

“Nothing here,” replied everyone. 

 

“Keep your eyes out. If you don't see her in the next ten minutes, tell me. We have to go to our backup plan.”

 

“FN-2187, take my escape powder. I've been tweaking this for the past few months, and I think it's ready for use today in case of any….hiccups,” said Hux with a sinister look.

 

“What do I do with it?” 

 

“Just throw it at the ground. It'll create red smoke and a diversion since it is an eye and throat irritant. If the suppliers get antsy, we’ll throw it down to escape with the goods. If  _ unexpected _ outsiders appear, we'll use it to escape them.”

 

The loaded look Hux gave him at the mention of outsiders made Finn nervous, but he took the red powder encapsulated in pellets.

 

Part of Finn wanted to just grab the pellets and use it for himself to escape. He knew trouble was brewing, and he was tired of it all. He wanted to help the others escape, too, but he didn't like their odds.

 

Moments later, a loud thump was heard, making the two straight cops turn. They were met by masked figures who knocked them out. 

 

“We should move the bodies off to the side before binding them,” said Finn to Hux. “The distributors might get antsy seeing cops here.”

 

“Good eye. Move them!” he ordered to others.

 

Rose’s voice crackled while Hux was distracted, and she said, “I've got no visual on Rey. What now?”

 

“Find Poe. You'll take Rey's place. If she is gone, then so is Ren,” whispered Finn, glad to have Rose. She made everything seem easier because he could depend on her. “Make sure you're both wearing bulletproof vests.”

 

As those two met up, Kaydel stayed out of sight and brought out her phone to make a call outside the building. 

 

“Hi, dispatch! Yep, it's me again. Can you put the sergeant on shift tonight on the phone, please? Thanks.”

 

After a few moments, she continued in a brighter tone, “Holdo, hi! It's good to hear your voice again. Look, Poe is involved in an undercover assignment with the Special Witnesses Unit tonight and needs some backup. Could you come inside the abandoned Crait Warehouse with some of your guys? It's a big sting operation, and we want to make a bunch of arrests. Thanks!”

 

Putting away her phone, she ran inside and searched for Poe, Rose, and Luke. She found all three behind some red crates, plotting their next move.

 

“Wait for the suppliers to show up,” said Luke. “Once they begin talks, they'll be distracted. Finn will ensure it. Poe, you'll come with me as we plant explosives just as Han and Chewie did.”

 

“What about us?” asked Rose. 

 

“Prepare to make a distraction if Finn cannot. Go in the opposite direction of us,” said Poe.

 

They separated after that. 

 

\-----------

 

“Are we inside headquarters?” Rey asked when Ren had locked the door.

 

“Yes.”

 

Rey trembled as she realized that she was about to face Snoke for the first time in many years. Fear paralyzed her until the man behind her intertwined one of his hands with hers and placed another on her left shoulder. Somehow, he knew where her thoughts had gone immediately; that bright light of hope burned within Rey knowing that her Ben was still there.

 

As they walked through another complicated maze to reach Snoke, Rey’s thoughts moved beyond the fear, and she sought peace within herself. She needed a clear head to deal with Snoke. 

 

Several guards asked why Rey didn't have a blindfold on, but Ren dismissed them, telling them that she was needed by Snoke at once. They always aimed their weapons at both Ren and Rey, and it made Rey want to punch them, or worse. 

 

As her anger at those men and Snoke boiled inside her, Ren watched her with increasing worry. He needed them to get to Snoke without incident and no injuries. When she was stopped by yet another guard, he squeezed her hand in an effort to calm her down. It worked.

 

Rey felt a surge of hope and comfort fill her as he reminded her that she wasn't alone. It reminded her of what Leia had been saying about forgiveness. If she wanted to forgive herself, she needed to trust in Ben, and to forgive Snoke. Ben was holding his own just fine, so she needed to focus on Snoke. She had to let justice win, not her anger. 

 

The protective hand on her shoulder slid in front of her just a little more as the men harassed them more, and soon his whole body slid in front of her to act as a shield.  Rey hadn't thought either gesture would bring her joy, but they did. She continued to trust Ben, hoping that there was a good reason they were there.

 

When they finally made it to Snoke's door, he stopped. 

 

“We have arrived.”

 

“Ben, you don't have to do this,” she whispered, suddenly turning to face him. “You don't need to prove yourself to me or him. You know as well as I do that Snoke isn't right; we can fix this.”

 

He wavered for a moment at the pleading look and fear in her eyes. She still wasn't ready to face Snoke, but she wouldn't have to worry about him for much longer. Her idea of fixing things probably involved arresting Snoke, and it worked to his advantage. 

 

“You're right; Snoke is the problem.  _ We  _ are the solution,” he said with resolve. “We're going to make things right and fix it  _ our _ way.”

 

After knocking on the door, he put himself behind her to block her way out, and they were called in.

 

\--------------------

 

The large back door of the warehouse creaked and slowly rolled up. A nondescript moving van containing many heavily armored men entered the warehouse as Hux's eyes gleamed with excitement.

 

“Right on time. FN-2187, you'll be leading the negotiations tonight. I need to remain in my oversight role so that I can watch everyone around us. You know what to say.”

 

Hux started shooing Finn toward the van, and Finn gulped. This was the first change from standard operating procedure. Now, however, was not the time to question it. It would tip Hux off. 

 

“Mitaka will be holding the money next to me, correct?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Mitaka came forward, as did Phasma, the main muscle of the group with her very large assault rifle. Assembled, the three walked over to the trio from Crimson Dawn waiting with the shipment. 

 

Finn let all nervousness go as he focused on his new job negotiating. He wasn't asked to do it often since Snoke preferred others, but he was decent at it after doing it so much growing up. He had forgotten how good it felt to be trusted like this and lead big jobs. 

 

If he ran away from this life, he was giving up all the excitement that came with it. He enjoyed the thrill and plotting, but he wanted it without the chance of going to jail or dying quite so often. He had second doubts about leaving everything behind - especially Rose - for a comfortable security position.

 

As Finn and the other leader exchanged niceties and settled on a price, Poe whispered to Luke, “I have a bad feeling about this. Finn has never led before.”

 

“Something's up. Look out for additional cameras; The First Order - in particular Snoke - likes to watch the show, and they've had time to set up here. They may have noticed us,” said Luke, pulling down his baseball cap.

 

“What about our distraction?” asked a distressed Poe.

 

“It's up to the ladies, now. Finn has bigger problems. Continue to keep your explosives out of sight. Let only the women be seen with them.”

 

“They're opening the truck,” hissed Rose, as the van’s doors squeaked open. “Should we get closer?”

 

“No. Stay back here and prepare a diversion,” said Poe as he psyched himself up to move in. “We're going in for a better look and to set up explosives around the perimeter. Look out for cameras; if you see them, disable them.”

 

As Poe and Luke jumped around the various crates, men from The First Order slowly drew toward them. Farther away, Kaydel and Rose plotted about the best diversion. 

 

“How big should we make it?”

 

“Not too big. We can't be close. Let's aim for those crates over there. We can rig it up to fall with some rope,” suggested Rose.

 

Rose and Kaydel made their way to the designated crates. As they did, however, a group of guards went in the same direction as them. They went back to their original spot and chose another one, whispering and without hand motions. However, as they went in the needed direction, the guards came closer yet again, confounding the women.

 

“I think we might need a new plan,” stated Kaydel.

 

\-------------------------

 

“Well done, my good and faithful apprentice. My faith in you is restored,” proclaimed Snoke as he stood up to welcome his two guests. 

 

Rey tried not to panic at hearing Snoke's words. Instead, she cleared her mind so that she did not do anything rash or impulsive. She did  _ not  _ want Snoke doing to her what Ben had done to her in previous fights, or worse.

 

She heard Ren make a grunt of surprise as he bowed slightly before muttering to himself, “The guards weren't supposed to be here. They should be at Crait.”

 

He hid his shock well as he formulated a new plan. Granted, his plan hadn't been very detailed, but that wasn't anything new. Snoke frequently bemoaned that part of the Solo legacy, his hasty plans lacking forethought. This one had had quite a bit of preparation for it; the execution not so much.

 

He had had no intentions of having anyone else present for this moment. He'd never get close to Snoke with others around, and they'd try to kill him when he did kill Snoke. He didn't want to kill them; he needed them for future plans. 

 

“Young Rey,” breathed Snoke, drawing her attention back to the old man. “It's good to meet you at long last. You've been nothing but a thorn in my side since you've joined the Force. You've distracted Ren from his main duties, but no longer. Come closer, child. I think I recognize you now.”

 

She was pushed forward when she didn't move of her volition, and after narrowing her eyes at her almost-boyfriend, she strode purposefully into the belly of the beast. When she stopped, a burst of cold air from a vent above her covered her, making her shiver momentarily. 

 

As she shivered, Snoke stood up with malevolent excitement. 

 

“Yes, I do remember you now, or rather your mother. She was a tiny, shivery, piece of garbage that survived only because of my magnanimity. She did the right thing, though, and killed herself.”

 

“You monster!” she cried, bringing her hands above her head to try to strike Snoke. However, just as she got above her head, Snoke's hands took hold of her restraints.

 

Snoke didn't notice the fear and pain that left Ren’s eyes, as focused as he was on making Rey feel pain. In its place, dark anger made Ren's body tense as he made small steps forward, and outrage filled his eyes. 

 

“She was a waste of air and money, just as your father was,” Snoke continued with a sneer. “He wasn't much better, just a sniveling fool who took anything I gave him. He couldn't even remember what I gave him to sell; I made a fortune off of him.”

 

“Go to hell!” shouted Rey, spitting in Snoke's face as she wrestled to free herself. “They're far better than you will  _ ever  _ be.”

 

Never had Ren been more glad that he was removing Snoke from the picture; Rey and her parents would have justice. After that, those kinds of tactics used previously would never be used again. Ren made several more measured steps forward, his hand itching to simply shoot Snoke right then and there. Rey, however, was too close and in the way.

 

“Your father was so far gone that he was  _ glad  _ to die. Anything to escape the  _ worthless  _ existence he had with you. He pushed himself so hard to try to feed you, and what did it bring him? Death.  _ You  _ caused your own father's death,” said Snoke proudly.

 

Ben’s heart went out to Rey, and he hoped she was stronger than him, able to see past the lies of Snoke.

 

Rey, to her credit, didn't believe Snoke. Everything about him was warped, and this was no different. 

 

“Liar! You killed him! I saw you pull the trigger,” she replied with determination. “I have grown stronger and better from where you left my family in broken pieces. Now, I've come here to find justice for them.”

 

“Justice?” scoffed Snoke. “How will you bring me to justice? You're not leaving this room alive, and you have no army or authority here.”

 

“You're wrong. You underestimate me, and Ben Solo,” she declared, staring down Snoke.

 

“You think he actually  _ cares  _ about you, a broken little nobody? You're nothing, alone and unwanted,” said Snoke, watching the couple carefully.

 

Rey let the lies penetrate her for only a moment. When Snoke said that she was alone and unwanted, though, her mind and heart revolted. 

 

Ben  _ loved  _ her. Every look and touch of the last few days came back with startling clarity as she screamed and brought the cuffs down on Snoke’s head, overpowering his grip.

 

“He  _ loves _ me. Ben has already chosen  _ me.” _

 

Narrowing his eyes and rubbing his head slightly, Snoke said, “Hardly.” Using his free hand to shove at her stomach, she fell to the ground. “He says a lot of pretty things to gain your trust, but at the end of the day, he's looking out for himself and his family. We're going to make his family name memorable.”

 

“It already is, and it certainly doesn't need to be any more infamous. That's the only thing you'll ever make it,” she returned, getting onto her knees. 

 

Ren stiffened as they discussed his grandfather as though he wasn't there. He had managed to give nothing away when Snoke accused him of not caring about Rey; he had had to stare at Snoke and focus his mind on Rey's pain, which kept him strong and steady. He had to remain so for her. Now, he felt justified in coming forward until he was right behind Rey. 

 

Placing a gloved hand on her right shoulder, he said, “If people won't listen to the normal means of communication, then sometimes less desirable means are called for. It would be poetic justice to bring honor back to the family name via an organization just like his.”

 

“You see?” said Snoke, pulling away a moment and grabbing his cell phone. “You are alone, just as your friends are at Crait Warehouse.”

 

Snoke stepped into her personal space and turned the smart phone's screen toward Rey, and she watched as multiple cameras surveyed the abandoned warehouse. One was focused on Poe, another on Rose, and several on Finn, Hux, and the shipment. 

 

“Even now, your friends try to get closer, but they never will. We've been watching them since they entered. And, thanks to the tip from Ren about FN-2187, if he makes one wrong move, he will be shot by Phasma on the spot.”

 

Rey couldn't help twisting her body to glare up at the man holding her in place. Then, she watched in horror as the girls continued to go forward and retreat.

 

“For you, Rey, all is lost. Give up now and accept the same fate as your parents. You will  _ never _ be nothing more than that lost little girl, thrown away like garbage in favor of drugs, or even, for a family, something you'll never have.”

 

Some part of Rey wanted to kill Snoke on the spot. Her desire was nothing compared to the all-consuming need to  _ destroy _ that simmered and was barely contained by Ren. There was so much he wanted to give Rey, not the least of which was a family. The thought of abandoning her for his own family horrified and amused in equal parts since he had barely any family left; he would sooner choose her. 

 

Rey moved from side to side slightly, testing Ben’s ever-increasing grip on her as she glared up at Snoke in anger.

 

When she saw Snoke's responding look of malicious glee, she felt the fight leave her. She was no better than him; he wanted to hold her down and keep her there. He would enslave her with fear and anger the same way drugs had held her parents captive. She would always be a slave to her past then, just as she had once described. 

 

She could rise above him by letting go of her anger. She could forgive Snoke and let go of him once and for all, showing that she was stronger than him. When she didn't try anything else, Snoke frowned. It only confirmed that the best way to anger him was to not show any feeling, especially anger.

 

Determination filled her features as she decided on a means of attack. She felt Ben's grip tighten until he was a stone, frozen in place in order to hold himself back. She narrowed her eyes at Snoke in challenge.

 

“No.”

 

Taking advantage of Ren's presence, she leaned back and brought her right knee up far enough to allow her old, brown shoe to escape. She swung and aimed for Snoke's shins, knocking him down in the process.

 

Snoke cursed before scrambling up, slapping her and saying, “Guards, leave us. Stand outside the door until I give further instructions.”

 

Rey was lifted up by her shoulder until she was standing. Neither she nor Snoke could see the satisfaction Ren felt at watching Rey outmaneuver Snoke. He was glad she had done that; it finally got rid of the guards.

 

“And still the fiery spit of hope! You believe too much in yourself and your friends; it will be your downfall,” announced Snoke. “Now you will see what happens when you trust others; you die. Kylo Ren, if you wish to succeed me, then you must remove the one woman who knows the truth about you. Kill her.”

 

“Luke still lives,” said Ren out of nowhere, his face a calm mask. “He knows the truth, but he will be next. At least she has found the weapon that you've been seeking.”

 

“How? Where?” asked Snoke, suddenly interested as his beady eyes assessed Rey carefully. “How can she hide the staff?”

 

“She keeps it on her person as a baton. Rey, show him how you hold my grandfather's staff,” commanded Ren with a smug grin. 

 

“I can't unless you uncuff me,” she answered, giving Ren a look full of hurt and betrayal.

 

Ren had to restrain himself from moving at all; her eyes begged him for something he couldn't give quite yet. 

 

“Done,” said Snoke, motioning for Ren to free her as he broke up their moment. “Hmm, it seems that your friends are catching on to our ways. No matter.”

 

Rey looked down at the phone in Snoke's hand and saw that the girls were peeking up at the cameras and were throwing things at the cameras after the deal had finished up. She sighed in relief.

 

“Show it to me. I've been searching  _ years  _ to get my hands on that staff. Now that Ren has figured out how to electrify it, the staff shall be complete.”

 

As Rey reached into her shirt, Ren informed them, “As it so happens, I've been preparing for this moment. I made you a present, a special set of coils for this staff.”

 

Rey froze at hearing his comment, remembering the red glow his sword had had. Snoke wanted the weapon, no doubt to kill her and countless others, possibly even Ben if he got in the way. It sickened her and made the anger creep back in.

 

“Rey, extend out the staff and hold the grips as if defending yourself. I want to show Snoke the  _ proper _ way to hold this,” he said, leaning in so he was next to her ear. 

 

She pulled away from him in disgust but complied, placing her hands on the grips and not touching the metal at all. Once the staff was on display, Ren wrapped some coils around one end, showing them both the small battery and dial attached to it. 

 

For a split second, Rey listened to the anger bubbling up inside. Snoke was within hitting distance of the staff; it would be so easy to send it at his head and kill him, removing all possibilities of Snoke hurting another.

 

_ No.  _

 

Hate and anger were not going to win. She resisted the temptation and found her calm again, holding on to  _ her  _ weapon tightly, not willing to part with it. She had to trust Ben and let go of her anger. Forgive Snoke. She was stronger and better than Snoke.

 

Her mental pep talk was stopped when Ren moved the dial to correspond with the various settings as he spoke. 

 

“You see this dial? This controls how much current is running through it. With so many volts running through it, It could give a light shock, stun a person, or even, kill them.”

 

Rey shivered as Snoke showed a toothy, maligned grin. 

 

“I think it's time you demonstrated this tech to me, Ren,” said Snoke as he grasped the other end of the staff with both hands, testing the size of the staff for his hands.

 

“With pleasure.”

 

Rey watched as Ren’s eyes darkened with satisfaction, as though the hunter had finally caught his prey. She didn't understand until she saw him flip a switch on the side of the dial, and at the same time, ignite his own weapon.

 

The sword touched the staff, and electricity flowed from Ren to Snoke.  She felt the surge of electricity underneath her, and she let out a scream of fear at the thought of Ben being touched by it, only to watch it electrocute and kill Snoke where he stood. She watched as Snoke's eyes lost their humanity before his grip eventually loosened. Snoke shook and dropped to the ground, third degree burns covering his hands. 

 

Just as she felt her knees about to give from the stress, Ben switched off both weapons and pulled her to him at once.

 

“I've got you, Rey. You're safe now. He'll never hurt or insult you again, or your family for that matter,” he swore, holding her tighter than he ever had. “You didn't have to kill him to find justice, and I don't have to fear for your life ever again.”

 

Rey couldn't believe her ears; he had done it all for her!

 

She felt lighter than ever before knowing that Snoke was gone, and with that, all the fear and anger she had been holding on to. She had managed to stick to her resolution of not killing Snoke despite the opportunity and many insults.  If she could resist Snoke, then she could resist anyone. She could  _ finally _ forgive herself. Tears of joy filled her eyes as the deepest sense of peace overcame her.

 

She couldn't hate Ben. She had spurred and hastened this decision of his, and somehow she didn't hate both Ben and herself for it. She might later, but she would deal with it, with Ben beside her. He had done a good thing as he looked out for her (her heart said it was only for her), as much as she was loathe to admit it out loud. He had done what he felt was right, choosing to save her and what she represented. The combination of fearing for their imminent deaths and seeing exactly what Ben was willing to do for her proved that she had done the right thing in trusting him. It went deeper than that, though. She loved him.

 

Even at his lowest and deadliest, he was still Ben. Her Ben. She wanted him now more than ever. She was ready to choose him.

 

As tears flowed freely, she sniffed and grabbed hold of his shirt, using it to wipe her tears. His hands took hold of her chin and hair as he comforted her silently and kissed the top of her head.

 

When she felt she was ready, she looked up at him and said, “Thank you, Ben. You have no idea how much this means to me. I l-"

 

Furious knocks banged on the door.

 

“Boss? What do you want us to do?”

 

“Hold that,” whispered Ben with a smile that could rival one of Rey's. “Let's wait until we're alone. We need to get these guys out of the way first.”

 

“What did you have in mind?” she asked.

 

“Not sure yet. All I really planned was to kill Snoke with the very weapon he wanted,” said Ren with a helpless look and a hand gesture similar to his father. “Grandfather would be so proud that his weapon was used on a worthy target.”

 

“You had  _ nothing  _ planned after this?” asked Rey in disbelief.

 

“Everyone was supposed to be at Crait. I don't want to kill anyone,” he admitted.

 

“Nor do I. You say this thing can stun?” she asked, picking up the staff and coils.

 

A slight smile crossed his face. “It can, just like mine can.”

 

“Then let's invite them back in.”

 

\------------------

 

Inside the warehouse, chaos had erupted. It had taken five different tries for Rose and Kaydel to confirm that they were being watched, but after that, they stopped and made covert looks for cameras. 

 

“They're watching us, Poe. Be careful. Be ready to move when I give the signal. We're going to take out their eyes,” said Rose. 

 

“Ready over here. The deal is complete, and Crimson Dawn is about to leave.”

 

Finn thanked the three from the syndicate and felt something like pride fill him. He had done well, managing to get a lower price for everything. If he stayed as a cop, he could make a convincing agent to other gangs or organizations that came along. He could do real good there. 

 

Rose and Poe both kept asking him to stay. He'd never be chief with his record, but that wasn't what was important. It was doing the right thing, and presently, the right thing was removing The First Order completely. He saw that clearly as he watched Hux eye the drugs; those drugs would only make more people end up like him. He didn't wish that on anyone. A new kind of resolve filled him as he wished Crimson Dawn well and planned how to bring them back to arrest them.

 

As Finn said goodbye to Crimson Dawn, Hux told Phasma and the others of the developments. 

 

“The women found our cameras. Prepare to go after them as soon as the van leaves. They must be stopped; they have explosives.”

 

“What about the two guys?”

 

“They have nothing that I could see, no doubt because they're going to try to steal the drugs or meet up with the women to grab the explosives. Stop those women!”

 

Once identified, the women gathered up everything they could find, including rocks and small crates. In the meantime, the old roll up door opened and started to close. Then, they launched their attack on the cameras.

 

“On my count. Three, two, one, attack!”

 

Poe and Luke moved around a bit as the ladies hit the cameras. It took several tries, but they eventually hit all the cameras. Once all were disabled to their satisfaction, the women began moving in, and now they had the full attention of the enemy. They wouldn't need any other distraction for the men as they planted explosives.

 

As the women ran and hid behind various crates, Poe and Luke were forgotten, much to Finn's surprise and satisfaction. He went back to Hux.

 

“What's happened?”

 

“There are interlopers. We are removing them. You've done well; you will be rewarded generously for getting us an even better price.”

 

“If it undermines Crimson Dawn, I'll do it,” replied Finn. “I used to be involved in nasty turf wars with them growing up.”

 

“They have lasted a long time, even longer than the Empire. They won't last much longer with the bad set of cash, though,” said Hux with a satisfied grin. “The First Order will reign supreme!”

 

Finn saw a slight movement out of the corner of his eye, and he knew that Poe and Luke had arrived. Thankfully, the women made enough noise to drag his and Hux's attention away, though he surreptitiously kept an eye out. 

 

He was so proud of Rose in that moment. She was risking her life for a cause much bigger than herself; Finn wanted to be like that to have a cause and reason to live bigger than himself. His resolve of before increased.

 

Poe and Luke made quick work of setting up the explosives and putting more around the perimeter of the warehouse at all the exit routes, especially the roll up door. The only safe exit was the small door that led to the front, where they planned to lead The First Order out in handcuffs. When they finished planting the bombs, they ran back and tried to find Rose and Kaydel. They needed a new plan for guarding the door, surprising the men, and arresting them.

 

\------------------------

 

“Ready?” asked Ren from the door.

 

“Yes. Let them come.”

 

Rey got into a defensive position less than ten feet away from him in the red room, and Ren soon joined her, rushing to stand at her back. They were a team once more, and both lived for it.

 

“What did you do to Snoke?” asked the guards of Ren.

 

“What makes you think I did it? She did,” he said, making Rey glance at him in confusion.

 

The guards rushed the couple at once, assuming that the staff and odd-looking sword were no match for them. They circled the couple before going in to attack. Two guards stood back and began firing while the others tried to physically overwhelm the couple. 

 

Wham! Moving quickly to avoid the shots, Rey ducked and rammed the end of her staff without the coils at the hand and gun of one of the attacking guards.  He dropped his weapon and tried to look at his hand. As he reacted, the other end of the staff swung toward him, stunning him and sending him to the ground. She paused to look at Ben a moment, knowing that she was about to move away from him in order to give herself more space to move. 

 

One guard came at Ren, but he was too slow for Ren. With one step forward to avoid a bullet and a quick thrust from Ren, the guard was sent shaking to the ground. Ren was pleased and locked eyes with a nervous Rey before taking on the next guards. With a quick nod, they moved apart and took on the rest.

 

Two more came for Ren with guns at the ready, but Ren slashed and pushed his way around them so that he used one as a shield while fighting the other. Eventually, both were on the ground, and Ren grabbed one of their guns and took aim for the last two shooting at him and Rey. 

 

Rey alternated between ducking and rolling to avoid shots while going for the feet and shins of the guards. When they were brought down, Rey ran back to Ren, who was signaling to her to come to him. 

 

“We don't want to kill you,” warned Ren as he stood in front of Rey, “but I will if I have to. Listen to your new leader and stand down.”

 

The two guards proceeded to back away and empty the cartridges from their guns at Ren. The two moved as one to the right, then the left, a bullet grazing Rey's right arm in the process. As Rey cried out in pain, Ren fired back, catching the shoulder of one and the stomach of the one who had hit Rey. When both were on the ground, Ren found the supply of rope Snoke kept in his desk and helped Rey tie up the guards. Then, they put on bulletproof vests to avoid serious injuries in the future. 

 

Ren picked up Snoke's cell phone, only to find out that the cameras had been disabled. A small stab of panic filled him that everyone he had been counting on was about to be arrested. Unfortunately for him, she chose then to start running down the halls, looking for the exit.

 

“Rey! Where are you going?” he yelled as he ran to keep up.

 

“To Crait! Our work’s not done yet.”

 

However, before she got very far, gunshots rang out. A dozen men appeared in front of them, all armed and ready. 

 

“Rey, switch weapons. Your aim is better; it'll be just like laser tag. I'll give you a lift,” whispered Ren in her ear before getting down on his knees, bracing himself.

 

“Drop your weapons, both of you,” commanded one of the men as the group approached. “One of you has killed our Boss.”

 

“Fine,” said Rey as she pressed the button and turned the staff into a baton. A moment later, she made to kneel down, bending at her legs as she left her weapon with Ben. The only difference was that one hand braced itself on Ben's back, while the other gripped his right thigh. “Now!”

 

Jumping up, Ren picked up Rey and threw her over the group of men. As she flew, she pulled out her gun and aimed for the various men before they shot her. Ren used their distraction to aim for their feet. 

 

By the time Rey landed, most of the men were disabled in some way. Both she and Ren fought hand-to-hand with the rest until they were taken care of as well, Ben using the staff to hit more at once while Rey used her fists and butt of her gun. 

 

When they were done tying up those men, Rey exclaimed, “We did it!”

 

She rushed to embrace Ben, kissing him hungrily at having him safe with her. He returned every kiss with just as much ardor. When the initial excitement and high of fighting faded, she said excitedly, “We're so close to the exit now. We can go over there and arrest everyone.”

 

“No,” he said, his grip tightening out of fear - of losing her and of losing his organization.

 

“Ben?” she asked, her eyes widening as she pulled her head back and squirmed in confusion. 

 

He let go of her, if only to prove a point. She had to choose him - and by extension them - now. He had confessed his feelings; now it was her turn.

 

“What are you trying to say, Ben? You just killed Snoke.”

 

“It’s time to let old things die. Snoke, our pasts, The First Order, and the Special Witnesses Unit.  I want you to join me,” he said, dropping everything to reach a gloved hand out to her. “The future is ours; we can destroy all of this and make it  _ whatever  _ we want. A new order, a new organization that is stronger….. Let the past die, along with all your previous assumptions about what this organization stood for. It'll be different now because we control it  _ together. _ ”

 

Rey stared in disbelief before pleading, “Ben, you're going down a path I can't follow. Please don't go this way.”

 

“No! You're still holding on to your pain, your anger from before. Let go! Don't you see, Rey?” he demanded, his voice rising in anger as she stepped further away from him. 

 

“Ben, you don't understand-”

 

“But I do. I know you, better than anyone else,” he insisted, a little more calmly. His voice lowered, taking on an almost seductive quality as he drew closer to her. “I know what you've survived and how strong you've become. I know you struggle with your past, just as I do. At a certain point, though, we must come to terms with our past-”

 

“We have to face it! Accept it,” she interrupted with a calm serenity that he envied. 

 

“No! That only leads to sleepless nights and more self-recriminations. We have to put it in the past and forget about it,” he said, his arms sweeping out as though to negate the past.

 

Rey groaned in frustration, “You've already  _ tried  _ doing that and you've had nightmares. You haven't tried to face it-”

 

“It'll be different this time with you beside me,” he insisted, his right hand coming toward her again. “I'm stronger with you. I never felt I was capable of doing so much before you. Everything is different now.”

 

She backed up toward the door again despite his emotional, heartfelt words. “It still involves drug dealing. I could never do it. Surely you understand why-”

 

Her voice rose, but his rose even more so as he tried to rationalize his reasons for her joining him.

 

“Just as  _ you _ understand that I can't leave this life completely and go back. This is the best way to continue my grandfather's legacy and make him proud. No one on the outside will listen to me about my grandfather and all the good he's done. You've talked to my family and know how they feel; nothing will change their minds. This is the  _ only  _ way.”

 

“No,” she insisted, moving closer to him with a pleading look in her eyes. “You’re wrong about your family, and about your situation. I know another way. You know everything about this organization; you're perfect to help-”

 

He turned away. There was no way he could help that Finn hadn't done already.

 

“It doesn't matter; I'll go to jail, away from you. I've done too much.”

 

That he feared most: losing her. He could do anything but that. He was too possessive of her to see another way.

 

“That's not true! We all have a choice. Do you want to make things right, or not?” she demanded.

 

“I do. That's why I want you to join me. I can do the most good here; I can do it even better with you beside me. The men think you killed Snoke, so they'll listen to you. I already listen to you because I respect you.”

 

“But we'd be outside the rules to begin with! How does that even make-”

 

“Rey, listen. We can stop a lot more evil like Crimson Dawn as well as others this way. We can hold them accountable, get the information any way required, and hand them over to the cops if we want to. That's the beauty of being in charge!”

 

“No, it doesn't work like that. You're better than this, Ben. Stop thinking in absolutes and accept that you might be wrong. I'm trying to  _ save  _ you.”

 

“Save me or all your friends? Who do you really care about most?” he asked, giving her a dark look. 

 

He saw the tears come to her eyes as she stepped forward. 

 

“You. That's why I'm here, still arguing with you. I know it seems like I'm still holding onto my anger, but I'm not. I've forgiven you, Snoke, and myself; I've come to terms with what I've done. Let me help you do the same,” she pleaded, a tentative hand reaching out.

 

He stepped backward.

 

“You can't help me; there's no hope for me now. Look at what I've done. You must choose, Rey. It's either us here or not at all. There is no middle or gray area.”

 

Resignation filled Rey and saddened her. If Ben felt there was no hope for himself, then she would have to wait until he came to his senses. He  _ would _ see differently, about her and his grandfather once Leia's plans paid off.

 

“I don't trust anyone but you. I need you, now more than ever,” he pleaded, eyes wide with naked emotion. “Join me. Please.”

 

Rey's heart broke for Ben again, knowing how right he was. If she wasn't careful, she was going to end up going to him out of a desire to comfort him, but that wasn't what he needed. He needed tough love to see the truth that he refused to acknowledge. 

 

The staff was on the ground behind Ben. She needed to grab that and another gun before she escaped. Her mind was quick to think of how she could arrange to have Ben be knocked out cold long enough for her to escape and then arrest everyone else, giving him time to ruminate on his future and what she said. 

 

“Please don't make me choose right now, Ben. I don't want to leave you, but I will if it will help in the long run,” she said softly and resolutely as she approached him. “You're mistaken and making the wrong choice. Let's go somewhere else and talk about this. I have information-”

 

“No!” he rumbled,  standing his ground. “Do you love me?”

 

He needed to know. If she didn't, then there was no point in continuing. His bruised heart couldn't take much more pain and betrayal.

 

Her earlier resolution was put on hold; she  _ needed  _ to do this, to put to rest any doubts he had. 

 

“Yes,” she replied, tender eyes finding his as her right hand found his face. “I love you, and I want what's best for you. Please, trust that I want what's best for you and your grandfather.”

 

Doubt entered his mind. For several beats, he considered her counter offer, tempted by dreams of a life together. He still wanted it, but on his side. She put so much faith in the justice system in a way he couldn't. The issue was that the moment he followed her, he would have to give her up and be separated from her in jail. He was still too afraid of giving her up.

 

Bringing a hand up to touch hers, he said, “I'll lose you. It's not worth it.”

 

“You'll never lose me, no matter what,” she said, her other hand coming to cup his face  “I'll wait for you. It might not come to that even-”

 

“It will. We’re at an impasse; we'll just make it work as we have previously,” he decided, seeing her resolve. 

 

Rey saw that negotiations were done; it was time to stop this.

 

“Not anymore. I'm sorry, Ben. You don't realize what you're asking of me, or what you're doing to yourself.”

 

He started to speak when Rey brought a knee to his groin. As he groaned and doubled over in pain, she knocked him to the ground and brought the baton to some skin revealed by ripped clothing. 

 

“One day, you'll thank me for doing this,” she said as she changed the setting to the lowest one and powered on the weapon. In the next moment, he shook, and his eyes closed. Rey wished she had another pair of handcuffs or more rope to tie him up. Since she didn't, however, she just dragged him into the nearest closet and locked the door. 

 

After that, she ran to the warehouse. 

 

\----------------

 

Poe dodged box and crate alike, searching for Rose and Kaydel. When he reached the women, he saw that they had been lobbing items out to send the First Order men away from him as he approached. Kaydel looked at him and beamed, making his heart swell just a little more for her. When all this was done, he would have to convince her to find a better job so that they could date.

 

“Okay, Phase One complete. The timers have been set, and we are ready for Phase Two. Let's keep distracting them for a bit and then confront them right before the timer goes off so that they put their weapons down.”

 

“I don't think that'll work,” said Kaydel. “They're gaining on us. We need to do something else.”

 

“Where's Luke?” asked Rose.

 

Poe turned and discovered that Luke had disappeared. As he looked around wildly, he saw in his periphery that Phasma and Hux were approaching Finn.  

 

“We got company,” he commented, making all turn to Finn.

 

A moment later, two guns were trained on Finn, making him freeze. Without any weapon of his own for the purposes of negotiations, Finn panicked.

 

“If you want your friend to live, you'll do as I command,” called out Hux loudly. “Come forward, and show yourself. All four of you. We've been watching you since you walked in. This game of cat and mouse has grown old.”

 

“Don't do it!” shouted Finn, earning him a slap from Hux and a whack to the back of his head from Phasma.

 

As he fell to the ground, Rose started to come forward, ready to fight. 

 

Poe tried to hold her back, saying, “Rose, what are you doing?” 

 

“I'm saving what I love, Finn,” she said calmly. “I'll try to distract them, but you need a better distraction.”

 

Rose walked up with hands raised and open, and Finn watched with sadness as she came forward proudly. 

 

“Leave Finn be!”

 

“There's more of you. Only seeing one won't help; that's how we lost all our men at Starkiller Base,” intoned Hux. 

 

“Only because you're evil! We're going to take you down!” cried Rose as she made it to Finn's side, kneeling beside him.

 

Finn looked into her eyes and saw the love she had for him. She would give her life for his; he would put her and her cause first, even above himself from now on. Taking down anyone who wanted to hurt her, someone so innocent and sweet, was a cause he was willing to die for. 

 

“Pathetic,” said Hux, kicking Rose to make her fall down. “Well, perhaps the others need more encouragement. How shall we dispose of them? Just shoot them?”

 

“Execution by a bullet to the head is too good for them; let's make it hurt,” said Phasma, pulling out a large knife from her side.

 

As the two spoke, Poe and Kaydel looked for Luke and couldn't find him. Seeing as he wasn't coming forward, they figured they could talk their way out of the situation before Finn and Rose were stabbed or shot.

 

Kaydel set off the few explosives she had, killing some men nearby. Hux and Phasma stopped in surprise. Then, the two of them came forward yelling, “Wait!”

 

Hux and Phasma turned their attention, making Finn and Rose sigh in relief. Finn began forming a desperate plan, getting up to his knees and waiting for the opportune moment to strike.

 

“That's two more of you; where's the other male?” asked Hux. “We know you're out there, even if our cameras can't see you anymore.”

 

“I think you were imagining things,” said Poe. “There's no one else. So, who talks first? You talk first, or do I talk first?”

 

“And  _ this  _ is who we elected for district attorney,” groaned Hux in disdain. “A jokester and flirt, not a leader.”

 

“Watch it! You have no room to talk since you make everyone else do your dirty work and screw up whatever you do touch,” warned Poe, making Hux glare at him while Phasma held in her chuckle. “If you want yourself and the rest of your people to live, you ought to let these two go now. You don't know where we've placed bombs in here. It's only a matter of time now.”

 

“Both of the women are here,” interrupted Phasma.

 

“And not holding anything, are we?” sassed Kaydel. 

 

Hux and Phasma paled for a moment before Hux turned red in embarrassment and sputtered, “Spread out and find the bombs! Now!”

 

The men on the perimeter started looking around until Phasma said, “Look near the cargo. No doubt they'll try to destroy it like last time.”

 

As the men started toward the drugs, the final figure stepped out from near the doorway. 

 

“Wait.”

 

Phasma's eyes widened as a look of shock then smug triumph filled Hux’s face. He pointed at Luke before yelling dramatically, “That's Luke Skywalker! He's public enemy number one! Get him! Kill him! Do something!”

 

As the men ran for him, Poe used the distraction to run and try to take out a couple in hand-to-hand combat.  Kaydel stood back and waited for the right moment to join the fray.

 

Meanwhile, Luke brought out his gun. After missing a few shots from lack of practice, he proved himself to be Ben's mentor when it came to aiming and hitting his target. Several men were taken down, his bullet proof vest taking the majority of the shots for him. Everything was minor and only grazed him.

 

“If we kill Luke Skywalker, Snoke will make us his successors for sure,” said Hux confidently to Phasma. “We must kill him at all costs. Let's remove our traitor and his girlfriend first.”

 

Hux went in for Rose and pulled out his gun. 

 

“I would've liked to have given you a slower death than your sister, but this will have to do. Soon you'll be joining her.”

 

“That's what you think!” roared Rose, biting Hux's hand and making him fall back. 

 

As Hux moved, Phasma turned to kill Finn, her gun trained on him.

 

“You've been sabotaging us for some time now, it seems. You're going to pay.”

 

Finn didn't hesitate. He used Hux's distraction to trip and punch Hux, grabbing the gun as Hux went to the ground and narrowly missing the shot Phasma took at him. Then, he turned around to face her. Rose scrambled away to join Kaydel and find weapons. 

 

“That was a cheap shot, Chrome Dome. The only problem with your plan is that I don't care if I live or die anymore; I just want you in jail rotting,” said Finn confidently. “I've got friends now, and they deserve better than you.”

 

Phasma scowled but kept her gun trained on Finn. She tried to check on Hux's condition when she could, but he was being a baby again and staying down. 

 

“How long have you been helping them?” she asked, delaying until Hux was up and able to work with her to take Finn down.

 

“As soon as Poe and Rose came on board. They're a lot better people than I deserve. I've been helping them even before Starkiller Base, and you never even guessed. How does  _ that  _ make you feel?” he replied with a smug grin.

 

“You're scum,” answered Phasma angrily, taken aback but not rising to the bait.

 

“Rebel scum,” he said proudly.

 

“You turned your back on the only people who ever helped you-”

 

“No,  _ you're  _ the ones who supplied my teenage friends and me with drugs growing up, and then kept us there by never letting us leave that situation. I was stuck until I chose to get clean.”

 

“Only because we let you,” said Phasma. “We could've stopped you, but we didn't because you were more valuable as a gunner.”

 

“Which is why you still haven't shot me yet. You really just want me to live so you can torture me, don't you?” he asked, trying to goad her into acting.

 

“Yes.”

 

She couldn't wait any longer; Finn was talking too much. After taking the first shot, she ran forward to attack Finn. He ducked and aimed for her leg, where she wasn't wearing a vest. With too much momentum from running, she went forward, and Finn stepped out of the way, where she tripped over Hux and squashed him in the process of falling over him. Both cried out in pain before Phasma groaned and looked at the blood seeping from her bullet wound.

 

“How do you like that? I hurt you for once! That's right, Phasma, I'm in charge now!” said Finn excitedly, still pointing the gun at both of them. “Any last words before we arrest you all?”

 

“Over my dead body,” retorted Phasma as Hux pushed her forward. As she flew up, Finn shot her again, that time on the arm near the shoulder. After that, however, he was forced to the ground from the sheer bulk of her, where they wrestled over Finn's gun. 

 

Hux got up in the meantime and went for the gun that Phasma dropped. He let his attention wander for a moment to see where Poe and Luke were, only to discover that his crew of twenty had been reduced to five. Poe was wrestling with one while Luke had advanced toward them, now using guns from dead men to shoot. 

 

Starting to panic, Hux went to his radio to call in reinforcements. He was beyond caring what happened to him at Snoke's hands since losing everyone and the drugs was worse.

 

“Snoke, I need reinforcements. I repeat, we are taking heavy losses. Bring more in at once.”

 

The radio attached to Snoke's phone crackled to life, waking Ren up. He was disoriented for a moment until he heard more from Hux, asking for help. Once he figured out that Rey hadn't killed him, he puzzled why. When it became too painful to think about her, he channeled his pain and attacked the door until it fell off. Then, he went back to Crait, not doubting where Rey was.

 

Meanwhile at Crait, the front door burst open, and Rey stepped into the room, weapons in hand. 

 

“Snoke is  _ dead.  _ There's no one to help you now,” she said with grim satisfaction. “For you, all is lost. You're all under arrest.”

 

“No!” shouted Hux, terror and panic seizing him. He shot for revenge, not caring about the mission for a moment. Rey and Luke were still too far away, but others weren't. 

 

He hit Rose, causing Finn to abandon his stupefied posture at seeing Rey. Finn rushed to Rose and forgot about Hux and Phasma, dropping the escape powder in the process. 

 

Hux next went for Poe. If he went down, then there would be no one to prosecute him at least. They could get someone in who would be sympathetic. 

 

Taking several shots and missing, Hux howled with frustration before shooting the two cops on the ground since they were close by. He felt slightly better after that and then chased after Poe again. 

 

Phasma approached Finn and Rose, ready to kill them both. Rey noticed and ran toward them, shooting at Phasma until she was forced to abandon her goal and go for the much worse target, the one most likely to have removed Snoke and Ren from the equation. 

 

“Stop! Look at yourselves.” 

 

All froze at hearing the commanding tone, mixed in with a crazed tint. Rey sighed in resignation before anger filled her; Ben didn't understand when to let go, either. 

 

Hux, Phasma, and their small band that remained all grew happy at discovering that Ren was alive. They stopped and turned to face him fully, quickly banding together as they were always told to by Snoke. Much as Phasma wanted to kill Finn and Rey, she knew that she needed to listen to the new leader. She grabbed the escape powder and dragged Hux away as the others drew closer to Ren.

 

Ren had seen Rey about to fight Phasma, and terror and pain had seized him once again. As much as he hated her and her choice, he couldn't bear the thought of her dead. Stopping Phasma was tantamount. 

 

It was then that he remembered that he needed Phasma, and she would likely be seriously injured by Rey. He needed to find a way to get them all out. 

 

His mind ran furiously until he saw the escape powder that Hux had been bragging about in Phasma's hand. That would do.

 

“Ben.”

 

All planning stopped when he heard Luke. He hadn't expected to see him here of all places, but he shouldn't have been surprised. 

 

His first instinct was to shoot Luke from years of frustration and anger building up. That was tempered, however, by his last memory of his mother; that would bring too much pain to her. If it was necessary, he would shoot, but only to injure. For the time being, he stuck to sarcasm in the hope of making Luke feel guilty.

 

“Uncle. How nice of you to join us. You finally decided to show your face and not hide like a coward at mother's home.”

 

“You knew?” hissed Hux as all approached, Luke still between them. Hux was furious; Ren had no business being leader with as much as familial attachment as he had, not to mention his lack of foresight.  All of Hux's great inventions were wasted on Ren. Ren was  _ not  _ going to survive long after they escaped Crait. Hux would see to it personally. 

 

“I confirmed it recently. I've had someone watching her home for a long time. He only came because of our new recruit.”

 

He couldn't say her name or look at her directly, so he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. There was too much pain. He wanted to get her alone and yell at her. He was even willing to fight her or get down on his knees and beg her. He hadn't saved her just so they could be separated. He wanted her and her alone; it would all be worthless without her. 

 

That thought hit him like a gut punch. How was he going to handle everyone when he was on a thin line of sanity already? If she was there, his ideas and means to achieving his goals would seem more legitimate. He had just killed Snoke, too, and he was reeling from that. Going home and sleeping alone set him on edge. He wasn't going to sleep.

 

She, however, was not looking at him, either. She seemed just as angry as him, even as she helped Finn and Rose up. It made him more angry, which gave him the strength to face his uncle, who seemed contrite and resolute. 

 

“Ben is right. Rey found me, and I've been trying to find a way to convince him that he's wrong.”

 

“Save your breath.”

 

“What if there was proof? In the journals?”

 

It was impossible. That thought terrified Ren even more. If everything he had done, the killing, of Han especially, had really been just Snoke and his manipulation and lies, then he would truly be worthless. He ought to go to jail then and rot. His father deserved better than that, even if they hadn't stayed close.

 

He refused to believe that it was all in vain. He had come too far.

 

“It doesn't matter. His name is still ruined, and you can't even acknowledge him. Say his name.”

 

Luke sighed at the dramatics of his nephew but played along.

 

“It doesn't matter if I say Anakin Skywalker's name or not. He's dead, and he wouldn't want you to lead this life. He would want you to be happy, to find love like he had.”

 

Out of instinct, his eyes left Luke and found Rey. Hers were shining with tears as she silently pleaded with him. 

 

“There's no hope for me now on that front. And without that, there isn't any hope for me. I've got nothing else to live for. At least his name will be redeemed by the end of all this,” said Ren, forcing himself to look at Luke.

 

“You're wrong. Nobody's ever really gone, and you're not, either. Love and forgiveness are stronger than that, Ben. I'm going to work with your mother-”

 

“I don't care!” he yelled, making Luke back up at seeing his rage.

 

He would've continued, but it was then that the bombs finally went off. As the drugs blew up, Hux and Phamsa lamented as they made their way to Ren. When they got to Ren, he took the escape powder from her. 

 

Luke was pulled back by Poe, away from the blasts. With everyone on each side now facing one another near the center of the room, tension filled the space. 

 

Yet again, the front doors opened, and Sergeant Holdo entered the room with her unit.

 

“What is the meaning of this? Where's The First Order?” she asked, not seeing many present who could count. 

 

Rey held her breath as Poe and Finn looked at her. Ren saw an opportunity and ran with it.

 

“Holdo, I'm glad you could make it. I'm sure you heard the blasts; we lost a number of people on both sides.”

 

“So it seems. Who am I here to arrest?” she asked, blowing her purple bangs out of her face.

 

“These men beside me, and that woman beside Hux. As you can see, we've got most of them covered, especially since Rey and Finn are here. Your presence is no longer needed since we have this under control. Go ahead and leave,” he said, hoping she would do just that.

 

Holdo glared at Kaydel a moment and then started to leave. That was when Rey stepped forward. 

 

“Holdo, wait.”

 

The other female officer stared at Rey, recognizing her from graduation. Ren’s hand got itchy as he signaled the rest of his team to back away from Holdo and her men.

 

“He's lying to you. Ben Solo isn't who you think he is.”

 

Ren stopped and stared at Rey, a pleading look appearing. She wouldn't completely remove herself from his life, would she? She couldn't. She loved him, even if she refused to choose him. 

 

“This is all a big misunderstanding,” said Hux, trying to diffuse the situation.

 

“Shut it, ginger,” said Holdo, going to Rey. “I've heard all about the corruption of this squad. You're new. What's really going on here?”

 

Pointing to her soon-to-be ex-boss, Rey declared, “Ben Solo is actually Kylo Ren! He thinks he can bring honor to his family name by doing the same thing his grandfather did. Hux also works for The First Order, working for him. Finn did his bidding until he decided to do this sting operation. Arrest Ben Solo and everyone beside him!”

 

Ben's heart sank; she didn't love him. Now there was no going back. She had made it impossible now, closing the door in that aspect of their life.

 

Snoke would have been pleased; he was leaving the Force after all.

 

“I should've known. Arrest them!” shouted Holdo.

 

Ren snapped into action, throwing the pellets at the ground. As the pellets activated, he gave Rey one last look of farewell, vowing silently to contact her after the dust cleared. Then his group fled the scene with him, they shooting any cops who stood between them and the escape. From there, they set fire to the warehouse and ran to their old headquarters to pick up what little they needed to head to their new headquarters. 

 

Rey collapsed to the ground, all her energy spent. She felt hollow, incomplete. She had seen the betrayed, hurt look in his eyes, and she felt it in her soul. 

 

“Rey, are you alright? That was brave to do that,” said Finn from his spot near Poe and Rose.

 

“Yes, I'll be fine. It's just been another long night.”

 

“Are you sure you should've done that?” asked Luke with uncertainty.

 

“Yes. For too long, he's lived a double life. Let him experience what his choice really feels like, alone,” she said. “He doesn't know what he's asking for.”

 

She had no idea how to convince him that she still loved him, but she knew she had to. If he gave up, then she didn't know what she would do. She just wanted him to know what it felt like without anyone, but especially without her. He needed to see what life he was choosing. What he wanted was vastly different from what everyone else wanted, based on what she could see.  She held on to that hope and resigned herself to waiting. It didn't matter how long it took; she would always wait for him. 

 

“You need to get up,” said Holdo, surveying their surroundings. “We're about to be burned to a crisp otherwise.”

 

“Already on it,” called Kaydel from the roll up door. She took a crate that hasn't been blown up and threw it against the door that had had multiple bombs go off nearby. The door crumbled to bits within seconds, allowing all to escape. 

 

“Rose is losing too much blood,” said Poe. “What do we do?”

 

“I've got bandages with me,” said Rey, digging and handing them to Poe.

 

“Thanks. How'd you happen to have them on you?” asked Poe as he helped Finn bind up Rose. 

 

“After getting injured so many times on jobs with Ben, I've taken to keeping them on hand just in case,” she explained.

 

Once Rose was ready, a number of men hefted her up and ran her to safety. Holdo and Rey were the last to leave. 

 

“Thank you for all your help, Rey. You're a true leader, unlike that idiot over there,” Holdo said, pointing to Poe.

 

“I've done very little. I just want to do the right thing,” said Rey with a tired shrug.

 

“You spoke up and made the right choice, even when it involved your boss. That can't be easy.”

 

Rey nodded slowly, not wanting to get Holdo involved in her matters of the heart. 

 

“Sacrificing yourself for friends is just as heroic,” interjected Poe, wanting to stand up for himself. 

 

“While it does help, it doesn't automatically make you a leader. You gave orders, but were you the one who asked for outside help when you know you should have?”

 

“No. Did Rey do that?” he asked in surprise. 

 

“No. I did,” said Kaydel, coming forward and surprising Poe. “I was worried for Poe and about our numbers, especially when Rey didn't show. I didn't want to take any chances.”

 

Poe approached her after that.

 

“Thank you for doing that. I should've thought of that.”

 

She hugged him, saying, “Anything to keep you safe.”

 

“Leaders know their own strength, and aren't afraid to ask for help instead of just jumping into a situation without much of a plan. Remember that next time, hot shot. I'd like to keep you around as district attorney since you're actually good at your job,” said Holdo to them. “Same goes for Rose. I'm going back to the office to write all this up. Sorry we couldn't arrest them. You all should go home, except Rey and Finn. I need details from you.”

 

“It's only a matter of time before we catch them,” said Finn with confidence. “We'll find them, by any means necessary.”

 

Finn went back to Rose, who was still not walking easily from her wound. He helped her into the approaching ambulance with a quick kiss. Poe and Kaydel hopped into the ambulance for support, Poe having even more respect for Kaydel after that, with regard that looked more like love in Kaydel's eyes. It made the administrative assistant very happy as he held her close.

 

“Their headquarters is close by, but I fear they've already left,” said Rey to Holdo and Finn. 

 

“They have. They left their calling card on the door,” replied Finn as he checked. “It's best to tell everyone else the truth about The First Order now.”

 

“Of course,” sighed Rey, not wanting everyone to know about Ben. She feared he wouldn't come back if all public opinion was against him.

 

Luke put an arm around her in comfort before whispering, “Give him time. I saw how he looked at you; he's as bad as my father when he talked about mom. The key is not talking to him.”

 

“That's what's going to kill me,” she replied. “I'm going to miss him so much.”

 

“I'll tell Leia to push ahead with foundation plans early. He needs to see everything we've done and will do.” 

 

“I want to be there for everything,” she said, making Luke smile.

 

“Of course. It'll all be worth it in the end.”  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> *Alexa, play "Unbreak My Heart"*


	11. New Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bendemption is real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I don't own Star Wars or anything else I reference. I'm just here for the redemption arc of Ben Solo. I hope this does him justice. I hope you enjoy the new chapter!!

“Is he still wearing the same clothes as two days ago?”

 

“The better question is: has he slept since coming to our new headquarters two days ago?”

 

Kylo Ren listened to the whispers as he approached a corner in the hallway. He had stopped caring about people's concerns for his odd habits long ago, but as the new leader, he tried to listen to everyone, no matter how insignificant. Everything had changed since Crait - some things definitely for the worse as he adjusted - for him, and he was determined to be the best boss he could be.

 

As he fled from Crait, he had bashed in at least three file cabinets in his rage at losing Rey, causing most to avoid him. He purposely drove like a maniac with everyone following him - he stopped frequently and without warning while making a lot of unnecessary turns - when he saw that the group had set fire to Crait Warehouse. He knew Rey would survive (he'd destroy every single one of them personally if she didn't), but they hadn't asked him. It still endangered her life. His driving only became more erratic as he reminded himself that he shouldn't care about her anymore. Instead, his mind wound up running between the two extremes of fearing for her life and trying to put her out of his mind. It was torture, his own personal hell in the aftermath of Crait. 

 

When he was honest with himself that morning - after waking up for the second time with a start - he knew that he would never stop worrying. He compared losing Rey to losing a leg, something he wanted but didn't technically need in order to move on. He could, technically, do without or replace her, but the memory of her, his phantom limb, made him ache at losing that connection. 

 

The thought of her not wanting him drove him to get up and work out; he would not give up on this new position, despite the loss and her inability to see the right thing to do. All throughout the workout, he couldn't decide if she was his greatest strength or weakness. 

 

The sheer amount of importance he attached to her made it  _ seem _ like she was a weakness since he would do  _ anything  _ for her, just like his father and grandfather would do for those they cared about. He understood how they had fallen victim to it; it had felt like the most beautiful and fulfilling part of him for a time. She only seemed like a weakness now because they weren't together. It would be so different if they were together; she would push him to do so much more than presently. 

 

It frustrated him endlessly that she didn't choose him, and by extension, his grandfather. After all they had shared, he had finally found someone who understood and appreciated his mission. He was possessive of her, far more than he had ever been about anyone or anything. Now, he pummeled the punching bag, imagining it to be Finn and every other person that she chose instead of him. 

 

He found a slight amount of dreamless sleep after that. When he awoke, he was angry soon after; Rey and others had arrested every crooked cop they knew.  _ He  _ should have warned the cops;  _ he  _ had failed them.

 

On the plus side, her telling every law enforcement entity had made every branch of his organization respect him immediately. All answered his calls after hearing of Snoke's death and his rise to power. No one knew if Rey actually killed Snoke since the couple gave conflicting stories, and no one wanted to be brought in by the traitor. All trusted him implicitly.

 

All questioned his sanity, but they trusted him. His temper throughout the second day only got worse, and he still couldn't sleep after another punishing workout. Instead, he sought Rey. Her memory haunted him in a way not even Snoke did; the truth was that he was glad to not have that lying voice in the back of his head every day, reminding him of his failings. Only the memory of Han was worse.

 

Killing various people in the past had always sent him into a brief spiral, but killing his father was the worst by far. Killing Han had shown him that there was a line that he had crossed, and that he needed to change the direction of himself and The First Order before it got worse. Killing Snoke was the natural end, with only minimal remorse. Watching Snoke, his longtime mentor, die in front of him still affected him, but the nightmares involving him were not frequent nor as awful as the ones involving Han. But that still wasn't the main thing that had haunted him since Crait. 

 

No, the loss of Rey was much more poignant. He missed her fiercely as her memory haunted him everywhere he went. He needed to see her, or something close to her, to put the spirits to rest. He ran to her apartment and found it empty when she should have been sleeping. Worse, there were boxes everywhere. She was moving, again. His victory in taking over The First Order was feeling more and more hollow. He had all the power and none of the attachments, and he felt worse by the minute. Never had Snoke been proven to be a liar more so than in that moment; this wasn't what he had wanted when Snoke made promises.

 

The fact that he didn't like it was proof of just how much he had given in to his feelings. Rey was removing herself in a more permanent way, and he felt that jealous, possessive streak rise up within him. He was tempted to put a tracker in among her things. He almost did. It was only a proud, scornful voice that sounded suspiciously like Hux that stopped him. 

 

Why was he doing this? What was the point of following her if she didn't want him? He was weak, pure and simple. He held on to her when he shouldn't because he had become attached. He was acting like a spoiled child, unwilling to let go of his favorite toy. He needed to become less possessive of her since their paths would never cross again. He would waste away from worrying so much if he stayed like that.

 

“Snoke was right about attachments; they make me weak and hold me back. I will cut her out, and  _ never _ make the same mistake again,” he announced to the empty room. “She's not worthy of my concern or trust. She had her chance. I don't need her.”

 

He would repress every feeling and memory of her he had. He had done it with everything else; what was one more thing? If that didn't work, then he would destroy those memories and feelings. He had great ideas; he didn't need her or her ideas to be stronger or a better leader.

 

“She'll rue the day she said no to me. They'll all regret it. They'll see.”

 

He went back to headquarters after that; he refused to go home to sleep. He felt the presence of Rey too strongly there. He had a too-short cot he used instead. 

 

But the loss of Rey was still felt acutely after he left. It didn't matter how much he ignored her consciously; sleep in that cot was still next to impossible without her. His subconscious was only at peace with her around, or it conjured domestic images of her in order to find rest. Worse, he remembered those dreams of her when he woke, of her in his arms, in his bed, and in his home. She was happy beside him, and it was all a lie.

 

She had lied when she said she loved him, and he would never forgive her for it. She said she hadn't tried to manipulate him, but it was hard to believe that in the light of everything around him. She had betrayed him so willingly in front of others and had abandoned him to do his life goal alone yet again. It all sat heavily with him, and he used that pain and anger to move on.

 

He got up and stalked the halls of the headquarters, plotting his revenge. He spoke to the lawyers that would defend the crooked cops, reorganized the people under him, and turned into a specter that haunted the sterile, white halls. He repressed every feeling related to Rey he could except anger, and he channeled that anger to survive and keep people away from him. 

 

Near the end of the week, Kaplan, the main lawyer, surprised him. 

 

“All our men aren't talking. No plea deals, as requested. I'm not sure how long that will last, though.”

 

“What do you mean? Isn't Dameron interrogating them?”

 

He had been counting on that; everyone hated him since he was handpicked by Leia.

 

“No, he stands outside the interrogation room. It's mostly the girl.”

 

Ren’s expression hardened as his voice went deeper. “What girl?”

 

“You know, that one girl,” said Kaplan, clearly uncomfortable talking about her since he had heard the stories. His eyes darted everywhere but toward Ren. “The one who supposedly killed Snoke.”

 

“They let her do it?” he rumbled, punching a wall. “How? She's too emotionally invested!”

 

“Considering that the squadron size has significantly lessened over the past week-”

 

A dismissive hand came out to stop the worried lawyer.

 

“Enough, I see your point. Naturally FN-2187 wouldn't be allowed,” said Ren, trying to cool down. “What is she saying that you think they'll turn?”

 

“She's so earnest and full of promises from Dameron. It's very persuasive. They want to save their own skins since they feel little allegiance to either side. They like the idea of a lesser sentence for information-”

 

“That would compromise all of us. It's not allowed, and you know it.”

 

“She's persistent. They may get rid of me, and then there would be no saying how much they share. That would be worse,” said the lawyer. “We should consider it-”

 

“No. There must be something they want. Find it. She can be persuasive and manipulative when she wants to be. Anything else?” he asked, wanting to be done discussing her. 

 

“FN-2187 may be named the interim sergeant. That's the local rumor. He seems interested in the assistant district attorney-”

 

“Pushing him will only make him search harder for us based on what I heard from Hux. No. Anything else?”

 

“Yes, sir. That girl, Rey, asked about you. Wanted to know how you were doing.”

 

Ren's blank look from being blindsided by the notion left the lawyer a little relieved. Finally, Ren replied with a shocking sense of urgency, “And? What did you say? What did you tell her?”

 

Ren feared and yet desperately needed to know what was Kaplan had said. He narrowed his eyes at and made Kaplan feel very small, like a child.

 

“The usual thing, of course. That I have never met or interacted with you. Why?”

 

He sighed in frustration before urging Kaplan to speak more, clasping his hands in front of him as he responded slowly.

 

“How did she respond to that? Tell me  _ everything _ ,” he said, his dark tone promising retribution if he didn't receive the full truth.

 

Kaplan gulped before answering.

 

“She seemed upset by it for a moment, but then she brightened as is her normal. She asked that if I ever did see you, to let her know. She said she was worried about you. I'm sure I can't imagine why she would think that-”

 

“Shut up,” commanded Ren, ready to dismiss Kaplan. “You and I both know why. If you do see her again and she asks, you may tell her how I am at that present time. It won't be used against us as she has a weakness for me. Understood?”

 

He left after that, needing to escape the cramped quarters of the base of operations. It was yet another puzzle piece in the mystery that was Rey. He lied to himself, telling himself it was more mind games. Anything else would break him, and he was not willing to give up all the ground he had gained in dealing with her memory.

 

Within a week of Crait, everyone had gotten used to seeing him up at all hours. It was three in the morning when he heard the voices of Hux and Phasma further down the hall. He drew up quietly out of curiosity. 

 

“Why does he persist in letting his appearance go?” asked Phasma. “This is getting ridiculous! It's only been a week since Crait, and he looks like a white raccoon! I've never seen hair so greasy or unkempt on him before; it's disturbing.”

 

“His moods and temper have only gotten worse,  too. Everyone is complaining. If he keeps this up, we won't have to worry about drumming up support to remove him.”

 

He punched the wall in front of him, creating a large dent in the plaster before storming off. Hux and Phasma jumped and decided never to meet in headquarters again.

 

Ren was disgusted by what little he heard. He wasn't surprised that Hux was considering taking over, but the conversation was successful in pushing him to change. He would  _ not  _ help Hux in tearing himself down. The thought of losing everything was not something he was willing to entertain, and he knew he had been indulging in the anger too much. He had to be more professional and do something. 

 

He realized that he had so focused on his sense of betrayal and anger that he hadn't even done anything as a leader besides talk to people or scare them. No plans or deals besides what he wrote down. He needed to show that he was strong, not an emotional wreck.

 

“You have distracted me for the last time, Rey,” he vowed.

 

As he viciously suppressed everything related to Rey, he felt a little more empty inside. Good. He deserved it. It was time to take action. 

 

\---------------------

 

“I've been thinking long and hard about the future of this organization,” he announced to his group and many others via Skype. “It's time to move forward with the vision of this organization and show just how strong and unpredictable we are. Who's with me?”

 

All cheered loudly, and he was pleased. He began laying out his grand vision, starting with the locations of drug deals. All would occur in abandoned homes and buildings. When the deal was done, their calling card would be left close to the building that was burned down completely.

 

All underneath him cheered at the thought of having permission to destroy more. To him, it would make a statement. Countless buildings would go up in flames, until all squads felt overwhelmed. Better yet, it would rid D'qar and other large cities of all the urban blight. Something bigger and better could take its place. Death and decay would feed new life, a new order. One that he would control and lead without any help from Rey.

 

When the first house burned, he cheered and drank with his cohorts. He drank everyone else under the table and was still rowdy, just like the son of Han Solo that he was. 

 

He went to his office and cot, wanting to do something. As it was, it was announced that day Finn was replacing him as sergeant. Rey was on his mind because she had chosen Finn over him. He decided to do something about it; he brought out his phone and sent off angry texts. Multiple texts because he was drunk and needing to get a lot off his chest. 

 

He would never admit it out loud, but he also wanted to have some kind of contact with her.

 

Kylo Ren: Why did you do it? Why did you say no?

 

He added on and kept on adding more after seeing that first text. It seemed  _ a little  _ desperate then; in the morning, he'd hate himself much more for it. Until then, words just streamed out, needing to tell her how he felt.

 

Kylo Ren: I hope you're happy with your choice. Or do you regret it yet?

 

Kylo Ren: If you don't, you will. I will become the thorn in your side that will never leave. I'll haunt you, the same way I see you everywhere. 

 

Kylo Ren: I hope this wakes you up. I haven't slept well since you left. It's all your fault. What comes after this could've been amended by you if you had stayed. 

 

Kylo Ren: I hope you haven't forgotten me; you should respond back. I know you're moving, but I'll still find you.

 

He felt better after that, the alcohol-induced sleep the best he had had since Crait. When he woke up, he was ashamed of what he said to her.  He sounded like a lovesick puppy who acted out in an effort to get attention. The disgust he felt from that made it clear that he would never drink again, lest he do something else equally stupid while drunk. The disgust also gave him greater clarity and allowed him to bring everyone in to discuss the next layer of his plan.

 

“As you know, we've been making the news every day.”

 

He smiled his first genuine smile since Crait as he looked at the people around him, all cheering loudly. The smile was short-lived, however, as  _ no one  _ responded as he expected when he rolled out his next idea.

 

“In the past, we've always allowed our buyers to stick around by giving them lower quality product. Going forward, we're stopping that. We're cutting them off until they pay. Let's go out and find others.”

 

All grumbled or protested. Hux spluttered and turned red as he stood up in protest. 

 

“You can't be serious, ack!”

 

“Oh, believe me, I am,” said Ren with dangerous calm as he moved forward and choked Hux from where he stood. “You will do as I say; I'm in charge. Not you. You're too much of a coward to even challenge me.”

 

Hux tried to loosen his grip but failed miserably. All around them watched as Ren’s eyes filled with manic glee as he remained calm, a slight smirk gracing his lips. This was the face of a determined man, one who could kill in order to make his plans a reality. He was already half-alive according to popular rumor; this was only the next step, him striking down anyone who disobeyed. 

 

He may have been sulking and angry earlier on, but now, he had purpose. He demanded compliance, and so they did. No one was happy about it, though.

 

He found that out quickly. Within an hour of everyone being dismissed, they were complaining amongst themselves, he listening from around corners as he lurked. He was the palest shadow there was, his presence dark and forbidding to all. They all wanted more money, and it disgusted him. That wasn't the point. Money never was. It was greater glory, righting a wrong. Worse, as he checked the time, he knew Rey hadn't responded to his texts, and he doubted she would be.

 

He stormed away after hearing enough. He drove back to his apartment to pick up more clothing, and while he was there, he put on the TV to watch the evening news. He enjoyed seeing his organization take center stage, just as it had every day this week with another story about a fire.

 

However, a very different scene captured his attention on the news: his mother. Rey and Luke were on opposite sides of her as Leia spoke to a large crowd.

 

“As some might have heard, I am not pursuing another term as senator. I've decided to focus on other pursuits that are closer to my heart. The first of those is a new foundation I'm starting with the help of my brother, Luke.”

 

His attention swayed from his mother to Rey. She seemed just as gaunt and pale, as though she wasn't sleeping either. Good. 

 

Some part of him yearned for her to miss him as much as he missed her. She seemed strong there on the surface, but he knew better. She was leaning against the podium for support. Her eyes showed a lack of sleep, even if they were laser-focused and full of purpose as she stood there.

 

His attention was dragged away from Rey when another family name caught his attention. 

 

“This new foundation will be the Anakin Skywalker Foundation for the Arts and Sciences. I already have a number of backers who have generously donated in order to do something in honor of my late father. It is my dearest hope, along with Luke's, that this new foundation will help others. I will speak further about this in a week's time, to explain more about this educational and charitable effort. Thank you for your time.”

 

He had been standing, but he sat as soon as he realized just what Rey and his family were doing, questions swirling. What was the point of this foundation?

 

Rey's voice from Crait came back to him with startling clarity: there was another way.  _ She knew. _ Why had she waited? Was it supposed to be a surprise? For that matter, why was it being announced today? Was it a coincidence that Leia announced it right after he had texted Rey? Most likely.

 

His mind railed against the idea. There was no way it could work. It was either too little too late, or a stupid idea. 

 

All the same, he knew he would go to watch the speech. He  _ had  _ to know what was being done for grandfather, and he already missed Rey after the broadcast ended. She seemed unwell, and that bothered him, as much as he hated to admit it. 

 

He was half-tempted to contact her again, and he decided to do it late that night, just because he had already made a fool of himself. 

 

Kylo Ren: That broadcast changes nothing. You can talk all you want, but it's meaningless without action. 

 

Kylo Ren: You seemed tired and unwell on stage. You should get more sleep. You never know when you might have to fight off a guest. 

 

Sending those texts was surprisingly therapeutic for him. When he got back to his cot, he drifted off into sleep quickly for once. It was great until he woke up to lucid dreams of Rey standing over him, gun pointed at his throat. No one was in his room, as far as he could tell. He thought he had heard someone in the hallway, but that wasn't surprising. 

 

He beat every feeling into submission until he fell back asleep, that time dreaming of Rey smiling and happy with Finn and Poe. It made his temper especially short and difficult the next day, and he heard many people complaining.

 

It didn't matter that building after building had been burned that week by the time of Leia's speech. What did matter was that no one liked turning customers away, and he was becoming more disgusted with his sellers and employees. He had beaten up several people who had disobeyed, and he hated doing it. He didn't want them against him, but they didn't understand. 

 

Either way, he felt more isolated and empty than ever, as though he were a dead man walking. Three hours of sleep nightly was taking its toll on him. Shame and powerlessness that he wasn't doing everything to help his grandfather's name was hurting him, too. Knowing that all underneath him weren't happy further added on to the trouble.

 

The only thing that kept him going was the idea that a large number of addicts were no longer the slaves that they had been before. They would wake up one day with a clear head, work, and then buy the drugs if they really wanted it. That would prove that there was no hope for them. Another part of him hoped that they all chose to get clean; they would be better than hid grandmother. The look of downtown had also improved, and he was proud of that. He was even happier that he hadn't had to do any of the burning of buildings himself. Still, that wouldn't help his grandfather unless he did something more, something yet unknown.

 

In the meantime, he went to see Rey. She was dressed in her uniform while standing alongside Leia. She seemed healthier and stronger. The smile on her face wasn't wan; it was excited and full of life. He was happy for her, but depressed all the same that she was happy without him.

 

“Thank you all for coming,” said Leia as she began. “Your support of me and my family is greatly appreciated. As many of you know, my grandfather was rather infamous. What you probably didn't know was that before all this he was a pharmacist. A young man with a bright future and a loving wife.”

 

He listened with shock as she described all of his accomplishments, she stressing all the science aspects as she went along. 

 

“None of that would've been possible, though, without his wife, my mother. She was the strongest woman I know, besides Rey here beside me. She was an artist who inspired my father to grow. Her death is what spurred my father to go down a darker path; I want to prevent others from going down that path.”

 

He couldn't believe how much time his mother had put into the logistics of the foundation. There were scholarships for four students, two in art and two in the sciences. For high school and college. There would be after school programs for troubled students, with art projects and science labs available to explore things in a safe environment. All of this would happen while they learned about Anakin and what he had done. It was surreal to hear everything repeated, now without shame by his mother.

 

He was glad that he was in a tree watching; he could sit there as he tried to process everything. He couldn't believe it. He almost fell out of the tree when Leia asked Rey to come forward.

 

“Now, as many of you know, all good projects don't come from nothing. It takes collaboration, and I've done a lot with my brother and others. I'd like to ask Rey to come up and speak; if it weren't for her, this foundation wouldn't be here. She's the one who first reached out to me some weeks ago and asked me what kind of legacy I wanted to leave behind.”

 

His mind was running in a million directions as he watched Rey proudly come forward. She seemed so certain that this was right; she really believed in it.

 

_ “You’re wrong about your family, and about your situation. I know another way.” _

 

Her words came back with a start. She had tried to stop him; this was why. His mind still decried her and called her a liar, though. Then he heard her speak.

 

“Many of you don't know, but I recently joined the D'qar Police Department. I met Leia on one of my first days, and I've had the pleasure and honor of getting to know her and her family since then. As time has passed, I've grown attached to them all, seeing them like the family I never had.”

 

His mind went silent; there was no more screaming about her being a liar when she spoke with such warmth and conviction. It wasn't long, however, before his mind was yelling at her, telling her she could still have what she wanted, if she would just  _ choose him. _ Her eyes had been so tender as she described his family; he hated himself more for killing Han and then making her choose between him and everyone else. She deserved better than that when all she had done was care. By some small miracle of self-preservation, he quickly stopped that train of thought before it went much further.

 

“As I got to know everyone, I also learned more about Anakin Skywalker, or Darth Vader as he is known in other circles. His life was a tragic but hopeful story of drugs and what happens when one loses love, and hope, in life.”

 

His breath caught in his throat; it was hard to breathe. He was snapping every twig around him as his hands turned to fists and gripped anything he could, and he didn't care that others were nearby, possibly getting hit by broken branches. He just needed to hear every word she said.

 

“After hearing everything about his later life, I was shocked to learn about how much  _ good  _ he did in his earlier years. I don't think many know the full truth, just like me, and I wanted others to know. That was when I approached Leia and advocated for this. She and the rest of her family have all been affected significantly by Anakin, especially their life goals and jobs. Leia may be leaving the political arena, but that doesn't mean she should try to hide and ignore her father. She ought to celebrate the good he did and teach others about him to try to prevent others from going down that path if anything, which is why I'm so excited to be involved now.”

 

Rey hadn't lied. She  _ did  _ care about his grandfather and his legacy. She cared, even after he sent her angry texts and made her job and life a mess. It flummoxed him. In that moment, Rey was no longer his missing leg. She was an integral part of him, his hands and mouth, reaching out to others and telling them exactly what he had always wanted to say. 

 

When she finished speaking, his mother came back up to the podium. Leia's speech went by in a blur as she listed off all the things she wanted to do, all of it relating to her father and mother in some way. How had this come to be? 

 

Was it all Rey, or was there something else motivating his mother? He puzzled about it until he watched her carefully during Luke's portion of speaking. Leia stood tall and regal, but despite giving the appearance of listening to Luke, she wasn't. She was scanning the crowd.

 

Just like Rey was. She was terrible at hiding it, though, and he loved her for it. Everything about her was open and honest. Calling her a liar was one of the greatest injustices he did her. His mind went down a dark path after that, self-recrimination, doubt, shame, and fear all doing their part. It all led to him becoming and staying immobile long after the crowds left.

 

He questioned everything after seeing and hearing Rey. What was he doing with his life? Was he on the right path? Had he screwed up, and if so, how much? Was he proud of what he had done? Was he actually happy with his life? Would his grandfather be proud?

 

He sat among the leafy branches until the sun set, leaving the stars above him. He stayed even longer after that, until clouds rolled in and buried the ground with rain, the skies shedding its tears for him. 

 

He didn't cry, though. He was simply broken. Empty. Alone. He thought he knew what loneliness was before; now he knew he was wrong. This moment was true loneliness, after having a connection with another person and no longer having it. He couldn't talk to her about their new plans, and he felt isolated from all.

 

Instead, he let the rain soak him through. There seemed to be nothing left but a jumble of words and feelings that he needed to sort out. But not then. He was too tired.

 

When he managed to slip out of the tree and limp home deliriously, he finally slept. Exhaustion won. He woke up to loud fits of coughing due to catching a cold. Or, he thought it was a cold the first day as he slept, but when the fever came, he knew it was worse. He moved in and out of sleep for two more days, his jumbled thoughts keeping him company. Nothing made sense while feverish, just like the wild dreams. People from work were notified that he had a fever, and they settled for texting him. If he texted Rey once in a while, he didn't care and sometimes had trouble remembering it.

 

On the fourth day of sickness, he woke up with a start. He was sure that someone had banged on his ceiling, and he was angry. He had actually been sleeping for once!

 

He stormed out of bed and dressed. He still wasn't eating much, but he was hopeful since his forehead felt cooler. He opened the door, and stopped. All thought of visiting the neighbor above was forgotten as he stared at a cardboard box sitting in front of his door.

 

There was no name or address, only a hand written sign with a blue bow saying OPEN ME.  The scrawl was familiar, so he knelt down, curious to examine. Sure enough, it was Rey's handwriting. He ought to throw it out, but this was the closest thing of hers he had. To have some part of her again, he dragged it in at once, jealous if anyone saw it before him. It was his, just like she was his.

 

He carefully opened the box and was shocked to find a care package. Multiple cans of soup and pineapple filled the heavy box, along with white bread, cough syrup, and Emergen-C. Now he just needed some cheese singles, and he could make his mother's patented sick day cure: grilled cheese with tomato soup. Nostalgia and longing hit him hard as his stomach rumbled. At least the hunger was a good sign, even if thinking of Rey and his mother left him feeling empty and confused.

 

He thought he knew what he wanted, but now he was beginning to question it, especially when Rey left him care packages, showing she still cared. Better yet, buried at the bottom of the box, he had found one of the slips of paper from their laser tag night. It still smelled like her, a slightly fruity scent that he associated with her only. It was placed in a special spot in his wallet so he could always keep it close.

 

As the fever continued to wane, his rational brain and thoughts came back. The nightmares still didn't plague him by some miracle, so he still got more sleep. When the nightmares did come, he took the nighttime cough syrup. During the hours when he was awake, he gathered his thoughts. By the time he was back at work a week later, he finally had some clarity about where he was going. 

 

He decided to stop trying to ignore all thoughts of Rey. As she had mentioned at Crait, repressing it all wasn't doing him any favors; it had led to him getting sick. That couldn't happen again. He would just have to deal with the random thoughts of Rey that assailed him.

 

As for work, he was going to continue down his path. He had come too far, and it was too soon to give up. Sure, he was paranoid about Hux plotting a coup, but if everyone else liked him and wanted what he did, then Hux wouldn't find traction. He just had to convince them. He was sure that once they understood everything he wanted, they'd agree with him. He could live with the paranoia a little longer.

 

The problem was that in his absence, Hux had let them fall back on their old ways. He choked several people at work and demonstrated that he was still strong. All grumbled but complied. Hux glared at him like the usurper that he was, but he didn't care. He was the one who had done it, not Hux. Hux was still too afraid.

 

They had burnt down a record number of buildings while he was sick. He was amazed at how little remorse they felt for it. There was a good reason he hadn't done it yet; he didn't think he could. He liked the idea in theory because it was like destroying the past, or punching things in general. It felt good  _ in theory _ . But just like hurting someone, there was a line. Murder went too far because it was destroying someone completely. He wanted to be nonchalant about it, but there was such a sense of finality and emptiness after such destruction happened to make it impossible for him to feel normal about burning something down completely. He was good at rationalizing it, though, and he kept on that path. It all had a greater purpose, cleaning up the town and helping his grandfather. 

 

About a week after recovering, he saw the lawyer again. 

 

“Where do we stand now? Has anyone turned?”

 

“Yes. One did,” said Kaplan, earning himself a dark scowl as he spoke. “We don't know yet what he said; he refuses to speak to me. Both Rey and Dameron give nothing away. The only time she showed any emotion at all was when I told her that I had heard you were feeling under the weather.”

 

The sudden appearance of the package made sense. The right hand in his pocket squeezed just a little tighter around his wallet.

 

“I see. Have they made any other arrests?”

 

“None that we know of. Frankly, I'm more worried about another one flipping on us. Are you sure you won't let them consider a plea bargain?”

 

“I'm sure. Good work.”

 

Snoke had always been against them, and he had, too. It was impossible sometimes to know how much to tell. 

 

Hux and Phasma began disappearing more often. His paranoia increased, so he began talking to everyone while Hux was away. Unfortunately, his great plan backfired; they seemed to think him weaker for wanting to avenge his grandfather. 

 

The issue he kept on running into was that many of them were there for the money only. He was not, and they all thought him crazy for not wanting it. They also wanted to expand their reach of where they held drug deals; they wanted to burn down other buildings and homes. Sometimes just because. That kind of wasteful destruction without remorse began to keep him up at night, along with everything else that already demanded his attention and made him question himself.

 

The more he saw everyone as wanting to take the wrong path, the more he noticed Rey and his mother. They were constantly in the news, announcing upcoming events and telling more about Anakin's early life. For once, people seemed receptive to it. It was annoying that it worked now; he almost felt like a failure because nothing he did seemed to work.

 

The more he felt like a failure, the more he wandered. He was like his father in that respect, not wanting to face the failure straight on. He trained harder, researched more, and took long walks outside when it wasn't raining, figuring out new plans for the future. They never involved Rey, and he felt all the more empty because of it. 

 

He'd willingly admit to himself that Rey was a part of him at some level. He liked the leg and hand analogies, but he’d never admit that she was more like his heart, an essential part of him that he would die without. 

 

In this case, it was a metaphorical death, the slow deadening effect that he felt in all aspects of his life. He still planned, but with less zeal. He fought, but without a spark. Even his anger was less passionate. He was becoming dead inside, and he equal parts welcomed it and feared it. He wanted to forget the pain that was killing his father and losing Rey. On the other hand, he had been restless, almost hating himself, when he went down that path right before Rey came. Now he didn't have the drive or hate to do something about it, despite being more restless again. 

 

One night, he found himself in front of the Falcon. It was still open and full of people, with Chewie and Maz bartending. He waited for the ghost of Han to scare him off, but it quickly became apparent that his long-held fear of visiting this place was unfounded. It was one of the few places he didn't feel great anxiety about his father. Some part of him yearned to go inside and do what his father had done, to take the place he should since he had taken Han away from it to begin with. He was a good bartender, having learned from the best, and he knew the bar better than anyone, except Chewie. 

 

When he went home that night, he felt some lingering pain and regret for what he had done, but he slept peacefully. His steps began taking him by there more often. Soon, it was almost every night, facing more of the pain even as he found some measure of peace that he had never had before. 

 

Some days, he felt as though he was being watched as he walked to and stopped in front of the bar. No one was ever there, and it made him wonder if Hux had noticed. Each time he went, he stood a little longer near the doorway, his fear of upsetting his father's memory by going inside the old place lessening. Some nights, it seemed as though he was being called by Han to enter as the winds blew him toward the windows and door. One night he even saw Rey inside.  He watched and drank in her presence, feeling something like life within him for that brief span. 

 

There she was, chatting amicably with Chewie. When he went to help another, she went silent. In that moment, she reminded him if himself so much. Rose was beside her, and both women seemed awkward around one another. The only one who seemed more unsure and stiff was Finn as he seemed to ignore Rey and yet kept glancing at Rey as though trying to figure out a puzzle. Rey almost seemed isolated there on that stool. He wanted to go to her  _ so badly;  _ in his mind, he willed her to get up and come outside, to escape it all.

 

When she got up to use the bathroom, he thought his attempt to reach out to her mind had somehow worked. He hightailed it to the back of the bar, wanting to get just a little closer to her if he could. Sure enough, the back room that he had left the mark on the floor in had its window cracked open, as was tradition. Han had drunkenly lost the keys too many times to lock all the windows, and he had learned from his father to always check there first.

 

It wouldn't surprise him if Chewie left the window open out of a sense of respect for the wishes of Han, the window always open should he stumble back inside. The wayward owner sometimes wandered far away, but he always returned. Some part of Ben felt like he was returning home as he wriggled through the open window. If he felt under the windowsill, the door's key would be stored in a hole in the wall, the hole created during a brawl. 

 

Right now, though, he was looking for Rey. He ventured into the hallway until he heard the bathroom door open. Rey stepped out, and he had to restrain himself from going to her at once. Somehow, she seemed to sense him, as she turned around.

 

“Is someone there? Hello?”

 

In a much quieter voice he heard her say his name just once. Every last bit of fear and longing was contained within that one name, and he almost sat down. He did lean against the wall, and that helped. He hadn't thought one word could express so much. 

 

“Wherever you are, Ben, please, come back,” she whispered to the empty hall before she rushed out. 

 

He ran to the back room so that he could collapse on the floor. He hadn't been ready for that plea, so full of the same yearning he felt. Her soul called out to his in that moment, and denying it killed him inside. There was something horribly wrong, and he knew it. They both wanted one another and to do right by his family. Either she was doing it the wrong way, or he was. So far, she was having a lot more success than him. 

 

He pushed that thought aside to deal with the other things he told himself about her, that she had lied to him. The care package was the first sign. He could've continued to lie to himself that she didn't love him and only wanted him back to put away the criminals, but that was shot in the face of her appeal. That was the same need he felt every night as he went to sleep, the desire to pull her against him. 

 

He had tried once to deal with the burning need for her in the shower, letting the warm water cascade down his back as he thought of her in the throes of passion. The issue was that the more he imagined her while using his hands, the worse he felt. By the time he finished, he felt even more guilt at having desecrated her memory like that. All pleasure vanished into emptiness, one that was worse than before. He vowed never to do it again until she was there beside him. He would die of blue balls if he had to; anything was better than that sense of emptiness and shame.

 

The emptiness and sense of wrongness as he sat in the room threatened to overcome him. It was too much. He hadn't asked for this. He just wanted to be free of the pain and shame.

 

He remembered Rey saying something similar in the Bann Van. She had found a way to freedom, it seemed. She had done what the rest of his family had done and forgiven herself. Now he wanted to understand how she had done it. As he sat on the floor, there were more memories of his father assaulting him, of childhood and beyond. He wanted to put all those memories to rest. 

 

Suddenly, Chewie's heavy steps could be heard in the hallway, so he dashed through the window until he was kneeling in a puddle some ways down in the alley. It was dark, dirty, and damp, and he remembered stories his father used to tell of how he hid in the alley from Leia after they argued. Like father, like son.

 

When he was sure Chewie wasn't there, he got up and left. On his way out, he saw Rey's car; he knew he wanted to give her  _ something  _ to ease her mind. He took out the laser tag token of hers he had, and he gave it back. He did not have to be so possessive when she was just as needy. To make sure she knew it was him, he added something else from his wallet: the last known photo he had of him with his family. It was taken on the day he joined the Special Witnesses Unit, both of his parents so proud that he had become an officer.

 

After that, he left for home determined to do something, he considering the idea of forgiveness once more. He had told himself countless times that he ought to forgive himself previously; intellectually it all made sense from how his mother explained it. But his heart wouldn't let him forgive; something was wrong there. 

 

Did he want forgiveness? Yes. Did he deserve forgiveness? No. 

 

The questions reminded him of something else Rey had said, about redemption. Someone had to want it. They didn't have to deserve it; they just had to want it. Perhaps forgiveness worked the same way. Everyone deserved a second chance, even him. He had to learn from his mistakes and change, and he was trying. 

 

Nonetheless, he was determined to take a harder look at his past. Repressing and destroying it hadn't worked. Walking up to and looking at his past hadn't been as bad as he thought. It was time to face it.

 

\----------------

 

As the weeks went by, he didn't visit the Falcon as often. Going there continued to bring him peace, and he reflected more on his history with his father. Han was bad at showing love sometimes, but the hand on his cheek was just as tender at his death as it had been when he was a little boy. 

 

As he continued to come to grips with Han, he felt more sure in other parts of his life. He felt more clarity at work as he continued to lead. He grew more confident, even as no one liked his new ideas. He saw Hux more often, so he worried less about a coup. 

 

In that time of growing calm and complacency, disaster struck. The Special Witnesses Unit began making surprise raids and arrests over the course of three days because of the cop that had turned; Ren feared more would follow as they managed to bring in four more people. All were on high alert, and he blamed himself for not doing something sooner. They moved headquarters and stepped up security, but it was too little, too late.

 

People were whispering about him more. Hux was still giving him assessing looks. He feared for his life just a little more. He doubled down on his commitment to his organization, and he accompanied people on jobs, hoping that there would be mutual understanding developed as a result.

 

After a month of endless work and sleepless nights, he finally took a night off. He had to escape the place that was slowly closing in around him. He felt trapped, so he escaped. 

 

The work was slowly losing its meaning the more he worked with others, and it grew more soulless by the day. Watching the news only excited him when his family was seen in the broadcast; his organization was barely noticed. He needed something different, to feel something besides the maddening emptiness. 

 

For once, he didn't go to the Falcon. Instead, he found himself at the grave of Han. There were fresh flowers there, a set of purple orchids in a vase, and a group of marigolds. The orchids were from his mother, as that was the preferred flower that Han had always given Leia, his princess. The marigolds he didn't recognize since they represented grief and pain. He sat and puzzled until he noticed the blue bow around the stems; it was the same bow on his care package.

 

His heart stuttered in recognition: Rey had been here. The flowers couldn't have been more than a week old; she had been there recently. He sat and knelt in front of the grave, seeking strength and something else he couldn't name….. peace? Hope? Healing? Forgiveness? He wasn't sure. It was the first time he had ever seen Han's grave, and this physical reminder of what he had done finally hit. 

 

“Why were you so distant? Why couldn't you have tried harder? It didn't have to be like this!” he shouted at Han. Slowly, all the anger left him. He finished in a softer tone, “All I ever wanted was to be loved and accepted by you. I never felt it; now I'll never know how much was self-imposed.”

 

As he hung his head, his mother's voice from the funeral came back to him. She knew then that he had killed Han, and she had forgiven him. The past was in the past. In that moment, he believed it. Han could've said anything right before he died, cursed him or hurt him after knowing the truth, but instead, he had reached out. From love and forgiveness. 

 

He wept, just as at the funeral. His family didn't hate him. They were still looking for him, after all this time. Keeping the memories alive. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

He stayed until he felt some measure of fortitude again. The peace of the moment was empowering as he relished the acceptance he had always yearned for.

 

When he got up, he went to Anakin and Padme's graves. Theirs were on the opposite end of the cemetery, and he hadn't seen them in months, since before Rey had entered his life. He used to visit at least monthly.  He was the only one who had ever left flowers, and he didn't have any this time due to lack of planning. 

 

Nonetheless, he needed direction; he had always visited Anakin when he needed to make big decisions, such as deciding to join Snoke. He had felt the pull to something powerful and amazing before, and now he felt different pulls. He also needed to tell Anakin about Rey.

 

When he arrived, he was shocked to discover marigolds there, too. The telltale blue bow was there, and he was grateful that Rey was backing up her words with actions. As his heart swelled in joy, he became more willing to acknowledge the fact that he still loved her. He sat cross-legged in front of the grave and began talking in a conversational tone, as though Anakin were still alive.

 

“It seems you've already met her, the reason I've disappeared lately. I'm sorry. You deserve better than this from me. At least the reason is one you'd approve of; I've gone and done the same as you, becoming attached to her. You've seen why; she's different, strong, a true game-changer, and very special.”

 

His eyes softened the more he spoke of her. It felt good to tell someone who understood since he had no close friends or others who could appreciate it. Anakin understood because he had loved his wife and children so much. 

 

“We still want each other, but we're on opposite sides of an argument. I don't know what to do. There's no easy solution. I've felt so betrayed by her, and yet, the more I see of her, the more I know she wasn't lying. She said she loved me, but how can she not choose me? I was wrong about her; I see that now. I'm afraid, though. What if she isn't willing to wait and I lose her? It hurts to think about her, but it hurts more to not think of her or be with her. Should I give her up?”

 

He didn't stop to wait for an answer to that question; he was still afraid to know. He moved on. 

 

“I'm so torn. My path is uncertain. I thought being a part of an organization like yours was right; now I don't know. I'm beginning to regret it. They're not like me or want what's best. I can't leave it and join Rey, though. I'll go to jail and lose her. I’d betray so many people's trust. I always thought those were the only options for me; what else is there?”

 

The wind whispered through the trees and blowing leaves, wrapping him in a blanket of cold. He waited for an answer; Anakin had always come through before. As he waited, he noticed the yellow marigolds. They needed plant food and a vase. As his mind considered how much plant food to mix in with water, he leaned forward to arrange the flowers more nicely. As his hand touched the flowers, a current of awareness went through him. 

 

He remembered his other degree, the one he had neglected. He could still do right by his grandparents, and even Rey's family. He could do drug research and help others, just as he was trying to do with the plant to keep it alive as long as possible. He could leave the organization in better hands if he couldn't manage them, and then use the money he had to hide. Rey could be with him that way. 

 

He shot up, thanking his grandfather as he rushed away, determined to find all the marigolds a proper home. Then, he would start studying again. He could experiment as he went along, and that would make everyone think he was furthering the effort. 

 

He was filled with new purpose. He wasn't sure if it was due to finding a better course, or finding a way back to Rey. Either way, he just  _ knew  _ that this could work. 

 

The next time he visited Anakin's and Han's graves, his vases had blue bows around them as well, in addition to new marigolds. She wasn't refusing him; she was acknowledging him. 

 

Within a week, he was in better spirits, despite no change in the men around him. If anything, they seemed worse than before. They responded better to him, though, once they saw him taking up lab space to analyze drugs. Some knew from Snoke that he had been supposed to be working on a special project for Snoke, and Hux was  _ very _ glad. 

 

The more Ren worked in the lab, the more he felt at peace. Better yet, he didn't have to think of Rey and their future together to find peace. He became sure that he was doing the right thing as he studied all his old textbooks and prepped to enter graduate school. 

 

When he brought up another initiative, this time to limit who could sell their drugs, he knew he had to leave. Everyone was against it, and Hux was vehemently so. He was arguing with Hux every day now, about this policy or that, and no one backed him up. They all sided with Hux. 

 

He didn't want Hux to be the next leader, though. The organization would go down a much darker path that he couldn't allow or stomach. He began looking for candidates, and he got lucky. The Special Witnesses Unit began making more raids, as two more men had taken a plea deal within the last couple days.

 

Finn was head of the unit and taking his duties seriously, according to Kaplan. He was starting to come into interrogations with Rey and being even more persuasive than Rey. As the cops got more information, Ren pushed the organization to move more, and he tried to find leaders among all the chaos of moving. Someone with a good head who wouldn't be as bad as Hux.

 

The options were limited, though. Few gave indications that they wanted something different from Hux. It distressed him, as he wanted to help them and leave them in a better place. It was clear now to him that they needed to part ways; it was only a matter of when. As much as he had given to the group, he wanted the people to still have something. 

 

Soon, the raids were happening weekly. Finn was zealous in his pursuit, based on what Ren saw from security footage. Rey was also involved in the raids; she seemed just as determined, but she was much gentler handling everyone. Her attention also seemed to have less focus, as though she were searching for someone else. Finn had to remind her on several different occasions not to let her personal interests interfere with orders from above, and there was some tension between them as they went on more raids. It was curious, and it made Ren a little pleased to see it. It gave him hope that Rey might yet choose him.

 

Finally, the cops got the jump on them. He was in the back of the building when he came face to face to Rey. In the background of his hearing he could hear Finn and others entering the front door, leading to a blood bath as many tried to escape. 

 

Rey entered the room, and time stopped. Everything was forgotten, and he didn't care that he could be arrested. Rey was standing there, taking him in, and the relief and joy spreading across her face were palpable. 

 

“Ben.”

 

Her hands reached up, as though to hold his face. He closed the distance within two big steps, and she cradled his face, his eyes closing in satisfaction. His hands found her neck and cheek, pulling her against him for one brief moment. 

 

As they breathed one another in, he said, “I've missed you.”

 

“I know. I miss you, too.”

 

She pulled away then, her eyes scanning the room and finding a low window. “But there isn't time for more. You need to leave before my backup sees you and arrests you. I have orders from Finn to search and arrest everyone I see.”

 

His body stiffened at the thought of Finn and her backup, hands balling into fists.

 

“I could just punch him to give us more time; I'd enjoy that.”

 

“No,” she said definitively, pushing him toward the window. “I don't want you to have that added to your record.”

 

“If he's not treating you right or-”

 

“Shh,” she said, her fingers coming to his lips as she smiled. “You're far too worried about me. You  _ should _ be worried for your own life right now. I can take care of myself. Trust me.”

 

His eyes searched hers to know the truth, and it was there, shining there openly. She was capable, just as much as before. She wanted his trust; her behavior confirmed that she was looking out for him, just as much as he did for her. 

 

In that moment, she was the rational part of his mind, the part that should be in control to maintain self-preservation, but that had clearly been abandoned for the sake of attachment, he being far more interested in her. 

 

Without any more doubt, he leaned in and kissed her briefly, needing one last reminder of what they shared. He could let go of her now; she was far too good for him as she tried to help him escape. When he pulled away, he said, “I do. Thank you. Wait for me, just a little longer.”

 

He climbed through the window, stopping when only his head remained inside. She chose then to respond by kissing each cheek.

 

“Always. I'll always wait for you, however long it takes. I want you back, with me.”

 

They shared one last significant look.

 

“I'm finding a way.”

 

As he disappeared, her backup showed up. Ren listened from the other side of the wall, curious about what she would say.

 

“A suspect escaped through the window just as I entered.”

 

“Did you chase the suspect? You seem out of breath.”

 

“Oh, um, yes! Yes, I did,” she said, lying for him. 

 

Ren worried for her. She was a terrible liar, and it was more than he deserved. But, that was how love worked, and he had never been more grateful.

 

At the next headquarters, he decided not to share any further information about their next few hiding places, lest the raids intensify. Hux actually agreed with him for once, and even suggested they move to the next one. He agreed, but not before leaving security cameras in a few places, in the hope of having confirmation that he had outmaneuvered Finn.

 

Sure enough, less than a week later, Finn, Rey, and others on the squad barged in. Ren watched it all.

 

“It's empty!” shouted Finn with frustration. “That lying-”

 

“Finn! Look around you,” interrupted Rey, checking out the walls and floors. “They  _ were  _ here. We should spread out and look for clues about where they've gone next.”

 

“You heard her; spread out. I'm not leaving empty-handed,” said Finn, trying to calm down.

 

All but Finn and Rey were left in the room. Rey approached him, a caring look on her face as she patted his shoulder.

 

“We’re close. I can sense it. They have to be running out of places to go by now unless they reuse older ones. Besides, it was only a matter of time. Ben is many things, but not stupid. He is always thinking ahead.”

 

“I wish you wouldn't seem so happy about it,” snapped Finn. “There are some that question your loyalties with how many are escaping, especially certain higher-ups.”

 

It was a good thing Kylo Ren was far away; he wanted to throttle Finn for questioning Rey like that. If Finn knew half of what Rey motivated Ben to do or consider, he would've been thanking her. Instead, she was turning into the bad guy, and she seemed powerless to stop it.

 

“Finn!” she cried, pulling away and glaring at him. “I want to bring down The First Order even more than you. I have my own reasons, just like you.”

 

“I know,” said Finn glumly. “But you won't tell me, just like you won't tell me what happened during that last search. Who did you see? Was it him? Poe is worried about you.”

 

“Poe is always worried,” countered Rey, trying to wave off the concerns.

 

“ _ I  _ am worried. I've  _ been _ worried, ever since Crait. You've shut yourself off from all of us so much since then. You were depressed. The only time you're happy is when doing work or when talking about that foundation.”

 

“Both are important to me,” she said. 

 

“But your friends are not,” stated Finn, rancor in his voice.

 

“No!” she replied defensively. “You just don't understand-”

 

“Then help me, Rey. Explain everything,” said Finn as he came forward, palms up. When he got to her, he gently rested them on her arms. “I'm worried about you, my friend.”

 

Ben felt a tinge of remorse at the situation he put Rey in. For a moment, he almost considered turning himself in, just to help her. Still, he stared at the screen, needing to see the moment through. Rey gave Finn a helpless look before sighing.

 

“I did see Ben escape from the window last time.”

 

“What did you say to him? I know you said something; I know you better than that,” said Finn, urging her on.

 

“I told him I wanted him to come back to me,” she said honestly.

 

Finn pulled away to hide his face in his hands, sighing loudly.

 

“Rey, he's  _ never _ coming back. I've told you before because I've known him longer than you-”

 

“Ben  _ loves  _ me!” defended Rey, her voice strong and certain. “Just as I love him.”

 

Ben breathed in and out loudly as he tried to process the fact that Rey had just admitted her feelings to Finn. It humbled him that she would defend him so strongly. He was baffled how he had managed to earn her love and keep it. If there was ever another doubt that she couldn't take care of herself, it was removed now. She would fight for their love, and he would, too.

 

Finn stared at her with wide eyes of disbelief as though she were speaking a foreign language. Finally, he straightened up and turned away from her, going to the edge of the room to look for clues. As he moved, he said, “Rey, if you wish to keep your job here, I suggest you not mention that again. There's no way I'll ever trust him, and no one else does besides Leia.”

 

“Thank you,” she said stiffly.

 

Rey set her shoulders and went back to work, clearly upset. Ren turned off the cameras at that point, having seen everything he needed to. If Rey wanted a plea deal for him, she was unlikely to get one since Finn seemed hellbent on bringing him in, not to mention others.

 

The confirmation that Rey had been suffering was the other thing that stood out to him as he left the room and sought air. Rey had been struggling like him, and everyone had noticed. He didn't deserve all that since he had been lying to himself about her, doubted her, and made her life miserable of late. His mind went to dark places as he went between dangerous alternatives.

 

That was how he found himself back at his grandfather's grave, a stormy expression filling his face. He began pacing around the grave, too much nervous energy within him.

 

“She loves me. I ought to leave her and let her find some measure of peace with others. She deserves it, as she deserves far better than me. Why does she want me?”

 

His grandfather didn't answer, but he didn't care. He just continued to pace.

 

“I can't leave her, though. I've tried giving her up entirely, and it doesn't work. What else can I do? How can I begin to be good enough for her? I've never wanted to turn myself in so much as I do now. It seems easier. I'll go to jail not saying anything, and they can continue on. Rey could look at me that way, but I still feel as though it's an insult to your legacy, to what you want. I can't go to school or have a life with her if I do that. I have Snoke and my father to answer for. I want to honor you, just as I want to do right by her.”

 

He finally stopped moving and sat, plopping down heavily. 

 

“No, I think my best path forward is still going into hiding. I'll help make the new leader known, and then they'll stop their search for me.”

 

The issue was that he would view himself as a coward, and he suspected Rey would, too. He wasn't self-sacrificing enough to do the right thing, and the old wounds of before came running back. Every word that Snoke had ever said about him not being good enough or worthy weighed on him, just as his murder of Han did. He got up and kicked a tree nearby, needing to hit something.

 

As the pain filled his body, he groaned and sat again, now leaning against the tree. 

 

“Why do I willingly hurt myself like this?”

 

As he seriously considered getting a pair of composite toe shoes like Rey, he felt like an idiot. Rey deserved better than a childish idiot. Rey's earlier words came to him, healing and soothing him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

 

“No, I am not an idiot. Even Rey and Finn know that. But this, this anger, pain, and doubt…. How am I supposed to overcome it? How can I give Rey what she deserves if I'm stuck in the past like this? I can't move on. What am I supposed to do, Grandfather?”

 

He sat and continued to puzzle over all of it until he opened his eyes and noticed the marigolds. They stood proudly, just like Rey. She wasn't weighed down by the past anymore; he could see that. 

 

His mind had a novel thought. Perhaps, if he could accept and let go of the past, he wouldn't be so angry. If he ever did get out of jail or found a way to get Rey to stay with him while hiding. He wanted that desperately, and the hope of that future with her pushed him forward. He just had to let his past go, and do what his uncle was always doing, looking away to the future and focusing on the horizon. The future was brighter and full of hope, love, and especially Rey. 

 

Forgiveness was the answer, and he knew it. Any lingering anger he felt toward his family had since disappeared as they continued to push forward with more activities at the foundation. Toward Rey, he felt only love and trust, nothing of the feelings of hate and betrayal from right after Crait. 

 

That just left himself. He wasn't quite ready for it that day, but it was time to look closely at how he viewed himself. For his and Rey's sake. He left after that, thanking his grandfather once more for guidance.

 

As he walked back to headquarters, he tried to figure out where to begin. He knew which things he regretted doing, and that he didn't feel as though he deserved it. He fought that last thought off with everything within him, though, reminding himself how much he wanted this. It had to work. 

 

It still hadn't worked by the time he got back to work, and it wasn't any better by night time. He was still feeling as though it were impossible for him.

 

But why? That was the question that hit him as he tried to sleep. Why was it impossible? 

 

Because he had no hope-

 

“No,” he stated to his empty apartment. “I do have hope. Rey is willing to wait.”

 

He tried to think about the things he regretted in the light of Rey's love, but he found himself focusing on her entirely instead. Before he knew it, he was fast asleep.

 

As he went about the next day, he went back to his previous train of thought. He thought about her and his wrongs as he scolded people, lurked in hallways, and worked in his lab. He only put her out of his mind when Hux came barging in the room.

 

“Ren, we have an emergency. The next deal coming up has been delayed indefinitely. What should we do?”

 

“Do what you always do and talk to them. Threaten them if you must,” he said mildly. “I thought you enjoyed doing that type of thing.”

 

Hux rolled his eyes.

 

“I do, but Crimson Dawn refuses to speak to me. They'll only speak to you since you're the leader.”

 

It was a power play, and they both knew it. He didn't like the idea, but he knew he needed to do this. They were probably salty after the last deal. He sighed and stood up, looking at Hux expectantly.

 

“Very well. How do I speak to them?”

 

Soon, he was being driven to a fancy high-rise near Canto Bight, along with a set of guards. Dryden Vos wanted to meet with him personally.

 

The drive there made him more impatient and annoyed than worried since he wasn't afraid of the current leader. 

 

Everyone knew that since his father's confrontation with the original Dryden Vos, new leaders came forward and always took his name as theirs out of respect. The current one had an inferiority complex, and he planned to put the little man in his place.

 

Dressed in all black, his long jacket flowing from the little bit of breeze behind him, he made an impressive, imposing figure in Vos's doorway. He was the wrathful shadow who seemed ready to crush anyone who stood in his way. When the doors closed, he began without ceremony, his plan close to non-existent, other than making Vos agree. 

 

“Vos. I understand your men won't work with mine anymore in preparation for the deal in three days. Care to elaborate?”

 

Vos cleared his throat to speak and stopped as Ren took several hulking steps toward him until there was only a couch between them. Vos stared up at the figure who stood more than a head taller than him. He seemed deadly serious.

 

“After our last deal together, we don't trust you. That money wasn't good-”

 

“Why do you think I killed Snoke?” sneered Ren. “He was taking too many risks. I know the value of a good partnership. The past is in the past. We'll give you five percent more this time in reparations. Take it or leave it. This is my final offer.”

 

The tone of finality in his voice chilled Vos, but he stood his ground. 

 

“You're Snoke's protege. You're hardly trustworthy. Rumor has it you're involved with a cop for goodness sake-”

 

“You're right,” said Ren, smiling as he hit upon an idea. “Which is even more reason why you should accept my offer. All I have to do is call her and tell her where you are…. Surely you've heard what's been happening to my employees who I don't like?”

 

“You wouldn't dare tell them,” breathed Vos, coming forward with a worried look.

 

“You forget what I used to be,” reminded Ren with a slight shrug of his shoulders. “I have no use for you; you're only competition. I like you, so I haven't said anything about you yet. Shall I call her right now?”

 

He pulled out his phone and watched with pleasure as Vos began to sweat profusely. He kept getting closer until Ren pulled up Rey's contact information. 

 

“Fine! But I want seven percent. Just don't call them,” Vos said, all his bravado wheezing out of him.

 

“Done. It was a pleasure doing business with you. I'd have hated to have had to kill you or turned you in. Until next time,” he said with more ruffling of his jacket before he left.

 

Inside his car, he was pleased. It was less money for his men, and more trust and fear instilled within Vos. The guards who had been with him complimented him on his nerves of steel, but he feared that they took his comments about the cops coming for disloyal employees seriously. Despite his promise not to, he was still sorely tempted to remove Crimson Dawn from the equation. 

 

The more he thought about it while the men thanked him, the more he wanted to do so. It would make him feel better, and it could help Rey. He was bothered that word was getting out about his attachment to Rey, but he trusted that Rey would take care of herself. He was pulled from his thoughts by Hux, who was outside the door, waiting nervously.

 

“Well?”

 

“The deal will go as expected. They receive seven percent more in reparations. See to it that all is ready,” he said, closing the door.

 

“Seven percent? That's preposterous!”

 

Hux shut up when Ren glared at him, a dark scowl on his face.

 

“I wasn't the one who gave them bad money. That's your fault. I cleaned up your mess; now take responsibility for your actions like a man. Get out of my sight.”

 

Hux stormed away. Later that night, Ren was pleased to discover that many had new respect for him as he put Vos in his place. What worried him was that some were upset with him because they were getting less of a cut than normal. He wrote it off as typical and left it at that.

 

When he finally made it home that evening, he stopped worrying about work and trying to find a new leader for his organization. He was about ready to give up on finding a leader and just focus on getting Hux and Phasma arrested. The thought gave him much satisfaction as he considered how he could make it happen, right after Vos was removed. 

 

If anyone had been in the kitchen with him then, they would've seen a giant smile cross his face. Then, like a switch had been flipped, he was laughing. He had to stop stirring the finished rice and sit from laughing.

 

“I always thought I'd be the epitome of a terrible person for betraying fellow members of an organization, and here I am, plotting their demise and enjoying it. When did this happen?”

 

The question was legitimate. He was surprised by how strongly he felt about doing it, too. He had no remorse about it, only stronger feelings that they should not be in charge. Nonetheless, such strong feelings meant it had been churning for some time. 

 

“I almost feel like the good guy here,” he muttered to himself.

 

The thing was that he couldn't stop thinking about it because the crazy thing was that….it was true. It was all true. 

 

Rey's insistent voice came back to him, reminding him that he had a conscience. That was equally true. He had way more of a conscience than he cared to admit. He thought it had made him weak earlier in life, but now, he wasn't so sure. It kept him human, different from Hux, Vos, or even Snoke.

 

But was that really a good enough reason to forgive himself? He had killed two people and let much worse things happen. He was determined to never do it again, sure, but he was partially responsible for so much public damage and families being torn apart.

 

But so had his grandfather. 

 

Anakin had died at peace, in a hospital bed surrounded by his children after they all forgave one another. He had been convinced to leave The Empire after much discussion with Luke, his love for his son greater than his desire to do that work. Was that what his love for Rey was like? 

 

At some level, the answer was a resounding yes. 

 

He had seen what direction the organization was heading, and he was done with it. His grandfather had killed Palpatine and then joined Luke. The rest of the organization had crumbled apart soon after. He felt uncomfortable letting Hux lead and make it worse, but he felt equally awful about turning in everyone. It didn't match his sense of justice. However, if his grandfather could find peace and forgiveness, then so could he. His grandfather deserved a second chance, just like him.

 

Sleep didn't come easy that night, but eventually it did. The next day brought more fallout from Vos, and he was further convinced that Hux had to be stopped. Hux was already trying to find ways to get back at Crimson Dawn.

 

“You're missing the obvious one, Hux,” he said at the end of the day. “Just double cross him. Make sure he has unexpected guests.”

 

“No. That's stooping too low. Why would you even consider or say that?” asked Hux, truly horrified. 

 

“Because he's competition we don't need, just like the Hutts. We can go elsewhere.”

 

“The Hutts were useless. Crimson Dawn is not,” said Hux as if that were a legitimate reason. 

 

Ben left after that, ready to do it himself since Vos's men were already rumored to be plotting revenge. He found the old radio wavelength used by multiple police squads and left the necessary information there, hiding his voice as he spoke.

 

When he finished doing that, he felt relieved. Yes, he was definitely not like the others there. He was too different, and he ought to celebrate that fact. He could do those small things to satisfy his sense of justice, and he could still forgive himself. 

 

He just needed to actually do it.

 

As the next deal went through its final stages of planning, the men went looking for more cameras to use. He searched for the ones from their last hideout and discovered that those had somehow been disconnected, despite not doing it himself. It was curious, but he didn't mention it to anyone. Instead, he made a note to send men out to grab them later; they could use the tracker in the cameras to find all the ones he planted. Thus decided, he joined the men doing setup and looked for anyone that could serve as interim leader. No one stuck out.

 

When he went home for dinner, his mother was on the news again. This time, she was announcing a city-wide event, Career Day. The focus was on pharmacology, with events for young children, high school students, and college students considering their options. One day, he could be involved in that. He could be giving a talk, even. It excited him.

 

When he woke up the next morning, it was the first time he had slept without a single nightmare, and with no aid from Rey. It was the strangest sensation, but he took it as a good sign. He knew better than to think that the nightmares would stop entirely, but it was a sign of good progress. He decided that he would visit Snoke.

 

Later, with everyone at the deal, he went to the urn of ashes that contained Snoke. Hux had insisted that it be put in a place of honor in his office since Ben hadn't wanted it. A picture of Snoke hung upon the wall behind the urn, he receiving more respect from Hux than Hux's father ever had. 

 

This last demon was the most insidious. It made him doubt himself so much, that he would never be worth anything besides what he could do for the organization. Snoke was wrong. Now, he would prove to Snoke that he was better than him, that he had worth as himself. He moved the urn so that it was no longer centered under the photo, just to screw with Hux's need for order. Snoke, too, would roll in his grave at the thought of being out of center and disordered. It made him smirk.

 

“This is the end. Of you, Hux, and more. I'm sorry you had to die and couldn't get the justice you deserved, but I can live with it. What you envisioned is what I have done before; I will now work to destroy it, every lie of it, and create something new in its place. When I'm done, I will find love and peace, and I'll be stronger for it. Goodbye.”

 

The sense of peace he felt in that moment was enough. He could forgive himself for what he had done to Snoke, and what he was about to do to Hux and Phasma. It was the right thing to do, and he was determined to do that going forward.

 

He left the headquarters, not realizing that it would be his last goodbye for all in there. As he drove to the cemetery for his weekly visit, he listened to police scanner, it announcing every detail of how Vos and his men were ambushed when they arrived back at their headquarters. 

 

By the time he made it to the graves, he was smiling. He was satisfied that he had done the right thing, and he looked forward to finishing it with Hux and Phasma. He didn't have a good idea yet of how to accomplish it, but this victory was enough.

 

“I meant every word, Grandfather. I'm creating something better, something you will be proud of. It may not be recognized by anyone, but you'll know. Mother and Luke will do the rest. Help me find peace within myself. That's all that's left.”

 

He closed his eyes and shivered as the wind burst through his jacket. He wasn't angry about it, for once. His mind had been surprisingly quiet all day; he wasn't used to that. It was too quiet.

 

He went to his father's grave, and the only thing he felt was sadness tinged with regret. He could no longer see his father in person, but Han was with him in spirit, just as Anakin was. Han was a part of him, and he wanted it now. The anger at himself for committing the murder, however, was absent. 

 

“I did what I had to, Father. I'm sorry for what I've done to you, and even more sorry it meant cutting our time short. You deserved better, but I hope my actions going forward will prove why I am your son. My heart's just as foolish as yours,” he said with a shake of his head. “Thank you for your sacrifice. I vow to never kill again, unless in self-defense.  I will do what's right, for you, Rey, and myself. I  _ will  _ make you proud.”

 

As he sat and closed his eyes to meditate a moment, a slight breeze ruffled his hair. It was all the confirmation he needed; somewhere above, his father was smiling. 

 

He would do the right thing for himself and Han, and he could begin to deserve Rey. 

 

When the air became a little colder, he got up and went home. As he puzzled about how to set Hux and Phasma up while not talking to a cop about it, he kept looking at his phone. He wanted to contact Rey, to let her know his good news that he had finally faced his demons and past so that he could forgive himself.

 

Then, he really thought about it. What if he helped Rey arrest Hux and Phasma? That he could stomach doing. He had a limit, and he was ready to do it if it would begin to make things right.

 

He sent two text messages. Both said the same thing, but the difference was one additional sentence. He had a hunch it was time to start taking Rey's comment to heart and messaging her as himself. He was happy being himself for once.

 

Kylo Ren: We need to talk. Can we meet somewhere private tomorrow?

 

Ben Solo: We need to talk. Can we meet somewhere private tomorrow? I want out.

 

Rey's response to Ben Solo came almost immediately after. 

 

Rey: Naboo Eatery, 1800 hours. I'll be waiting.

 

He smiled. 

 

As Ben went to bed to have the best sleep of his life, a weary and shaken up Hux and Phasma entered Hux's office.

 

“How do you think the cops knew where to go?”

 

“How else? Ren got cold feet. He's weak. He's been weak,” scoffed Hux, sitting down to have a drink. “We should overthrow him now. We got what we wanted; they all already said they would choose us.”

 

“They don't want to kill him, though. How do we convince them of that?”

 

“I'm not sure. Wait. Snoke's urn has been moved. What is the meaning of this?” he cried getting up and looking at the urn and photo.

 

“Oh, chill out, Hux-”

 

“Get over here. Now,” said Hux. “Ren has been here according to the video camera I placed at the top of Snoke's photo. He's saying something.”

 

He rewinded the video until he got to Ben. Then, they watched. “I think we may have found what we were looking for. Let's investigate this further.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Sorry about the ending. It's all going to happen very quickly from here on out.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I haven't read extensively the Reylo fics out there, so I have no idea if there is another out there in this AU (if there are, please let me know!). I just saw an image and wrote something that could happen within the framework. I still imagine Ben being awkward around Rey if she hadn't wanted to kill him straight off and under different circumstances. I enjoy writing him as awkward a lot, sorry not sorry.


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